Category Archives: Embrace the Season

I Moustache You A Question

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I had my hair cut this week – and, as a complete sidebar, it was the best cut I have ever had in my life and I have never before been so happy with my hair, in all of my 47 years of life – and the salon owner was there, as he usually is. I don’t normally chat with him much but I noticed he was sporting a thick moustache. It was then that I realized that, apart from the inhabitants of the Boyhouse, I do not see many men on a daily basis.

Pre-pandemic I would have men in my yoga classes, I worked with men, I would see men in various events and meetings, and every November a large number of them would suddenly have moustaches, and I would wonder to myself did he always have that moustache, or is this a Movember thing?

Many years ago, my sons were in a karate school, and one day when I was waiting for them to be dismissed I recognized a man waiting for his son; we had been friends in university but I hadn’t seen him since. I said hi and introduced myself, and we chatted for not ten seconds before he pointed to his face and said “Excuse the moustache, I’m doing this Movember thing.”

Before we get too far into things, I want you to know, dear reader, that I am not anti-moustache. In fact, if I let things go in the hair removal department, I would certainly be sporting a handlebar myself. I think many men suit a moustache, particularly men of a certain generation: I’m thinking specifically of Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott. But moustaches in general are not my favourite, and I am working hard to keep this opinion to myself.

My younger son, for reasons known only to him, has decided to grow a moustache for the month of November. Possibly beyond November. We don’t know. Only time will tell. The last time such a shaving-mutiny happened in my house was at the very beginning of the pandemic when the boys, at that time aged 16 and 14 1/2, decided they would not shave until the pandemic was over. Well. At the time they probably thought it would be a month or maybe six weeks, and in fact, my younger son thankfully did shave around May 2020. My older son held on until the fall, when he saw a photo of himself and was horrified.

This time is different. There are many guys at the high school who have full beards, and while my son is not one of them, he does have quite a dark, relatively thick moustache, for a 17-year-old. I don’t love it but it’s his face, it’s just facial hair, and our children are their own people with their own body autonomy and ability to make their own choices. Right? I think of when I was 17; if someone had told me they didn’t like my army boots with babydoll dresses, or that some day I might regret the long, spiral permed hair with giant bangs, or that Revlon’s Love That Red lipstick was a bit much for math class at 9 in the morning, I would have wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves. So I support my son’s facial hair choice, even if I prefer his face clean-shaven.

Many, many years ago, I remember a woman on Twitter who went by the moniker PhD In Parenting, which is a pretty bold statement, in my mind. Personally, I think of myself more as a High School Graduate But In The Remedial Stream In Parenting, so this is not expert advice, but I think the key to parenting at any age, but especially teens, is to treat our kids in a way that we would also want to be treated. I often think of that poem “Your children are not your children,” because they need to make choices and decisions and live their lives in a way that might not always jive with my way.

So far it’s worked for me. I acknowledge that I am very, very fortunate in that all our personalities get along in this house, and that we have not had any major issues. This is, I think, more luck of the draw than parenting, but sometimes I get praised in a way that I don’t think I deserve.

My younger son and his moustache have been seeing a podiatrist for about six weeks now, and every time we go there it’s like a Celebration Of The Wonder Who Is My Son. It’s quite over the top and I love it. This reaction from the staff is possibly because he appears to be the only patient under 65 in the office, and hence is a bit of a novelty, but he is truly a very kind and polite person. The receptionist and nurse fawn all over him, and when he does something simple like ask them how they are doing, they gush about his manners and congratulate me on raising such an incredible young man.

I accept this praise and congratulations wholeheartedly, but I honestly think parenting is only part of the story. It’s an important part, to be sure, but so much of the way a person presents themselves to the world is on them. So much of a person is just the way they ARE, and that leads to a philosophy I strongly adhere to in both parenting and in life: we need to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are. We need to accept them even when they are different from us, even when they have our own traits that we don’t like, and even when they decide that moustaches are the way to go.

Weekly Reading

The Beauty of Living Twice. Two things: 1) Sharon Stone has led an incredibly interesting and meaningful life, 2) she is a very intelligent woman but intelligence doesn’t always translate to “good writer.” I think this book could have benefitted from a ghostwriter. Her journey is fascinating but I was very put off by the choppy writing style. I didn’t realize she had suffered a major stroke – and, apparently, massive medical incompetence to the point of malpractice – and nearly died. A lot of this book is about her healing journey, her activism, and her embrace of Buddhism. The writing kind of wrecked the story for me, sadly, because I think it’s a good one. She overcame poverty and childhood sexual and physical abuse, as well as her health issues and “being too old” to get work in Hollywood, post-stroke.

How To Keep House While Drowning. I heard an interview with this author, and I knew I wanted to read her book. She was due to have her second baby and, given that she suffered postpartum depression with her first, she set up a whole support network to help in the weeks after giving birth. She arranged for meal delivery, help with housework, for her older child to go to preschool four days a week, the works. She had the baby in February 2020. I don’t need to tell you how that affected her postpartum support.

Remember in the early days of the pandemic when we were all scrubbing our baseboards and purging our closets and using powdered Tide to “strip” the laundry? Remember all those cleaning hacks? This book is not that. This book is a very gentle, very kind guide to creating a functional living space and caring for that space, and yourself, when you feel like you are literally drowning. This is a support book for people who might feel like they just can’t get the energy to brush their hair, let alone polish their sinks. This book is written for the neurodivergent – the author herself has ADHD – and for people who are really, really struggling with executive functioning and day-to-day life, but I think that anyone can benefit from reading it. At the very least, you will come away with the idea of “moral neutrality,” which means that housework or lack thereof does not dictate what kind of a person you are. You are not a superior person if you fold your laundry and you are not inferior if you cannot wash the dishes more than once every three days. Those things are morally neutral. This book creates a feeling of kindness and compassion for ourselves and for others, and uses the words “care tasks” in place of “chores,” which has a much nicer connotation. There is also a very important discussion about environmental choices, and how most environmentalism serves able-bodied people of privilege, but doesn’t consider those who are disabled in any way. Most of all, this book gives permission to take care of yourself and your living space – in whatever form that takes – without moral judgement. It’s a quick and easy read and I highly recommend it.

