Category Archives: Pro-Aging

The Dying of the Light

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Hello Darkness My Old Friend

In grad school I was friends with a guy who always, after summer solstice, would remark that it was now all downhill from here until December, light-wise. It’s darker every day! he would say cheerfully, which I have thought of, with amusement, every single year since then. Probably people who get up at more socially-acceptable hours wouldn’t notice, but I get up at 4:00 am, and three weeks ago the sky was lightening up at that hour. Now, it’s completely dark until nearly 5:00. It’s the slow downhill trajectory of daylight.

Slow Bike To Nowhere

Speaking of downhill trajectories, I have noticed another one. Saturday marked the five year anniversary of the outcome of that time I mused that a Peloton seemed like a good idea, except we have no room, and it’s expensive. My husband, dealing with Pandemic Nicole, was like hold my beer.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to bore us all with my workout details, but I do want to note that the main metric for Peloton is “output,” which is a combination of speed and resistance, and is a completely objective number. I seem to have peaked, output-wise, in 2022 and, no matter how hard I try, I can never get anywhere close to those numbers. I truly enjoy my Peloton and use it almost daily, exerting myself to my absolute maximum, and yet no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work and how sweaty and breathless I get, my output is getting lower over time.

A Younger Me would have found this devastating, and even Current Me is slightly disheartened by my lack of progress, if we are measuring progress by a number generated on a bike that goes nowhere. Which, well, we shouldn’t. I am happy with my level of functional fitness generally: I can zip briskly up and down stairs and hills without getting out of breath or experiencing knee or hip pain, I can lift and carry moderately heavy things, I spend hours a week in the garden, bending and squatting and digging and twisting with zero issues. My VO2 max is in the 40s and my resting heart rate is in the 50s, and it is all of these things that are of significance. And yet.

It feels similar to my various creams and lotions and serums. None of them are actually making me look younger, but they make me feel better. I have an aging body – thankfully! The alternative is becoming compost, and I’m not ready for that yet! – and so I think it’s unreasonable to expect that it would perform in the same way that it did before I was deep in late perimenopause. Nothing can stop the forward march of time, after all. But that downward trajectory! It’s hard on the ego.

I think the universe is reminding me to practice non-attachment. I love the feeling of sweatiness and exhilaration from a workout, and so who cares what a number on a stationary bike says, no matter how fancy that bike is. The point is to keep showing up and to enjoy the journey, because the end result is the same: tree nourishment.

Fly High Free Bird

The other day I was Mrs Elton-ing in the berry patch when I heard a strange noise. On further investigation, I saw that there was a small bird caught in the netting on our strawberries. I have no idea, logistically, how that could have happened, and as I tried to figure out where the bird got in, with the hopes that if I found an opening it could go back out that way, the bird became more and more agitated. The more I tried to help the worse it got, to the point where its little head and a wing were now firmly stuck in the netting.

I could not have another dead bird on my hands, I just couldn’t. I ran to the house for backup, and moments later my husband came down to the garden armed with work gloves, scissors, and a general air of grim determination. Probably he was thinking that he could not deal with ME having another dead bird on our hands.

The bird kept flapping frantically until my husband picked it up and held it, at which point it immediately went still and calm, but for a darting eye. Either the bird was a high-level Zen practitioner who embodied surrender and acceptance and was not going to Struggle Against The Flow, or it had some kind of natural trauma response, in the Playing Dead method. I say yes to this experience, the bird might have said to me telepathically, in the spirit of Radical Acceptance, had I known to listen.

It took several tense minutes of net snipping while I stood around uselessly wringing my own gloved hands, but the moment the little bird was freed and flew away unharmed was one of the single greatest moments of this entire year and made me fall in love with my husband all over again. Unfortunately, that moment was somewhat ruined when not two minutes later, my mother-in-law walked over to the garden to let me know that earlier that morning, she had found a dead bird by the shed, and had disposed of it before Rex was able to get to it.

Weekly Reading

So Late In The Day. I loved this triptych of stories about relationships: a man jilted at the altar, a woman at a writing retreat encountering a bitter stranger, a married woman looking for an affair who ends up in a bad way. This author is so brilliant at evoking so much emotion and detail with such an economic use of words. I have loved all the books I’ve read of hers, but this might be my favourite.

How To Read A Book. Something I have thought about since watching The Shawshank Redemption, lo these many decades ago, is what happens to people after they are released from prison? How do they find work, how do they find a place to live, how do they live among society again after being conditioned to prison routines? This very difficult topic is the subject of this very warm-hearted and sweet book: Violet is released early from prison for good behaviour, and adapts to life on the “outside,” even though her family will have nothing to do with her. This is a 3-way POV novel that includes the woman who runs the prison Book Club, and the man who was widowed because of Violet’s drunk driving that landed her in prison in the first place. There were some little twists but it’s pretty clear how things will turn out in the end. I didn’t love this but it was a cute and ultimately satisfying read.

Orbital. One of my best memories of the kids’ elementary school days was a particular Music Monday in May 2013, when the children gathered on the hill behind the school to perform Is Somebody Singing, the song made famous by (Canadian!) Commander Chris Hadfield on the International Space Station. That was a magical time, when Cmdr Hadfield posted photos and videos from space to Twitter. Remember when Twitter wasn’t a cesspool of brutality and horror? My friend Florence (HI FLORENCE) and I sat together to watch the children, and we teared up together at the words There goes home. To this day I still tear up, thinking of that day, all the children singing the same song at the same time all across Canada. So sing your song, I’m listening…I can hear your voices bouncing off the moon. Anyway, even with all that emotion, I would have NEVER picked up this book had it not been for my friend Laura (HI LAURA), who pushed past my Is it about space? No thanks., and assured me I would like it. I did! It really reminded me of 2013, in the best way possible. If you’re a person who likes a thick plot, this isn’t that – there is no plot at all, just beautiful prose about our world.

