Category Archives: Luckiness

Two Steps Back; Fifty-Six Weeks In

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My older son gets terrible hay fever – May is the worst month for him – and although I’m hopeful that his outdoor-mask-wearing habit will help, I am fully stocked up on the allergy medications that, over the years, we have found to work for him: daily doses of Reactine, plus the Walmart store brand allergy sinus pills when needed.

Until last week, I had set foot in Walmart exactly once during the pandemic, and that was back in August to purchase school supplies. I did manage to get the last bottle of the pills in question:

My husband asked me to pick him up a bottle of nighttime Advil while I was there and, well.

So we are in the “third wave” of the pandemic, and it’s hard not to feel despairing about it. We were doing so well! And now we aren’t. We are back into mini-lockdown mode, and for those of us who have been stringently Following The Rules throughout, and then some, it is Very Frustrating.

I have created my own Coping Mechanisms, apart from the all-important one of severely limiting my time on my phone, looking at news and social media; I can tell when I’ve been scrolling too much, I get fidgety and anxious and snappy and have difficulty focusing on anything. Other than putting my phone away, I have found that for my mental health, I have been doing a lot of the following: reading, playing piano, and exercise. I already tell you what I read every week, there’s not much to say about playing piano except that I like it, and so today I am going to talk about exercise.

I realize that the subject, at the best of times, can be fraught; if you are a person for whom this is true, or if you just think the subject is unbearably dull, skip ahead to this week’s outfit – new bum warmer! – or to the reading list, as there are a couple of good titles this week.

I think the key to maintaining a regular exercise program is threefold: choose things you actually enjoy, a time of day that works, and then make it a habit. I find that once I establish a habit it feels wrong to miss, and also according to my watch I am on a 371-day streak, so I can’t break it now. I am, and always have been, a Very Early Morning Person, and so I finish my yoga practice and cardio workouts before 8:00 am every day, later on weekends.

We are all so different, and that is wonderful! I have friends who love to swim, and to do bootcamp or HIIT workouts, and play racquet sports, and practice barre and Pilates, none of which are things I personally want to do. Sure, barre and Pilates intrigue me in a I should really try them kind of way, but let’s face it: my Peloton app has those classes, some are as little as ten minutes long, and I have never once tried one, which is an answer in itself. My daily movement involves yoga, cardio, and walking.

Yoga

I have been practicing yoga since 2007, and it is really more of a mental health boost than a physical one. Don’t get me wrong; yoga is great for strengthening and stretching those muscles and keeping the joints healthy, but the mental benefits cannot be discounted. My daily practice has changed a lot over the years; it’s Ashtanga-based but gentler, it’s slow and stretchy and meditative. On weekends my practice is more yin-based, and a few times a week I sit in meditation for as long as I can, time permitting. With the pandemic, I now have coffee and read a poem or two before I start. I also have been reading a fabulous book that I recommend to everyone called Wake Up To The Joy In You. It is a book of weekly meditations, and when my mind wanders during my yoga practice I bring it back to my breathing and the focus of the meditation for the week.

Welcome to my studio!

Early morning yoga has been my “me-time” since the kids were very small, and it’s still my favourite time, even now. I love practicing in my dark, quiet house before anyone even thinks of waking up. Although, with teens, and me in perimenopause, it seems like it’s only a matter of time before they are going to bed when I’m getting up.

Cardio

Where yoga is more for mental health, cardio is definitely more physical; I think it’s so important for heart and lung health. Hopefully I won’t end up like Jim Fix. I LOVE a good sweaty cardio workout – I love that Dripping With Sweat feeling, and also that My Lungs May Explode feeling – and I am fortunate to have a home gym at my disposal.

I feel pretty!

I do cardio six days a week, varying in length and activity to keep things interesting. Now that it’s not a skating rink outside, I am running as well as spinning on my Peloton or using my elliptical trainer. The variety in activity keeps me engaged, and I have some excellent motivational playlists that I use for running or elliptical training – I am a person who is very motivated by music. I find nothing pushes me up a hill like a good blast of Eye of the Tiger or Crazy Train. I am also a person who gets a “runner’s high” after any kind of heart-pumping cardio; you should probably send thoughts and prayers to my family who are subjected to my rapid-fire chatter after cardio at 7:30 in the morning.

Walking

A few years ago, when I injured my hip, one of my seniors said to me “RUNNING? Why would you RUN? What’s wrong with walking quickly? You get to the same place, it just takes a little longer.” I love running but he is absolutely correct. Walking is, in my opinion, a very underrated exercise. Where yoga is more for my mental health and cardio for physical, I think walking is the perfect mix of both. I love being outside, even when the weather is terrible, which, let’s face it, it’s Calgary, the weather is terrible most of the time. Most of my walks are Shmoopy Walks, with my husband, but when he’s not available I put on my headphones and groove to the Hamilton soundtrack, or walk with a friend. The occasional physically distanced walk is my only social life these days, so I treasure them. Plus, there are always lovely places to go, regardless of the season.

Until the pandemic, my walks consisted of short Barkley walks, and so one thing I am grateful for this past year is rediscovering of my love of walking, and not the kind of walking where I stop every twenty feet for Barkley to sniff a shrub for two minutes, and where I have to be on High Alert so he doesn’t eat discarded tissues on the ground.

On that note, what is with all the discarded tissues? My friend Sue in Fredericton (HI SUE) has been picking up discarded disposable masks on her daily walks – more than 600 in a single week – and while I see the occasional mask, it’s not to that extent. However, I see DISCARDED TISSUES everywhere, and I have to be fully alert or Barkley will snap them up and eat them. I will do pretty much anything for my dog but I will not remove someone else’s used tissue from his mouth, be better, people.

