Category Archives: I love my friends

Boyhouse Year In Review 2021

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Is it just me or was this year actually a decade?

Well! I think at this time last year we thought the Pandemic At The Disco would be in the rearview mirror, and yet it is not. Currently we are going through our FIFTH wave, which is extremely disheartening and, at this point, makes me feel like this is forever. Intellectually I know that’s not the case; everything passes with time and this will too. (WHEN?)

We are ending the year on a low; yesterday it was announced that the winter break would be “extended” and the January diploma exams, of which my older son was due to write three, have been cancelled. It is very discouraging. Going through this post I realized that there were many low moments, but I do feel like there was a lot of joy and laughter this year as well. I think living through a global pandemic has forced me to re-examine my life and to make new kinds of choices about it. There have been ups and downs and in-betweens, and, on that note, let’s examine the year in the Boyhouse.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2021

January

I set some goals and expressed my gratitude, I cleaned my oven and reused canning lids, after six weeks of at-home learning the kids went back to school and my son immediately broke his glasses in gym class, and I talked about being judgmental and how I don’t want to be that way, but we are only human. I also shared my hot tip on how to grow your hair out – just stop cutting it.

I kind of forgot how grim things were last January, with everything closed down for the second wave. Wait, was it the second? Yes, second. Still, look at that photo! Lots of beauty still to be found.

February

I continued to embrace the concept of friluftsliv with my fabulous wardrobe choices, I decided to change my mindset towards overstocking the pantry and also my period, it was really, really cold and it was also Family Day, which was great since I hadn’t spent every SINGLE waking hour with my family for eleven months, and I was really sad and couldn’t figure out if it was hormones or, you know, life in a pandemic. I also expressed my love for hearts and chocolate.

I must have cleaned my fridge right before that photo – it’s so shiny!

March

My son was almost done with his braces and to celebrate, I made him be my pack horse at the liquor store, in the spirit of Trying New Things I had body sugaring done and it was life-changing, I reflected on one year of Pandemic Living, I compared Costco 2021 to Costco 2020, and we had A Very Eventful Week which started with me thinking I had a blood clot to my son threatening to burn his orthodontic elastics, and, failing that, his masks. To add to the excitement, I talked about my favourite cleaning items, please don’t everyone click on that at once, you might break the internet.

April

Wow, a lot of things went wrong and so I was as cross as two sticks, my tenacious chin hair turned white and I had lots of awkward interactions at the library, we were in another mini-lockdown and so I talked about my Coping Mechanisms, I talked about being Pro-Aging, as opposed to Anti-Aging, which is a ridiculous concept, and I got vaccinated the day after my birthday! I also talked about my favourite skin-care products FOR PRO-AGING.

Gosh, remember how hopeful we all felt back then? Like the Pandemic was no longer going to be At The Disco. Good times.

May

After talking about Pro-Aging, I was asked if I wanted the senior’s discount at Shoppers, and then the lady didn’t even give me the discount, I had a really big downward spiral and then started to climb back up, then I had lots of ups and downs, including lineups at Costco (down) and flower purchases (up), it snowed and the kids were slated to go back to in-person school, Barkley turned 13, and I discussed all my favourite little helpers!

June

I was inspired to Embrace the Season – inspired by a woman who, sadly, has just recently passed after a long and difficult illness. Her words will remain with me forever, and she will be much missed. Rest in peace, Melanie.

Less sadly, I talked about clothing trends and how depressing the mall is these days, after a couple of weeks being in school the boys were on exam break, our provincial government continued to be stupid and dropped every single Covid protocol which, spoiler alert, was not a good idea, and I did a lot of gardening.

July

We visited my parents and I swam in the lake, the province may have dropped their mask mandate, but I kept my own, I talked about aging and my aging face, and I bought new bras and shared my favourite life-changing items.

August

We went on vacation and unsurprisingly given the complete lack of Covid restrictions, there were tons of outbreaks, I read a lot, I was grateful to Spotify, my aunt sent me Royal Family memorabilia, I almost lost my mind not being able to find my clothes, I did an “Ask Me Anything” post, I recycled all the old boxes my husband had hoarded out of the storage room, I got very Landslide-y, and recalled all the stupid things I used to worry about, and I loved my garden.

September

Thank you, Universe, the kids went back to school, we got our ducts cleaned and found a sheep, and my husband and I went to Lake Louise, I recapped eighteen months of Pandemic Life, my son turned 16 and I did a deep dive into Jane Eyre, I talked about clothing trends and bought new jeans, and I shared all my handbags with you.

October

I was feeling very low, I talked about gourds and Gords, I was – as always – grateful for modern technology as I have zero sense of direction, my cute little mini-gourds were being eaten by something in the neighbourhood, and I shared my favourite things about Spooky Season and discovered a gruesome scene.

November

I shifted my festivities focus from Spooky Season to Tiny Secret Festive Season, I was living la vida hygge, I had one-on-one time with my younger son and WE ATE TAKEOUT FOOD, I learned about thirst traps, I got full-on festive, and I talked about the reasons I love November.

Usually by this time in the annual recap, I think well, this just happened! but it feels like November was a year ago already. Time has no meaning.

December

I received the most thoughtful Secret Santa gift and my son came down with a cold, I completely lost track of the days, I had not one, but two Christmas miracles, I went to Banff with my husband, and I shared my favourite things about December.