Catastrophic Happiness. How did I miss this when it came out SIX YEARS AGO! I was devouring Newman’s We All Want Impossible Things when I saw that this book of essays about parenting children in the pre-teen, post-baby era existed and I never read it! Colour me embarrassed. Well, this gave me a lovely nostalgic feeling and fans will just love it. I did! It also made me breathe a sigh of relief that tantrums, childhood illnesses, and stress about am I doing this right are in the rearview mirror for me.

My husband finished all the outdoor decorations just in time before another harsh cold front descended, and the four of us put up the tree and indoor decorations, all while wearing our WWE Christmas sweaters, speaking of meeting people where they are and showing interest in teens’ own niche interests. Longtime readers may recall that at the time of our sweater acquisition the only female wrestler-themed sweater available was six sizes larger than the one I typically wear, which makes it pretty cozy. Could I have purchased a MALE wrestler-themed sweater that would have been closer to my size? I could have. But I am a firm Supporter Of Women, even for something this ridiculous. In other news, I have two new gnome decorations for the tree – one from my mom – and the house feels very hygge and festive as Old Man Winter descends once again with frigid temperatures and snow. I hope you are cozy and hygge, wherever you are. xo

Gifting

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Last week I received a complimentary “New Puppy Package” from the vet, despite the fact that Rex is not a puppy, and in it was a stuffed squeaky toy. As I paid for the visit – and the lice treatment, ew David – the vet unpackaged the toy and gave it to Rex to play with. He seemed to enjoy it immensely, and then as soon as we got home he dropped it in the snow in the backyard. I picked it up and took it inside, and he immediately went to the door with it in his mouth, to drop it back in the snow. This went on for a while. Finally, my younger son came home from school, witnessed this back-and-forth, and said “Mom, give up. He doesn’t want it in the house. You’re never going to win this.”

I don’t like to anthropomorphize, but it felt like Rex was pretending to like his gift, but once he got home he didn’t have to pretend anymore. I suppose we have all been there. For the record, I have since tried to bring it back inside, but he continues to take it outside and then ignore it. It feels like a judgement.

This brings me, strangely enough, to Christmas shopping! Quite a few people have asked how I always finish my shopping so early, and the keys to this success are a) I don’t have a lot of people to buy for, b) I start in late October, block off a few hours here and there and just push through, and c) I don’t stress out about finding the Perfect Gift, I just try to find things the recipients will like and then call it a day.

Of course, some people are easier to buy for than others. My parents, for example, are the easiest; my dad in particular has received aftershave, golf balls, or some kind of shirt on rotation for every single Christmas, Father’s Day, and birthday from me for the past thirty years or so, and he always is happy with his gift. He’s the type of person who will ostentatiously wear his shirt or aftershave the day after it is gifted, to show his appreciation, and I am HERE for it. My mom is similarly easy to shop for since I know her taste, her size, and her favourite colours and scents, and I know she’ll like anything I give her.

The guys are also fairly straightforward. They know that I am an early shopper and that I do not want the stress of the mall, or the worry that online orders won’t arrive, in December, and so they provide some ideas and then I freestyle with them. All three of them generally receive some combination of shirts, workout wear, and books, with one larger item connected to their individual interests. For example, this year my younger son is getting a new kick pedal for his drum kit. I can guess at books the three of them are interested in, but I am always appreciative of my younger son’s giving me specific ideas as to manga that he wants. Have you ever looked at the manga section in a bookstore? It’s overwhelming to say the least, and I don’t know if he wants Chainsaw Man Volume 4 or Vinland Saga 2, if you know what I’m saying. Looking at the selection of books, I feel like I was dropped into an alternate planet where I don’t know the language or the customs, and I’m just blindly groping my way through. Manga is not in my wheelhouse; neither is fantasy or sci-fi, but I scan blogs and reviews (HI ENGIE) to cobble together ideas for my older son.

There are a couple of people on my gift list who are more challenging, as I have alluded to before, and I do get a little anxious about it. Many years ago I decided I was not going to do this anymore, and I did not buy them gifts, and I will tell you that that decision was a huge mistake. What I didn’t understand was that the gifts from our household constituted essentially 90-100% of the gifts under those trees, and when I realized they had zero gifts to open on Christmas morning, I was wracked with guilt. Thinking of it now, I STILL have to close my eyes and take a deep breath. It led me to a complete shame spiral and an examination of the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a generous person, not just gift-wise, but emotionally, and so I now push through my low-level gift-giving anxiety. Basically, I just Hail Mary it, and like any Hail Mary, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but at least I tried.

On a related note, I finished the calendars! Or, the goddamn calendars. They are done, they are ordered, and they contain what I am going to whimsically call an eclectic mix of photos of old favourites, recent photos, and Rex. It turned out to be fairly fun, as I got to travel down memory lane with the old photos, and it gave me an excuse to include my Favourite Photo Of All Time:

MY HEART. This photo was taken in Palm Springs just before the 2010 Olympics, hence the t-shirts. The boys could not believe that we could be in snow-and-ice covered Calgary, get on a plane, and suddenly be somewhere where there was grass! And flowers! The miracle of travel. Honestly, I still feel that way when I travel, how incredible it is that in only a short amount of time you can arrive somewhere completely different from the place you left.