One of the last lines in Desiderata is With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world, and I think about that nearly every day. It is a beautiful world, despite, you know, everything, and I hope that you all have a beautiful week. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Nourishing Edition

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How has June been treating you, friends? I hope you have all been enjoying my Nourishment series; I have certainly enjoyed putting it together. There will be a final post on Monday to wrap it up, and in the meantime, I want to tell you about my Favourite Things this month. They are all things that are nourishing for my physical and mental states, if we use the term fairly loosely. You know me, I like a theme.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Nourishing Edition

Strawberry Fields Forever

This is the second year for our strawberry plants, and they have been prolific! Almost every day I have a harvest of these sweet sweet berries. We have to net the plants to keep the birds from feasting, and when I’m crouched down underneath the netting, picking them, I’m reminded of Mrs Elton at the berrying party in Emma.

And check out this very funky specimen:

It was delicious, although I do feel like I snacked on Patrick from Spongebob.

The raspberries have also been showing up and showing out; we have several different varieties, so hopefully we will have berries from June to September.

Did you hear that? It’s ominous music playing.

AND SO IT BEGINS. Zucchini season is now, alarmingly, in full swing. I have already harvested eight zucchini, including an absolute monster that quadrupled in size from last Wednesday, before our road trip, to the following Monday. My husband and son are giving me the side-eye, after last year’s zucapocalypse.

Postcard from the incomparable Michelle (HI MICHELLE) for scale.

Like A Good Neighbour, Amanda Is There

The emotional and psychological issues I have around my hair could keep a therapist busy for decades, and probably buy the aforementioned therapist a vacation home on Maui, but such issues are not available for public consumption. I will merely say that fifteen years ago or so, my hair stylist put down her comb and scissors in exasperation, and said to me Nicole, will you STOP saying that. There is nothing WRONG with your hair. It’s just REGULAR hair. Stop telling me how weird and terrible it is. IT IS JUST NORMAL HAIR.

So. I have issues around my hair. I dislike having my hair cut not because I’m Samson or Rapunzel or anything, but because I fear negative commentary about it, although with few exceptions that is not something that happens. It takes me a while to build trust with a new stylist, so you can imagine the tizzy I was in when I moved here. And listen: my hair is not complicated to cut. It does not require precise styling. I know this and yet, I still feel stressed and worried whenever I go to get my hair cut.

My neighbour Amanda cuts hair out of her home, and it took me nearly a year of living a three-minute walk from her house before I got the courage to ask her to cut mine. She’s a busy mom with a full-time job, but she told me cheerfully that she cuts hair for friends and family! and I took MONTHS to contact her. Are we friends? Is this overstepping? If I ask her will she think I’m weird and presumptuous? Finally, after my husband told me to just call her already, and if she didn’t want to do it she could say no, I contacted her.

Friends, she is the sweetest woman around and she immediately set me at ease as I talked a mile a minute about my hair worries. She has been cutting my hair for almost a year now, the latest time being just a couple of weeks ago, when I had delayed getting it cut for a few months. The ends were, to say the least, not great, Bob.

Amanda told me gravely we would have to take off some length. She asked if I was okay, and then she asked again. She explained very carefully what would happen, what her plans were for future cuts, and then she proceeded to give me the best haircut of my entire life.

I might be getting over my hair issues! I love you, Amanda! (HI AMANDA, if you’re reading this)

Power Pants

I am about to relate an anecdote, but before I do, I want to note that the following occurred years ago, in 2011 or 2012, when it was considered not only appropriate but complimentary to comment on other people’s bodies, particularly when the other person’s body appeared smaller. I know, I know, we would never ever think this was okay to say these days, but I am setting the scene for you.

Picture it: it’s 2011 or 2012. I’m standing with the Circle Moms, so named because we all stood in a circle and chatted in the schoolyard when our kids sledded or built snow forts or played on the playground after school. As we were talking, a woman came up to a friend of mine in the circle, and asked her in a congratulatory, complimentary tone if she had lost weight. Nope! my friend said happily. I just bought bigger pants.

Several months ago, when I did a big purge of my ill-fitting wardrobe – mostly pants, but also a not insignificant number of little black dresses – Michelle (HI MICHELLE) congratulated me. It’s so empowering to have clothes that fit! she said, and she was right. It IS empowering! It IS a big deal to go into my closet and know I can wear all the things in it.

Here we are, in a new season – not just of life, but an actual season – and it’s really time to bust out all the crops and capris. I needed new pants. I needed bigger pants. And so I went to Mark’s, because it seems like this is where I get all my pants lately, and I bought three pair of very lightweight capris, and two denim ones. Friends, they are comfortable, I feel cute, and I AM EMPOWERED! Behold a few of my powerful pants!

It’s so simple. Putting on pants without shimmying or struggling, and just…doing them up? It’s the best. Our bodies change throughout our lives, shouldn’t our pants? Why try to squeeze into pants that are uncomfortable and most likely unflattering in their discomfort? JUST BUY BIGGER PANTS. Fitting my body should be the very least we ask for from pants, right after making me not be naked, and yet. And yet it’s revolutionary.

Stop Bugging Me

We had quite a bit of rain, which was desperately needed – I do not want to go through another August like the one in 2023! – and the rain was followed by sunshine and lovely warm temperatures. Glorious! And also? Perfect mosquito weather.

Something you may or may not know about me is that I am a person you want to invite to your parties, not just because I would talk to a chair if it looked marginally friendly, but also because I am a Mosquito Magnet. I am ABSOLUTELY IRRESISTABLE to the female mosquito population. They cannot get enough of my sexy, juicy flesh. And another neat thing to know about me is that I have the kind of allergic reaction to mosquito bites that makes people say Oh GOD, what HAPPENED to you? What on another person might be a slight annoyance is, to me, torture. Mosquito bites swell to enormous, hard, red lumps, and then turn into bruises, and that is not a look I like to embrace. Some topical ointments soothe somewhat, others give me a secondary reaction, it’s a wheel of fortune.