As we wrap up the (very strange and weirdly long) year, I wish you all the best in 2022. WHO KNOWS WHAT 2022 WILL BRING. I think we can all agree that no one can predict anything anymore, but I hope you are all safe and healthy, and am wishing you much joy, peace, and happiness. Thank you, always, for reading my little blog. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things; The I Love December Edition

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I love the month of December. It just feels so magical; objectively it’s a cold and dark month, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I mean, it IS dark, it IS cold – it is minus 21 this morning! – but I don’t mind. I mean, yes, I would rather not spend ten minutes layering my clothes to go outside, but at least I can put on Barkley’s festive scarf when we go out.

Every year at this time someone decorates the trees lining the walking path, and I am one hundred percent here for it.

It’s been kind of an exhausting week in the Boyhouse, this last week of school. My younger son had two wrestling tournaments in a five-day span and has been going in early every day to catch up on the electro-tech projects he missed due to his cold, and both boys have had numerous big exams and essays due this week. We are all looking forward to the break, reminiscing about the elementary school days when nothing at all was accomplished during the entire month of December except maybe some crafts and caroling.

The break! Today is my last class until January. As I mentioned in my last post, it feels like December is just flying by, and so I am taking time to just stop and appreciate the things I love about it. Without further ado, it’s time for…

Nicole’s Favourite Things; The I Love December Edition

Winter Sky

The sun rises after 8:30 am and sets before 4:30; during the day the sun is so low in the sky as to be always a little bit in my eyes, even at noon. I watch the sky from a dark, dusky navy to completely black, and back again, sometimes with a little colour thrown in.

What December doesn’t have in terms of long hours of sunlight, it makes up for with a special kind of beauty.

It’s Puzzling

My darling friend Allison (HI ALLISON) sent me a Christmas Vacation puzzle, and I felt so seen!

I love puzzles and I love Christmas Vacation. What is it about puzzles? They completely take over my life. I am OBSESSED. All I want to do is work on the puzzle, and I have to be quite disciplined because I find that I’ll sit down to find just one piece and then an hour will disappear. I want everyone to just fend for themselves so that I can just puzzle. MY LIFE IS THE PUZZLE NOW, EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. When I’m in the midst of a puzzle – especially a challenging one like this – I almost forget what life was like, pre-puzzle. What did I do? What did I think about? I found a piece that I’d been looking for for DAYS, and I screamed with joy. My husband came in from snow-blowing and was a little startled, and could hardly understand excited babbling. The piece! That was in the trailer window! I found it!

All of which is to say, this puzzle is one of my Favourite Things, thank you Allison.

Carve It Up

My friend Sharyl and I go way back; we were friends first, and then when I became a yoga teacher she really took me under her wing and mentored me. We used to teach yoga for stroke survivors together, and I learned so much from her and that class. We used to laugh about ourselves at Christmastime, as we were the living embodiment of this meme.

I think you can tell who is who here.

Once in December, we were preparing to teach and Sharyl asked me to put on some music; I suggested a Christmas playlist and Sharyl looked at me like this:

The reason I give you this background on Sharyl is that her husband has been carving and selling Christmas ornaments, the proceeds of which all go to charity. These ornaments are adorable, and beautifully made, and Sharyl’s house must have been, at one point, completely full of them. I love thinking of Sharyl surrounded by ornaments. Now to get her to listen to Christmas music in November. Love you, Sharyl, and love my new ornaments:

Florence’s Art, Again

Remember last month when I told you about my friend Florence (HI FLORENCE) and how she was involved in the Under 100 Art Show? That was last weekend and there were so many beautiful pieces there, and all so very affordable. It was the first art show I had ever been to, and I loved looking at everything; of course, my favourite was Florence’s display.

It was hard to choose but this was my favourite:

Isn’t it lovely? I am looking forward to next year’s show!

Boom! This Stuff Is Amazing

After trying the white chocolate peppermint, I told you last month that I would purchase the dark chocolate, limited edition Boom Chicka Pop and report back, and people, I do not go back on my word. Purchase it I did, and then purchase it again I did, and then purchase it a third time I did because holy moly, you guys. This stuff is incredible. And maybe a teensy bit addicting, so be warned:

You may ask which one I prefer, the dark chocolate or the white chocolate peppermint, and I cannot answer that question. That would be like naming a favourite child. I love them equally, but differently.

I hope you’re finding some beautiful things to enjoy this month! Tell me about them. xo

Secret Santa, Bits and Bobs; Ninety Weeks In

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This year I started following the lovely San over at The In Between Is Mine; she is so smart and articulate, and I am forever fascinated by people who are fully fluent in more than one language, as she is; English is not her first language and yet her English is perfect. I mean, I took YEARS of French – I was even the winner of the French Award in Grade 9 – and although if I read a page of French I would be able to get the general gist of it, I cannot have a conversation beyond Salut! Comment ca va?, let alone WRITE anything in French. In any case, I love San’s blog and I also love that she put together a Secret Santa Mug Swap, which I happily signed up for, knowing that it would be well-organized and smooth.

I came home from a walk this week to find a package on the doorstep; I didn’t recognize the name or return address, and was briefly confused before remembering SECRET SANTA MUG SWAP!!!

Just imagine my delight to open this lovely box from Leanne (HI LEANNE!) that was decorated by her daughter:

Not only did she include the sweetest, coziest mug, mint chocolates (MY FAVOURITE!!! TEAM MINT CHOCOLATE FOREVER!), an adorable mug ornament for my tree, and a BRACELET HANDMADE BY HER DAUGHTER, but she also added a lottery scratch ticket, and I won $5!

