Penne for Pi Day

Happy Pi Day everyone! This year the grade sevens were really learning a lot about pi, and calculating circle area, and discussing how pi is actually calculated and how for every circle – every one! – pi is equal to the circumference divided by the diameter, every time, and isn’t that amazing? It is amazing. My grade seven student was pretty into it so I must say the apple did not fall far from the tree in this case. I don’t mean to brag, but I was known in certain circles as the Conics Goddess when I was in Grade Twelve, because of my conics calculating skills, I casually mentioned to my husband, who responded by saying that was the nerdiest thing he had ever heard in his life. But it’s true! I swear!

Anyway, I’m not making a pie for Pi Day because it’s Tuesday, and who has the time? Also, we are having penne, which is a cylinder of sorts, so that’s how I’m going to celebrate. Penne for Pi Day! It could be a new trend.

I am in a fabulous mood today; the hideous weather finally broke and everything is gloriously melty. Even wiping up Barkley’s constant muddy paw prints cannot bring me down from this cloud. I went to move the garbage bin back to its usual spot today – my life is extremely glamourous – and I noticed tiny green shoots where the yarrow grows wild. Tiny green shoots! What could be more heart-warming than that?

I also got a good, heart-warming laugh out of these pants that my friend Julie (HI JULIE) had posted on Facebook this morning. Although I must add that THIS IS NOT A JOKE, PEOPLE. These pants are available at Nordstrom and are called, hilariously, “Topshop Clear Knee Mom Jeans.” Since when are we using Mom Jeans as advertising? Also, not one mom I know actually wears Mom Jeans, so I’m wondering if this is a new trend with the youth of today, although I can hardly imagine that it is. Guys, let’s wear the least flattering pants ever! Oh, know what would be better than cropped, high-waisted, stone-washed jeans? Cropped, high-waisted, stone-washed jeans with plastic panels in the knees. It’s like ripped jeans, but waterproof if we kneel down in a puddle somewhere.

What do I know, though? Maybe it is a trend with Young People These Days; I am certainly not one of them so I can’t say. I certainly had my own share of unflattering pants back in the day, when everything was high-waisted, belted, and tucked-in. Hugely baggy jeans that were tightly rolled or pinned at the ankles was the big trend when I was in junior high. In fact, everything about junior high was terribly unflattering. It’s almost like someone said Let’s make a style that will cause everyone to look back on it and cringe. Okay, those jeans, giant tucked-in t-shirts, and while we are at it, let’s get all the girls to spiral perm their hair and tease the bangs into free-standing walls. Yes, that should do it. No wait, wait. Let’s add a crimping iron to the mix.

I mean…

You guys, I just realized that those Clear Knee Mom Jeans are $133! That is USD, my friends. That is nearly one hundred and eighty dollars in Canadian funds. Plus shipping! Who is exactly the market, here?

Well, there’s no accounting for taste, as they say. Judge not, says she who had a giant sweatshirt with Garfield’s Zodiac on the front, and wore it often. Judge not.

Bundle up, it’s summer!

It seems our unbelievably mild winter and early, hot spring has melted into a typical Calgary summer: cool, rainy, grey, and windy, topped off with inexplicable daily thunderstorms. How can we get so many thunderstorms without daytime heat? I don’t know. In any case, looking on the bright side, I don’t have to worry about watering my garden. Yesterday we went for a family bike ride and the wind was so cold that I actually wished I had earmuffs on my bike helmet.

I’m taking this as a sign to take things easy today, to just spend some quiet indoor time with the kids. Well, “quiet.” I keep seeing recipes that are “beat the heat” this and “no-bake” that, and meanwhile I’m considering a marathon baking session today, wearing an apron over my wool sweater. Last week I faced my pastry fears and baked my very first pie.

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I don’t eat pie, but by all accounts it was excellent, despite being very, very ugly. Facing my fears via pie crust is the topic for a whole post in itself, however, so I shall not bore you with the details at the moment. I’ll bore you with them later!

One benefit of kind-of-crappy weather is that outdoor attractions are not at all busy, so the boys and I bundled up to go to the zoo last week. We even got to see the new baby gorilla, nursing and riding on her mother’s back. It’s very heartening to see babies in captivity doing well, and I laughed to see one of the males beating his chest to no one in particular and getting in the mother’s space, only to have her scamper away with the baby on her back. Every time the male came near her, she left, and if she could speak English I’m sure she would be saying Get away from me, you loser, and rolling her eyes. Finally he gave up and went to munch on some lettuce.