I want to be the type of person who just smooths on a little Skin So Soft, or spritzes on a homemade essential oil mixture, and then calls it a day, but I am not. I am just so sexy and irresistible to those rental houses for souls of the cruel, that I need The Big Guns.

Do I want to be spraying chemicals all over my body? No, I do not. But faced with the choice between that and having gigantic swollen itchy lumps all over my body, between that and praying for the sweet release of the bruising that follows, even though I look like I’ve fallen off a cruise ship, pinballing down, hitting a lot of railings on the way, well, I’ll take the Fresh Scent Deet every time. I leave it on the outside steps to spray on just before my walk, then I strut through the greenway like John Travolta with a paint can, while everyone around me is losing their minds and slapping the air and their own bodies.

Come Back With A Warrant(y)

The most-used small appliance in my kitchen is the Vitamix; it gets used by various people three to four times a day at minimum. So it really was no surprise when, several months ago, it finally gave up. It’s too much! the Vitamix would have said, were it sentient. Stop with the continuous smoothies already! The container blades seized up, started to smoke, and died.

This was an absolute crisis. The motor still worked perfectly, so we ordered a new container for it, making the huge and predictable mistake of purchasing a quick-to-arrive, much-less-expensive knock-off that was compatible with our motor. In what can only be described as You Get What You Pay For, the container worked perfectly for two weeks, and then developed a tiny leak. It still worked, but it would leave a teaspoon or so of smoothie on the motor. Over the course of a few months, that teaspoon increased to a few tablespoons, and every time I wiped up the resulting mess I could only think that this was not great, Bob.

The problem was that our model is no longer available, and so my husband called Vitamix to ask what he could purchase as a replacement, which is when we discovered that we have a seven-year warranty on all parts, expiring in August. Vitamix sent us a brand-new container, free of charge, and we are all happily consuming smoothies without having to clean up a little puddle afterwards.

Outfit of the Month

As I mentioned above, I was running low on little black dresses after The Great Closet Purge of 2024. The purge happened in November which, as my husband pointed out, was perfect timing for Black Friday. How or why Black Friday became a thing in Canada, I do not know, but I was grateful that Ricki’s – a proudly Canadian company – had such a sale. I picked up three dresses for $120, and I love them all.

I wore one a few weeks ago for a friend’s 60th birthday party, paired them with Skecher sandals, and posed with the best black-and-white accessory I have.

I hope you are all enjoying our first official week of summer! I’d love to hear about all your Favourites this month. Tell me everything. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The I Got The Power Edition

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Serious question, friends: where did May go? It feels like it went by in a flash, but I guess that’s not any different from any month. One day you’re noticing all the It’s Gonna Be May memes and Star Wars movies on TV, the next you’re scheduling appointments for June and thinking about the month’s Favourite Things.

I have an interesting variety of things to talk about this month – and they are not all garden related!

Or iris related, despite the iris photos.

Irises are definitely a great part of May, but what I want to talk about today are things that are powerful and energizing on so many levels. Life changing things, as it were.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The I Got The Power Edition

I’ve Got The Power!

A while ago I posted about trying branched-chain amino acids to combat perimenopause symptoms, after hearing about it on a podcast, and I had said it was difficult to tell if it was helping because I am absolutely a Placebo Effect person. I decided to give it several weeks and a full menstrual cycle (yes, I do still get my period – every three and a half weeks, thank you very much, no one needs such frequency) to determine the impact of adding amino acids to my life.

Friends. I cannot overstate how much this has changed things for me! I used to get so fatigued the week before my period; my body would ache and my sleep would be off, and my energy would be low. And no, I am in no way a medical or nutritional professional, this is anecdotal evidence based on a sample size of one, but wow. Wow! I have been sleeping really well, I have not been experiencing any kind of fatigue pre-period, and in fact my period took me by slight surprise, with no symptoms other than slightly sore breasts. No sadness, none of the soul-crushing despair that hits us all before Aunt Flo arrives, not even the cravings for sugary treats or salty snacks. The difference has been astonishing. My resting heart rate is lower, and did I mention the sleep? I go to bed, fall asleep, and wake up seven and a half hours later. Every night! What even is this magic.

Again, not a doctor. Sample size of one. Only five weeks usage. But my husband suggested that due to my plant-based diet for so many years, perhaps I had been missing amino acids this whole time. It does make sense. Will it work for you? I have no idea. But it feels magical to me, that I have Jack Russell terrier energy the whole month through.

I’ve Got The Shower (Cap, For My Food)!

I have long been a fan of beeswax wraps for food, but the ones I bought a decade ago are starting to look a little worse for the wear. I also feel slightly icky when it comes to cleaning them off, as hot water makes them melt. They never get as clean as I could wish them to be, as I don’t like to use harsh cleansers for things that could come into contact with my food. Basically, I wipe them with warm water and dish soap and hope for the best.

So I decided to splurge and buy a set of bowl covers that are easily washable – in hot water – and they are referred to, in our house, as shower caps. I now have a number of them in different sizes and produce-related patterns.

It’s a perfect solution to single-use plastic wrap, which I still do use for meat because that is my line in the sand. Still, a small step towards less plastic is still a step!

I’ve Got To Scour!

Speaking of cleaning, I love this scouring product from Mint. I loathe a gunky sink, but I’m also – see above – not willing to use harsh chemicals in the kitchen. I found this product at the eco-friendly store my friend Joy works at (HI JOY), and it’s wonderful. It’s a scrub – think Comet, but with a minty-fresh smell – and it’s made by two women on Vancouver Island. I love supporting small local businesses, especially those run by women!

It works great at getting the sink shiny and clean, and it smells fantastic.