It was so cold this week; we had a few days that the temperatures dipped into the minus 20s, which is not just Cold but COLD. It’s a bit early in the season for such temperatures, and it made me think about all my friends in much warmer climates; specifically, my Florida girls (HI SUZ HI STEPHANY HI JENNY). I have been talking about one day showing up on your steps to swim in your pools and hang out on your lanais and look at your butterflies, and, in Jenny’s case, chatting about clothes and hair and shopping with your daughters, and HERE I AM. ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.

My husband joked that if Hurricane Nicole was like Me Nicole, she would start off really strong in the morning and then get sleepy and fade to a slight breeze and a bit of rain by 7:30 pm and he wasn’t far off in that assessment. I’m glad Nicole wasn’t too bad for my friends – except for wrecking your hair with rain and wind, sorry about that – because I’d feel awful if my namesake was a real bitch.

Weekly Reading

Black Cake. This was an excellent novel about family, legacies, and traditions. It follows estranged siblings who are dealing with their mother’s death, and discovering her life story and secrets. It is so well-written and spans decades, which I absolutely love, and shows how the characters are all interconnected.

All Of This. Sometimes I read a memoir of someone who has basically the opposite life of me, and this was that. The author’s husband died of pancreatic cancer, and he was diagnosed two weeks after she had asked him for a divorce. This isn’t your typical Mourning Widow Memoir. Instead, the author talks about how toxic her marriage was and how essentially she was glad he died because it made her free. A very large chunk of the book is devoted to her healing process, which can be summed up in this way: she put herself on a dating app with the description “recently widowed and DTF.” Much of the book is about her sexual experiences and how open she was with her children about those experiences, and you know what, I don’t THINK that I am a prudish person but then I read something like this and I realize that I AM. This was well-written but I found it quite disturbing and unsettling.

A Room Called Earth. I picked this up on a whim at the library and I’m glad I did. It is such a unique and interesting book, following a young autistic woman who goes to a party. The book is the description of the things she sees, perceives, and feels. It was fascinating and really well-done.

The temperatures popped up around freezing this weekend, so my husband was able to put up the outdoor balls on the tree; I’m starting to think about decorating the house. As my son says, it is now Legal to play Christmas music, and obviously my first song was Last Christmas! It’s getting festive around here! I hope you have a festive – and, for my coastal friends, tropical storm-less – week! xo

Sudden Season Shift

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This is the time of year when my friends in milder climates are talking about crunchy leaves, and the beauty and splendor of fall, and meanwhile, we are in full-on winter!

The Weather hit November 1, which felt very appropriate for Tiny Secret Festive Season. Temperatures plummeted to the minus double-digits, a ton of snow fell, and the roads were pure chaos, as is usual for the first few snowfalls. Because I am apparently an idiot, I decided to go get groceries on Designated Grocery Day, even though that was the day of an actual blizzard, with ice under the snow and the streets not yet cleared. I will just say it was a pretty unnerving drive, going up a slippery hill with a lot of traffic, wondering if I would lose momentum and either stall out or start to slide DOWN the hill. Anyway, I made it, and to no one’s surprise there were very few customers, so it wasn’t long before I was on my way back home, vowing not to take the car out again for any reason. Of course, Rex needed a walk, so we went five kilometres in unplowed, unshovelled, ankle-deep snow, which was delightful for him and a massive leg workout for me. Win-win?

I am feeling festive, people! In a tiny and secret way. I’ve also finished most of my Christmas shopping; I still need little stocking stuffers, but I’m done, done, done. Here’s a question: do you have gift-giving anxiety? I don’t generally, but there are two people on my list who I do worry about, along the lines of is this the right thing, will they like this, what if they don’t like it. Intellectually, I think this is silly. It’s a gift! I’m trying my best to be thoughtful! When I receive a gift I am universally delighted! But emotionally, well, it’s a different story. This is possibly because last year, I thought I had hit on the exact perfect thing, FINALLY, after all these years, and I was so excited, and I really realized what all those people for whom gift giving is their love language felt like, and then I never heard a word about the gift from the recipient. So that was disheartening.

Well, no matter. The shopping is done! I tried my best! This is all we can do, and now I’m faced with The Great Wrapping And Shipping Task.

One thing I haven’t done yet is creating and ordering photo calendars. Ever since the boys were small – I can’t remember how small, because honestly 2004-2007 is just one big blur – I have made a photo calendar for each set of grandparents and one of their aunts. This year, I thought, you know what, they are too old to do this now. I mean, they are 17 and 18! I’m not even sure I have twelve photos of the two of them together in 2022 and if I do, it’s guaranteed they will feature ridiculous posturing and facial expressions. This gift, I thought, has had its day and now that day has passed.

Well. I will tell you, people, what I thought was a natural end to something brought massive consternation and angst to the involved parties. My mother (who is probably reading this, HI MOM) and mother-in-law reacted with sadness and a LOT of passive-aggressive commentary (my mother-in-law informed me that she has saved every single calendar and when she’s feeling blue she looks at them in order to see their age progression), but my dad went full-on aggressive-aggressive. Why WOULDN’T I make a calendar? Age doesn’t matter! If my mother-in-law was unhappy, and my parents were unhappy, why wouldn’t I do something, something SO EASY, to make everyone happy? Their happiness was in MY control! This continued until I finally broke down, like a prisoner being waterboarded. Fine! FINE! I’LL MAKE A GODDAMN CALENDAR! I think those were my exact words. Essentially, my dad bullied me into making another calendar, and so evidently I will be making calendars until the end of time.

Well, maybe I’ll try something new and add photos of them throughout the years; that would be pretty cute, to have toddlers next to high school graduation next to a day at the zoo. Or Rex photos! I used to put Barkley in our calendar, so this seems like a natural progression. I guess I better figure it out soon because a) I have a coupon for printing, b) I want to just finish the job and get it in the mail, and c) everyone’s happiness is depending on me so I must start immediately.

