Last week I listened to a podcast on the case against convenience and efficiency in our modern life, and it was fascinating. Who DOES benefit from people being more “efficient” with their time? If we can get lunch delivered right to our offices, is that really better than walking to go pick it up? Who benefits? It’s not us, the people working through lunch. There is always a cost to convenience, and someone is paying. Sometimes it’s all of us, from an environmental standpoint, sometimes it is a workforce in poor conditions, sometimes it is through loss of personal security and identity. It has been many years since I have worked in an office, but this still resonated with me deeply, particularly the comment that we are all trying to save time, but what are we saving time for?
It’s a good question. Some longtime friends visited us this week, and we were talking about their upcoming retirements. I’m not sure if I can claim that I am retired since I’ve worked only part-time at most since March 2004, but my husband thinks that the key to a happy retirement is to become time-inefficient. This doesn’t mean that he’s lazy or unproductive, but instead it means that he doesn’t rush to cram everything into every possible moment of the day. His workouts are no longer a rushed hour before leaving for the office, but a whole-morning affair, complete with stretching and meditation. Yard work is no longer crammed into the few weekend hours that weather would allow, which is a good thing, since we have so much more yard here than we did in Calgary. Life is more relaxed and happier, particularly since there are no longer insane demands on him, like meetings at 10:00 on Easter morning, as an example.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives, which is a sentiment I both love and also feel uncomfortable with, given that I spent at least five hours grocery shopping, driving to and from grocery stores, and putting away all the groceries this week. Is my life just groceries now? I suppose there are worse ways to spend my one wild and precious life.
One fun thing I spent time doing this week was make a double batch of cupcakes for my friend Sammi’s birthday (HI SAMMI). There was a big party for her, which was delightful. Happy birthday to my beautiful Sammi!
Speaking of friends and ways we spend our time, my friend Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) is hosting her semi-annual walking club. It’s my time to shine! I am the QUEEN of the daily walk; I haven’t missed one since March 2020, and before that, I walked probably 99% of the days since Barkley came into our lives in September 2008. If my day is a tent, metaphorically speaking, then my daily walk is one of the tent poles adding structure to my life. It’s a time for moving meditation and podcast listening, gentle exercise and fresh air, enjoying being outside and the beauties of nature, such as this sight from last week.
Another tent pole in my daily life, for half the year at least, is the garden. At the party on Saturday, a friend’s husband asked me how my summer was. Great! I gardened all the time! I answered, garnering a puzzled and somewhat pitying look. Well, I love it, but garden season is coming to a close and I’m going to have to figure out what I did for all those hours in previous offseasons. Oh right, I wrote a book.
As will be obvious from my Favourite Things post last week, an important tent pole is my daily shower, makeup, and hair routine, together with, at the end of the day, my makeup removal, cream application, and dental hygiene routine. These are both very vital parts of my day, as in I cannot imagine my day without them. How would I function?
I saw something several months ago that I have thought of nearly every day since. A fairly well-known Canadian writer had posted a photo of herself in a t-shirt with something witty on it, and that was the point of the post. However. I cannot remember at all what the t-shirt said because the side note of the photo was that the writer was wearing two day old makeup. I cannot get over this. I have to remind myself that the world is a vast tapestry and we are not identical robots. Still. It’s hard for me to fathom not showering daily, let alone going TWO days shower-less, short of extreme illness, surgery recovery, or camping. It is harder still to imagine going two days without washing one’s face. What would her pillowcase look like? What does her skin look like? How does one have eye makeup on for two days without it devolving into raccoon eyes? WHAT KIND OF MAGIC MAKEUP IS THIS?
Well. As I said, we are all different and have different priorities and ways in which we choose to spend our time. I am comfortable with the tent poles that give structure to my days, and therefore, my life. Well, mostly. I would prefer to spend less time vacuuming the floor, which is a tedious tent pole of my day, but that’s the tradeoff for having this guy in my life.
Weekly Reading
Reading is, of course, an important part of my day, and I finished two very good books this week.