Anyway. All of this is to say is that I have rediscovered my love of walking, sans Barkley. (He gets walked too, don’t worry, it’s just not something I include as exercise, due to the slow-boat-to-nowhere pace.)

Outfit of the Week

Speaking of terrible weather! Spring in Calgary is so weird and variable; one day might (MIGHT) be quite pleasant, and the next day snow and gusting wind. I have not been buying clothes this year; it’s not a rule or anything, just a resolution to appreciate my wardrobe, and also, it’s not like I have a bustling life outside of my home. However, I made an exception to buy just one more bum warmer from My Cozy Buns, the local woman who repurposes thrifted sweaters. Look how cute!

It goes with almost everything in my wardrobe! Black! Grey! White! I’ve paired it with yoga tank and leggings – naturally – plus a long sleeve tee. I later put on a sweater because, Calgary In Spring, and I need layers.

Pandemic Reading

What an incredible writer, what a compelling read. This is one of my favourite types of books: related short stories. All these stories are conversations, between women, in different times and places. It was a thought-provoking, unsettling, at times very disturbing read. I liked it but you might not. Themes of rape, power, being a woman are throughout.

In the past few years I’ve become interested in the role of trauma and how it affects our physical bodies. My friend Monique (HI MONIQUE) recommended this to me, about racialized trauma. It is a book intended for healing trauma, using somatics and mindfulness, not just in people with black bodies, but those with white ones and people in law enforcement. It is written with great compassion and wisdom. As a white bodied woman, at times this was a very difficult and uncomfortable read, which makes it all the more important. It promotes healing and understanding for the one and only race – the human race. A vitally important book for all of us.

If you don’t live with wrestling fans, or you are not one yourself, you may not know that this weekend was The Event of the Year, Wrestle Mania. (Me: I thought the Royal Rumble was the Event of the Year. Boys: No, Mom, that is the SECOND biggest Event of the Year. This is the biggest.) This weekend has been looked forward to with great anticipation for MONTHS.

(Thanks to Marion (HI MARION) for sending this, I really feel it.)

What I’m trying to say is that if you have a house full of very loud chaos – not to MENTION the Masters’ and all the golf updates – then this is a good book for you. It’s fine. It’s a time travel book that has some fun pop culture tidbits from the 80s to today. It’s a book you don’t want to overthink and it isn’t challenging in any way, so good to read while people are yelling “USO! USO! USO!” or “HE’S GOING TO USE THE SWING!” or “Look, Mom, it’s Edge!” You don’t need to concentrate, it’s not a bad book, it’s a light weekend read, and also, the one guy I kind of like in the WWE lost.

Life in the Boyhouse, am I right? Also, this is the reason I am rarely sad when celebrities die; I often think they are already dead. Like Hulk Hogan!

Have a beautiful week, my friends, and it is only 363 days until the NEXT Wrestle Mania, Jesus take the wheel. xo

A Year of Wonders; Fifty-Two Weeks In

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I am absolutely a person who thrives on routine and ritual, and exactly one year ago my daily routines and rituals, like everyone else’s, were disrupted and destroyed. After a few weeks of muddling about, I created new routines and rituals that I have kept to this day. I wake very early in the morning, the only time the house is quiet and mine alone, I drink some coffee and read and write for half an hour, and then I select a poem to read. I read my poem and do my yoga practice, and that is how I start my day.

The very first poem I read when I began this ritual was this one, by Mary Oliver.

I read that poem and then, as I practiced, I watched the sky change from pitch black to inky blue, lightening into morning. This past week, pre-time change*, seeing that same change of darkness opening into morning as I do my yoga practice, reminds me more than anything else of last March. It is as if watching the sky change at that exact time is now imprinted on my soul and forever will be, and will always remind me of the time when the world changed.

When I think about March 2020, I remember it as a time of cold and darkness. I remember the feeling of disbelief, fear, panic, and, above all, despair. I remember lining up in the cold grey parking lot to get groceries, I remember the apocalyptically-empty shelves at the grocery store, I remember trying to manage the household with suddenly everyone at home all the time. If anyone had told me then that the pandemic would last as long as it has lasted, with time yet to go, I would have simply curled into a ball and cried, I would have not been able to go on.

But here we are! Look at what we have done! We have made it a year, and we can keep going! We have been running our houses and caring for our families and working and supervising our children’s education all under the strangest and most stressful of circumstances, and WE ARE HERE. Things may be far from ideal, mistakes have been made, sometimes we feel like we are failing, but WE ARE HERE. I know so many people who have been knocked down, over and over, and have dusted themselves off and gotten back up; I know people who have switched careers, who have adapted to and thrived in new circumstances, who are homeschooling their children, who are all doing and learning new things, and WE ARE HERE. I am so proud of all of us and everything we have accomplished.

After our second lockdown, in December, I fretted to my friend Nicole (HI NICOLE) about all the new measures, and what if all these measures didn’t work? She said, soothingly, that we can just do what we can do, the rest is out of our control. So true. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it is that life is like the Serenity Prayer: we need to accept the things we cannot change, have courage to change the things we can, and have wisdom to know the difference. I am not a front-line worker, I do not provide an essential service, I am not a scientist working on vaccines. All I can do is wear my mask, distance from people, and avoid travel and gatherings. I am a teeny tiny cog in the giant wheel of life, and yet collectively, collectively we are all actually making a difference. My efforts are small in the singular, but put together with all of YOUR efforts, they are significant.