I feel like I won the lottery in more ways than one. Thank you, Leanne, for such a kind and thoughtful package. It certainly brightened my entire month! I cannot get over your wonderful generosity and thoughtfulness! And again, thank you, San, for organizing #secretsantamugswap2021; it has been a great way to meet and connect with new people. There are so many incredible people in the world, I am honoured to know so many – and welcome, Leanne, to the Boyhouse!

Much, much less exciting than opening up a lovely package full of wonderful surprises was that my younger son developed a terrible head cold. This is the first cold in our house in over two years. Sneezing, it’s so 2019! He missed three and a half days of school, which, in Grade 11 requires MUCH catch-up work, and an entire week of wrestling practice, which was most devastating to him. I mean, he probably picked up the cold during wrestling practice, as it is the only time he is unmasked when not at home. I have been waiting for the rest of us to succumb; so far, no one has, let us all knock on wood.

Over the past few weeks, I have received numerous texts from friends about the grocery situation; we have been all updating each other regularly. Due to the devastating flooding in BC, and the resulting completely washed-out highways, things have been wildly hit and miss in the grocery store. One afternoon two weeks ago a friend texted me to say that the produce shelves were empty – literally, empty – but then the next day as I anxiously wheeled my cart into Superstore, I was pleasantly surprised to see business as usual in the produce section. I had spent the day before mentally planning to use frozen produce and figure out a whole new menu plan, which turned out to be unnecessary.

We are so lucky to live in this day and age. I was reminded of The Long Winter, wherein the Ingalls family and the entire town of DeSmet nearly starved to death as the trains carrying supplies were unable to make it through due to blizzards; I thought well, if I have to use frozen spinach in my smoothies, it will not be a tragedy. It’s not like I’m grinding wheat in my coffee grinder to make a single loaf of bread for six people, or going slowly mad sitting in the dark all day listening to the wind, or twisting hay to burn so as to not freeze to death prior to starving to death.

Although there have been produce shortages here and there, that has not been my experience as of yet. However, I found that anything coming in from the port of Vancouver is…still at the port of Vancouver? I don’t really know how it works. In any case, things coming from China and its neighbours, like rice, noodles, and things like sesame oil, are completely unavailable.

Fortunately I had the foresight to buy a 25-pound bag of rice and several bags of noodles when the flooding started, which should last us a while. Stir-fry night, like my heart, shall go on.

This week was also the much-anticipated unveiling of the annual Spotify Unwrapped, and as always, I was somewhat surprised. I wasn’t at all surprised to see that Aretha Franklin was my number-one artist – LOVE Aretha; I will never get enough of watching this video, that FUR COAT DROP, QUEEN – but I was a little surprised that none of her songs were on my top five. Yes, I know how math and algorithms work, but still. Did I really listen that much to Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch? I guess I must have. The algorithm does not lie. I also apparently listened to the Evita soundtrack quite a bit, as Andrew Lloyd Webber made my top five artists. You must love meeee….

My younger son, being home, compared his list to mine and it was quite funny. He’s the drummer and is very into 90s grunge, and his “Audio Aura” was Bold and Angst, whereas mine was Mellow and Happy, both of which check out. His fourth most popular genre was “Pirate” which I did not even know was a thing. Pirate? Apparently, in addition to his bold and angsty music, he listens to a number of sea shanties, so Pirate Mystery solved.

Pandemic Reading

Persephone’s Children. Wow, this book is like nothing I’ve read before. It is so original and creative, and incredibly moving. It’s a memoir of a woman’s journey to leave an abusive relationship, told in essay form BUT each of the essays is structurally very different. Think: script for a play, a multiple choice quiz, a crossword. There is a lot of mythology, horticulture, and magic woven into the story. It’s mostly about a biracial woman finding the strength to leave her emotionally abusive, gaslighting husband, but also about motherhood, her family of origins, and her experience growing up as “other” on the Canadian prairies. It’s an absolutely fascinating debut!

Christmas Shopaholic. I’m not sure I could put two more different books side by side! Anyway, this was very silly and sweet and ultimately satisfying. I have only read one other Shopaholic book – the OG one, many years ago – and when I first started reading this I thought maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead. I was NOT enjoying the first bit, but then I kind of got into it. It’s light, you know? Very Christmas spirit-y.

Glorious Frazzled Beings. My friend Marion (HI MARION) loaned me all five of the 2021 Giller Prize Shortlist! I don’t think I’ve ever read a whole shortlist for a literary prize before, so this is pretty fun. I decided to start with this gem of a collection of short stories, and I feel like an entire university Can Lit course could be created just around this one book. The writing is gorgeous, with lots of magic, otherworldliness, and more-than-humanness, which is not generally something I enjoy, but I did in this book.

Happy December, everyone, I hope you have a wonderful week. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The November Beauties Edition

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I know many people loathe the month of November, but I do not. It’s generally a grey/ brown, chilly, windy month, true, but it has its own kind of beauty:

We don’t all have to be flashy to be beautiful.

November is also a good month for me because the first three weeks are the Exciting Lead Up To The Festive Season, followed by Fully Festive Season. We are IN IT.

But it’s not just about festivities around here, some of my favourite things this month have nothing at all to do with the festive season, I am a woman of many layers and facets. Some things I just love because I love them, and who knows, maybe you’ll love them too.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The November Beauties Edition

Mary Oliver and Rupi Kaur

Bear with me for a moment, as I know that this will sound Incredibly Pretentious. Every day since the pandemic began, I read a poem prior to my yoga practice (I know, I’m sorry) and then as I practice, I contemplate what I’ve read. All through 2020 I read my very favourite poet, Mary Oliver, and then on the advice of a friend, I decided to add the poetry of Rumi into the mix. I obtained a copy of A Year With Rumi, which, as you may guess from the title, has a poem for every day of the year.