Big Little Lies. I first read this in 2017, but decided to reread in preparation for the newly released Big Little Truths, for which I am in the library queue. The queue is pretty long, so hopefully I won’t forget everything by the time my turn comes. Anyway. Rereading this catapulted me back into the days when my kids were in elementary school: the fundraising for Smart Boards, the mom cliques, the playground gossip. This is such a propulsive, funny, and very thoughtful read about a very serious subject: domestic abuse. Moriarty is an excellent writer, and I have a little six-degree connection – a woman in our Morocco tour group taught math to her daughter! I felt starstruck just knowing that! Also, Rex would like you to know that he’s not telling any lies, big or little.
Tunnel 29. Big thanks to blog reader Allison R (HI ALLISON R) for telling me about this excellent nonfiction book that reads like a novel! It details the creation of a tunnel underneath the Berlin Wall through which 29 people escaped East Berlin, but more than that, it is a picture of post-war Germany, the division of the country, and the very grim living situation of East German people, particularly those in East Berlin. I had no idea about the Stasi – the spy network – that infiltrated every part of East German life. This was a very fascinating book and one I’d recommend if you are interested in German and Soviet history. I clearly remember the Berlin Wall coming down, I was a teenager, and this brings so much more context to that event than I have ever had.
If I were more on the ball, I would have been singing Earth, Wind, and Fire’s September this time last week, but alas. Perhaps I’ll change it to the 28th night of September, just for today. How has your September been? I hope you have a beautiful week, friends! xo
REX!!! No, he would never tell any lies. You can just tell by that innocent face.
Ha, I like your husband’s goal of being time inefficient. I do feel like I’m usually trying to do everything as quickly as possible, but sometimes I’ll go to the gym on a day off, for example, and it feels so luxurious to NOT RUSH.
Tunnel 29 sounds really good. Ken Follett mentioned that tunnel in his Century trilogy books. It really was a fascinating situation- not so much for the people living in East Berlin, of course. I’d like to read this.
Not having to rush is SUCH a luxury!
I know you’ve loved those books, are they historical fiction? Perhaps I should look into them, with my history obsession.
Time inefficient! I love that. Definitely a retirement goal. I used to sleep in my makeup, when I was in my teens and 20s, because I was too lazy to wash my face. Though often I would shower at night, so of course then I didn’t sleep in my makeup. But 2 day old makeup? That’s another level. “You do you, boo” I guess is what I would say to that author (Now I wish I knew who it was).
I never read Big Little Lies, though I’ve read a lot by Moriarty. I did watch the TV series, which was really good. Now I’ve put both Lies and Truths on hold. 7 week wait for Lies, twice that for Truths, so we’ll see how well I remember any of it.
That van! Hilarious.
I feel like my skin would just be totally broken out if I slept in my makeup – let alone for two days!
I think I’ve read everything by Moriarty except Big Little Truths – but I will read that soon! I think there was only one I didn’t love (Nine Perfect Strangers) and one that I just liked “okay.”
Since retiring in October 2024, I find I really relish slow mornings. If friends ask to play tennis before 10.30, my answer is usually: Nope! I write in my journal, drink a few cups of coffee and my smoothie, do my morning stretches and gentle exercises, scroll on Insta, and then – I’m ready for the rest of my day to begin. I do find I rush through chores because I’d rather be doing something else, but then, part of life IS chores.
Pearl, I understand this completely! I get up early but I take HOURS to do all the things I like to in the mornings: coffee and writing, yoga and exercise, dog walking, shower, etc. Isn’t it beautiful to have that time?
Tunnel 29 sounds so fascinating! I’ll add it to my ever-growing TBR list. I did not care for Big Little Lies but I struggle with books about gossip and cliquey mom groups/etc. It’s just too much drama for me. But Moriarty has so many fans, she doesn’t need me!
Your comments at the start about time efficiency is one of the main reason I’m not adopting AI. I have yet to use ChatGPT/Claude/etc. Why are we so obsessed with efficiency gains as a society? I personally am not. I do not judge those who use AI to save time on tasks they don’t want to do/enjoy doing. But I am tired of solving for maximum efficiency. I do that at work as, like most companies, mine is trying to get more done with less resources. I don’t want Claude to meal plan for me. I want to check out a cook book from the library and peruse recipes or as a friend for their favorite recipe. I don’t want to use Claude to plan my vacation because I like checking out travel books and puttering around on the internet to research what we should or shouldn’t do on our 10th anniversary trip to Yosemite National Park. This whole efficiency-obsessed cultural vibe is why my shouldless days are so important to me (but wow I am overdue for one). I like to have a day where there are no expectations and I do what feels right/good. And I feel zero guilt on those days.