I’ve Got The Flowers!

May is the month for flowers, and while my perennials and bulbs have been popping, I want to talk about annuals. We have annuals in the pots beside and around the deck, and so far they have not been eaten by deer. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself and won’t wake up to deer on our deck. Perennials are so fun to see pop out of the ground, but there is something wonderful about the instant colour of a pot of annuals.

The last photo features flowers that were a free gift with purchase from Superstore, which I love. The purple clematis climbing up behind it – obviously not an annual – was planted last year and is insane! The flowers are huge, they are significantly larger than the palm of my hand, and I have gigantic hands.

I’ve Got The Eyebrow-er!

My eyebrows are naturally a dark brown, but lately many, many of those dark brown hairs have turned pure white, the unhappy result being very patchy-looking eyebrows. I certainly cannot pluck the white hairs, because that would lead to eyebrow bald spots, and I have enough to worry about in the bald spot department, I do not need to add to it.

I love Maybelline products, as you likely already know, and I think their BrowFast Sculpt is genius. It’s like a mascara, but for eyebrows, and it works like a gel for errant hairs while also colouring them. Warning: it’s really really easy to go overboard with this product and then look startlingly like Uncle Leo.

I usually wipe the wand on the side of the tube to get the excess product off, and then I apply with a VERY light touch.

One eyebrow done, to show you the difference. Not to worry, I did the other eyebrow post-photo.

Outfit of the Month

Friends, two things of shopping significance happened this month: I bought a new sweater, and that new sweater was NOT black. Look at me, colourfully peacocking around.

It’s from Lululemon and is advertised as being the Sweater for Summer, which garnered raised eyebrows from me. A sweater? For summer? I’m not in Calgary anymore, people, that is UNNECESSARY. However! I am here to tell you that it is an absolute dream to wear; light and airy, and a perfectly comfortable fit. I probably wouldn’t wear it in temperatures over 20 degrees, but it’s a lovely addition to the shoulder season wardrobe.

The jeans are my favourite brand, Silver, and they are the “Beau” style – the so-called boyfriend jean. Shoes are Skechers, and the tote is from Rome! The latter fact is something I would like to work into more conversations, but alas. There are only so many times a person can mention it.

Last week I was having my coffee and preparing for my yoga practice; I looked up to see this amazing sky. What a reward for being an early riser! It faded quickly, which made it feel all the more special. I hope you have all had a month filled with special treats and favourite things. I’d love to hear all about them. Tell me everything. xo

Five For Friday: The Month of Cakes Edition

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About eighteen months ago, I read a book about Jean Nidetch, the founder of Weight Watchers, and it remains to this day one of the most depressing literary experiences in my life. I was still processing the book weeks later, particularly the part where Jean advises that on one’s birthday, every single birthday for the rest of one’s life, one should bake a cake, cut the cake, serve the cake, but for god’s sake, do not eat the cake.

I’m depressed all over again just thinking about it.

Listen, you all know me. I’m all about healthy choices and nourishing one’s body, I’m all about taking care of these rental houses for our souls, and yet. The thought of not eating cake, which is to me one of life’s greatest pleasures, is so incredibly sad that I can’t bear it. I can’t bear the thought of someone hating themselves so much that they would deprive themselves of a treat even once a year, on an occasion as momentous as one’s birthday.

And you might immediately say, No, Nicole, it’s not because she hates herself! It’s because she loves herself! She wants to be the best version of herself! and maybe that’s true. Maybe. But the pursuit of thinness at all costs – particularly the cost of an annual slice of birthday cake – is genuinely soul-destroying. It feels very much like self-loathing.

I think the thing I love about cake, other than its deliciousness, is that it is very much a Sharing Dessert. I suppose one could make a single-serving mug cake, but for me part of the joy of having cake is the passing around of slices, the communal enjoyment, the sharing of the moment.

A tradition in my little family is to have a big Sunday dinner, the kind that takes several hours to make and that always includes dessert. I decided in honour of my big birthday, and also because I love cake, that I would bake and/ or consume cake every weekend in April. Not only did I meet this low-stakes goal, I exceeded it! Here’s how it went.

The first week’s cake was a golden one, layered with salted milk chocolate frosting.

For the second week, I took a page out of my friend Sammi’s book (HI SAMMI) and baked a lemon angel food cake, topped with lemon drizzle. Sammi’s trick was to use an angel food mix and sub out some of the water for lemon juice and zest, and it worked like a charm.

The third cake was a mid-week one, and it was courtesy of Sammi herself! She hosted a birthday lunch for me, and she made a glorious flourless fudge cake with chocolate-covered strawberries, which are second only to cake as my favourite dessert.

I just love strawberries, and so the fourth cake was a favourite made by my mom when she was visiting (HI MOM); it’s an angel food cake with strawberry filling, topped with non-dairy whipped cream. Divine!

Last, but certainly not least, was my Nifty Fifty grocery store sheet cake, courtesy of my husband. Chocolate on the inside, vanilla icing and lots of it on the outside; I could not have been happier! There was plenty left over from the party on Saturday to have for Sunday dinner.

I think this Sunday we will take a little break from cake – I have another dessert in mind – but soon it will be Mother’s Day and I think that is a Cake Occasion as well. Have a sweet weekend, my friends. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Nifty Fifty Edition

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In honour of my milestone birthday, this month’s Favourite Things consists of fifty favourites throughout the years. Buckle up, buttercups!