We have all just tried to figure things out. Last spring, I had many well-meaning friends share what probably helped them get through the days, but were soul-crushing to me: friends who gave suggestions about disinfecting my groceries, for example, or friends who suggested digging out my flower gardens to plant vegetables for anticipated food shortages. Those suggestions, well-meant as they were, were not good for my mental state. At the time, thinking ahead more than one day at a time, or one week at a time, propelled me into a sadness spiral. Even now, if I think about the economic and financial ruin, whole industries devastated – restaurants, travel – not to mention the loss of so many lives, well. I cannot think about it. I have to keep myself going and so I keep my focus on the day to day. I don’t read the news anymore, I have scaled back hard on social media, and I remind myself that there is nothing wrong with being in the now. In fact, the pandemic has made me more mindful about living in the present; I think to the week ahead and no more, not really.

I do imagine that at some point in the future, I will be able to travel again, and I hope I will never take that for granted. In the future, I hope that I will be always grateful to share a meal with friends or hug someone. Right now I am grateful every single day for the schools, every day that the kids are at school is a boon. I hope that I never take any of those things for granted, for the rest of my life.

My initial reaction to March 2020 is, as I say, the feeling of cold and dark, but as I think of it more, I remember some really wonderful things. I remember the massive amounts of sidewalk chalk art as I walked through the neighbourhood. I remember people putting signs in their windows for children to look at. I remember how it felt when the sun came out, and the snow started to melt, and how we were all pulling together to support each other. It felt like spring, it felt like hope.

*Time change, can you believe we are still doing this? I mean, have we not been through enough?

Outfit of the Week

I have walked every single day of this pandemic, regardless of weather, and so it seems fitting that this week’s outfit is a walking one.

It’s continued to be mild and so last week’s light puffy coat is making an appearance, along with boots, and my very favourite bum warmer from My Cozy Buns.

Here’s what’s under all the outerwear (bonus Barkley photo): a decade-old sweater from Jacob that I still love, yoga tights, and the longest warm socks you have ever seen. Comfortable and warm, and perfect for walking and also lounging.

Pandemic Reading

No one can accuse me of not reading a wide variety of genres this week.

First of all, a shout-out to my librarian cousin Karen (HI KAREN), who sent me this book with the request that I drop it off in a little free library after I finished; she had put a bookmark with a sweet note in it as well, which made me want to put little notes in every LFL book.

Isn’t that sweet? Anyway, about the book: it is a compelling, uncomfortable, well-written, unsettling book that is about a fictional dystopian world of injustice and inequality, that does not actually feel very fictional. It leaves the reader with a tiny glimmer of hope.

I really love Malcolm Gladwell and this is probably my favourite of his books. It was a reread for me but well worth it. It’s all about success and the myth of meritocracies, and how we all – whether we know or acknowledge it – are products of our environment, legacies, and lucky breaks.

I don’t always read historical fiction…but when I do I like it to be juicy and scandalous. HOO BOY. This was juicy. The woman in question was, like Wallis, an American; in fact, she was the twin sister of Gloria Vanderbilt the senior. She was also married to a British peer who knew and kind of sanctioned the whole affair. It’s QUITE the story.

I decided to read this on the exact anniversary of the lockdown, which for us was Saturday. I had read this book when it first came out, probably twenty years ago, for a book club. Reader alert: it’s a little gross. I mean, it deals with the bubonic plague, and there are descriptions about the bubonic plague, so be warned. Anyway, it’s a fictional account of a true story about a village in England that quarantined itself during the Great Plague of London in 1665-66. It’s an interesting read about how people respond in a crisis not that we would know anything about that, would we??? The ending is great, some of the book drags for me, but overall decent.


I’m planning to restart my running routine after a winter hiatus in the next week or two, so I picked up this book that I received as a Christmas gift. It reads like a blog, probably because it was based on a blog. The author is the head instructor at Peloton, and her positive energy and inspiring words shine through. I don’t think there are any great or new revelations here, but it’s a good manual for runners or people interested in becoming runners.

And Sunday was Pi Day! Did you celebrate? I personally loathe pie, but I love my guys, and so she’s my cherry pie.

Have a great week, friends, stay strong. xo

Trying New Things; Fifty-One Weeks In

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March is, to me, a Winter Month, and so any week like the one we have just had, with above-freezing temperatures and sunny days, is a gift. As god is my witness, one day I will live where March is a Spring Month and Spring means Actual Spring, not a wildly unpredictable mix of mild days, violent snowstorms, gale force winds, and hard frosts into June, but that day is not today. Bloom where you’re planted, etcetera.

I’ve been thinking a lot about something Allison (HI ALLISON) mentioned to me, that this past week was, one year ago, the last “normal” week before the pandemic hit. This time last year, I was one hundred percent certain we would be going on our spring break trip to Mexico; I was busily preparing for that and for my son going on his Westcoast sailing trip immediately on our return. We were joking with my son about the climate fluctuations he was going to be enduring as I tried to figure out how many warm clothes we could pack in one small duffle bag.

It’s so strange to think about it; the STRESS I was feeling about packing for not one but TWO trips. I was at the parent information night for the sailing trip around this time last year, and I saw my friend Cindy (HI CINDY). As always, I dove in for a big hug and then pulled away from her, saying “Wait, are we not supposed to hug these days?” She laughed and told me not to be silly and we hugged again.

Well. Things change, roll with the punches.