Oh Lisa, you are preaching to the choir! I feel the exact same way. WHY DO WE NEED TO BE AT MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY??? For what? I love your shouldless days and I kind of want to incorporate those into my own life (although my life is pretty leisurely, I might not need shouldless days, tbh). I feel like using AI for all those things takes the joy out of them, so what you say really resonates with me!
I have spent the whole month of September at home, which I don’t take for granted any more. It’s been nice being in my own house with my own son, cats, and garden, though ours is much smaller than yours.
I’ve worked part time since my oldest was four, but I think I will consider myself retired when I stop, which I hope won’t be for 5 years or so, but with AI, who knows?
Ugh ugh ugh, AI. I was just talking with a friend who is a technical writer, and it’s rough out there. Not that you need me to tell you that!
There’s nothing like being away to make you appreciate home!
Rex’s face is almost tear-inducing. So, so cute.
When I retired from teaching, I swore I’d make Easing Into The Day my top priority. I had too many years of catapulting into the classroom in high heels before 7:30 AM, ready to entertain and, hopefully, teach. I also wanted to finally have days that were NOT broken up into 50-minute segments heralded by bells. And, one of the greatest luxuries? Going to the bathroom whenever I actually needed to.
I get that a great deal of the Efficiency/Convenience culture originally came out of COVID. Everything could be delivered! WFH was the norm. No in-person/up-close communication. Something like that can become habitual. But, like you, I wonder if the so-called Time Saved turns into Time Well Spent.
I like going to the grocery store(s) and getting my own stuff. Of course, I do have time in which to do that, and those who work see it more as a necessary evil/time suck. But the whole AI thing is ominous to me. I avoid it.
I like doing my own grocery shopping too. How else do I get the produce I want? I can’t outsource this!
If you’re a podcast listener, you might be interested in that episode. The interviewee wrote a book that I want to read, which might be more what you would like. One interesting thing is that the interviewee said people are awkward with few social skills now, because they don’t exercise them by running errands and having casual interactions anymore. I don’t know if I agree that people have no social skills, but I do think that we don’t interact with the general population enough, and that can lead to rudeness/ awkwardness.
My best friend is a kindergarten teacher and I never before realized how hard it is for teachers to go to the bathroom!
Oh my goodness, the two-day make-up thing! It reminds me of a colleague who once told me she didn’t remove her contact lenses for WEEKS. She just left them in 24/7 until she decided it was time to replace them. I still think about that one far too often.
I’m a big fan of Time INefficiency. I’m stealing that one from your husband!
Re: Tedious Tentpoles, you don’t have one of those robot vacuum cleaners, do you? I’m looking into getting one… although I have plenty of time to vacuum our floors. However, just like you, I just don’t particularly want to do it!
WHAT. How did her eyes not fall right out of her head??? That is insane. That cannot be good for the eyes! What was her vision like? Did she have constant dryness and infections? I used to wear contacts and I remember that sweet relief of taking them out at night!
I do have robot vacuum cleaners, which are great for under the bed, but I find they are too “smart” and often don’t work well (the app isn’t updating, they won’t charge, etc.) So I just grimly do it myself!
Time INefficient. I love this. Sometimes I’m very good at doing this. I would argue not all time inefficiency feels the same. Sometimes it feels relaxing and intentional, and sometimes it feels like spinning wheels. The latter makes me feel… not good. When I do the former, I feel great!
I have added Tunnel 29 to my VERY LONG TBR. Gah. It’s so long. It’s too long, Nicole. I need to ruthlessly cut some things off of it because… NEW BOOKS ARE STILL BEING PUBLISHED.
Vacuuming floors. It never ends. My husband ran our robot vacuum while we were at church yesterday and within an hour, I swear I could have vacuumed again. How do we track so much stuff through the house? I don’t have a dog, but I do have a tween and I think they are pretty similar in a lot of ways. Love hugs and snuggles, need to be exercised regularly, eat a ton of food, and have a penchant for bringing rocks and grass clippings into the house and scattering it in a festive manner as they move about 🙂
“Love hugs and snuggles, need to be exercised regularly, eat a ton of food, and have a penchant for bringing rocks and grass clippings into the house and scattering it in a festive manner as they move about” – IT’S LIKE YOU ARE IN MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW
Oh, I totally get what you mean. The latter example just feels so frustrating!