People, I am going to say something controversial: A Year With Rumi is just too much Rumi. I feel like I could have happily had A Week With Rumi. Maybe Ten Days With Rumi. I have been reading the daily selection of this collection every single day, every single DAY, PEOPLE, and really only a handful of poems have resonated with me. I know. I’m sorry!

I am the kind of person who Sticks With Something, and the thought of not finishing the book when it’s November, and I’ve been doing this since New Year’s Day, well. But then I saw this poem by Rupi Kaur on Instagram, of all places:

And, oh, my, did that resonate. I then remembered that I have a Rupi Kaur collection, entitled Home Body, that contains THAT EXACT POEM, but I was saving it until after I finished the Rumi collection. This, I thought to myself, is stupid. If I died tomorrow, would I be happy that I spent eleven and a half months reading Rumi poetry on the daily, while NOT reading Rupi Kaur poetry, just because there is a Rumi poem ascribed to each day of the year? Would I? NO, I WOULD NOT. So while I will continue reading my Rumi-poem-a-day (must finish, must finish), I will do it later in the day, and instead will alternate Mary Oliver and Rupi Kaur for my pre-practice poetry. Life is too short to spend reading poetry that I am not enjoying.

It will be interesting, co-reading these two poets: both brilliant women, one young and one who has, like Elvis, left the building. One writes largely about the world within herself, the other writes largely about the world without, the big, beautiful, natural world. I came across this poem from my Mary Oliver collection, Devotions:

It took my breath away, and is also a good reminder that we don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives, and to live as kindly and open heartedly as possible.

White Chocolate Peppermint Popcorn

Now for something completely different! My love for Boom Chicka Pop is well-documented, so imagine my excitement when I saw this at Superstore:

White Chocolate Peppermint Popcorn! I immediately grabbed a bag, and my son and I snacked on it during our recent Top Gun viewing. We both agreed that the first bite was weird; the texture is kind of strange and unexpected, but by the second bite we were completely addicted.

Yesterday I was at Superstore and not only did I grab the very last bag of this, but I also picked up a dark chocolate drizzle with sea salt and I shall report back.

This Silly Crop Top

I have had this Flashdance-style cropped sweatshirt for probably ten years, and I love it as a cute layer to wear to the gym. I have never once worn it without something longer underneath, because my midriff-baring ship has sailed, long ago.

There’s a lot of buzz around sustainable clothing lately, and what could be more sustainable than a decade-old top? I was chatting with a friend about this, that I have had flak for buying fairly pricey yoga/ workout clothes from lululemon, but those items have served me so well. I have pants dating back to 2009 that still look great, and numerous tops and tanks that are about to celebrate their tenth birthday, this crop top being among them.

My favourite thing about wearing this sweatshirt is saying to my kids, “Hey guys, look, I’m wearing a crop top! I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom! How do you do, fellow kids?” at which point they give me that polite, yet weary, chuckle of the type you might have when asked if you are working hard or hardly working, or why didn’t you get them all cut, when you mention that you got a haircut.

The Charlie Brown Christmas Sheet Music

I love, love, LOVE the soundtrack to The Charlie Brown Christmas, even though I cannot and will not watch the show anymore. Honestly, that show is really terrible. Everyone is so mean, Charlie Brown is literally bullied and excluded constantly, and the cruelty of children and how it was completely normalized makes me want to set something on fire. I do, however, love Linus’ line “I never thought it was such a bad little tree, it just needs a little love.” Preach, Linus.

But the music, you guys, the music is so wonderful. And also, really difficult to play on the piano. I trained in the Royal Conservatory tradition, and so I consider myself to be a “classical” rather than a “jazzy” pianist. I have been struggling with this songbook for the better part of three years, but one of my yoga students is an actual piano teacher, and she gave me some really great tips on how to play “swing” style. It helped so much and now I feel like I’m actually making music, rather than randomly hitting notes like a chicken pecking at a keyboard.

The key to playing swing-style, according to my student, who is in her sixties, is to behave as if I’ve smoked a big doobie, and just relax, man, and go with it. She also told me to envision the bassline as “one of those guys plucking the strings on a giant bass, wearing a beret and nodding along” and honestly, that kind of visualization was really helpful.

Florence’s Art

I have been friends with Florence (HI FLORENCE) since 2009, when we were both Kindergarten Moms. I always knew she was artistically gifted – she can sew, and craft, and has a great eye for colour and style – and this year she started painting. She painted this for me and it’s one of my very favourite things:

I love it for so many reasons: she painted it especially for me, for one, but she also based it off of a photograph I had taken on a Sunday morning walk with my husband. I snapped a photo of a train going by, nostalgically thinking of the days that the boys would be excited by trains. To my surprise, Florence copied that photo and gifted it to me, and it hangs on my kitchen wall so I can look at it daily and feel the love.

Florence, along with many other artists, will be at the Under 100 Art Show in December, and I am so excited. I mean, how often do you go to an art show that features your friend? This has never happened for me before, and I can’t wait. Tickets are still available, so if you’re in the YYC area, go and get some! They are very affordable and every piece is priced under $100, so perhaps a good time to go Christmas shopping?