Speaking of happiness or the opposite, Time Change. It is hard to believe that this ridiculous imaginary construct is still going on, but here we are. Let’s send out all our love and good wishes to the moms of little ones who are now waking up at ungodly hours (and, let’s face it, me, because I get up between 4 and 4:30 normally, so you can imagine what my internal clock is doing) and who will be having meltdowns and falling asleep in their dinners this week (again, me). (Lisa, you okay? HI LISA) I have been ranting about Time Change for years, and so I won’t repeat myself, but for god’s sake, can we just pick a time and stick with it? There is a great article about it in National Geographic, and I love that it possibly started with a satirical letter by Benjamin Franklin; if indeed that is true, that seems fitting.

Weekly Reading

Well, one benefit of finding myself awake extremely early on a Sunday morning meant that I got some extra reading done. It was a week of two hits and a meh.

The Marriage Bureau. One of my yoga ladies loaned me this book, knowing my love for The Crown and Downton Abbey. I was under the impression that it was historical fiction but it’s not really; it’s more like a collection of anecdotes from researching the archives and old interviews of the founder of the Marriage Bureau, a matchmaking service in England in the 1940s. I did enjoy thinking about how people meet other people, and possibly marry, at that time but I didn’t love the writing style. I found it stilted and a bit clunky. It’s in development for a television series and I think it would play well on the screen, but it’s kind of tedious to read. Still, interesting to think – how did people meet during a war? During colonial times? Were these marriages successful? Out of all the marriages that resulted from the matchmaking, only two ended in divorce, which is a pretty good success rate.

Book Lovers. I will admit that I was a bit hesitant because this is such a popular book, and sometimes these popular reads do not live up to the hype for me. However! Nothing disappointing about this! It was tremendously fun and just a delight to read! It’s like a very witty, twisty Hallmark movie, in the best way possible. I loved it! What a feel-good book!

Blue Nights. Whenever I read Joan Didion, I become obsessed with Joan Didion. I end up looking at photos and reading her biography and imagining life in the Sixties, being a writer in Southern California with all the other famous writers. I imagine working at Vogue in the Fifties – think of that! Anyway. Blue Nights is a very moving book about the loss of her daughter, reflections on their life together, and her own struggles with the aging process and loss of health. It is in no way uplifting, and it is quite tragic, more in what is left unsaid than what is said, to roughly quote Hemingway (did I just quote Hemingway, obviously I am affected by Time Change).

It’s shaping up to be a very cold week here, as in “minus twenties” kind of cold. It’s officially Legwarmer Season, as well as Tiny Secret Festive Season! Whatever Season you are celebrating this week, I hope it’s warming and lovely. xo

Halloween and Teens

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Happy Halloween, everyone! Whatever your plans today, I hope they at least contain some Fun Sized chocolates. Because I am a Very Fancy Lady, I have a big bowlful of full-sized chocolate bars, and because I get weirdly paranoid about Halloween, I also have purchase three giant boxes of mini chocolate bars and fruity candy, because what if we get swarmed by children and I run out of the big chocolate bars? What if? This has never happened, but there is a first time for everything.

Does Rex want to be a cowboy for Halloween, or would he prefer a tiny sparkly sombrero? We don’t know. We also don’t know what he’s going to think of Trick-or-Treaters. He doesn’t bark when people come to the door, but he is very interested in people, so we are going to have to make sure he doesn’t accidentally bowl small Paw Patrollers over.

This is my Annual Reminder that Teens Are People Too; my very strict rule is that if someone comes to my door on Halloween, they will get a treat. There is no age limit to this, I don’t even care if there is a costume involved, and I certainly don’t have a performance or singing requirement. I’m not telling anyone else what to do with their stash of Fun-Size Kit Kats, but in this house, everyone gets a damn chocolate bar, and I don’t care if the Trick-or-Treater is 6’2″ and is just wearing regular clothes. Halloween is for everyone!

My own teens are not Trick-or-Treating and haven’t for a few years now, but they have been pilfering from my boxes of mini chocolate bars, so maybe I should buy another box, just in case?

No. I need to stay strong. I HAVE ENOUGH.

Besides which, the guys have a lot of sugar cookies to eat, because it isn’t a festivity if there aren’t cookies involved:

The snow mostly melted, just in time for more snow coming this week. Prior to that we had a lot of heavy winds, and some of the decorations took the hit, particularly our hanging mummy:

My husband was out of town for a few days, but the boys managed to fix the decorations that ended up tangled in tree branches, but the ground was so wet from all the snow that they couldn’t get the mummy to stand back up. It took some effort but they jerry-rigged it to a tree. Between that and my younger son putting the winter tires on my car, I am really celebrating having teens, even more than usual. Even when they eat into my stash of mini chocolate bars.

The guys gave me this shirt for Christmas, and it has spurred a whole series of Fuck Things around here. For example, the song September only needs to play for someone to comment “Earth, Wind, and Fire. Fuck water.” There was a restaurant in a small town that we drove past this summer, called “Breakfast Matters…Lunch Too!” at which point, my younger son said “Fuck dinner.”

Good times. Today I teach my Strength and Tone Yoga class, and I think I’m going to take my ladies some Lindors from my secret stash that no one but me knows about, which is why it still exists; maybe I’ll dig out my little witch fascinator as well. Will it stay on during downward dog? Who can say.

Weekly Reading

The Wild Iris. I have been reading this beautiful book of poetry each morning prior to my yoga practice, over the past couple of months. It’s gorgeous. Thanks so much to Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) for introducing me to the incredible Louise Gluck!