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Pants, sweater, a jacket…the perfect summer outfit!

In other exciting news, my husband and I are going to a concert on Thursday night. I haven’t been to a concert in over two decades, so it should be very fun. The kids are going to Camp Grandma for a couple of days, so the going will be very tough for them, I’m sure. It’s going to be non-stop goodies and marathon sessions of Simpsons’ Clue.

Remember when concert tickets were less than $20 apiece? I sure do, and I’m not one to lament times gone by but those were the days, were they not? My girlfriends and I saw tons of great shows all for the price of a few hours’ babysitting. Actually, now that I think of it, I made about $2/hour babysitting, so I guess those concert tickets were pretty hard-earned after all. But I am looking very much forward to this concert, and it is during Stampede so I’m contemplating what to wear. Will it be hot with all the people and (presumably) dancing? Or should I dress for the chilly weather outside? Should I put on layers, or will that be too risky in terms of losing clothing articles? I mean, there probably isn’t going to be a mosh pit or crowd surfing or anything at Zak Brown Band, but the fewer things to keep track of, the better.

Many years ago, I was at a concert at the university, when my friend’s boyfriend did some drunken crowd surfing, and ended up with one shoe, in the middle of winter. We looked and looked, to no avail. We even went back to the Economics Undergraduates Society office, where I was the president, and made drawings of shoes on pieces of foolscap, captioned “Have You Seen Me?” but we never did find that shoe. The guy had to walk/ hop through the snow to the designated driver’s car, with his soggy foot. I wonder if that was the last time I was at a concert.

What was the last concert you went to? What was the first? I don’t remember my last one but my first was INXS in 1988. Good times.

Everything is rosy.

Has it really only been 10 days since the end of school? It seems like much longer, but in a good way. There’s been a lot of activity around here, and I know it’s on-trend to claim that we are just going to let the kids fend for themselves and kick them outside for the whole day like we did when we were kids, but that’s not really my M.O. these days. I mean, they do spend time just wandering the neighbourhood with friends, bringing the whole crowd back here for snacks, but I’m doing a lot of activity planning as well.

This is what has happened in the Boyhouse over the past week: pool afternoon with two other boys, which ended abruptly with the appearance of lightning and subsequent whistle-blowing and Everyone out of the pool-ing by lifeguards, a morning at the amusement park, two nights at my parents’ lakehouse, which included two boat-rides and tubing for the boys, bike rides, a parade and Canada Day celebrations, and an evening watching Finding Dory in those awesome new reclining theatre seats. I also feel the need to mention that, while at my parents’ for two days, I rode 47.5 kilometers on my bike and it’s still a bit sore to sit down.

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My husband had a few days off and we finished staining the deck (I say “we” but it was less “me” than it was “him”). He also replaced all the steps and railings, to the amazement of the boys’ friends. The steps were non-existent when they were over on Tuesday, and completed when they were over the following day.

What are you doing this summer? My plan is a mix between semi-lazy days and semi-vigorous activity, it seems. I’m allowing my kids screen time for a few hours each day while I get some work and writing done, and then it’s time to go outside. We have passes for the local amusement park and the zoo, and I’ve managed to score free passes to the science centre as well. I’m also hoping to get the kids out hiking in the mountains once a week or every two weeks, weather depending. The unseasonably hot weather has melted into usual-Calgary-summer-weather, which means highs of about twenty degrees with late-day thunder showers.

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However, that unseasonably hot weather, combined with our mild winter and early spring, means that my garden looks amazing. My roses, in particular, are taking over.

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The smell is incredible, and I feel like it is a beautiful omen for the summer. How did you spend the long weekend? Tell me everything. xo

Birdie Turf War

Here we are, with less than two weeks left in the school year, and I can hardly believe it. I can hardly believe that 2016 is half over, I can hardly believe that, after seven years of Stampede Breakfasts at the school, last week’s was my second-to-last one, I can hardly believe that as of next Friday I will have kids at two different schools, I can just hardly believe the flight of time. I understand, now, how older relatives would never remember my age or grade when I was a kid, or would say things like “You’ve grown!” in a shocked way, because it’s really shocking, it is, how fast things go.

