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Royal Baby Watch Outweighs Snow In September

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It isn’t every morning you wake up to find out that you are on Royal Baby Watch! I love happy news, and a new baby – especially a sibling for the Prince of Cuteness – is wonderfully happy. The only thing that makes me a little misty is that last time I was on Royal Baby Watch, I was on Royal Baby Watch with my grandma. Grandma and I would have very involved, serious chats about pregnancy, maternity clothing, boys versus girls and how one carries them, and, after the birth, the question of the Royal Baby Name. I was strongly on Team George but Grandma thought Charles might be the name, and when the name was revealed I practically broke my leg running to the phone to call her. “GUESS WHAT GRANDMA IT’S GEORGE IT’S GEORGE IT’S GEORGE.”

It also isn’t every morning that you wake up to see this:

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It begins…

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Does white go with purple?

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The plants are not happy.

 

September 8 is a wee bit early for snow, even for Calgary, so the entire city is ensconced in a mixture of gloom and also that special kind of martyrdom that comes with snow in September. Sure, things might be bad where you are, but WE HAVE SNOW ON THE GROUND ON SEPTEMBER 8. Well, at least it gives us something to talk about. Remember when you were a bratty teenager and you couldn’t imagine why people would spend their precious time talking about something as pedestrian as the weather? It’s so boring, GOD, MOTHER, why do people always TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER. Complete with eye-rolling, I did pose this question to my long-suffering mother, once upon a time, who gently informed me that people discuss such topics because they affect us all, and sometimes talking about dull and trivial things – without eye-rolling – shows that you can behave in a socially-acceptable manner. Not every conversation has to be ground-breaking and/or profound.

Yesterday I took Barkley for what should have been a fifteen minute walk, which turned into a forty-five minute one due to three separate non-ground-breaking-nor-profound conversations with my neighbours. In addition to the weather we also talked about different dog breeds, Barkley’s excellent behaviour around children and his ability to be a guard dog, the fleeting nature of time, the public parking situation on our street, tomato plants, and how Barkley and the neighbour’s cats really are friends, deep down inside. This latter topic was met with some opposition by me, and possibly by Barkley, who was rearing up on his hind legs and lunging at said cat, who was temptingly dangled over him in my neighbour’s arms. I need offer no further comment, I think, except that possibly some people spend too much time thinking that Barkley is actually a stuffed animal, rather than a bloodthirsty hound in a fluffy and cute disguise.

On that topic, the walk was also a bit longer than necessary because I had to scold and coax poor Barkley, who found a) a dead bird on our front sidewalk, who had possibly knocked himself dead on the front window and who looked, to Barkley, like the most appetizing of snacks, and b) a dead squirrel who appeared to be sleeping peacefully on the sidewalk, but was, in fact, dead. Barkley seemed to think that this squirrel would be a more substantial but still very appetizing snack, and since I was so mean about the bird, he thought he should have it. It took some leash-pulling and coaxing to make our way around it. The cause of death was not obvious, but it isn’t every day you see a non-squashed squirrel just lying in the middle of the sidewalk. See what happens when you leave the nut tree, Scaredy Squirrel? BAD THINGS. Snow in September!

Roh-roh. That’s not a Scooby Snack.

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Yesterday I heard a story on the radio about a Great Dane who had gotten very sick. The owners thought that he had eaten something strange, and so took him to the vet, who performed exploratory surgery. The vet found in the dog’s stomach 43 socks. Happily, the dog is on the mend and is expected to make a full recovery, although one would hope that the owners will find a way to lock up the dirty laundry.

This image stayed with me all day, the image of a Scooby-Doo-like Great Dane furtively sneaking into the laundry bin and munching down every sock he could find. It was sort of like when Homer Simpson was caught on tape eating tulips. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Although, when I told Jake, he was not amused. “Who has 43 socks lying around?” he demanded. “Why did they keep buying new socks?” He has a point. One would think one would notice 43 missing socks, although who knows how long it took to eat so many. Or perhaps they had a very large family with lots of stray socks, but in any case Jake’s question did add a new angle to it. And a little child shall teach us.

Speaking of the little children, yesterday Mark applied to be a school patroller, and if that wasn’t “sunrise, sunset” enough, today Jake got his first phone call from a girl. So it begins!