The Dictionary of Lost Words. I think it was from reading a Bill Bryson book that I realized…the Oxford English Dictionary didn’t always exist. I mean, obviously! Someone had to write it! But imagine the work that went into that. It took decades, and that is the basis of this novel; the writing of the OED. Importantly, the story deals with words the dictionary DOESN’T include. There was absolutely a bias in the writing of the dictionary; words predominantly used by women and lower classes were typically not included. (There is a whole chapter on the c-word.) Given the fascinating topic, this book should have been a home run for me, but it wasn’t. There were good parts and it was thought provoking, but the story didn’t grab me; I had a hard time getting into it and I found the characters flat. I liked it okay, but not as much as I thought I would. This book got rave reviews, so take my review with a grain of salt, but I just could not CARE about the story as it was written, although I spent a lot of time thinking about the Educated White Man bias that decided which words were important enough to end up in the dictionary.

Unmask Alice. Now, this WAS a home run for me. This book was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Did you read Go Ask Alice when you were a teen? I sure did and it scared the bejesus out of me. I credit it for keeping me from ever trying LSD or any hard drugs, and believe me, I was no angel. Who could forget the final freak out? Who could forget her ripping out her own hair and skin because she thought she was crawling with maggots? Who could forget when she ran away, got her period, and had no feminine supplies. Not that these things are equal, but all distressing. Anyway, the “diary” was completely fake and as an adult, of course, I can see it. I mean, no one goes from acid to speed to HEROIN to…pot. What I didn’t know is how insidious the author of Go Ask Alice was. This book is nuts and it takes you on a wild ride. It covers everything from Satanism to Art Linkletter, of “Kids say the darnedest things” fame. It’s wild and the side notes are supremely funny. At the same time, the religious background of the author makes things like the homophobia of Go Ask Alice even more disturbing than it was on first read. I had no idea that the author of Go Ask Alice went on to “edit” “real diaries” of many other troubled teens, right up until before her death in the early 2000s, always pretending that those diaries were completely authentic, although they all SOMEHOW backed up her own belief system. And just as soon as you think you know what’s happening, this book takes a crazy turn at the end.

Happy Halloween, everyone! Tomorrow is the start of Tiny Secret Festive Season! My Christmas bracelet is waiting in the wings, I have festive-scented hand soaps for every sink, and the fall-themed tea towels are preparing to go back in the closet, to be replaced by all the holiday ones. It won’t be long before I bust out the Christmas playlists and songbooks.

Rex will probably be glad for some Christmas music; I have been learning Bridge Over Troubled Water and it is a BITCH with key changes and difficult fingering.

Enjoy the festivities tonight, whatever you are doing, and best of luck to all my friends starting NaBloPoMo tomorrow! I’ll do my best to keep up with you, but no promises! Have a great week. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The It’s Fall, Y’all Edition

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We have had the most beautiful October with the longest stretch of sunny and warm weather; it’s been the kind of weather that evokes that Anne Shirley quote – I’m glad I live in a world where there are Octobers – which, believe me, is not a normal state of affairs in Calgary. Our first snowfall came fully 2/3 into the month, which is late for us. Here are our Halloween decorations before the snow:

And here is the after:

This is fall in Calgary! You just never know what the day might bring. All of this means that it’s time to pull out the thigh high wool socks, the bumwarmers, and the winter boots. It’s also time for a Favourite Things!

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The It’s Fall, Y’all Edition

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

Well, you didn’t think that I would get through an October Favourite Things post without talking about decorative gourds, did you, motherfuckers?

After last year’s fiasco with local wildlife stealing my little gourds and eating them, I decided to keep my miniature gourds inside. Those soft crafted pumpkins were gifted to me by a friend (HI TARYN) and regularly get wagged off the piano stool by SOMEONE. The piano stool was my great-grandmother’s, and I only recently incorporated it into my main-floor décor.

The Girls

Sometimes I can really visualize my future self, and one of those iterations of my future self is Crazy Plant Lady. I mean, I can really see it; me, at an advanced age, lipstick on, wearing flowing black old-lady tops, talking to houseplants, and referring to them all as her babies. It’s already happening, to be truthful.

It all started when my friend Denise (HI DENISE) relocated to Houston, and gave me her 17-year-old Christmas cactus. This Christmas cactus is as old as my youngest child, people. I am a Garden Person but I haven’t had indoor plants for years, other than my almost-zero-maintenance jade plant; still, I promised to care for it tenderly. I immediately named it Noelle and started researching How To Care For A Christmas Cactus.

The first order of business was to re-pot it, and for that I needed some more soil. Too long, didn’t read; I should never be left in the garden centre alone. I decided that along with a new pot and some soil, Noelle needed a friend, and this decorative pepper plant was just the ticket. I named her Pippa. If I had more space Noelle would have had a whole clique of friends, alas, I do not have space.

I had this cute little plant vignette for a week or so, but when we found out that Rex was coming to our home I moved them to the top of the hutch. I wasn’t sure if Rex was a plant-eater – he decidedly is NOT – but I thought his gigantic wagging tail might easily knock over The Girls. This turned out to be prescient, as the aforementioned soft gourds are often flying across the kitchen.

Scrub-a-Dub-Dub

I have loved the Rocky Mountain Soap company for years, but I have always ordered their products online. This generally worked great, but sometimes I ended up with a scent that I disliked. A few months ago I was at the mall which is five minutes from my house, and discovered that they had a new, REAL LIFE store! How exciting! I was able to sniff to my heart’s content, and I bought this lovely Blood Orange Body Scrub:

It’s orange, so I feel like it suits a Fall Favourites. It smells like a creamsicle, or The Body Shop Satsuma line. It’s the perfect blend of scrub and oil, so that it really moisturizes while exfoliating. It’s great for those of us who – pardon me for being indelicate – tend to get ingrown hairs in the bikini area.