Poetry, art, and music, popcorn and crop tops, I am indeed a multifaceted woman with many different loves and favourites. What are you loving, in this month of November? Tell me everything. xo

The Case of the Missing Gourds; Eighty-Four Weeks In

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I don’t want to alarm anybody, but something is eating my decorative gourds.

I started out with eight white mini-pumpkins, and I am down to two. My husband suggested someone was STEALING them, but I think that is unnecessarily suspicious of people in my neighbourhood, and also, if our home is going to be the the victim of theft, I don’t think it is the mini-pumpkins that are going to be targeted.

No, something is eating them, and the proof was staring us into the face when we noticed two large bites taken out of the decorative red gourd. At first I was willing to believe that a murder of crows was carrying off the mini-pumpkins, but the nature of the bite marks on the red gourd do not suggest a bird. Perhaps it is one of the many wild rabbits in the neighbourhood. I was prepared to cast the blame on my usual nemeses, the squirrels, but people, this is no squirrel.

I sprinkled cayenne on the gourds to deter predators, but on the upside, if this carnage continues, I will not have to worry about composting anything come November 1.

It has been an interesting week, and not just because of the disappearing gourds. We had a municipal election, which I voted for in the advance polls and as such kept forgetting that the election was not over. Why are there still signs around? Oh yeah. I knew the platforms of the frontrunners – enough to make an informed choice – but I have not been paying attention to the news at all as a self-care measure, and so I was very surprised to see 27 mayoral candidates. TWENTY-SEVEN. Who are these people and where did they all come from?

I was driving to the Superstore, which is ten minutes from my house, and noticed a big sign for one of the mayoral candidates that I never had heard of before. This gentleman’s tagline was “Calgary’s Cheapest Mayor” which, what. Who is doing your PR, sir?

Actually, whoever is doing the PR must have known that someone like me would immediately look up this gentleman’s platform because CHEAPEST MAYOR WHAT. I spent far too much time thinking that maybe he’s a guy who gives holiday cards saying that in lieu of gifts, a donation has been made to the Human Fund, or when splitting the cheque at dinner he pays exactly the amount for his entree, without tax or tip, or doesn’t offer to pay for part of the appetizer even though he ate half of it. Maybe all of those things are true, but they were not on his platform. It should be obvious but he was running on a platform of low expenditures and taxes, but what I did not know was that this person refused to door knock or go to any in-person interviews or meetings at all due to the pandemic. Maybe he didn’t want to spend money on gas? He did not win, nor did he even come into the top 20, but I shall give a little nod to his determination.

Speaking of Superstore, this week I earned an unprecedented 40,400 PC Points, and for those of you who are not in Canada or who do not shop at Superstore (who hurt you?) there is an app that tracks all your purchases, Big Brother-like, and then offers you points for things you regularly buy, which can be exchanged for store credit. For example, this week my offers include 200 points for every $1 spent on grapes and 1000 points for every $5 spent on the brand of yogurt I buy, among others. You get the idea. Anyone who spends a few months examining the patterns of the offers can figure out the basic algorithm, which is what I have done, and I shop accordingly to maximize my points and why are you looking at me like that. Anyway, I have been holding out on buying a few cosmetic items – Neutrogena products, mostly, but also hair colour – because I knew the points offers would be soon and THIS WAS THE WEEK.

My husband is of the belief that if I ever won the lottery, I would be more excited to receive the funds in PC Points than in actual cash, which is untrue, but also not totally untrue, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of my husband, it was his birthday this week, and you know what that means! Cake!

Since the rule in this house is that birthdays are celebrated for at least a week in some way, I also baked a pie on the weekend, and that, along with cooking some giant meals, meant a lot of time in the kitchen. Yesterday alone I washed dishes SEVEN TIMES. I am thinking that next weekend, I might heat up some frozen pizzas, set out some pre-made salads and Halloween candy, and call it a day.

Pandemic Reading

In The Country of Others. I have always been interested in Morocco, and this book gives incredible depth and detail to that country post-World War II, leading up to the revolt against French colonialism. It follows a war bride Frenchwoman who marries a Moroccan man and goes to live in a desolate farm in that country. It was well done and contained many layers, but I found the writing to be somewhat…disjointed, maybe? I can’t think of the right description. It almost felt like a series of vignettes linked together, and it did feel like it was a translation and that English is not the first language of the author, which it is not. The themes are very dark and disturbing – triggers include domestic abuse – and it is very nuanced as well. So much symbolism, for those of you who like that. I liked it, but did not love it, and I’ll be thinking about it for a while.

What Fresh Hell Is This? Oh, you guys. This book is really incredible: so empowering and liberating. From managing perimenopause in a patriarchal society that diminishes aging women to examining your own life and lighting a match to what doesn’t serve you, to realizing that menopause is not a disease or a defect, but a normal part of life – albeit one with effects that can be mildly bothersome to downright dreadful – this book is enlightening. It also is inclusive of people who experience menopause and do not identify as women or were not female at birth, which I am sorry to say, is a point of view I had not considered. It gives great advice about managing effects of menopause in a way that is in no way patronizing, and includes topics that can be very sensitive, like the feeling of becoming invisible or losing our looks or femininity. I especially liked how the author talked about the importance of social support and referenced the Golden Girls episode when Blanche realized she was going through The Change. There were a few things that did not feel relevant for my life, like the idea of opening up my monogamous relationship to explore my sexuality, for example, but the entire attitude shift that is celebrated in this book was really great. Thanks to my friend Cherie (HI CHERIE) for the recommendation!