A few years ago, a little day spa opened up right up the street from me, about half a kilometer away; I like to support small neighbourhood businesses, especially ones that are within a five minute walk. The prices for waxing were great and the esthetician on staff was around my age and very bossy, which is a trait I genuinely admire in an esthetician. I want someone who is not afraid to make judgements about my bikini line and who will get right in there with tweezers and a frown, if need be.

One thing you may already know about me is that, as a consumer, I am extremely loyal. I will patronize the same shops and services for years; I will purchase the same brands and am devastated time and again when things get discontinued. If I like something I will stay with it until the bitter end.

When I was, back in March 2020, preparing for my Mexico trip, I had a bikini wax booked for the day before departure. That wax, of course, was cancelled when everything was shut down, and of course I had many more important concerns than a fuzzy bikini line. But as time went by that yeti-like feeling started to get to me and I, riding high on the success of colouring my own hair, decided to give myself a bikini wax, which led to the conclusion that some things really are best left to the professionals.

So, I trundled back to the little day spa just as soon as it reopened, and my lovely bossy older esthetician was gone, replaced by a very lovely young girl. To be clear, I have been waxing my bikini line for longer than she has been alive, but I am not a reverse ageist: I love the enthusiasm and energy of youth, and I strongly believe that we are all beginners at one time and experience helps us grow. However. Three substandard waxes later along with a story about how the young esthetician had once “accidentally ripped a woman’s butthole,” and I had to concede defeat. This little day spa was no longer for me. I just couldn’t pay good money anymore to have a patchy wax, extremely irritated skin, and a day in which my clothes would stick to the unremoved wax on my inner thighs and bikini line. The last straw was when I went to use the bathroom at home and the toilet seat stuck to the leftover wax. Sorry for the indelicate imagery, but I think we all can agree I left delicacy behind years ago.

Back in the fall my friend M, who shall remain M for privacy (HI M), recommended body sugaring to me. At the time I wasn’t open to the idea as I was still committed to SUPPORTING LOCAL AND WALKING TO THE DAY SPA, but after the Toilet Seat Incident and Ripped Butthole Story, as well as shelling out for waxes I was unhappy with, I decided to give it a try.

You guys, it is life changing. Life Changing. I will never go back to waxing again. It is a little more intimate than waxing – there is no underwear involved, for example – but it is nearly painless and with almost no redness or irritation. By the end of the day, I had no redness at all, as opposed to waxing where I seem to need a full 24 hours to recover. The esthetician uses what appears to be a giant ball of slime to remove the hair, and the whole thing was over in about fifteen minutes. Plus, no traumatizing stories told while in an extremely compromising position! The sugaring location was also conveniently located down the street from one of my very dear friends, so while I wasn’t able to walk there, I got to have a ten-minute standing-on-the-front-step chat with my friend, who I haven’t seen in many many months. I call that a win all-round.

Outfit of the Week

This puffy coat is adorable, but it’s pretty much useless for the winter months here; it’s way too light for below-zero temperatures. I feel like Vancouver-based Lululemon has a very different idea about Cold Temperatures than I do. However! We have had a lovely week and so the coat came back into the rotation this week, for a nice long solo walk to the nearby nature park.

Yoga tights WITHOUT legwarmers AND hiking boots, not winter boots! Don’t get too excited, the winter boots are still very much in use, just not for a 7 kilometer walk.

I was feeling kind of lonely and then I was joined by this sweet little lady!

Pandemic Reading

Rainn Wilson has led this incredibly interesting life, and he has fascinating spiritual beliefs, and yet this book is so dull and boring. I don’t know how such an interesting life journey could result in such an uninteresting memoir, but here we are.

Another disappointment. This fell really flat for me. I found the characters to be one-dimensional and the storyline was just a bit too contrived and cliched for me.

Have a beautiful week, everyone, and as we come into the anniversary of the lockdown, take care of yourselves. Be kind. xo

Changing Mindsets; Forty-Seven Weeks In

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I was at Costco a couple of weeks ago and something happened that hasn’t happened since February 2020. As I tried to decide if I needed two or three bags of a particular staple, I went with two, thinking I will be back here in a few weeks, I can get more next time. Did you hear me? I said I can get more next time! Rather than frantically fill up my cart with every staple I could possibly need, I went with a still-substantial, but not crazy amount.

A similar thing happened with olive oil and coffee, COFFEE, as I live and breathe. I went to pick up one of each and thought, no. No. I have two in backup at home and if, for some reason I go through all of that in the three weeks between Costco trips, I can pick it up at the local Co-Op. There is no shortage of coffee nor of olive oil. It will be okay.

I hope I didn’t just jinx things. If there happens to be a shortage of coffee now that I’ve said that, my god, I am sorry. Coffee is not merely a staple item in this house, it’s more like a if-we-run-out-someone-is-going-to-get-stabbed item.

It’s really hard, Really Hard, to change the Pandemic Shopping Mindset. There aren’t – and haven’t been – any shortages of things lately, not that I have noticed, and so there is really NO NEED to have triples and quadruples of staple items in backup. I am trying Very Hard to get to the point where I was, pre-pandemic, comfortable with just one backup of each staple item. Do I need 25 cans of chickpeas in my pantry? No, I do not.

I only need 24.

Well, I SAY there has been no shortage of things but for the last two weeks whole-wheat linguine has been mysteriously absent from Superstore shelves. Every other kind of whole-wheat pasta has been there, filling the shelves and on sale, even, but not linguine. Why? Is there an actual linguine shortage, are people desperately making linguine dishes while eschewing fusilli and penne? I was able, while peeking behind the massive spaghettini display, where the linguine was supposed to be, find one box. It felt like a Real Accomplishment. I mean, I certainly could have done with a different pasta – pasta is pasta – but the moment I discovered I couldn’t have linguine was the exact moment that I NEEDED linguine, so the effects of the pandemic shopping experience are still in my brain.