As I said, last week was the annual Stampede Breakfast, and it’s Mark’s last one. I compared a photo of the boys with one from their first breakfast, when they were in kindergarten and pre-K, and Landslide. That, coupled with the boys attending the city-wide Patrol Picnic, had me feeling very Sunrise, Sunset. 

The end of the school year always feels so poignant, doesn’t it? And I love summer, I love the fairly unstructured days and spending extra time with the boys – before they don’t want to anymore! –  but, of course, it comes with its own challenges too.

Speaking of challenges, there is something going on in my backyard. It’s like a gang war, or something, but with birds.

We have a number of large trees and big shrubs, and during the winter my spirea is always full of dozens of little chickadees. Unfortunately, every time I pass by the shrub to take out the garbage or recycling, they panic and fly away as a group, which gives me heart palpitations. A hundred little birds scattering loudly the second you pass by has that effect. Generally, by the time I’ve actually put the recycling in the bin, they have settled back down in the shrub. I pass by on the way back to the house and the scattering happens all over again.

Those little chickadees disappear in the spring, and happily enough, the robins take over. They’re so cute, hopping and flying around the yard, and I’m always happy to see them. There are a number of them usually, but last week I noticed that there were none hanging out in the yard. Instead, about fifty magpies had taken their place. They must have nested in one of our trees, because there were magpies on the lawn, on the fence, on the deck, on the garage roof, all screaming their scream-like chirps, from before sunrise to late evening. I’d watch from the kitchen window as two magpies sat on the garage and another dive bombed them, beak open, screaming all the time. They would chase each other and gang up on each other, and I wondered if there was some kind of turf war going on. It was like the Jets and the Sharks, but with fewer switchblades and more flying.

It was kind of unnerving, all these birds fighting each other for days.

Then I was headed out on an errand, and in my alley were two giant crows. Now, I am kind of terrified of crows, because a) they are huge, b) they are very smart, and c) I have seen The Birds. Who wants their eyes pecked out? Not me.

Anyway, these crows were dive bombing something in the alley. I looked and gasped. That “something” was a robin. People, that robin DIED right before my very eyes. The crows swooped and swooped, and the robin went from hopping to wing-twitching to dead, in less than a minute. Then the crows flew away, leaving me to wonder why. Why did they kill the robin, if they weren’t even going to eat it? My husband had the grisly suggestion that it was a warning to the other robins. Don’t mess with the crows.

And now his watch has ended.

Fortunately/ unfortunately by the time I returned from my errand, the robin’s little body was gone. Either some of the neighbourhood wildlife had a feast, or one of my neighbours saw it and cleaned it up; if I was a betting woman I would put my money on the former.

I was a bit nervous on a whole other level, though, because I thought if the crows could gang up on a robin, they could certainly take on the magpies. Then, theoretically, my yard could be rid of the magpies but filled with crows. I wasn’t loving the magpie gang warfare, but at least I could be fairly confident that I wouldn’t be pecked to death by them. If fifty CROWS decided my yard was the place to be, I think I would never leave my house again.

As suddenly as all this birdie drama started, it stopped. Suddenly, there are no magpies in the yard, nor any crows in the alley. A couple little robins are hopping around in the yard, and splashing in my neighbour’s bird bath. I put the sprinkler on the trees and garden, and was heartened by the sight of several robins enjoying the spray. I don’t know how this happened, but I am not asking questions. Maybe the crows WERE putting out a warning, but not to other robins; maybe it was a you’re next signal to the magpies.

A friend (HI STEPHANIE) told me that in the Buddhist faith crows are considered to be protectors. Maybe, in a bizarrely violent way, they were protecting the robins from the magpies, who, as we all know, are the assholes of the bird world. Perhaps I should make my peace with the crows. So long as they don’t peck my eyes out, they can hang out on my fence, or “Castle Black,” as I’m calling it.

Wild Thing

I just got back yesterday from an extra-long weekend at my in-laws’ house, and I have a question: how is it possible to have an absolute mountain of laundry when I actually DID two loads of laundry over the weekend? The answer is that there is no answer. There is only laundry.

I’m feeling a bit drained from all the driving, and then the rush to get groceries and prepare for this very short week, and…I guess I’m just feeling a bit drained in general. The weekend was nice, albeit a bit cool and a bit rainy, although it snowed quite a bit in Calgary and so I will not complain about it. Because of the cooler weather we took the kids to a movie: Angry Birds. It wasn’t the worst movie I have ever seen, but that’s about as positive as I can get about it.