Hair

I saw this gorgeous photolog of a woman’s journey to grow out her grey hair, and I was kind of inspired, but not inspired enough, if you know what I mean. One day I shall stop dying my hair, but that day is not today. However. My hair seems to grow fairly fast, if my roots are any indication, which means that in the days leading up to Colour Day, they are fairly dramatic. My roots are almost totally white, which means I am always playing the game of is that my roots or is my scalp showing, am I losing my hair or is it just white. It’s not the most fun game.

I wear my hair up in a bun fairly often, particularly on teaching days, or on days that I don’t wash my hair. I found this hair band, which has trailing ends to make it look like a scarf, and I love it. It makes me feel like a fashionable hippie, or a fortune-teller, but in the best possible way.

I love it because it’s quite wide, so it covers up my roots nicely. I have many hair bands, but this is my new favourite because of the long scarf detailing.

Rex, Enthusiastic Subscriber to Friluftsliv

It’s been over two years since I decided to embrace my Norwegian heritage and the concept of friluftsliv; winters in Calgary are long indeed and I was tired of dreading them. I mean, what can you do about weather? There are two options: you can be miserable, or you can adapt. Well, I guess there are three options: you could move, but I didn’t foresee myself packing up and moving to Maui, the only place that I know of that has perfect weather year-round, so really, there are only two feasible options.

So here we are with quite a bit of heavy, wet snow on the ground, and the stunningly beautiful warmth of this fall in the rearview mirror. In years past, I may have felt a bit disheartened at the prospect of cold, cold, and more cold for the next six or seven months, but NOT TODAY, SATAN. I have layers and I shall wear them, I have many pairs of winter boots, I have bum warmers and thick coats, and I have Rex.

It’s impossible not to be moved by his pure joy at the first snowfall. What a dog! In the ayurvedic world, I believe Rex would be pitta. Bernese mountain dogs are built for winter conditions, so I have a lot of vicarious joy coming my way, as we come into the season. And hey, there’s nothing like winter to soothe those hot flashes, am I right?

Hot Stuff; Heart Stuff

Speaking of hot flashes, Kari (HI KARI) had written this post about menopause, from a Gen X woman’s standpoint, and it is tremendous. All 34 menopause symptoms, each with a song from the 80s. This post was from 5 years ago, but I like to reference it from time to time because High and Dry.

Specific to that point, this How To Apply “No-Makeup” Makeup: A Guide For Mature Women is absolutely worth a read.

This month, Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) wrote a post about measuring with your heart, and I felt seen. I never use the amount of vanilla that a recipe calls for; I at least double it or I just glug glug glug it in. Other things I measure with my heart: to-be-read book lists, grated ginger in any stir-fry recipe, chocolate chips in desserts and cookies, and nut butters in my smoothies.

Speaking of nut butters, has anyone else noticed how tiny the Reece peanut butter cup “fun size” treats are? What the what? When did this happen?

Peanut butter chocolate is still one of my favourite things, but as of next week we will be entering my favourite flavour season: MINT CHOCOLATE! But that is a topic for another post. What are your Favourite Things this month? Tell me everything. xo

A Week of Fall Outfits

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Thank you all for your very sweet comments and well-wishes about Rex! He is a pure joy and has settled into our household so nicely. I do not know how I got so lucky, but I did, and I am so very grateful.

As I am sure all of you know by now, I am very interested in clothes and personal style, and as such, I follow a lot of fashion blogs and listen to a lot of podcasts on the subject. I have said before that I have a Very Strict Clothing Rule, and that is that I should always feel cute and comfortable in my clothes, whatever the activity. In my mind, if clothes don’t fit properly or don’t boost my mood, then they have no place in my life. Lately I have been hearing a lot about sustainable clothing, and have also come to terms with the fact that my own personal style does not at all reflect current trends. Regarding the first item, I believe that the most sustainable clothing are the items that last the longest, and hence, may or may not be particularly trendy. I have pieces dating from 2007-2008, when I was the mother of a toddler and a preschooler, which is very far from where I am now. That may relate to the second item, which is that my personal style is not at all close to what is hot and current.

Here’s the thing: once I hit a certain age I had a Saint Paul On The Road To Damascus epiphany that, although I will always be interested in clothing trends, I am no longer interested in actually wearing them. Probably the biggest driver in all of this is that I like my clothes, and current styles are do not suit me in the least. God bless those lovely young women sporting crop tops, ruffles, and wide-leg pants, but those are just not for me. Also, I think at age 47, I can gracefully yield that which is meant for the youth to the youth. As I mentioned recently, I want my round little tummy covered and I do not feel the need to add breadth to my shoulders via pads or ruffles or flounces of any kind. Also, wide-leg pants look like clown pants on my body, and “Homer going to clown school” is not the look I am trying to achieve.

All of which is to say we are in the depths of fall, and it’s time for A Week of Fall Outfits! It has been a very warm fall for us; we have had no snow and only a handful of frosty mornings. The air is crisp, and it’s close to freezing in the mornings, but the afternoons have been sunny and mild. You know what this means: layers!

I will say, for the record, that I had some doubts about writing this. None of my outfits are Fashion Blog Worthy, or even very creative. I’m not scouring thrift stores and finding incredible vintage wear, I’m not unpacking a “haul,” I’m not donning Fabulous Outfits to go to the grocery store or library. In fact, most of my clothes look like my Own Personal Uniform, the signature of which is Comfortable and Practical. I was almost paralyzed by a weird imposter syndrome, if you can believe it. Who am I to write about fashion? I am writing this wearing my running pants and a tee that says “Nerd Patrol.” But then I thought, I have a week of winter, spring, and summer outfits. If I don’t do fall as well, a disaster beyond our imaginations may occur. Also, cute, comfortable, practical outfits are what we all desire, don’t we, and as a bonus I thought I could probably get seven extra photos of Rex in. So, here we go!