Also beginning: the countdown to Christmas, apparently. I picked up my copy of the Sears Wish Book and I cannot wait to open it. I’ve been saving it for just the right moment, which I suspect is coming very soon, given that it’s Friday and I have a glass of wine in my hand. Expect many Sears Wish Book posts to come, dear reader.

One might think that I’m a little premature with the countdown to Christmas, but I might as well resign myself to the fact that winter is coming because next week’s forecast calls for snow. Snow! I thought I could hold off another week without buying Mark winter boots – his old ones fit Jake – but no, that cannot be. Today I took the boys to get boots, and I discovered that Mark is now in the last possible children’s size. Next year, it will be MEN’s boots. I will be shopping in the men’s section for him. I need offer no further comment.

Thank you to all who played along with my book game. I haven’t done a giveaway in a while so I decided to draw not one, not two, but three names: StephLove, smothermother, and Valerie Dunsmore – you are all winners! Your prizes will be sent to you as soon as possible (but probably not until later next week).

Happy Friday everyone! I’m throwing a baby shower tomorrow – a baby is in my circle! – and so I’ll be doing lots of baby snuggling and eating, which is a pretty nice way to spend a Saturday, don’t you think? xo

The time that seemed as if it would never end seems as if it never was.

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There is exactly one week left of summer vacation, and I have to tell you, I’m a little glum about it. It’s been an epic summer, really, with great weather and lots of sunshine and water and happiness. And I know that I’ll be happy to get back into routine and I’ll be happy to be able to write more than a few words without hearing prolonged discussions about imaginary characters named “Dim Sum” or “Marmoy” – or worse, be asked to watch a YouTube video made by some guy named Blitzwinger who has apparently attained fame and fortune by making videos of himself playing video games and showing his audience cheat codes. I will, however, be unhappy to give up our lazy mornings, and I’m not exactly looking forward to my usual plethora of volunteer activities. But time marches on, and meanwhile I’ll be enjoying this last week of summer.

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Nature walk!

 

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At the top.

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Sunshine.

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We even saw deer, and my dog proved his intelligence by NOT running after them. Way to go, Barkley.

We had been planning this nature walk today, but I was considering just being completely lazy and staying home, for the very valid reason that I’m exhausted today. I am exhausted because of television. Yes. I considered not taking the kids and dog for a walk because I was too tired due to the television show I’ve been watching, just in case you wanted to feel better about your own life decisions.

The thing is, I’ve been watching a miniseries called Sensitive Skin, and I watched the final episode of the season last night. In case you don’t know, the show is about a fiftyish woman having a midlife crisis, and the episode I watched yesterday was so very sad. It was so sad I kept thinking about it, and couldn’t sleep, and then I started thinking about The Good Wife. I know, you’ve been watching The Good Wife for years, but I just started and I’m finding the whole backstory concept to be devastating. She had a perfect marriage and life and house and the whole time her husband was a horrible cheating bastard. So I lay awake last night, my mind flitting between the two shows, wondering why I don’t just stick with watching Downton Abbey and NYPD Blue DVD’s. Watching Sipowitz bust a perp by rolling down the blinds and threatening to beat him to death is much less disturbing, apparently.

My cousin posted a fun game on Facebook, wherein you post your favourite line from a book. Because I am a huge nerd, I immediately ran downstairs to my bookshelves and grabbed an armful of titles. Then I realized that I would completely hijack her account with my ramblings, so why not blog it? Is that not what a blog is for, like a really long Facebook status?

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to be left hanging. I’m going to expose myself to you via favourite quotes, and I hope you can leave your favourite quote(s) in the comments. Let’s make a game of it; I’ll do a random draw…next week? Winner gets a random prize! Prize to be determined, contest closes September 5. It’ll be fun!

Favourite Line Ever: I thought Jem and I would get grown but there wasn’t much else left for us to learn, except possibly algebra. (To Kill a Mockingbird)

Favourite Line About Career Aspirations: Move about after dinner, and meet acquaintance whose name I have forgotten, but connect with literature. I ask if he has published anything lately. He says that his work is not, and never can be, for publication. Thought passes through my mind to the effect that this attitude might with advantage be adopted by many others. (Diary of a Provincial Lady)

Favourite Romantic Line: “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings must not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (Pride and Prejudice)

Favourite Old-Timey Romantic Line: Taffy. He thinks about taffy. He thinks about how it would take his teeth out now, but he would eat it anyway, if it meant eating it with her. (Five People You Meet In Heaven)

Favourite Line About Motherhood That Goes With My Landslide-y Mood: I had to sleep close beside them at night and sit with them climbing around me in the daytime; my body felt bruised by their knees and elbows and feet. I did think then that it would be lovely to be a woman traveling alone, able to sit after a meal drinking coffee and looking out the window, able to go to the club car and have a drink…now all that time of care and confusion that seemed as if it would never end seems as if it never was. (The Spanish Lady)

SOB.