Age 0-10

  • Pink was my favourite colour and, by association, flamingoes became my favourite bird after I saw them in the Calgary Zoo. When I grew up, I wanted to be a pink flower.
  • I loved dolls and the dollhouse my grandpa built for me when I was about four. I had a Cabbage Patch Kid named Kora Candi, who my mom risked life and limb to get for me for Christmas 1982, and for whom my grandma made a large wardrobe. I also loved my Cheer Bear and a stuffed rabbit named, unoriginally, Mrs. Bunny.
  • I loved The Muppets, particularly Miss Piggy, who I have an affinity for to this day. (Moi?) I lived for weekly episodes of The Muppet Show and still love The Muppet Movie and The Muppets Take Manhattan, but The Great Muppet Caper is a hot mess.
  • The only other show on television that I really loved was Lorne Greene’s New Wilderness; whenever I see Canada geese – which is daily – I remember his voice talking about how they mate for life, and now the featured newly-widowed goose will be alone forever. Sob.
  • I don’t remember not being able to read; according to my mother, at age two she would give me new library books and I could read them. Busy Busy World by Richard Scarry was one of my favourite books; I loved thinking about different countries and cultures. Because of this my grandma made me a (pink, naturally) quilt in which each square featured a little girl from a different country; the Canadian girl had a Mounties uniform, for example. Years later when I read Cat’s Eye, so much of it was resonant but especially when Elaine learns about different countries. She thinks I can go there someday, I don’t have to stay here.
  • Speaking of going places, the height of luxury, for me, was the rare time our family would stay in a motel that had a pool. What could be more amazing than a pool? A waterpark! Swimming was one of my very favourite things.
  • Winter was something to look forward to because of skating. I took figure skating lessons as a child and I would also spend many hours on the outdoor rink behind our house, sailing around and feeling free, imagining, somehow, that I was Princess Diana. Did she figure skate? I don’t know. I was enamoured with her and at age six, was woken up at 2:30 am by Grandma Fern to watch the Royal Wedding.
  • I loved The Bobbsey Twins, A Little Princess, and, especially, Little Women. To this day I have a soft spot for those books. I loved everything by Laura Ingalls Wilder and LM Montgomery, but especially the last two Emily books and Jane of Lantern Hill. My interest in stories about girls’ lives continues to this day.
  • I knew how to read music from learning the recorder at school, and after figuring out where middle C was located, I would painstakingly plunk out tunes on my grandparents’ piano. At age ten my parents got me my own piano and lessons, and playing the piano is still one of my Favourite Things.
  • Also at age ten, I was introduced to the Sweet Valley High series, and I spent a lot of time imagining that high school would be JUST like that. Was I ever in for a surprise!

Age 11-20

  • It was summer of ’86, and it was a hot night in Estevan, Saskatchewan. My brother, cousins, and I walked from Grandma Fern’s house to the Orpheum movie theatre, famous for its bone-chilling air-conditioning. I was wearing jeans and an off-the-shoulder pink short-sleeved sweatshirt, my hair was ill-advisedly cut to resemble Madonna’s in Papa Don’t Preach. Those characters were going to Top Gun. It was a formative moment for me, and I have never enjoyed an action movie like I did this. The theme song is now my ringtone, and at least weekly I think and you, asshole, you’re lucky to be here!
  • Also formative, but distressingly so, was my obsession with Priscilla Presley’s memoir Elvis and Me, which was later a (terrible) made-for-TV movie. It was, in my young mind, so romantic! Elvis’ buddy asked the FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD Priscilla, in a German army base cafe, if she’d like to come to a party, and there the epic romance started. Hoo boy, that did not age well.
  • Aging much better (although in some cases, NOT GREAT BOB) were the movies that I loved: Dirty Dancing, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, La Bamba, Can’t Buy Me Love, and Say Anything. When Harry Met Sally came out when I was 14 and superseded Top Gun as my favourite moving of all time.
  • My favourite TV show was The Wonder Years, and, relatedly, I loved all sorts of Sixties music, notably The Doors and The Beatles.
  • Concerts were so cheap then, and I went to many, including INXS, Depeche Mode, 54-40, Billy Joel, Barenaked Ladies, and The Grapes of Wrath, the latter of which hail from Kelowna. I have a six-degree separation from the man I had such a crush on back then, Tom Hooper. I daydreamed that I would marry him and live in Kelowna, despite the fact that he clearly hated it and couldn’t wait to leave. Well, I did marry someone from Kelowna and he’s a rock star in my mind.
  • School dances were so exciting and something to look forward to, even if someone was always crying in the washroom.
  • My aunt gave me a copy of Mists of Avalon when I was fifteen, and that made my obsession with Elvis and Me look like a passing glance. King Arthur’s court, but from the women’s point of view? Yes please!
  • I was a dramatic kid and teen, and my flair for it found a home in drama class and in school plays. My biggest role was Amanda Wingfield in The Glass Menagerie; I copied my Alabaman cousin’s accent to land the role.
  • I was a teen in the late eighties, early nineties, when giant hair and lots of hairspray were de rigeur. I had Clairol hot rollers and, paired with Revlon’s Love That Red lipstick, I was ready for a day at school. It was in high school that I discovered I was really good at math, particularly calculus, so imagine a red-lipsticked, giant-haired me, going back to first principles.
  • I read my first Margaret Atwood book – The Handmaid’s Tale – when I was in high school, spurring a lifelong love for her writing. In my first year university, I was introduced to our other national literary treasure, Alice Munro, through her Lives of Girls and Women. To this day it’s a favourite, and I’ve read and loved every single thing she wrote. I also read Pride and Prejudice, which started my adoration of Jane Austen and all of her books, but particularly Emma and Sense and Sensibility.