Monday

Monday was Rex Day! Here we are getting ready for our very first walk, and I was coincidentally coordinated with him. I don’t wear this outfit frequently as white and I don’t mix – I’m always spilling something! I have had that sweater since 2012, but the striped top is fairly new, purchased some time during the pandemic. Those jeans are new within the last year; my old jeans were not fitting well and these ones are super comfortable.

Tuesday

Tuesday was mammogram day, so comfortable and easy-to-remove clothing was the order of the day. I have talked about these pants before; they may just be my favourite pants. They have a button and zipper, and pockets, just like regular pants, but they feel like yoga pants. I added a sweater and a tank top, because layers, and both of those items date back to 2017 or 2018.

Wednesday

Wednesday is normally just Grocery Day, but I have been subbing an evening class for the past two Wednesdays. 2016-2019 Nicole taught ten classes a week, often back-to-back, any day or time. 2022 Nicole is exhausted at the thought of going to teach at a time when she normally has her jammies on. Anyway, to teach I always have a very lightweight top over a yoga tank, with leggings, of course. The community centre I teach at is always quite cold, so I chose a long sleeve white top over a bright pink tank. For warmth, I added this light sweater, that I have had so long I don’t even remember when I bought it.

Thursday

Thursday is a teaching day, so yoga pants, tank, and lightweight top underneath a sweater. Again, all pieces I have had for years. The necklace is one my son bought for me on his school trip to Quebec, back in 2017.

Friday

I always try to arrange for a little treat for myself on Fridays. Sometimes it’s a bowl or three of popcorn, sometimes it’s a glass or three of red wine, but this Friday I scheduled a pedicure (and also had popcorn and wine). This meant that I needed very stretchy pants, in order to pull them up to accommodate the foot bath. These pants always feel new, even though my mother gave them to me for my birthday in 2019. I added a long tank and sweater underneath, and it was perfect for the crisp, windy fall day.

Saturday

Here’s a new fashion accessory that has been life-changing – a waist leash! Rex is a good walker but he is very strong and weighs almost as much as I do, and so having a waist leash controls him so much better. Especially when squirrels are everywhere, just waiting to be chased. I love this sweater but it is extremely, shall we say, loosey-goosey, so it requires a tank underneath, so as to not psychologically scar my children every time I bend over. Jeans and comfy Skechers complete the outfit. Is that a mummy next to me? Yes! My husband and son were decorating the front yard for Halloween, updates to come.

Sunday

Sadly, my husband and I had a memorial service to attend, for the spouse of his colleague. This dress is a decade old at least, and I love it. It’s comfortable and the perfect weight for a fall day. Note: those expensive Sheertex pantyhose are still going strong! This is the fourth wearing and they do not even have so much as a snag. The colleague mentioned that we should all feel free to wear our favourite colours to the service, but I have literally no appropriate clothes that are not black. Hashtag: the New York Rainbow.

No matter how comfy a dress is, I’m not making dinner in one. This isn’t 1960 and I am not Betty Draper. Wait, did she ever make dinner? Or was it always just cigarettes and scotch? Anyhow, I switched to jeans and a long sleeve tee.

Weekly Reading

Consent. This was probably the best novel I have read all year. It is incredible. It’s the kind of book where you sit down for a moment and get up hours later, disoriented and fuzzy. It is quite dark and unsettling, complex and moving. I am going to put trigger warnings all over the place, though, it is definitely not for everyone. It follows two sets of sisters and a man who links their stories, and that is all I am going to tell you.

Where You End and I Begin. Sometimes I read a memoir and wonder how the author became a functioning member of society. I used to read her column in the G&M back in the early 2000s; she’s exactly my age. Whoa. She had a very dysfunctional upbringing with an emotionally incestuous mother. They had and have a super close bond. Her mother’s own childhood trauma informed her own and her daughters’ lives, but – unlike what you might hear from her mother’s essays – the author does not exploit this story and writes about her mother with incredible compassion and love. This is astonishing to read in its emotional complexity. 

It looks like it is shaping up to be another beautiful week. What a fall we have had! There is a birthday in the house this week, which means cake. Life is good! xo

First Step

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Happy Thanksgiving! I hope all my Canadian friends are enjoying this holiday Monday, and I hope you all – Canadian and beyond! – have had a beautiful weekend filled with delicious food and lots of love. I have so very much to be thankful for, not least of which was the Friday night with my parents. Due to my son’s work schedule, we headed up to visit on Friday, when my mom made an enormous dinner with three pies, and a chocolate cake for me, her spoiled daughter who does not like pie. We had a great night with lots of food, wine, and raucous dice games.

Last Monday one of my students brought up the quote “Gratitude is the first step to joy,” and I have been meditating on that all week. I have so much to be grateful for, the number one of which is my family; sometimes I just feel like my heart is going to explode thinking of it. Health, of course, is also a great source of gratitude. At my age, I am seeing more and more friends and acquaintances with health issues, both minor and, sadly, severe. One of my favourite Peloton instructors has a motivational phrase that goes along the lines of I woke up this morning, I put my feet on the ground, not everyone has that privilege. I am starting to completely understand why, when you talk to older people, the conversation veers towards all their friends who are sick and/or dead. Not to be grim, but the older we get the more of that we see, and so I am grateful, so very grateful, for my good health. I woke up this morning! I put my feet on the ground!

Good health is, of course, a broad umbrella. I have found that, with my kids going maskless most of the time, we are all like toddlers on their first foray into day care. Sniffles abound! But this is a minor complaint. In general, our health is good, and I hope tomorrow’s mammogram will confirm that as well.

It is, I will admit, that time in my cycle when my emotions are bigger and for me that means my feelings of gratitude for the mundane cannot be contained. But what better day to list such things than Thanksgiving?