Speaking of changing mindsets and accomplishing things, when I was reading The Heroine’s Journey, I came across a passage about the way a traditional Native American tribe views menstruation. Very similar to that detailed in The Red Tent, the idea is that menstruation is a time of cleansing, intuition, creativity, and rest. When a woman is pregnant, that energy goes into creating life, and when a woman achieves menopause, it goes into creating wisdom.

Contrast that with our western ideas of The Curse.

I started to wonder if, maybe, we changed our mindset about our periods, would things be different? If, instead of thinking about our periods as a painful and emotional curse, we thought about it as a celebration of womanhood and a time to reflect and care for ourselves? Maybe, just maybe, when we feel exhausted or starving or like we could push our own grandmas out of the way to eat something salty, maybe we could honour that? Maybe instead of pushing through like a machine and crossing things off the to-do list left and right, maybe we could say, hey, I’m really tired, I am going to REST and then I will eat this jar of pickled asparagus because that is what my body wants. Maybe when we feel like stabbing our loved ones for breathing too loud or making chewing noises, we could take that as a sign that it is our magical, special time and we could focus inwards. Maybe instead of constantly doing things for other people while on the emotional pre-menstrual roller coaster, we should take that time to do things for ourselves, self-care and rest.

It’s worth a try, anyway.

I feel like I will be able to report back shortly, as I burst into tears in the car while singing along to Carly Simon’s Anticipation – These are the good old days – and also when I saw a photo of my husband’s cousin’s brand new granddaughter being held by her two-year-old sister. May they grow up to be the best of friends I typed and then cried.

So it might indeed be time for me to practice self-care and rest, and also maybe sample some of the Limited Edition Dark Chocolate Strawberry Lindors that I picked up in anticipation of Galentine’s Day.

Outfit of the Week

It was just a matter of time! A massive cold front hit and, as I write this it is minus 28. That’s WITHOUT windchill! Brr. But before the cold front hit we had a beautiful, mild-for-us winter day, and I spent as much time as I could outside.

I know I’ve talked a lot about bum warmers, but damn, they work a charm. Plus, upcycled, buy local, etc. I’m wearing my OG set with mittens, plus long lulu savasana socks and sweater, yoga tights, a few layers underneath, cozy faux-fur boots and my long Eddie Bauer coat that feels new but I think I bought it at least six years ago. Funny how that happens.

Also, update from the quinzhee, pictured behind me! It will probably be there until next winter, who knows. We got some fresh snow, which gave it a nice new layer and also covered up the dog-mess and scattered spruce needles in our backyard.

Pandemic Reading

Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) recommended this book, and I’m glad she did because I likely would never have picked it up otherwise. I knew next to nothing about Jessica Simpson; I vaguely remembered that she was in that Dukes of Hazzard reboot, but that was pretty much it. Not only is she an accomplished musical artist, with several movies under her belt, she was on one of the first reality TV shows ever, and she has a billion-dollar clothing line, that is affordable and accessible for all women. She has a really great story, and reading this book made me like and admire her a lot, for overcoming many obstacles and being true to herself.

Stay warm, everyone! Have a great week – perhaps with some extra chocolates involved! xo

Brought To You By The Letter I; Forty-Five Weeks In

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One of the most wonderful things about the world is that we are all so different; the world is a rich tapestry; as my grandma used to say, it takes all kinds of people to make a world. And yet, in many ways we are all the SAME; we all want to live our best lives, to be the best versions of ourselves, and to experience joy, happiness, and health. But it’s our differences, I think, that are so interesting.

For example, there are people who, when they open a box of Girl Guide sandwich cookies, prefer the vanilla to the chocolate. When I say prefer, I mean they actually eat all the vanilla cookies before eating the chocolate ones, if they eat the chocolate at all. I know! And there are some people who prefer the sandwich cookies – either kind – to the mint chocolate wafer ones. I cannot pretend to understand such people, but I respect their choices. I mean, if we are sharing a box of Girl Guide cookies, I am more than happy if you choose the vanilla and leave me the chocolate.

I once knew a woman who had incredibly strong opinions on every small thing you can imagine, and those opinions – generally negative, she was and probably still is a wretchedly unhappy person – manifested in judgement of other people. Women over age 21 with long hair were pathetically trying to recapture their youth, anyone who grooved to Billie Jean was a pedophile by association, thong underwear was for prostitutes and anyone who wore such items was suspect, kale was for people who were pretentious and snobbish, as no one could ever possibly really like it. You can imagine her opinion of me. She even thought labradoodles in general, and my dog in particular, were stupid. Barkley! Say what you will about my underwear, but Barkley Boy is off limits.

I haven’t spoken with her – obviously – for many years, but whenever I feel a nugget of judgement about someone or something manifest itself in my brain, I remind me that I do not want to be that person and I try to see things from that person’s point of view. It mostly works. Plus, have you ever noticed that when you secretly judge something or someone, it ALWAYS comes back to bite you? Never say “I would NEVER do X” because inevitably it will happen. It’s like someone I know who smugly told me, many years ago when I was going through the agonies of potty training with my son, that her daughter was fully potty trained, day and night, by 18 months and all I had to do was put my son in underwear and it would happen. It was superior parenting that made the difference and I, frankly, was not doing my job properly. Then her second child refused to use the potty and was still having accidents at age 5. That’s karma at work. I mean, I think that kid must be a teen by now so I’m sure he’s gotten over that hurdle but still. I try to keep an open mind and consider there might be mitigating circumstances that affect every one of us in different ways.