Age 21-30

  • I discovered I loved group fitness classes in university, most notably step aerobics, but also boxercise.
  • Going to grad school was such a great experience for me; I received my master’s in economics with a 4.0 GPA.
  • While in economics, I met a man who became my friend for a few years before we started dating. Reader, I married him.
  • But before we got married, Margaret Atwood – whose entire catalogue I had already devoured over and over – published The Blind Assassin, which is my all-time favourite book.
  • A very close runner-up, and my ultimate comfort read, is Diary of a Provincial Lady, which I picked up completely on a whim at a used book store and have read so many times that my copy has fallen apart.
  • My boyfriend/ future husband and I went to Egypt, where we rode camels and donkeys as well as really sketchy trains, took a tiny cruise down the Nile, and climbed to the top of Mount Sinai to watch the sunrise.
  • Living so close to the Rocky Mountains meant that most weekends were spent going on hikes out there, soaking up the most beautiful place on earth. We got also married in the Rockies!
  • I loved making my own grown-up paycheques. I liked my jobs, especially when I was working on the trade floor. The job was difficult and the hours were long, but the money was great and I loved dressing up every day.
  • We bought a cozy, fixer-upper house in a beautiful, tree-lined neighbourhood, where we lived happily for twenty-three years.
  • Speaking of which, at age 29 and 30 I received the best gifts of my life: our sons. Being their mother has been the great pride and joy of my life. Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) asked recently if I ever wanted more than two children, and the answer to that is no. I always wanted two, and when my younger son was born I knew our family was complete.

31-40

  • When I was 32, I decided to try an Ashtanga class at the Yoga Shala, as a little break from mothering two very little boys. That one class changed the whole course of my life; I started a daily practice in their Mysore program, and I still practice that way – albeit at home – to this day. I met so many wonderful friends there as well, and I think with so much fondness and nostalgia of our early, silent mornings, practicing together.
  • Barkley came into our lives at 13 weeks, and while in retrospect it seems a little bonkers to have such a young puppy with three-and-four-year-old boys, I would never change it for the world. He was our loving fluffy stuffed animal come to life, and everyone who encountered him loved him.
  • At age 33 I started a blog, and that also changed everything! I met Hannah and Allison, who are to this day my rock and safe space (HI HANNAH HI ALLISON), along with so many other great friends.
  • In addition to my personal blog, I also wrote short essays for YMC, and they eventually hired me as one of their weekly food writers, where I was the Meatless Mummy. I was there for four years, and it was really a great experience; I worked with so many wonderful women (and two men!).
  • After a few lonely years at home with the kids, I was absorbed into the Circle Moms when my oldest started kindergarten; so named because after school we would all stand in a circle and chat while the kids were on the playground. Later, the Circle Moms became the Brentwood Babes.
  • After the one-two punch of having two children in less than a year and a half subsided, we started travelling to kid-friendly destinations with them. They were great travellers, and our favourite place was Maui. We have been lucky enough to visit there six times now.
  • We also spent a lot of time at my parents’ place at the lake, particularly during the summer, where the weather could go from hot and sunny to single-digits and hailing, all within a day. There was always lots of time on the boat, and lots of board games.
  • Our neighbourhood proved to be a great one to raise kids in. My sons were able to walk to every school they attended, there was shopping and the library and the pool all within ten minutes’ walk.
  • A great privilege of my life has been to spend time with my sons; all through their childhood we’d spend so much time at the Calgary Zoo and Science Centre, playgrounds and Calaway Park, splash pads and sledding, movies and Just Dance nights. I treasure the time I spent immersed in their daily lives.
  • My 40th birthday party was an absolute blast; it included being serenaded Top Gun-style by my husband’s buddies and also chugging Baby Duck after midnight.

41-50

  • My favourite trip we ever took with the kids was to Disney World and Universal Florida; they were the absolute perfect age for it and it was so much fun.
  • I decided to take yoga teacher training at age 41, and I was one of the oldest in the class.
  • Since I had been involved in the yoga community for so long by this point, I was able to pick up so many classes right away. My friend and mentor Sharyl (HI SHARYL) had me assist her in Yoga for Stroke Survivors, where I learned so much about bodies and resiliency, and I eventually solo taught that class, along with Ashtanga, restorative, hatha, and my favourite, Yoga for Seniors. I am still in touch with many of my beloved students.
  • We travelled as a family with our very dear friends – our chosen family! – to Mexico many times pre-pandemic. When kid schedules became too complicated, my husband and I took couples’ trips to Mexico with our friends sans kids, and that was incredibly fun too.
  • The teen years are often vilified but I loved them; I loved seeing my kids grow up, graduate high school, and become the fun, responsible, wonderful adults that they are.
  • When we said goodbye to Barkley, I said Never Again! But three months later, Rex came to our family, and wow, I cannot imagine life without our Big Silly, our Doughnut, our cartoon dog come to life.
  • Moving provinces was chaotic, but when the dust settled, so did I. I love where I am so much. Our new house is an absolute dream, complete with my beautiful garden. I am so happy here.
  • I worried so much about making new friends when we moved here, and all that worry was for naught. I have such a beautiful circle of friends, women who constantly amaze me with their fun-loving personalities, their generosity, their kindness, and their ability to show up for one another. I am truly so fortunate.
  • Italy is my favourite place I have ever visited, and going there with my husband was a highlight of my life.
  • I knew I wouldn’t be teaching yoga when we moved here, but I wanted something to fill my time, so I decided to write a book! I took a series of novel-writing courses, and through that, and my blogging friends, I met some very supportive women who are also writers.

Thank you, dear readers, for all your support and kindness! I’ve been reflecting so much on everything I am grateful for, being fifty years on this earth, and I am so grateful to all of you. xo

Tell Me Something Beautiful About You

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It is the last Monday of my forties! I’m celebrating by sending off the third draft of my novel to my trusted beta readers. It’s exciting and oh, so scary. I vacillate between it’s a draft, relax, and what if it’s terrible and everyone hates it? Not every book is for every person, and I wrote a book I would want to read – and I have read it many, many times now in the editing process.