Today I went to the garden centre to pick up my annual flowers, and let me tell you a secret: the Wednesday after the long weekend is PRIME plant purchasing time. I think they must get a big shipment in after the long weekend depletion (although – was anyone actually buying flowers in the snow? I don’t know.). In any case, “kid in a candy store” does not adequately describe my feelings when I’m in the garden centre. It’s all I can do to not gather up tables of plants in my arms and run out of the store. Even though I felt like I was spinning around and dancing like Maria von Trapp in the Alps, I was actually quite well behaved and kept reminding myself that I didn’t have enough room to take EVERYTHING I wanted home.

Well, technically I would have to remove the entire front lawn if I did take home everything I wanted, but that’s another story.

I love the garden centre with all my being. It feels like Christmas in there. I walk around with a huge smile on my face, talking to all the old people who shop there on weekdays. Just like with groceries, it’s me and the elderly. I love how all the old ladies dress up to go to the garden centre, in floral dresses or nice slacks, with tan nylons and open toed white sandals. Their white cardigans match their shoes and handbags, and their husbands push the cart for them, looking pained. Then there are the old men that are flying solo in the bedding plants; I always get into flirty chats with them regarding the newfangled wave petunias or those new impatiens that actually need part sun, rather than full shade. Good times. Flirting with the elderly seems to be a pastime of mine now; I feel quite youthful and a little bit wild, with my snapdragons and osteopermum that I might just plant together, I don’t know.

Anyway, enough of my depravity.

Despite the snow, the gardens and yard look so wonderful right now. For one thing, the lilacs all bloomed last week, which must be a new record:

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The little yellow leopard’s bane, which my neighbour gave me years ago and which did not bloom at all last year, are in bloom:

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And it’s almost Barkley’s birthday! He’s going to be eight on Monday.

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I have much to tell you, mostly about weird comments regarding my eyebrows and also weird comments regarding my makeup, but that shall have to wait for another day. Those flowers aren’t going to plant themselves! xo

Tiny Handprints On Furniture And Walls

How was your weekend? I know that Mother’s Day can be fraught with all sorts of emotions and mixed feelings for some people, and if you are one of those, I hope you had some peace over the weekend.

I had some nostalgic, emotional moments when I realized, late Saturday night, that I had not been disallowed from unpacking any backpacks this week. Steph had commented on my Throwing It Back post last week that she remembered when her son no longer brought home Mother’s Day crafts from school, and that comment resurfaced in my brain after I realized that no one had panicked when I opened up backpacks this whole past week. Now, rationally, I know that all things eventually come to an end, and just like it would be very weird to get one of those “Tiny Handprints” poems from a nine-year-old, so too would it be strange to get a Mom-related acrostic poem written on a doily from a teenager. I knew such crafts would no longer come one day, I just didn’t realize that this Mother’s Day would be that day.

Landslide.

It was apparent that my hunch was correct on Sunday morning. Every year for Mother’s Day, my mom and I get pedicures and I go to the garden centre and buy whatever I like and call it my “Mother’s Day gift.” In actuality, I do not want a physical gift on Mother’s Day, just this nice little pedicure-and-plant-buying ritual. But I’ve always had some kind of craft to look at and admire on Mother’s Day, so it did feel a bit strange. I realized that I would never again receive a Mother’s Day craft. Never again is a very powerful concept.

I went to yoga and while I ujjayi breathed, I thought of all the moms in Fort Mac, and how the boys helped me plant the garden the day before, and how everything is wonderful and I really don’t even have room on my dressers for more crafts anyway, since I’ve been displaying most of them since I was given them and things are a little crowded with construction paper. I left the Shala smiling and with renewed perspective.

People, I came home and the boys and my husband had cleaned the entire house. They even scrubbed the baseboards, mopped the downstairs bathroom, and vacuumed the stairs.

Fuck the doily crafts, this was the best Mother’s Day gift ever.

I was completely surprised and frankly, elated. It came to me that motherhood is just one long string of eras, and I am out of the crafting era and into the “acts of service” era and this era is awesome. Not that I didn’t love the preschool teas…

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They were adorable. I enjoyed the “spa day” that Jake’s kindergarten teacher had devised, and I wore my bright-pink nail polish with pride, or something…

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What I’m saying is I love this new era, I really do. The boys helped my husband make dinner and they all cleaned up and it was kind of a Mother’s Day fantasy come true, to be honest. I used to long for moments by myself, to have a cup of coffee without someone needing help in the bathroom and to make dinner without someone crying in the kitchen, I used to just long for moments where no one was touching me or needing something or talking to me.