On that note, I hope you have an empowered and liberated week, this last week of October! May the Halloween candy last until Sunday. xo

Not Okay, But Okay; Eighty-One Weeks In

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I’m okay. Everything in my life is fundamentally okay – good, even – and my little boat in this tsunami of a storm is strong and well-equipped. EVERYTHING IS FINE except everything isn’t fine? I know I’m not alone here. The other day Swistle (HI SWISTLE) mentioned the strong desire to lie down on the industrial carpet at her place of work and just…stay there and I felt like, girl, same. I was kneeling down to put away some of the hundreds of dollars worth of groceries from Costco and Superstore, and I just stayed there. For a long time I found myself kneeling in front of the low shelf in the pantry, motionless.

Everything is fine! But it isn’t, you know. I am SO SICK of writing about it but Covid cases are, again, through the roof. Every single day, every SINGLE DAY the new case count is enormous, the death count is shocking and saddening, and the strain on the health care system is unbelievable. My personal risk and that of my immediate family is low, it’s true, we are vaxxed and masked and we follow health protocols, but my nieces are too young to be vaccinated, and I have low-level anxiety about someone in my family needing urgent, non-Covid-related health care and not being able to receive it. NO ONE GET SICK, OKAY? NO ONE GET IN AN ACCIDENT OR ANYTHING. I mean, that’s how I feel in general, no one wants a medical emergency or an accident, but these things happen, and I feel like the universal health care safety net I have relied on my whole life is unravelling. Meanwhile, this week I have a routine mammogram.

My children are on the cusp of adulthood and although they still require support and guidance, they are on their own journeys and their own paths and I just have to let that go. The intensive part of motherhood is over, that chapter of my life is gone, and did I do okay? Who knows? I think I did, but who really can tell. Also, and this is probably a gender-construct, but I am finding that as the boys get older, my role in their life becomes more and more on the sidelines – which is great, we want our little birds to fly, we want them to embark on their own journeys in life and seek their fortunes as they do in fairy tales, but without the fairy tale death and despair – but their father’s role becomes more like that of a good buddy. Has anyone else felt that way? The three of them love doing things together that don’t include me – boys’ camping trips! Weight lifting! Watching wrestling! – and that’s okay, it really is, because I don’t really want my sons to be the kind of adult men whose “best friend is their mom” but still. It’s like I now have a minor role in the ensemble where I used to be the star. Also? I am an intelligent and highly-educated woman and the vast majority of my week is spent in food preparation, grocery shopping, and other household drudgery.

Barkley is in a decline. He is not yet in any pain that I can see, he is still eating and wagging and happy to go for our slow-boat-to-nowhere walks. But he’s also lived longer than I thought he would when he was diagnosed with cancer, he’s pretty much deaf now, and sometimes he has trouble getting up the three steps into the house. Every single day a well-meaning person stops me to ask about his lump, which then often devolves into a long story about “dogs they have known that have died of cancer” and, you know what, I don’t need those stories.

I had a lovely visit with some friends a couple of weeks ago, and I said that one of the hardest things for me has been giving up my idealism about the world. Back in the spring of 2020, I felt like THIS would be the event that brings us all together in humanity, we would all join metaphorical hands and overcome. I would walk down the street and see the window art that people had made to keep spirits up. And the world came together as the people stayed apart said one sign, decorated with children’s art. And now look at what we’ve become. My friend agreed and said if a global pandemic didn’t do it, I guess we have to wait for aliens to land and take over the world which only reminds me of Kent Brockman and the ants, which means humanity will be divided forever and ever, amen.

Anyway. It’s just life right now, and in the meantime these are the things that have been helping cheer and soothe me:

  1. Girly-girl self care: I had a pedicure last week and tomorrow I go for body sugaring, and although the audience for these things is limited, it’s like wearing pretty underwear: it’s not about the audience, it’s about ME, and I like these things.
  2. Kondo-ing social media: I deleted the twitter app off my phone months ago but I still sometimes would look at twitter on my desktop, and I would end up feeling sad and angry. I deleted my account altogether as it felt like time to Marie Kondo my social media: if it’s not sparking joy, it’s out. The moment I deleted it I felt relief.
  3. Eating: It’s Macintosh Apple Season, which is the greatest of all Apple Seasons, and so I have been mowing through pounds of them. It’s also Pear Season, which is second only to Macintosh Apple Season. Lest you think I’m being an obnoxious, Fruit-is-Nature’s-Candy person (although, let’s face it, I kind of am), yesterday I made peanut butter banana “nice cream,” heavy on the Reece’s Pieces and chocolate swirl.
  4. Kettle corn and Ted Lasso: Weekend evenings my husband and I have been watching Ted Lasso and eating popcorn, both of which are very cheering. Well, except for the “Coach Beard On The Town” episode we watched a few weeks ago, wherein I spent the whole time thinking how much longer is left of this stupid episode instead of my usual omg I love this show. If you know, you know. Anyway, kettle corn.
  5. Loud piano playing: I unearthed my old photocopied sheet music of Introduction and Fugato and if ever there was a song that gets the feelings out, this is it. SO CRASHY. I played this constantly as an angsty teen and the fingers have memory because it’s all come back to me.Listen
  6. Listen while you work: I have found that listening to podcasts while doing mind-numbing household drudge chores, or slowly walking Barkley, has been immensely fun. I never thought I’d be a podcast person, but here I am. If you’re interested, my number one favourite is You’re Wrong About.
  7. God bless Mother Nature, she’s a middle-aged woman too: The sunrises lately have been incredibly beautiful, and although many trees are now naked, there have been some absolutely beautiful days with blue skies and fall colours.