The whole point of writing this book has been for pleasure, for a challenge, to see if I could do it, and in that spirit, it’s an accomplishment. And I honestly do not think it’s terrible, although it won’t be everybody’s taste. What book is? In any case, I did it, and I’m excited to get feedback from my very first readers (HI READERS, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

My very favourite thing on the internet, bar none, is when friends post photos of themselves, particularly selfies. I have heard selfies disparaged in many times and in many ways, but to me, they are nothing but happiness. I love seeing my friends’ faces; I see a selfie and I think there’s my beautiful friend! Seeing a photo, especially when I haven’t seen that person in a very long time – or, in some instances, ever – makes me feel closer to them.

There is something else about selfies that I love, and that is that I know the person felt good about themselves and their appearance at that moment in time.

A few weeks ago I read an article on Cup of Jo entitled What Do You Like About The Way You Look, and the title alone gave me a real visceral reaction. I think it’s universally uncomfortable for women to verbally express what they like about their appearance, for fear that they will sound vain or that they will trigger dislike or eyerolls from others – often other women. Who does she think she is? Instead, we are conditioned to really make ourselves smaller, lesser; to deflect compliments lest we are viewed as being too inflated, too big for our theoretical britches.

I, for one, was raised in an environment in which vanity and a preoccupation with one’s appearance was to be not just discouraged, but extinguished. And that upbringing resulted in the exact opposite outcome from the intended: I am as vain as the day is long. I put on mascara and tinted lip balm to walk the dog at seven in the morning, I wear a full face of makeup and do my hair every single day, I spend a lot of time on my wardrobe and my skincare routine and, most of all, my hair. I probably think that song is about me.

I do like the way I look – not every single aspect of my appearance sparks joy, of course, but in general I do. However, I feel very awkward saying so. The very idea of proclaiming what, specifically and particularly, I like – love! – about the way I look makes me nervous and sweaty. Some part of me seems to think that verbalizing my satisfaction about my appearance will lead to an immediate loss of friends and intense dislike from everyone around me.

That’s stupid. If a friend or loved one said she loved, for example, her breasts or hair or skin, I would probably say yes! I love them too! You’re gorgeous! Why should it be different to say such a thing about ourselves?

We should be able to celebrate every aspect of ourselves, including our appearances. We should be able to say what we love about the way we look without immediately following it with well, in every other way I’m a troll. We should be able to take a compliment without saying no, no, YOU look great, my roots, my god, I need to colour them. We should be able to post a photo without saying felt cute, might delete later. No! If you feel cute, DO NOT DELETE!

I guess this is why I love selfies so much, because they show what we can’t tell. They show that we like the way we look in them, even if we can’t say it. A selfie tells me that my friend thinks she’s beautiful, at that moment, even if she can’t say it aloud.

We should take away the stigma. What do you like about the way you look? What in particular? For me, I think I have a really beautiful smile. I also think that – and this is a recent development – I have a nice, shapely ass. I immediately wanted to type something disparaging about my body as soon as I wrote that, friends! Immediately! But I’m leaving it as is, and I’m challenging you to chime in and celebrate your own appearance.

Weekly Reading

I had an epic reading week, thanks to a) short books, and b) a lot of rain. I don’t think these books could be more different from each other if they tried.

Forever…Another Judy Blume and this one was the spicy favourite of my youth! I honestly think this is the most real book I have ever read about the intensity of teen relationships, the ups and downs of sex and love. It was so resonant for me when I read it as a teen, and it is a nostalgic read now. It mirrored a lot of my own experiences, except for the ones where Kath has open conversations with her parents about sex. I would have rather died. Also – interesting note – Kath’s grandmother in this book is a nearly seventy-year-old social justice lawyer who gives her information on Planned Parenthood and disease and pregnancy preventions. I mean, this could not be less like my own grandmas. However, I loved this book then and I still love it now! Also, and this will make sense only if you have read this book, one of my friends as a teen had a boyfriend named Ralph and it was really hard to look at him.

Foster. I really admire this author for her ability to convey such incredible emotion and storytelling in such a concise way. This incredible little book details a short time in which a young Irish girl is taken to stay with elderly relatives while her long-suffering mother has yet another baby. It’s a story within a story, and it’s a book that leaves a lot to the reader’s imagination; I for one will be thinking about it for a long time. I also will be thinking of the absolute misery that was women’s lives when the power to control their own fertility was not theirs; the desperation and poverty from such situations cannot be understated.

Loved and Missed. Woof. This is a truly brilliant piece of writing; so evocative, so moving. It’s also so very sad on so many levels. It has to do with a woman who is raising her granddaughter, as her daughter is an addict. There are so many themes of secrecy and shame, inter-generational trauma, pain and love. It shows what it is to love an addict, betrayal, and endings. So good and so very sad.

Five-Star Stranger. This was such an interesting concept – and well-executed as well. This follows a man who is a Rental Stranger, meaning that he can be rented for social occasions; think escort, but for all kinds of occasions and without the sex. He has had a long-term client who has rented him to be her daughter’s dad once a week, and her daughter has no idea that he isn’t actually her father. It’s a really interesting statement on loneliness, artificial relationships, and what happens when we don’t live in an authentic way. I really enjoyed it, thanks Julie (HI JULIE) for the recommendation.

I have a lovely, busy week planned for this, my last week in my forties: I have time with The Squad and a writing date, my parents are coming for a visit this weekend and I’m hosting an Easter dinner for nine. There will be cake involved, and mini-eggs in nests, the forecast is for sun, and my little spinach and kale seedlings are thriving. I’d love to hear about what you love about yourself, friends, but if that is too difficult, then I’d love for you to look into the mirror with love. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Not Quite In Style Edition

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One of the best things about aging is that I no longer care about being in style. I said this to my husband, who vehemently disagreed that this was the case, leading to an involved conversation about semantics. I maintain that having personal style and caring about how a person presents oneself is very different from being in style. I care very much about my own personal style, but as far as trends are concerned, I’m indifferent.