Your turn: is there a line from a book that affects you so that you close the book and stare at the wall?

Three Things

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After an entire summer of beautiful, sunny, warm weather, it is suddenly cold, dark, and rainy. There are a few red leaves on my Mayday tree, and the heat clicked on this morning. Brrr. I bit the bullet yesterday, and donned socks and ankle boots, instead of the sandals and ballet flats I’ve been wearing all summer. The boys willingly put on their fleece-lined jackets to take the dog for a walk, which is really saying something.

In the face of all this damp chill, tomorrow is my brother’s wedding, and it’s an outdoor ceremony. I have only one thing to say, and that is that outdoor weddings are for the very optimistic, especially in Alberta.

A friend of mine had posted “Three Weird Things” on her Facebook yesterday, and I was suddenly inspired to do the same. I’m going to share three strange facts about myself, and I would love it if you did the same!

1) When I was very young, I apparently thought that growing up was a metamorphic free-for-all, because I wanted to be a flower. Repeat: I wanted to be a flower when I grew up. I can remember feeling actually devastated when I realized that flowers DIE in the winter. Yes, they might be perennial, and they might self-seed, but they DIE. After this terrible realization, I amended my life goals.

2) My favourite childhood treat was Pink Elephant popcorn, which my dad would buy for me when I’d go with him to run errands. I loved those boxes of pink popcorn; pink was my favourite colour and I believe there was also a prize inside.

3) When I was sixteen, I was in a play called “Buried Child”, which was all about incest and infanticide. It was staged at my high school, which seems alarming and unbelievable. I played Shelley, and in one of the scenes I carried a prosthetic leg around. There was an awkward scene where a character shoved his hand in my mouth; thinking of the hygiene of high school boys, I shudder.

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A photo taken from my high school yearbook – I was in rehearsal.

 

Your turn! Tell me three weird things about yourself – the weirder, the better. Can you top wanting to be a flower? xo

Kitchen Love

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I know this isn’t exactly a shocking revelation, but I spend the vast majority of my time in the kitchen. But not barefoot (usually). And not pregnant (definitely). Ever since the Great Kitchen Renovation of 2012, I really love being in my kitchen. It’s so pretty and bright! Someone recently told me that stainless steel appliances and granite countertops are the Harvest Gold appliances and sparkly-laminate countertops of our generation, and while I don’t totally disagree, I am also of the opinion that all home décor dates eventually, so you might as well enjoy what makes you happy now. Unless you live in Downton Abbey, the décor you choose will at some point be used as an archaeological dating method. I mean, think of those country kitchens of the 80s, with duck-themed wallpaper and ruffly curtains. Think of the French Provincial looks of the late 90s. No matter what you think will be a timeless classic, odds are it won’t. This is a public service announcement for “living in the now”.

Here’s me making coconut whipped cream in my kitchen. See? It’s pretty!

So, I love my kitchen but there are elements I don’t love, some of which are changeable, and some of which are not. I wish it was bigger, for example, but that would entail moving house and that’s not something I want to do at this time. I hate how my miscellaneous drawer gets jammed because of all the stuff I mindlessly throw in there; this is something I CAN change. I hate how my spice cupboard is a jumble of jars and random containers; also changeable.

So I signed up for The Kitchn Cure to refresh and reorganize my kitchen a little.

Week One: Clean out the freezer and fridge.

Not to be boasty, but I recently obtained a full size, upright freezer and extra fridge and it has changed my life. For the longest time, I hemmed and hawed over getting a fridge and freezer for downstairs, until finally my husband got tired of me sobbing while jamming frozen foods into the freezer compartment of my regular fridge, and went out and bought them. Life altering. I can now batch cook! And buy giant bags of frozen berries at Costco! And put extra vegetables in the fridge instead of having to run out for groceries three times in a five day span! The only reason I bring this up is that I do not need to clean out my freezer, since it’s relatively new and unsullied. Look!