YESSSS!!!! Freedom of time means taking all damn day to do something if you feel like it! And also doing nothing if that’s what you feel like doing.
As far as time savings, if someone has the money and would rather sit on the couch than mow their lawn, that’s 100% OK, and I’m toying with the idea of being that someone. Having lunch delivered so that you can work through lunch…I’m sure the person would say that’s what they want and who am I to deny them, but c’mon.
With that said, I can’t imagine ever not being motivated not to take a daily shower. It just doesn’t take that much time and it feels good.
Doggo and I are in for CBWC!
Ooooh yes, seize the day and get the lawn service!!!
I’m just imagining how my sweaty body would feel skipping a shower – no thank you.
I love having that freedom, Birchie! Do something, do nothing, but it’s nice to be able to choose it!
First thing I do when I get out of bed is shower. Apart from good hygiene, it wakes me up and gets me going. The only time I don’t shower daily is if I am too sick and fear passing out in the shower.
Being retired means no more running on someone else’s schedule and I love that. I do like to have a routine – the days we go to the gym, weekly chores etc. but it’s my schedule and if I miss something I can rearrange the week to fit it in rather than feel behind the eight ball.
The one thing that hasn’t changed regardless of how much time I have is I still hate vacuuming LOL!
Jacquie, I am just the same! I like having a gentle schedule and routine, but I build a lot of happy things into that routine and don’t have to work around someone else’s time.
I feel super refreshed and ready for the day post-shower – can’t imagine NOT doing that!
Whenever I think of the question of how we spend our time, I think of an essay I read by Ursula K. LeGuin in her book No Time to Spare where she writes about the idea of “spare time” and how whenever someone asks what she does with her spare time, she says she doesn’t have spare time because all her time is occupied by living.
I feel like “busy” is such a badge of merit these days, when really, is someone more “busy” because they cram more things in their day than someone else? Does it make someone better? Because I worked, went to the Fed Ex Store and still managed to get my kids to piano lessons on time and then had grilled cheese for dinner – does that make me better than someone who takes a long time to linger over making a healthy dinner? I want to be busy leisurely reading my book. Everyone’s 24 hours is full of choices to do things, you know.
It also reminds me of how people get so freaked out when their kid isn’t reading in kindergarten. What’s the rush? it will click when it clicks. (Usually – I mean if there is real concern, get the kid tested) So what if your kid starts to read a year or two after other kids? What is that? One less year for them to read War and Peace?
I guess the point is there is so much life to live, you can obsess about what you’re not getting done, or you can concentrate on what you are filling your life with, right?
I need that book in my life, thank you Diane!
Oh wow, does your comment resonate with me. Yes, we tend to really put a moral value on being busy, like that is the goal. What is the rush? Why do we feel that we are “better” when we are busy? I also like to be busily leisurely reading my book.
I’ve been having this idea for a while, stop seeking efficiency and productive all the time which used to be my motto. I can see it’s currently the way of living of Sofia. She likes being useful/productive. I try to share my shift, that it’s good to relax and not worrying about making every minute memorable/useful. Even at the productive way, being unproductive means my mind can breath and be more productive later.
Yet, i’m overall valuing more life stye things that makes us health, relaxed, joyful, and loving, than cram in as much as we can.
Coco, you have hit the nail on the head. We need time to be unproductive, so that we have the energy to be productive when we need to! Every moment doesn’t need to be crammed with nonstop tasks – sometimes we need to slow down and relax a little.
Funny, I was just telling my parents this weekend I am in no hurry to retire (still at least 10 years away) because I won’t know what to do with myself. But clearly, I have been looking at it all wrong, because time inefficiency sounds right up my alley! You might as well have been writing about me: I cram that one-hour workout into the early morning, before leaving for the office, and I spend hours every weekend doing yard work. Being able to do those things whenever, instead of pigeonholing them into my limited free time, sounds pretty divine!