On that note, I have started a “Strength for Runners” online program; I am on a hiatus from running at the moment, and I really miss it. I am just not a Winter Runner; I don’t like running in below-zero temperatures, I am a very early morning person and I do not want to run in the dark even if it wasn’t below zero, and I am really, really scared of slipping on the ice and snow. Even when the gym reopens I am not sure when I will feel ready to face it, and in the meantime, I have no access to a treadmill. I do have an elliptical trainer and a Peloton bike, so I can keep my cardio strength up, but I thought I should try this strength training so that when I do get back to running, I don’t injure my knees or my old-lady hips.

I know many of you love strength training, like my friend Twyla (HI TWYLA) but I…do not. I love cardio; I love being sweaty and that heart-pounding, lung-aching feeling of a good workout. But strength training? No. However, this program is ten minutes per session and I can make myself do anything for ten minutes, including listening to a detailed conversation about the WWE Royal Rumble and how it is a real highlight of January, not to mention the year.

The first ten minute session was incredibly underwhelming, OR SO I THOUGHT. This is ridiculous, I thought as I lunged and “curtsied” and planked my way through ten minutes. This is doing NOTHING. I can’t feel a thing. It’s completely ineffective. Who would ever find this helpful? I silently judged the whole program and everything in it until the next morning when I got out of bed and discovered that my butt was on fire.

Judgement! It literally bit me in the butt.

Consider me humbled. Suffice it to say that I haven’t missed a session yet. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up with buns of steel, like one of those videos from the nineties. At the very least, I’m hoping to start running again and be injury-free.

Outfit of the Week

This week’s OOTW is – appropriately enough – workout wear! Normally only my lucky family sees me makeup-free, in workout clothes, but I love this outfit so much I wanted to share it with you. First, I have had those pants for at least ten years and they still look great. The woman mentioned above also thought that lululemon is overpriced garbage, but the longevity of their clothes can really not be beat.

When I get up in the morning, it’s COLD in the house. I spend a bit of time reading, writing, and drinking coffee and so I need a little layer before I start exercising. I love this crop sweater; it makes me feel very Flashdance. I would never wear it for its intended midriff-baring purpose, but I like it as a layer.

When I do my yoga practice, it’s still pretty chilly in the house so I like to have a t-shirt on over my yoga tank. I bought this tee in 2013 for the Blissdom blogging conference, and you can see it here with a photo of my dear, dear friends Hannah and Allison (HI HANNAH HI ALLISON).

By the time I do my cardio I strip down to my tank top. This red tank is probably nine or ten years old; my friend Sharyl has – and still wears – the exact same one (HI SHARYL).

By the by, I have to share with you my workout playlist from earlier this week:

I think we all can agree Spotify shuffle just does not work. I have hundreds of songs on multiple playlists, and I always hear the same dozen or so over and over. My older son showed me how to arrange the songs alphabetically, which is a very fun way to listen to music. Note: it does NOT work for Christmas music, unless you want to hear eight different versions of Baby, It’s Cold Outside one after the other. Anyway, this playlist is brought to you by the letter I, with special appearances from Johnny Come Home and Jump. Incidentally, I think “Brought To You By The Letter I” would be a great name for a personal blog.

Thoughts and prayers for my family, who have to hear me singing loudly with my earbuds in. JOHNNY. WE’RE SORRY. WON’T YOU COME ON HOME. The only thing worse is when I listen to the Hamilton soundtrack.

Pandemic Reading

Bear with me for a moment when I say that this was a really good book and also the premise is a 16-year-old girl who runs away to live “off the grid” with her high school English teacher. I know. I know. Things, as you may imagine, go disastrously, because what kind of man runs away to live off the grid with a 16-year-old girl? But there is a very excellent story in here and also a theme about sisters and family. It’s set in 1969, with a backdrop of hippies, the Vietnam war, and the Manson murders.

I really like Malcolm Gladwell – this isn’t my FAVOURITE of his, but it’s very good. He is always so smart and nuanced, and this book about assumptions and strangers is excellent with, as always, a very very VERY wide range of examples.

Three generations of women, one wedding dress…but the current bride doesn’t want to wear it! Oh no! This is what I’d call a Hallmark Movie Book: light, silly, full of twists and turns and emotions. A nice winter weekend read.

Happy last week of January, everyone! Stay warm and cozy! xo

Goals and Gratitude; Forty-Two Weeks In

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Happy New Year! New Year’s is a funny thing; yes, we said goodbye to 2020, but the world did not change because the calendar did. I mean, we are still in a global pandemic and will be for a while yet. Nothing really changes on January 1, no matter how glad we are to kick the old year to the curb.

And yet. I love New Year’s; I love the feeling of everything fresh and new even if it isn’t actually fresh and new. January 1 I took down the tree and decorations, and I deep-cleaned the house, and I actually feel like my HOUSE is fresh and new. This happens every year; the house feels so much more spacious. It’s like I have a brand-new house, I think, every year at this time, and if history is any indication, this feeling will last until about the end of this week. Possibly less since Everyone Is Home All The Time.

I asked the family if they were setting any resolutions for New Year’s, and my younger son scoffed at me and said “I set my goals throughout the year, not just in JANUARY, MOM.” Well, I guess I do this too; if I want to make a change I implement it immediately, it is silly to wait until an arbitrary date. All the same, I do like to set intentions and goals for the year to come at this time of the year. I looked back on last year’s goals and I think I did a good job fulfilling them, with the notable exception of mindful shopping – hello panic buying, but I’m trying to do better – and buying a new bra. I need to make up my mind to the fact that my ill-fitting bra and I are going to be together for a while. I cannot imagine going to a lingerie store and trying on a whole bunch of bras, let alone have someone get up in my grill and measure me. Maybe in 2022.