I’m sliding towards my fiftieth birthday not knowing celebrity gossip or who even the young celebrities are these days; my only exposure to new music is from Peloton pop rides, and I am solidly ensconced in styles that I like without regards to current trends. I can really, really relate to women who were wearing their hair feathered or mulleted in the late nineties, with frosted lipstick and blue eyeshadow. I hope I’m not there.

I think there is something to the idea that later in life a woman adopts a hairstyle that harkens back to her favourite time of life. I once mentioned to a hair stylist that I worried I was in a hair rut, always wanting the same old thing, and she said Well, look at Barbra Streisand! She’s had the same hairstyle for years, and she looks great. I was unsure of how I felt, being compared to septugenarian Babs, since I was about thirty-four at that time, but I embrace the comment in the spirit in which it was intended.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Not Quite In Style Edition

Forever In Blue Jeans

Up until last week, I would have said that the current, very in vogue style of barrel or wide leg jeans was only for the very young, but then my gorgeous friend Carolyn (HI CAROLYN) swanned into book club on Thursday wearing a pair and looking like a total fox, and so I stand corrected.

The key to styling those jeans, I think, is to counterbalance the voluminous legs with a crop top, a fitted, tucked-in tee, or a bodysuit, and to accessorize with a wide belt. Unfortunately for me, I am reluctant to call attention to my own personal belt area, and so this is a fashion I am not going to participate in.

I think the most universally flattering cut of jeans is the flare or boot cut with a nice chunky heel, but heels are not part of my daily life anymore, and so I will also sadly pass on this style as well. I find I look frumpy in a flare with flats, what can I say. Fortunately, I am in the I don’t give a fuck stage of fashion, and so I still embrace the wildly-out-of-style skinny jeans. What other pant can you wear tall boots with? I also appreciate that skinny jeans go well with long tops, which covers the exact spot I wish to cover up, namely my tum-tum.

My one concession to wide leg jeans is a meet-you-in-the-middle style, the boyfriend jean. I like them cuffed with ankle boots, or little flats in the summer.

Here’s a hot tip for all my fellow Canadians: go to Mark’s, as in the former Work Wearhouse. They have a great selection of Silver jeans, which are in my mind the best brand around. Silver jeans have so much stretch without getting stretched out, which is a remarkable feature for denim. They have so many different styles and cuts, and almost always there is some kind of BOGO deal happening at Mark’s. I’m not sponsored by Mark’s! I just love that store.

These Boots Were Made For Walking

Speaking of Mark’s, my younger son just bought his first pair of steel-toed boots. According to his somewhat-trend-aware brother, my son is in the height of fashion: the aforementioned boots are Timberlands, albeit the tan colour is now splattered with oil and grease. I also have Timberland boots – from Mark’s! – which look nice, Mom, but they aren’t exactly in style. Well, no, mine are a) black, not tan, and b) winter boots. They might not be the height of fashion, but I still think they are cute, and they are perfect for our long morning walks.

Cute, comfortable, grippy, warm, and waterproof, what more does one want from winter walking boots?

Entering My Elastic Waist Era

Many years ago, I was laughing at the Sears catalogue that described a particular style of pants as “pull on pants.” Aren’t we all pulling on our pants? Well, yes. Pull on pants became code for any clothing associated with the elderly, but just like everything else I have looked at judgmentally in my life, it has come back to haunt me. Here I am, pulling on elastic waist pants and loving them.

I bought these from Lululemon and they are quite honestly the most comfortable pants I have ever worn. I’m not even sure how to describe them: like sweatpants that look like actual dress pants would be the closest I can come. I think these would be the perfect travel pants; comfortable enough to wear on the plane, wrinkle-resistant and honestly, pretty cute. I wouldn’t showcase the elastic waist, but I wouldn’t be showcasing my waist anyway.

Maybe She’s Born With It

I have long been a proponent of drugstore makeup; in my mind Maybelline’s Surreal Falsies is the single greatest mascara ever invented, and I love that brand’s Ultimatte lipstick. I am newly a convert to another lip colour, thanks to my friend Sarah (HI SARAH), who brought Super Stay Ink Crayon Lipstick to my attention. Friends, this is a truly remarkable product.

The colour stays on for hours, HOURS, even after eating and drinking and even dabbing one’s mouth with one’s napkin. I’m not sure how it stays on after sexytimes, but I’m guessing it performs in that area as well.

It’s Asparagus Season, Motherfuckers

I am so excited that asparagus is in season and, relatively speaking, less expensive than other produce right now. “Less expensive” is a very general descriptor and in the not-so-distant past would have meant half the price that I’m paying now. However, in season is in season, and we are consuming the hell out of asparagus right now.

Something occurred to me the other day: when I was a kid we never had out-of-season produce. Whether that was because it was prohibitively expensive or just not available in the 80s, we would have never had, for example, strawberries in January. I wonder if we are starting to move in that direction now. In any case, we are moving into Garden Season, which is my favourite season! In the next few weeks I’ll be planting some hardy greens, and I cannot wait to be harvesting my own produce. Hopefully I’ll finish the grated zucchini I have in the freezer before zucchini season begins again.

Chocolate zucchini bread, original recipe from the Lutheran Ladies’ Family Favourites. Much better than their weird section on casseroles and meat salads. I still have a drawer full of zucchini.

Outfit of the Month

Earlier this month the girls and I went to see a string quartet perform ABBA songs, and we thought it would be fun to dress up in our most disco wear. When this conversation first came up I was excited, and then thought wait, I don’t HAVE any disco wear. Then I remembered the dress I wore for my husband’s retirement dinner, paired it with my dressiest boots, and headed out on the town.

To be totally honest I was worried the dress would no longer fit, but happily that wasn’t the case!

March is an exciting month for us, what with birthdays and our anniversary and the anticipation of Garden Season; this weekend my husband and I are going to belatedly go on a date – A DATE! – for our anniversary, which is going to be a Favourite Thing for sure. Did you have some Favourites this month? Tell me everything. xo