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See, it hasn’t had a chance to become messy and disorganized and YES those are frozen chicken fingers. What? Like I’m the only person who feeds my kids frozen chicken fingers on a Friday night. The week is long, people.

But cleaning the fridge was another story altogether. I’ve halfheartedly wiped down shelves and drawers in the two years since the Great Kitchen Renovation, but I’ve never done a really deep cleaning.

Exhibit A: Fridge Before Cleaning

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It’s not terrible. It’s a little jumbled. There are crumbs and grubbiness, but not too bad. Also – it is not on an angle, that’s my photography.

My assignment was to take everything out, clean all shelves and drawers, throw out anything that was bad, and put everything back in neatly. Now, my fridge was mid-cycle, grocery wise, so it wasn’t as full or as empty as it could be. I did the same for the freezer compartment. I washed everything and scrubbed everything and put it all back in…

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There was caramel goop on the bottom of that shelf that is not there any more.

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Usually there is a juice carton in that door; like I said, mid-cycle.

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I’m not sure if you can appreciate it from this picture, but oh my god you guys, the fridge is so clean.

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The crispers and the meat/cheese drawer were the worst in terms of gross crumbs that had fallen in from everywhere. Pepper seeds, old garlic peels, random twist ties. ALL GONE AND ALL CLEAN.

I did the same for the freezer compartment, but the pictures do not really look any different. Trust me, it’s way more organized and clean.

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Also? That fruit blend makes the best smoothies.

Lessons Learned From Week One: Kitchn Cure

1) I am completely obsessive. I can’t stop looking at the clean fridge. I keep opening the fridge just to gaze at the contents. My husband put a bottle of barbeque sauce into the fridge and I quietly went in and moved it. This has got to stop, but for now, I’m pretty excited about it.

2) I do a pretty good job of using up the food that I buy. In other words, all that obsessive menu planning and list-making has paid off. There was very little waste and very little to throw out. Here is what I threw out of my fridge during The Great Cleaning: a jar of strawberry jam from 2011 that had 1/2 inch of jam in it, a two-inch long dried out piece of ginger, a carton of vanilla almond milk that had about 1/4 cup in it, 1/3 of a very soft cucumber, and two empty Ziploc bags.

3) I have a bad habit of putting things in the freezer and then forgetting about them. Case in point: in the freezer I found a package of bagels, 6 bags that each contained one single pita, and a bag containing five freezer burned hot dog buns. I composted the buns, and vowed not to buy any more pita or bagel until the frozen ones have been consumed. I also found two packages of hot dogs that had each contained three freezer burned hot dogs, which ended up in the garbage.

I snuck a peek at this week’s assignments, and one of them is all about small appliances. Squee, this will be fun!

Super Controversial Opinions

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Last weekend we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy, where I found out that there is a 20 year anniversary screening of Forrest Gump, and also a remake of Annie. This is delightful news on all fronts. Forrest Gump was probably my favourite movie of the nineties; best scene ever was the one from the Black Panther party, with Hey Joe blaring in the background. And Annie – what’s not to love? A modern day remake that still includes Hard Knock Life? I’m sure it’s controversial but I say bring it on.

Guardians of the Galaxy, though. We seldom see movies in the theatre, and even more seldom do I enjoy those movies. For every delight like The Lego Movie, there’s a snore-fest like Man of Steel, or a movie that’s completely baffling and incomprehensible to me, like Thor. Going to the movies as a family means that the movies are almost always way too violent and action-y for my taste. But Guardians of the Galaxy was funny and entertaining, with a great soundtrack and a surprising revelation. Chris Pratt, shirtless. In that all-too-brief scene, I actually gasped, and then looked at my husband. I think he’s been working out I whispered loudly. Whatever his workout regime is, it seems to be effective. This is not Parks and Rec.

Speaking of excellent soundtracks, today marks the 37th anniversary of Elvis’ death, and although I think it’s a little creepy to commemorate a celebrity’s passing, I always remember that. I know it’s controversial, but in my opinion his greatest song ever was Suspicious Minds, followed closely by Kentucky Rain and Always On My Mind. Fat sweaty jumpsuit-and-cape-wearing Elvis is much, much greater than fit, leather-pant-wearing Elvis. I’ve always loved all his music, though. I remember taping songs from records onto cassettes, using the family’s crappy old tape recorder. When I was 11 I read Elvis and Me until it fell apart. Does anyone else remember the made-for-TV movie, Elvis and Me? I was obsessed with it. Wait…I just googled it and it’s available on YouTube!  Beehive hairdos for the win.