2021 Goals

Mindfulness

This has been on my list for years and it’s something to keep working towards. It’s a journey, what can I say. Being present in the moment is not always easy, but I’m working on it: paying attention, being astonished, and telling everyone about it, as per Mary Oliver. I’m also STILL working on listening more, rather than Zoning Out, but honestly, that has been a bit tough in a year where, as I say, Everyone Is Home All The Time. Well, these goals are for looking forward, not back, Fresh Start, etc.

I’m trying to incorporate mindfulness into all aspects of my life, including – as I mentioned above – shopping, god help me I do not need to buy any more flour for a while. I am also – and this is a carryover from last year – reading more and scrolling less. I read 147 books last year; part of that was being locked down with the pandemic, but a bigger part of it was deleting certain apps from my phone and stopping myself from wasting time mindlessly scrolling.

On that note, the constant news cycle and the barrage of terrible things does not do me any favours; I’m finding that limiting myself to the bare minimum is much better for my mental and emotional state. Going forward, I’m going to continue to do that. If there is Really Important Information, I’m sure I will find out eventually; there is no need read everything about it and end up in a Doom Spiral.

Embracing Aging

This probably deserves a post on its own, but I’m not ready for that right now. Just to summarize, last August, I decided to stop weighing myself, and the impact that decision had on me and my mental state cannot be overstated.

Here I am, 45 years old, and my body is changing. My face is changing. I am not getting younger, people. If 2020 taught us anything it is that life is short and uncertain and unpredictable but I am, as one of my seniors puts it, on the right side of the grass. And as such I don’t want to waste time being dissatisfied with the way I look. I’ve wasted enough time. Going forward, I am not going to do that anymore.

As we go through life our looks change, that is a fact. Imagine how bizarre it would be to see a ninety-year-old woman with the face of a twenty-year-old. Just as we don’t go instantly to 90 from 20, so things change and evolve over the years.

In any case, I am embracing myself. I smile a lot and I wrinkle my forehead a lot and I raise my eyebrows a lot and you can tell by looking at my face. I am fit and strong, true, but my stomach is softening and my waistline is widening. My hairline is completely grey and my neck is deserving of a Nora Ephron essay. All of this is part of Life’s Journey. I refuse to waste time mired in unhappiness because of some arbitrary idea of conventional beauty and because we live in a culture where youth is held up as the gold standard.

We are all beautiful just as we are. Every one of us is a goddess, and I will not hear anything otherwise.

Practicing Gratitude

I have so much to be grateful for, particularly my health and that of my family. I am grateful for that every day, and every day I will reflect on and practice gratitude.

There is much I am grateful for, that came out of 2020. My husband is still gainfully employed and able to financially support our family, I am still working as a yoga teacher, albeit mostly remotely, my kids have adapted to this new, pandemic way of life with grace and acceptance.

Other things I am grateful for:

The little space between the table and the kitchen wall that serves as my home practice studio in the early hours. I never thought I would have a home yoga practice, but it has been surprisingly wonderful.

My home gym, especially the Peloton. I am so thankful that I have had the ability to exercise throughout this past year. I never thought I would be a person riding away in a spin class by myself, but then again, I never thought I would be in a global pandemic that shut down all spin classes and yoga studios and that devastated whole industries, including travel and airline. Never say never, is something I’ve learned, and also never say things like we’ve hit rock bottom or it can’t possibly get worse.

The availability of, and my ability to purchase and prepare healthy, nourishing, delicious food. I am so grateful produce is still available to me, along with all my other favourite foods.

Warm clothes and the concept of Friluftsliv! I have gone on a long walk every single day of this pandemic; January is typically our coldest month, although it’s starting off pretty mild, and so I am gathering my warmest layers.

Wine! I’m really glad there wasn’t a wine shortage. God bless all you Dry January people, but I do love my weekend tipples.

Pandemic Reading

Another thing I am grateful for is the library. Of the 147 books I read last year, the majority were from the library; if I tried to buy all of them I would be broke or, at the least, swimming in books. On that note:

This wasn’t mind-blowing, but it was an enjoyable book about a marriage in trouble, friendships, and the dangers of assuming that someone else is living a perfect life. It’s interesting, in our Instagram-Facebook-highlight-reel world, that we often assume that Everything Is Perfect for someone else, but lo, that is a dangerous assumption.

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH. This was an absolutely perfect holiday read, all about an Old Hollywood actress. I have loved everything that I’ve read by Emma Straub so far, but this is my favourite.

This was the last book I read in 2020 – I finished it New Year’s Eve – and it was very strange and unsettling, apt for a strange and unsettling year. The dialogue was witty. The premise was upsetting. I didn’t love it. I didn’t hate it.

Now THIS. This I loved. This book was incredible. Absolutely incredible. On the surface it’s about a woman and her part-time nanny, but really it’s so much more: class structure and wealth, secrets, lies, friendship, marriage, bad choices, power, and the proliferation of chain and online shopping at the expense of the little guy. After I finished I put every one of her books on my to-read list. So well done, excellent story and characters. Not sure, though, why on the front cover it is touted as “laugh out loud funny” – maybe they were talking about a different book? It is, indeed, wise and captivating but I don’t think I laughed at all, let alone out loud. Oh, but it is so good – I highly recommend it.