Food, Glorious Food

Supply chain issues and my weird obsession with lemon juice and popcorn notwithstanding, isn’t it incredible that we can go into a grocery store at any time and purchase almost anything? Sure, prices are through the roof and yes, sriracha is still unavailable, but just think of the bounty and variety there for the taking. When I was a kid, the fruit that was available to me in the winter was restricted to bananas and apples, with the occasional bunch of green grapes and mandarin oranges at Christmas. Vegetables were largely frozen or canned, and that was that. Now look at the produce section. Strawberries! Available any time of the year! Somewhere in the world, there is a farmer who is growing strawberries, and Mother Nature is providing sunshine and rain for those strawberries, and people are picking them, and then people transport them, and then the lovely people at Superstore unload them into beautiful displays. So many factors go into our fruit and vegetables, and if I let myself think about it for just a moment, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

Now think of all the ways we can prepare food. A mere fifteen or twenty years ago, if I wanted to make a dish I would have to find a recipe in a cookbook, and figure things out. Now there are multitudes of recipes, for free, right in the literal palm of my hand, even the most obscure. A world of flavour at our disposal! Not that I’m great at following recipes, mind you, but inspiration has to come from somewhere.

Home, Sweet and Warm and With Running Water, Home

Maybe this is due to my son’s recent backcountry camping trip, but good lord, I am grateful for clean water. Isn’t it amazing that we can turn a tap and there is clean, safe water? Not only that but we can choose the temperature and it just HAPPENS. There is a water pipe system in place, a sewage system in place, there are people who treat water, and there are scientists who figured out what we need to do to have safe water, and here we are. Every shower and glass of water and load of laundry is a miracle of engineering and technology.

Not only is water heated with absolutely no effort from me except by turning the tap a certain way, but the house is also warm and snug. There’s no fire to stoke. There’s no fuel to haul. I touch the thermostat and the temperature adjusts. Isn’t that incredible? And if it doesn’t, I call Tony the Hot Plumber Who I Have a Bit of a Crush On, and he comes and fixes it. Within the DAY.

Baby You Can Drive My Car

A little while back, Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) mentioned how grateful she was for being able to drive, and I see her, and raise her. Yes, I am incredibly grateful to a) have learned to drive as a mere 16-year-old, b) have a reliable vehicle, and c) be able to afford to put gas in the car. There are many places where women cannot drive, and there are many who cannot afford a vehicle or gasoline. But more than that I am grateful to have two children who drive. Specifically, I am so grateful my son can drive himself to wrestling practice in the evenings so that two evenings a week I don’t have to keep my regular clothes on until 8:30, at which point I can finally don my jammies and go to bed.

The Awesome Power of Nature

A few years ago, my friend Taryn (HI TARYN) and I were hiking in the mountains when we came across a rushing stream, at which point Taryn said in a booming, PBS-nature-special-voice, “BEHOLD! THE AWESOME POWER OF NATURE!” This was a running joke between her and her husband, and when she shared it with me I started thinking of it every time I saw something pretty in nature. I thought of it every day this week as I walked or ran, with the leaves turning and the skies so blue. Isn’t it amazing? Crunchy leaves underneath our feet, indicating that the trees are preparing for their wintering, just as I am, by digging out my boots and sweaters.

Our Community, Big and Small

I absolutely love the community I live in. I can walk to any number of amenities – grateful for those amenities! – and the people here are generally wonderful. I love my friends, who are all so special in different ways, and I love our blogging community. When I started this blog in 2008, I was part of a lovely little community of bloggers, only one of whom – HI ALLISON – is still blogging today. The blogging world changed for a while – remember sponsored content? – but then a few years ago, I started to belong to a new community. This community strengthened during the pandemic, and I am so grateful for all of you.

If you’re reading this, yes! I am talking to you. I am grateful for YOU. Thank you for being here.

Weekly Reading

Barreling Forward. We all know I really enjoy short stories, and I enjoyed this collection by a new Canadian author. I feel like she might be from Newfoundland, her stories have that flavour, if you know what I mean. If you know, you know.

Lessons in Chemistry. I had heard good things about this and it did not disappoint! It was truly a delight to read BUT…I started it at that time in my cycle when my always-simmering rage about our patriarchal society and institutionalized misogyny boils over. Reading the first fifty pages, with the gross and sexist treatment of the lovely, brilliant scientist main character, my rage boiled all over the stove and left burned on crusts, almost impossible to scrub off. Happily, before I gave up on it and threw it across the room, a dog was introduced as a main character and I was charmed enough to keep reading. It’s a wonderful book that is ultimately about the power of women and the importance of lifting each other up. Oh, and that dogs are smart and wonderful.

This Will All Be Over Soon. I heard about this on a podcast and I thought it sounded interesting enough: it is a memoir by SNL’s Cecily Strong, about mourning the loss of her cousin and then experiencing the early days of the pandemic. The podcast mentioned it was written in diary form, but it reads like her actual diary, which is to say from a writing point of view, it is not great, Bob. It’s not terrible, and it’s a fast read, but I didn’t find it to be particularly compelling or interesting. It did, however, make me feel hopeful as it reminded me just how bleak and scary those early pandemic days were. Over the past ten months or so, almost everyone I know has been boosted and also has had Covid, as have I on both counts, and so I kind of forgot just how deadly and terrifying the virus was back in 2020. It was also interesting to read about experiencing Covid in NYC, which was a different experience, I think, from the rest of the continent. On the whole though, I did not enjoy this.

Fun fact about today’s title: I cannot say the words “first step” without mentally singing “ask her out and treat her like a layyyydayyyy.” It’s impossible! Sometimes I am able to stop there, but mostly my mind will go all the way through the old Eddie Rabbit song. It’s fun to be me! There’s always music. Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. xo