I think you also have a huge yard, and you could happily spend a lot of time on it whenever you like! I’m a huge proponent for time inefficiency now!
I’ve been saying for a long time that these modern day ‘conveniences’ end up being time wasters. How many hours have I spent trying to get my landscape lighting app to work properly? When I could just be flicking a switch? I feel this way about most technology. And what, you ask, are people doing with the time they ‘save’ using uber eats? They are on their phones!!!! Doing nothing!!!
I like the way you and your husband think of retirement. I’m hoping my spouse thinks that way. He has a lot of projects he’s saved up, but I hope he doesn’t decide to try to accomplish it all in the first year.
Oh Bijoux, YES OMG YES about the apps that don’t work, and we spend all this time trying to fix them, and it’s time wasted. I feel that way about my damn robot vacuum. I can’t get it to connect, I can’t get it to charge, the app needs to be updated…meanwhile, I could have finished the whole job. This is why I don’t use it anymore! What happened to just pressing a button or flicking a switch? It drives me crazy.
That van is both amusing and terrifying!
Your husband sounds like he has the exact right approach to retirement!
I also really like how you said that baking cupcakes was a wonderful use of your one wild and precious life. I agree! Sometimes my in-laws or my husband will tell me that I don’t need to spend so much time or energy on cooking for them or baking a cake or whatever, but I like doing it! Does it also stress me the eff out? Yes, it does. Lol.
I used to be terrible about removing my makeup every night. Ew. I feel grimy just thinking about it. But I don’t think I ever went more than one night with the same makeup on. Also, when I say makeup, I mean mascara. Maybe eyeliner because most of these incidents took place before 2020.
I know, I love baking too! It feels like a joyful use of time, and also a yummy one.
Do you think I should try to get the free candy they are offering???
I am so with you on the showering and make up/skincare. I am a night time shower person, so I never ever forget to take my makeup off. And also my hair always looks pretty terrible since I go to bed with a wet head.
Hahaha well I think your hair always looks great! So whatever you’re doing is working!
Okay that van is very creepy! I admit to not washing my face at night sometimes, which is very bad considering my age, wrinkles etc, but sometimes I feel too tired to do so. Not an excuse!! I think Rex and Carmela would be best friends!
Oh I bet they would be the best of friends!!!
Yes, when you’re not gardening, you’re writing a book! I love that!
OMG, that van!
OMG, Rex! Those eyes. I completely understand that you’d vacuum a million times to have his company.
Your cupcakes look wonderful, your apron is so cute, and you look so happy in that photo. I’d say baking is a perfect use of your one, beautiful life.
Awww thank you Michelle! I do love to bake! And I love to eat baking, so it’s win-win!
Time inefficiency perfectly describes life in this house right now. And that is FINE. As I told my husband after his horrific fall; there is no need for either of us to rush. What do we have to rush for? Nothing. We are taking life at a very leisurely pace right now.
I will say though, I need some tent poles in my life right now. I have a few in place; but could probably use a couple of more (one which includes a daily walk – preferably one that does not end up with my house looking like a crime scene; or necessitating a trip to the ER – I’m thinking about incorporating a daily one that includes The Husband so he can get some much needed exercise and I can keep my eye on him. Yes, he traumatized me after my last solo walk, so for now I’m skipping that one).
Two day makeup? Absolutely NOT (for me, at least. That author can do as she sees fit). If I don’t have the time or the bandwidth to take it off, then I don’t need to be putting it on in the first place.
Oooh that is a good point, that if you can’t take it off, don’t put it on.
I am sure everything feels kind of chaotic right now, I hope you can find your tent poles! Maybe a daily walk is just the thing!
First 2 day old makeup – eww. I can’t imagine. It’s bad enough sleeping in it but don’t you want to at least rinse your face in the morning?
Time INefficient. I love this and now it’s something I want to aspire to. We are “pretty much” retired; still have a few rental properties so that takes some time. But I am always overloaded and never have enough time to do everything. Golf takes a lot of time but still…I am really going to work at this. I need to take some things off my plate.
I KNOW!!! Isn’t that wild? Like, not washing your face for two days, how does that happen?
It’s also wild how our days remain full even in retirement! Golf is a big time commitment but I know you love it and it’s worth it!