Other Controversial Opinions I Hold

Making The Bed

I cannot sleep in an unmade bed. I don’t need hospital corners, but I do need the sheets, blankets, and duvet to be pulled up nice and neat every day. I also need to have the pillow shams on the pillows and decorative pillows on the bed during the day or my equilibrium is disturbed.

Richard Scarry

Richard Scarry is my favourite children’s book author. My favourite book as a child was Busy Busy World, and the kids have a library of his books, although they don’t read them anymore. I’m sure there’s something unsavoury about him – there seems to be something you don’t want to know about every children’s author – but I love his books and illustrations. I also used to love when the kids would watch Busytown Mysteries when they were small.

When Harry Met Sally Contains The Answer To All Of Life’s Problems

When in doubt, ask for it on the side. They don’t make Sunday underpants. Men and women can never really be friends. It’s really fun to say Waiter, there is too much pepper in my paprikash.

That “Have Sex Every Day” Lady Is Crazy

Every day? Seriously? We aren’t teenagers anymore, people. I’m tired just thinking about it! Doesn’t absence make the heart grow fonder (but not too much absence!). Hey, my husband is the sexiest guy ever. He’s a zillion times sexier than shirtless Chris Pratt. And yet, EVERY DAY? No.

Puppies Are Cuter Than Kitties

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Now. Here comes your part – where do you stand on these controversial issues? Don’t worry, we can still be friends, even if we disagree! xo

Wardrobe Malfunction

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In case you’re wondering how scintillating I really am, let me tell you about my recurring dream in which I am folding laundry. That is all that I do in the dream; fold laundry. Even my dream self gets bored as I patiently fold shirts, towels, etc., and sort them into neat piles. Sometimes I’m able to wake myself up, like a person having a nightmare, by saying to my dream-self you’re having that boring dream again – wake up! Unfortunately, when I go back to sleep I often have my second recurring dream in which I’m making soup. Just me, stirring a large Dutch oven full of soup. Often the soup in question is eggplant soup, and sometimes I wonder if I should leave it chunky or puree it, and then I get out my blender. At this point I usually wake up.

If dreams indeed do mean anything at all, I wonder what these say about me. I’m afraid it wouldn’t be flattering.

But who needs exciting, anyway? The house has enough excitement without ME being a thrill-a-minute. While we were on vacation, I realized – not for the first time, nor for the last – that my husband truly is the fun parent. He’s the one cannonballing into the pool with the kids while I lazily float by, only in the water long enough to cool off before resuming my poolside book reading. He’s the one who could spend hours with them playing in the wave pool while I need to go warm up in the hot tub after ten minutes. He’s the one who takes them on epic bike rides and stages legendary water fights while I drink wine and gossip with my mother.

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Me, hanging out lazily while my husband takes the kids on an epic ride in the utility vehicle.

It might be weird having two fun parents anyway; I mean, someone has to be the grim-faced harridan who oversees sunscreen application and adequate hydration and proper nutrition even while on holiday. So that someone might as well be me.

On occasion, I can be actually fun. I will go down any waterslide at a water park, I will go on any rollercoaster, and I even buy the kids the occasional sno cone or cotton candy, considering that all that sugar and food colouring is PROBABLY okay in moderation. We were at a very fun aquatic centre while on vacation, and the kids had a blast. They finished the afternoon by jumping off the diving board several times, and they urged me to join them. I declined, but then started to think that maybe I should. I should TRY to be fun, I want the kids to remember me as being occasionally adventurous and cool. I watched my husband do a spin jump off the diving board, to cheers from them, and so I decided yes. I hadn’t jumped off a diving board in thirty years but dammit, I can be fun too, I thought. I removed my hair band, patted my braid into place, and stepped onto the diving board. I jumped, then swam to the side. My husband looked at me for a moment, then informed me that my bikini top had not stayed where it was supposed to. Wardrobe malfunction! I fixed it and said that I hoped no one witnessed my embarrassment. He was silent for a moment, while I was briefly encouraged that I was right, that no one saw my nipple. Eventually he broke it to me; several people, including the lifeguards and the parents at the side of the pool, DID see. Oh.

Fun and exciting, it’s overrated. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some laundry to fold.