And now I have it. I have whole pots of coffee in peace, unless someone desperately needs to know what Reverend Lovejoy’s wife’s name is, or someone wants to expound on their theory that Star Wars could be real, we really don’t know, the universe is so big. No one ever cries when I am trying to get dinner on the table and when the kids get home from school they just hang out and don’t need a thing from me. I’m going to Toronto for YMC-related things tomorrow and it’s really not a big deal. Things will keep on ticking without me; they might be more slightly more complicated, but our little world will keep on turning while I’m gone. I’ll be missed, but not in a oh my god, the universe just imploded kind of way.

I didn’t mean to get all maudlin, but suddenly I understand those irritating old people who would say things like “Enjoy them, it goes so fast” in the grocery store when one kid would be crying in the cart and the other would be pulling things off the shelf. I mean, I’m not going to turn into one of those people because comments like that are in the Top Ten Least Helpful Things To Say To A Mother, but I understand them. And if I went back in time I’d still long for a cup of coffee in peace, I’m sure.

Still.

So to all you mamas of little ones out there, you are doing a great job. Keep on keeping on. And to all you mamas of older kids out there, well, I get it now. It actually does go fast and we can’t stop time, so we better enjoy the ride while we are on it. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy my very clean house, and pack for my trip tomorrow, and plan to talk about Star Wars and The Simpsons nonstop at the dinner table tonight. xo

Northern Tragedy

I had a happy, fun post planned for today, all about Music Monday and the garden centre and how the orthodontist told me Mark’s appointment would be fifteen minutes and it really took an hour, but everything has taken a backseat to the fires in Fort McMurray. If you haven’t seen the images, here is the latest. As of this moment, the entire city was evacuated – that is almost 90,000 people – and 1600 buildings have been destroyed. There is one highway out of Fort McMurray, and the images of bumper-to-bumper traffic while the flames raged within meters will stay with me forever.

My husband and I were watching the news last night, and when a photo was shown of vehicles trying to drive away with flames, smoke, and ash all around, he said, “I guess there are probably lots of kids and families in those cars.” We looked at each other silently, and then continued to watch.

Really, there’s nothing to say and do, being far away, other than to donate to the Red Cross and wait until the fire is out to see what else is needed. It’s a terrible tragedy and I personally know many people who work in, live in, or are from Fort McMurray. I cannot imagine what they must be going through.

The good news is that tragedy often brings out the best in people, as people in Northern Alberta opened their homes to people fleeing. No one has been hurt or killed, everyone in the city, including all in hospitals or acute care facilities, has been evacuated, and two babies have been born at worksite camps. People are working together and will continue to work together, I’m sure.

Sadly, tragedy also often brings out the worst in people. I have some advice for you: during times like this, the only thing that is acceptable to say is this is terrible and how can I help? Not acceptable: politicking and comments that indicate that the residents and workers are to blame for this tragedy. If you have reservations about the energy industry in general, and the oilsands in particular, then those reservations are best kept to yourself until the fires are out and the damage is assessed. Even then, compassion and empathy go a long way. Imagine what it would feel like to leave your home and all your possessions, which you may never see again, with your family in tow and your town burning to the ground behind you. People ran out of gas and were stranded on the highway, with nowhere to go. Unless you have been to that part of the world, you can’t imagine how isolated it is.

Anyway. Perhaps I should end on a more cheery note, the one on which I had planned for today. Music Monday was beautiful, and the children sang Is Somebody Singing, which never fails to make me verklempt. They also sang a bizarre song about a possum comin’ a knockin’, and each classroom had a verse to sing. It…seemed long to me, but it was my kids’ favourite part of Music Monday so I’m happy they’re happy.

For the first time in many years, I have tulips that are blooming! The squirrels didn’t eat those bulbs *knocks wood ferociously* and now look:

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I went to the garden centre today; it’s tradition in my house that for Mother’s Day (or thereabouts) I buy myself some plants. I thought I showed restraint:

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I texted the photo to my husband, who replied “Not enough.” Is it any wonder I love the guy? I assured him that it was only my first trip of the season. After all, I couldn’t fit more in the cart!

Take care, everyone in Fort Mac. Our hearts are with you. xo