I am all about efficiency in some regards (if it means getting things done quickly to free up time for more pleasurable things). In other regards, I feel like a little bit of inefficiency is actually better. We have forgotten to just sit and be, it feels like.
I definitely like my routines (as do you!), but I am looking forward to having more say about the structure of my day and how to spend it, that’s for sure.
I love the analogy of tent poles holding up one’s life!
Yes, San, exactly – getting the tasks done efficiently so we can spend our time doing happy things!
Ooh yes. I work in digital marketing and it’s alllll about AI these days. I won’t lie – I definitely use it and I do find it helpful in the sense that I don’t have to do some of the more monotous tasks of my job, but I am also not someone who is about efficiency, efficiency, efficiency. Hell, even my trip itineraries leave time for rest! I just cannot be an efficiency robot and go, go, go all the time.
I think I will THRIVE in retirement (if I ever get there lololol sob). I told my mom the other day, “I could quit my job today and I’d be just fine.” I am just not someone who finds any value in having a career (other than the whole making-money aspect, which I do very much enjoy).
I don’t even think it’s healthy to be an efficiency robot all the time! Everyone needs a little downtime!
You will totally thrive in retirement – and you will get there!
Oh, Rex, Rex, Rex, you are so darling! That’s an interesting point about the cost of convenience. So true, but I hadn’t thought of it that way. Right down to taking the car someplace instead of walking or mass transit. Convenience versus environment. And the lunch example was a good one. I like the idea of tent poles — or perhaps routine. I will say that the greatest joy of being retired is choices. Do I really have to do this today? Do I want to? What will happen if I don’t? And more delightful things from which to choose. I never do it but I could go to the movies at 10 am if I wanted! Best gig ever!
It is SO great to choose what to do with your time!
I feel guilty because I drive so much here, being kind of out in the sticks. But it’s not really an option NOT to drive, unfortunately. When I was in Calgary, I loved that I could walk to so many places!
“What are we saving time for?”..what a fabulous question! Everyone seems to be in a hurry to get back home..and do what? I guess unless you stopped right at the climax of a great book and you want to go read, then what the heck! I like your analogy of “tent poles”. One of mine happens to be vaccuuming as well. I have a cat named Theo..lol. I have not had a job since before covid, and I manage to fill my days. It seems people perseive you different and / or lazy if you’re “not busy”. I beg to differ!
Oh gosh, isn’t that true – the perception that we are being lazy. I don’t think it’s a morality issue, being busy or not! Some eras of life are busier than others, but that doesn’t make them more valuable!
“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives” always shakes me to my core in seasons where my life feels so out of control, haha! How wild it is that September has gone by? Ours was calmer from a dinner plan approach that worked for once, and all over the place as school and activities ramped up, haha!
Hahaha Lindsay, I know. I remember doing one of those time-tracking things when the kids were in junior high, and I was so depressed halfway through the first day. So much food preparation. So much driving.
“What are we saving time for?” That is a great question and observation. I could only guess that people want to save time doing something not fun so they can do something fun. But knowing people, they would probably just do more work with that time saved. 🫣
I would crawl out of my skin if I didn’t take off my makeup every single day. OUT OF MY SKIN!
Rex–that face. So worth the vacuum work you are doing.
I had a pretty darn good September!
Suz, you make an excellent point – I like to save time on boring things so I can do more enjoyable ones!
We are so alike in so many ways, and I also would crawl out of my skin if I didn’t take off my makeup. GAH.
Awwww Rex’s eyes!!! What a sweetheart.
New life retirement goal: be time inefficient. I had a bit of a smack over the head moment where a comment was made to me that I love lists because it makes me feel like I have my life together. But why do I have to keep ticking off lists? Why can’t I just be? Or do something because I feel like it?
I’m contemplating that for my 52 list next year. Like, what would it be like to not have a list at all? What if my year could just be…just a year?
Also that Tunnel 29 has been added to my TBR list – it sound fascinating! If you haven’t already, read Code Name Helene, it’s a novel semi-based on the Aussie spy during WWII, Nancy Wake. She was an utter badass. The book is a great read.
Oooh thanks for the recommendation!
Well, but there IS something really satisfying about ticking off lists! So I do get it. And you are a busy mom! But sometimes it’s nice to just BE.
Test