Pandemic Reading

Of course, nothing helps me so much as diving into a good book. I am currently doing a very special and excellent beta read, but I had time for a couple of classic rereads this week.

Northanger Abbey. It had been at least twenty years since I read this, and I forgot what an absolute delight it is! It is so witty and lovely, following sweet, guileless Catherine and her adventures in Bath, with the people she meets – both lovely and terrible, as is de riguer in Austen – complete with some some delightful misunderstandings. There’s something so soothing about a book that ends happily ever after.

Frankenstein. I decided to kick off spooky season with something I haven’t read since…English 231, circa 1994? Um. I don’t remember my 1994 impressions but this time around? I did not like it. I’m always so incredulous when it comes to sci-fi-ish books (how can the creature possibly have learned so much in such a short amount of time, how did he actually create a sentient being, do you even know how complex the brain is, if Frankenstein was worried about making a female because they would reproduce, couldn’t he have figured out the reproductive system and made them sterile, yes I know this was written in 1818 and medical information then was not medical information now) which makes reading them a real problem for me – I cannot suspend my disbelief. That’s on me. But also? The real monster is Frankenstein, not his creation. I mean, he makes a creature out of old corpses that he steals, and then is shocked by his ugly it is? Come on, buddy. Did you not think this through?? Take responsibility for your actions, Frankenstein. The poor creature just wants to be loved and instead, you just LEAVE. Because he’s ugly. I mean. What an asshole. You created something that is doomed to always be alone and shunned by the world due to his appearance, and then you’re surprised it went wrong? Yeesh.

Take care of yourselves, friends. It’s been a long haul, but we really are in it together. xo

You’ve Got Questions, I’ve Got Answers

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Last week, I asked you to ask me questions, and ask you did! Thank you so much – this was really fun! Here we go!

Books and Reading

Ally asked: My question is: given your druthers, which book genre is your favorite? And why? I will put this question together with one of Suzanne’s, which is What are, in your opinion, the best books of all time?

I’ve been thinking about Ally’s question all week, because I’m not sure if there is a specific name for my favourite genre. For my entire life, I have strongly preferred books that feature a female protagonist, and that follow that protagonist’s life. I like books that delve into the details of people’s lives; I think people are endlessly fascinating, and that everyone has a story. I am also a “Can Lit” girl, and to that end, two of my favourite authors are Margaret Atwood and Alice Munro; I love a good solid short story and I love books about women. I vastly prefer women’s writing over men’s, and I prefer a deep dive into an individual’s life, rather than a grand epic. In terms of genre, it’s almost easier to say what I DON’T like: I don’t like dystopian, fantasy, horror, or sci-fi, and I don’t tend to like mysteries much, although I’ve read a few lately and I do like to keep my mind open. In terms of best books of all time, the ones that I have loved the most are: Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood, Lives of Girls and Women by Alice Munro, Diary of a Provincial Lady by EM Delafield, and Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Any of those would be my “desert island” books, along with this really great meditation book I’ve been reading called Wake Up To The Joy In You, although if I was on a desert island, I am not sure the life advice in it would be necessary. Still, an excellent book about becoming your best self and embracing life.

Anna asked: My questions are when do you read and how do you read so fast!! I’ve always been a fast reader, and I generally block off time to read every day. A few years ago I discovered the “screen time report” on my phone and I was appalled to see how much time I wasted mindlessly scrolling, and so I’ve tried to take that time back to concentrate on books. I generally read a solid hour in the evenings, sometimes more, and then I read in little chunks throughout the day – when I’m having lunch, or if I’m waiting for an appointment, or if I’m stirring pasta sauce. I think it probably all adds up to about two hours a day of reading, sometimes more, sometimes less. This summer, with my yoga teaching on hold, I have been reading more than that.

These Are A Few Of My Least Favourite Things

Suzanne asked: What are some of your top pet peeves? OMG PEOPLE WHO DO NOT RETURN THEIR GROCERY CARTS TO THE CART CARREL THOSE PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS. Grocery carts are, of course, my trigger, but I also include actions that would make someone else’s life easier but are left undone, and that would require only a tiny amount of effort: not holding a door or elevator for someone, not allowing a car to merge into a lane, not gesturing to the mom with a baby and only a few groceries to go first in line. I also hate when a job is 99% done but LEFT UNDONE: as an example, the people I live with are excellent at changing the toilet paper roll or putting another bar of soap in the shower, but then they LEAVE THE EMPTY ROLL AND SOAP BOX ON THE COUNTER INSTEAD OF PUTTING IT IN THE RECYCLE BIN, THAT SAME RECYCLE BIN THEY ALL WALK PAST DOZENS OF TIMES A DAY. The same goes for the juice container that sits, rinsed out and empty, on the kitchen island.

I also hate when the grocery store changes their product layout and I find myself walking down each aisle, looking for my everyday items and wondering why the cereal is now with the aluminum foil, and why the peppermint extract is now with spices and not with baking needs.

Love and Marriage

Ernie asked: I’m wondering how you met your husband and maybe what your first date was, or if you knew right away he was THE ONE? Oh, ho, this is funny. So, I met my husband when he was a grad student and I was a fourth-year honour student preparing to be a grad student, and we were both studying economics. My first thought was “He’s pretty hot to be in economics,” which I still stand by. At the time, I had an on-again-off-again boyfriend, but we became friends and went out frequently for coffee and to movies. This went on for almost TWO YEARS, and I had broken up with my boyfriend and gone out on several dates with other guys during that time, and he dated some girls as well.