Now I’m off to start the week – the boys are back to online school this week and my husband is back to work, I have a couple of classes to teach and the goal to clean the oven. We shall see if this goal is achieved. Have a great week, friends, may unicorn sightings be in your future.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

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WELL! I don’t think any of us could have possibly predicted the year that we just had, in any capacity. I would like to think that we will never take things for granted again: our health, our ability to travel, our friendships and family, but human nature being what it is, there will come a day when we probably will.

2020 was disastrous in so many ways, but I think that looking back on it, we can see massive change and growth, and, looking forward, glimmers of hope. I know that going through this year has made me re-evaluate many things, and I have realized that many things I felt I could never live without, I have.

So let us look back on the year that was absolutely unlike any year we have experienced, but that will surely be talked about and written about for decades to come.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

January

I was stressed out about juggling doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments for the boys – remember juggling things? – it was insanely cold and I went for a mall walk like an elderly person, and I got weirdly stressed out about getting a gel pedicure. I also – sob – complained about exam break and my son being home from school IMAGINE YOUR KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL FOR THREE WEEKS JUST IMAGINE LOLOLOLOLSOB.

January 2020 Nicole was such an innocent, and also I did not go for that gel pedicure.

February

I overheard a man at Walmart asking for extra-small condoms, I went to Math Night at the high school and was comparatively a hippie, I went to Costco on a Sunday afternoon for the first and last time and also baked a heart-shaped cake for dinner with friends, and I wore a different outfit every day in February.

All the outfits were pretty similar though.

March

I talked about how insidious jealousy is, although I freely admitted to being insanely jealous of my friends’ hair, I noticed people buying a LOT of toilet paper at Costco (cue ominous music), I really did try to fulfil my New Year’s Resolution of buying a bra but failed, we cancelled our trip to Mexico and I bought a lot of groceries, my son turned 16 and we had our first Pandemic Birthday, and I accidentally hoarded taco shells.

Everything shut down, including the yoga studio, and so I also started my home yoga practice. This was a huge change because nearly every day for thirteen years I went to the studio to practice in the early morning hours. School was also cancelled “indefinitely.”

April

In what can only be described as the Worst Timing Ever, my coffee maker started leaking, grocery shopping became a harrowing, soul-sucking quest and I started wearing a mask, my sons stopped shaving, I got my very first cloth mask and declared it to be the New Lipstick, I coloured my own hair for the first time in decades, and I cleaned and reorganized the hideous laundry area.

I also had a pandemic birthday and my friends brought me a gift while wearing dinosaur costumes and playing Danger Zone.

May

Some things started to open up, notably the orthodontist, which meant that I did NOT have to use toenail clippers to cut my son’s brace wires, we had a Pandemic Mother’s Day and I stressed out about baking powder, we visited my parents for the first time in months, I aired my grievances, big and small, and I was really on edge about grocery carts.

I also talked about pandemic beauty products.

June

Amid lots of worries, we celebrated Barkley’s birthday, we started to catch up on appointments as medical and dental offices opened, I gave myself a bikini wax and I learned some things are best left to the professionals, the renos were finished on our vacation home and so we went there for a little break and I thoroughly enjoyed the newly-flushing toilet, and I reminisced about Hammerman.

I also shared my hair styling tips, follow me for more great beauty advice.

July

I talked about the role of luck in life, I had lots of adventures, including one in which I learned how outhouses in the backcountry get emptied, I GOT A PELOTON AND IT HAS BEEN LIFE-CHANGING (and also practiced gratitude), and I talked about leaning in and out, yin and yang.

I also talked about sweat! Again, follow me for more fascinating and glamourous topics.

August

I finally watched Hamilton and also bleached my hands accidentally, someone called the cops on my son and his band, I realized after months of wearing shorts that the boys had vastly outgrown all their pants, we were on a vacation of sorts and I prepared for the boys to actually go back to actual physical school.

I also talked about my beloved herb garden.

September

The boys went back to school (!!!!!!), my son turned 15 and had a socially distanced birthday party, I marked six months since I had my hair cut and professionally coloured, I had the Lido Shuffle stuck in my head and I actually did get my hair cut and coloured.

Also, Barkley shared my passion for fall fruits.

October

My son finally (FINALLY OMG FINALLY) shaved off his pandemic moustache and I got excused from jury duty, we enjoyed incredible fall colours and for the first time ever I got to eat something at Thanksgiving dinner (that I made myself, but still), I had an adventure at Costco, and I talked about Mom Jeans and Dressy Sweatpants.

November

My husband declared himself the winner in the Halloween decoration war, it was the return of the Tiny Secret Festive Season and I finished my Christmas shopping, I had a small breakdown in the grocery store, I talked about Friluftsliv, and we got put on a mini-lockdown.

I also had fun – and THANK YOU ALL FOR WEIGHING IN – discussing Divisive Issues! That was probably my favourite post to write, and my favourite comment section of 2020.

December

Everything was fine, I got festively crazy, the mini-lockdown turned into a major lockdown which we are still in today, and we got a whole lot of snow.

I also talked about being a Linus’ blanket to someone else’s Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

As we wrap up 2020, I’m looking back at my goals for the year (I still didn’t buy a new bra) and looking forward to setting goals for a fresh new year. I learned a lot about myself this year, I grew as a person, so many things changed, there was much sadness and despair but also much happiness, beauty, gratitude, and time with my little family. (SO MUCH TIME WITH MY LITTLE FAMILY).

Thank you so much for coming along with me on my adventures during this strange year; I wish you so much joy and love for the New Year. Here’s to 2021! xoxoxo