How was your weekend? Mine was quite lovely filled with lots of socializing – hello, fulfilled New Year’s Resolution! – and food. Much delicious food, most of which was made by me. Yesterday I made my friend Happy Geek’s favourite pasta salad, and now I am ruing the day that I discovered said recipe, as it was delicious and I ate the entire batch at dinner, my husband and children having opted for the ever popular “breakfast for supper” menu.
I have a number of blog friends that I follow, and most of them are mothers. What I do not follow, however, are any of the “parenting forums” that are rife on the internet. I never, never read debates about child rearing or any of the issues that go with, because I find them inflammatory and negative. I like to stay in my happy little world, for one thing, and for another, most of the child rearing issues that are most impassioned are the ones that deal with things I have already dealt with, such as breast feeding, diapering styles, and sleeping through the night. I made my peace with my own decisions long ago and my children seem to be fine. They are healthy, they have long been toilet trained, and they sleep just fine. Of course, Jake did not sleep through the night until he was four and a half years old, but hey, he does now.
It was nearly six years ago that I read a debate on a parenting forum, with regards to breast versus formula feeding. As always with this topic, there were many emotions involved. One woman wrote, and I remember this so clearly, “You can formula feed all you want. I myself do not subscribe to child abuse.”
Of course a comment like that would come from someone who has clearly low self esteem, someone who would speak so cruelly to other people, someone who has little space in their minds for empathy. I remembered that comment and then swore to never read another parenting debate again, because even if an individual is crazy, and mean-spirited, those kinds of emotions have a way of glomming on to other people, and negativity breeds negativity.
Then this past week I happened onto another debate, completely by accident. It was a discussion about take-out food. We very rarely get take-out at our house, we eat at restaurants once in a while, I try to cut out most of our processed foods in favour of whole foods, but I realize that there is flexibility needed in the world and having chicken fingers and fries in your freezer does not mean that your status as “good mother” will be revoked. But in this debate, a woman – maybe it was the same woman? – stated that feeding McDonald’s to your children was akin to child abuse.
Now, I don’t eat at McDonald’s. My children don’t, as a rule, eat at McDonald’s. But here’s the thing: I highly doubt that anyone who has gone through the tragedy that is child abuse would compare their horrific experiences to formula feeding or a Big Mac. I think that a Happy Meal is in no way comparable to fear and pain and trauma stemming from child abuse. When I hear things like this it infuriates me; such insecure comments minimize important issues and are simply meant to be divisive.
We’re all doing our best.