At some point, when you’ve been friends with a guy for almost two years, you just figure that nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you, even if there’s all sorts of sexy tension and you find yourself looking into each other’s eyes a lot and finding excuses to sit close to each other and accidentally touch each other on the knee and whatnot. God, I can’t stand it, I said to a girlfriend, It’s just never going to happen and I have to accept it.

Three weeks after that statement, we started dating, and by “dating” I mean basically going out like we always did, but also, um, having sex. Hilariously, the night we started “dating” we were supposed to go see the movie The Full Monty, and I guess I did actually see A Full Monty, but not The Full Monty.

Suzanne asked: What are your secrets to a happy marriage? Lots of Full Monty! Ha! I kid. Well, I’m not totally kidding – I do think intimacy is very important, and during a pandemic with teens at home all day every day things get…challenging to schedule, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Honestly, I think one of the keys to a harmonious marriage is to really calmly communicate and to think before speaking, which can be challenging when people leave empty toilet paper rolls on the bathroom countertop. I also think it’s really important to accept the person your spouse is – empty toilet paper roll notwithstanding – and to realize that people express their love in different ways. My husband, for example, is a person who carefully and thoroughly researches everything, and makes purchases based on things he thinks will make my life better or easier, and those things always DO make my life better or easier. I, on the other hand, am not great at choosing gifts but I am good at doing things that make our life smooth and harmonious. My husband would never buy me flowers – he’s allergic – but when I mentioned, years ago, I was thinking about getting a dehydrator to make kale chips, he carefully looked into it, read every review, and then the Excalibur ended up on my doorstep one day.

You never really know what goes on in someone else’s marriage, and what makes it tick, but I think that putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes and being empathetic is important, as is not taking each other for granted, which, as we know, is easier said than done. Sometimes I get all up in arms thinking no one is appreciating my efforts, but then I think did I appreciate HIS efforts lately? and when I do, I find that he also does.

Family, Etc

Suz asked: Do you have any siblings? If you don’t have siblings, do you have cousins that are like siblings? I have two brothers, and between them I have a wonderful sister-in-law, eight nieces and nephews, and one great-niece! To paraphrase my friend Trudy (HI TRUDY) I knew I was good, but now I’m GREAT! I also have thirty-one first cousins! So, it’s a large family.

My husband has been watching Ted Lasso, and at the end of the season there’s a line about the family you’re born with, and the family you create along the way. I am so lucky to have friends who are like sisters to me – you girls know who you are!

Food, Etc.

Gigi asked: As for my question – what is your most decadent indulgence – the one that no matter the cost (or calories) it will always be in your home? I always, always have red wine in the house, usually a case worth at least. I always have baking on hand, and chocolate, but those are more for the guys than for me – wine is my indulgence. I hesitate to write this, because it sounds absolutely obnoxious, but in terms of cost, I never skimp in the produce aisle. I like to make dinners the way I like them and while I loosely stick to a grocery budget, when it comes to vegetables I am willing to pay whatever the cost. I have paid $10 for a tiny head of cauliflower, and if peppers are $6.99 a pound, I will still buy ten of them. I know what that sounds like – vegetables are my indulgence – but I guess I’m not willing at this point in my life to go without the things I like.

Suzanne asked: Desert island foods, films, books, music? Do you ever get weirdly obsessed with something? Like, I kept thinking what kind of desert island, would it be like Lord of the Flies or Blue Lagoon? Or Gilligan’s Island? Are these things I would take on a three-hour tour or what? Anyway, weird thoughts notwithstanding, I answered the books piece above, and as for films, I’m going to go with When Harry Met Sally, the single greatest movie of all time. I would take my “Nicole Karaoke” Spotify playlist, and as for foods, my number one favourite, I-could-eat-this-every-day meal is Greek salad with hummus and pita. Also coffee. If there’s no coffee, I would be 100% alone on the desert island due to murder.

Putting The Om in OMG

Suzanne asked: Do you have any life mottos you return to often? Or maybe the best/most useful advice you’ve ever gotten? My favourite motto, and one I try to live by, is “Bloom where you are planted.” Throughout my life, through different stages, jobs, and positions, I try to bloom. Two recent mottos that I have adopted are “Embrace the season” and, from my recent Anne reading, “If you can’t shine like a star, shine like a candlestick.” One of my favourite pieces of advice is from my dear friend Allison (HI ALLISON), for when I’m in a difficult or uncomfortable situation: “There will be a time after this.” It has helped me get through many awkward times.

Anna asked: When you do your AM yoga do you follow a plan or do it on your own? Namaste! I have been a long-time Ashtanga practitioner, which follows a set sequence of asana. Up until the pandemic, I practiced Mysore-style Ashtanga, which is essentially a “practice at your own pace, and a teacher helps you when you need it” kind of practice. It set me up perfectly for a pandemic home practice; after years of practice I just automatically flow through the postures, so it is truly a moving meditation. Until 2019, I practiced into the second series, but after injuring my hip while running I focused on healing and gentleness with myself, and now I mainly practice a modified primary series, omitting six postures which are hard on my hip, with extra planks and backbends thrown in. Some days I only do the standing sequence followed by a long meditation, some days I do a restorative practice, but I always get on my mat, whether it be for five minutes or an hour. It sets me up for my day.

Well, this was very fun! Thanks everyone for your questions, and, blog friends, I encourage you to put the “ask me anything” question out to your readers, it is a fun way to connect. Until next time! xo