It occurred to me this week that a lot of parallels can be drawn between pandemic mitigation strategies and sex ed. Just as the only Absolutely Certain 100% way to avoid pregnancy and STI is Complete Abstinence, so the only Absolutely Certain 100% way to avoid Covid infection is to remain Completely Isolated. However, here we are, ninety-five weeks in, and I think we can all agree that, being social creatures Complete Isolation is not ideal, just like Complete Abstinence is not something that is a practical or viable option for our young people. Or ourselves, really, but being nearly 47 and in a monogamous relationship for twenty-four years is a whole different kettle of fish, from an STI and pregnancy standpoint.
So, just like condoms and the pill prevent pregnancy and STI, not all the time but most, we look to masks and vaccines, which, together, work not all the time but most. I am not going to even get into the men who go condom-less or the people who have completely unprotected sex with several people in the course of a weekend, and I’m certainly not going to get into the people who are anti-mask-and-vaccine and who want life to be the way it was in 2019, crowds and all. The analogy starts to fall apart here, because ideally we choose our sexual partners, and we cannot always choose the people who surround us in every day life.
As an example to what things are like here, I was grocery shopping and a woman was there, in the frozen food aisle, with no mask on, not even on her chin, not below her nose, just no mask at all. We have had, for many months, an indoor mask mandate which is followed by basically everyone, and so it was Very Notable and Kind of Shocking. I had to remind myself not to judge, maybe there was some mitigating circumstance, literally the only thing I knew about this woman is that she did not have a mask on, but it was so very strange and unusual. Everyone in the frozen food aisle was giving this woman large berth, swooping their giant carts around her and, if they were like me, holding their breath. I am, therefore, grateful that such a thing is strange enough to be remarkable, and also, I am sure I will look back at these days when we think Everyone Is A Potential Disease Vector with sadness.
Also remarkable and momentous: today the kids are going back to school in person. I cannot even begin to describe the deep sense of relief I felt when I got the notification from the school board informing me of this. The schools have had a mask mandate since fall of 2020, but now every student will be given an eight-week supply of medical grade masks. Each student will be given rapid test kits as well, and will be expected to use them regularly until this wave has subsided. This is great news because rapid test kits are currently completely unavailable, and all testing centres are so overwhelmed that no one can get a PCR test unless they are involved in a current recorded outbreak or are in a high-risk category or line of work.
There is still risk to having in-person school – there are no ideal options here, people – but I feel the risk mitigation strategies are sufficient and the risks are outweighed massively by the benefits to having kids being around their peers. Online school was difficult in so many different ways and while I am grateful the kids had SOMETHING during that time, I think the vast amounts of screen time and isolation from other kids was detrimental to their mental and physical health.
A friend of mine said that I sounded fatalist the other day, because I said that I wasn’t going to spend my time and energy worrying about whether or not we contract Covid; we are doing as much as we can – vaccines, masks, distancing, limiting contact with people – and that will have to be good enough. I know so many people right now who have contracted Covid, even with Doing All The Right Things, and if I also Do All The Right Things and one still slips past the goalie, well. I have reached the point where I cannot spend any more time being anxious about it. We have to live our lives, not in a crazy reckless way but with caution, with mitigation strategies, and with hope, I guess. I am doing my best, my family is doing their best, and I cannot control what anyone else is doing. My best has to be good enough.
All of which brings me to one of my Quantifiable Goals; I mentioned last week that I do not exactly have New Year’s Goals or Resolutions, instead I add goals or concepts to my life as I go throughout the year. One of those goals – which I count as quantifiable – is Don’t Read The News. Do I need to be constantly updated with Pandemic News? No, I do not. Does constantly scrolling through the news ramp up my anxiety and feelings of hopelessness? Yes, it does. It’s an easy fix. The news will happen with or without me; I don’t need to read it. I get email updates from the CBE and the government concerning changes in policies that affect me and that affect the schools, and honestly, that’s enough. I don’t need a constant barrage of information. If something really important happens, someone will tell me, I’m sure. Following the daily case counts and death counts and positivity rates and R-values does nothing for me; it’s not going to change my low-risk behaviour, it is only going to make me despair.
My daily gratitude meditation is, of course, that the kids are back at school, as safely as possible. I am so grateful. I know many of you are living in jurisdictions in which the prevailing attitude is that either the pandemic doesn’t exist or that individual rights to not wear masks or distance or vaccinate far outweigh public health and the well-being of the community at large. For those of you living with that reality and experience, I am so sorry. I wish I could bring you here and keep you safe and healthy.
Although, if I did bring you here, you might need to pack some layers. Last week the daily high temperatures were in the minus twenties, with the windchill factors in the high minus thirties. Today, the extreme cold snap is supposed to break and that, along with the kids going back to school, makes me feel hopeful.

Pandemic Reading

Humankind. This was a very interesting and hopeful read! Covering the London Blitz and other war strategies, as well as psychological experiments from the Stanford Prison Experiment to the one with people electrically shocking other people, to the real-life Lord of the Flies and the Christmas truce of 1914, this book is full of information and compassion. I like the message that we are what we feed ourselves, in terms of information. The experiments that supposedly show the dark side of humankind are exposed in a different way, which did make me feel hopeful. It should be noted that this book was published in 2019, so pre-pandemic but mid-Trump-regime.

Things I Don’t Want To Know: On Writing. I really liked this quick little memoir of Deborah Levy’s South African childhood and her writing life. This is the first of three memoirs, and I will definitely read the next two.

This Will Only Hurt A Little. Have you ever read a celebrity memoir without having any idea who the celebrity is? I picked this up on my friend Terry’s (HI TERRY) recommendation, not knowing who Busy Phillips is (she’s in TV shows I’ve never watched and movies I’ve never heard of, plus she’s an Instagram star!). It’s very brave of her to write so candidly. Her life is kind of a hot mess, honestly, but this was worth the read/ enraging due to the stories about men in Hollywood and their entitlement and bad behaviour. Also, when she was pregnant she was constantly asked if she was having twins which, me too, Busy. Me too.

Want. This is a short and exquisitely written book that perfectly describes so many experiences: wealth, bankruptcy, consumption, motherhood, friendship, health insurance, and, most of all, all-encompassing privilege. It’s really well done BUT I found it depressing and frustrating to read. It’s dark, and enraging. I wanted to shake the main character so much and tell her to make better choices.
I am starting this week feeling hopeful; what is the situation like where you are? xo


































































