If you have ever read The Handmaid’s Tale, you will remember that the code word for the underground movement was Mayday; Mayday originating from the French m’aidez, meaning “help me.”
I, along with everyone else in the world, have Massive Pandemic Fatigue. My husband is at the apex of his very important work project that he has been working on for the past three and a half years. My kids are – apparently – going back to in-person school on Tuesday, and even when they are home they are, as they should be, absorbed in and busy with their own lives. With everyone else busy I am the Household Support Person, which is the way that it always has been, really. It’s just that, unlike in other chapters in my life, that is pretty much all that I am these days.
Do you know what I mean? Everyone else is busy doing important things and I am buying groceries, which is important in its own way, yes, but also, am I spending my one wild and precious life in the grocery store? Kind of. The kids are learning new things and preparing to spread their wings and I am timing my purchase of dog food to coincide with 15% off treat day at Pet Planet.
So I am the Household Support Person; I’m the sounding board for issues, I am the person who knows when the winter blankets need to be swapped out or when the Roomba needs to run. I know when the towels need changing and while I don’t financially put the food on the table, I physically do. I meal plan and make corresponding grocery lists, I know when toiletries need replenishing and when to order more medication for the dog. I know when appointments need to be made and I make them, I do all of those things and it’s fine. It’s totally fine! It’s just strange to be in a stage where this is my main role.
I am down to teaching two classes a week, and honestly, that is all I feel I can handle right now. I am so lucky to be able to teach zoom yoga, and still keep my beloved students, but my favourite thing about teaching was physically observing my students and then coming up with different ways for different bodies to experience the postures, in a way that would be best for individual students. I am so grateful to still be teaching, I bring all my same energy and enthusiasm to every class, but fourteen months of teaching to a screen and missing the physical presence of students is wearing on my spirit.
M’aidez! We are all fatigued, I know it. And when I feel the most fatigued and sapped of energy, I remember my Little Helpers. I have little treats and things that I look forward to on a daily and weekly basis that help with the tiresome, repetitive aspects of day-to-day life; Mother’s Little Helpers, if you will, in a non-Valium way.
Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Mayday, M’aidez Edition
Coffee Coffee Coffee #coffee
It’s no secret that I love coffee, but not fancy coffee or complicated coffee: I like my Kirkland Signature black coffee, the more the better. The great thing about being a coffee drinker is that every single day I have something small to look forward to; when I wake up I think ooh, coffee. Starting the coffeemaker is the very first thing I do every morning, before drinking two glasses of water and washing my face. But the best part about a daily coffee habit, other than the actual sweet sweet hit of caffeine? Choosing a mug.
Sure, I could use one of the plain mugs that match our dishware, but why. Why wouldn’t I choose something fun? Every one of these mugs has a little backstory, and I think of them every time I choose one.
This little guy is my favourite, don’t tell the others. I painted it myself one day when I took the kids to one of those paint-your-own-ceramics places. I love it so much that my sweet friend Andrea (HI ANDREA) painted this for me:
Tea For One
Most afternoons, while I’m making dinner or reading, I will make myself a cup of tea. Do you know what I love about drinking tea? You can choose teas that make you feel good about yourself and your life choices.
You are having a cup of tea, but you are also detoxing! Or soothing your stress! I mean, do they work? Who knows. But look! I’m cleansing, detoxing, calming, embracing my womanhood, boosting my metabolism, reviving myself, all by drinking a cup of tea. It’s enough to make you feel downright smug. I love coffee so much but coffee doesn’t have that same I am changing my whole LIFE with this tea feeling. I also love my little turtle mug; it has a lid on it to keep warm while it steeps, and the turtle changes colour with hot water.
Wine
While we are on the topic of drinks, hi.
It’s no secret that I love wine; if I could drink it every single day with no consequences, I would. However, there are lots of reasons not to do that: my liver, for one, but also skin elasticity, hot flashes, inflamed joints, and recycling all those bottles. So, I limit myself to once a week, generally Fridays, and let me tell you, I look forward to wine time like nobody’s business.
This is my favourite wine of all time, Vineyard Estates Cabernet Franc. Fun fact: the winemaker there is a lifelong friend of my husband’s, their dads were also lifelong friends, and their GRANDPAS were pioneers in the Canadian grape and wine industries. It’s just really nice to have that family connection, but also, this wine is the best. Because of weird Canadian rules, it is not available in liquor stores here, so we get it specially shipped. Well, my husband does this. I may be the Household Support Person but he’s my Wine Support Person!
Fancy Water
A few summers ago someone introduced me to La Croix, and I cannot go back to regular soda water. I can’t! I won’t! This makes me feel fancy, when I want to have a drink but it’s not Wine Time. It’s the perfect non-alcoholic backyard summer beverage, and the coconut, grapefruit, and razz-cranberry flavours are LIFE.
It’s Popping
Okay, yes, I have an air popper and yes, I have popcorn kernels and butter and coconut oil and seasoning salts and what have you, but sometimes I just do not want to be bothered. It doesn’t SEEM like a big deal to make popcorn but when it’s Friday night and I’m on my third glass of wine and I’m getting really invested in an episode of Diners Drive-Ins and Dives (Will it be a one-way ticket to Flavourtown?), it becomes a big deal. Popping popcorn and then cleaning up the detritus is just one toke over the line, sweet Jesus.
You know how some people are Sweet People, and some people are Salty People? I am definitely Salty, although perhaps not personality-wise. I love Angie’s Boom Chicka Pop because it’s delicious, it’s relatively healthy – even the kettle corn version which, goddamn, it’s amazingly sweet AND salty – and I almost always get PC Points when I buy it at Superstore. IT JUST DOESN’T GET BETTER THAN THAT.
I Scream You Scream
So I am not generally a sweets person, but I do look forward to weekly desserts that I make on Sundays. Listen, I make homemade ice cream all the time, there are five different flavours sitting in my freezer right this second, but dairy and I are not friends, and so while I make all this ice cream, I never eat it. Yes, I know how to make and I have made non-dairy ice cream and it’s fine, it’s better than fine, but sometimes I just want to grab a couple of scoops and that’s all. You know what I mean? Sure, it’s easy to make homemade non-dairy ice cream, but do you know what is easier? Buying this at Superstore.
Non-dairy ice creams have come a long way since I first gave up dairy. Back then, non-dairy ice creams tasted exactly like sadness. Not anymore! This product, made from coconut milk, is so absolutely creamy and delicious, I think I hear angels sing when I eat it.
So many treats! And today is Friday so I will be indulging myself later; in the meantime I will enjoy the scent of my Mayday tree in full bloom. It’s something I look forward to every spring; it’s a breath of life. What treats get you through the day? Tell me everything. xo
You’re the stage manager of the Broadway production that is your household, you’re essential!
I laughed out loud at “tasted exactly like sadness”. Vegan products have come a long way fast. Have you tried the (very expensive) vegan Ben and Jerry’s? It isn’t necessarily the best vegan ice cream but it is nice to be able to join in with the cool kids sometimes.
I have NOT, I didn’t even know there was such a thing, and I feel I must rectify this immediately!!
I have coffee or tea most mornings, always with a lot of milk because dairy and I are friends, good friends. I drink it on the porch in all but the very coldest days of winter while I read for a half hour, sometimes the newspaper, sometimes a book. I usually have another cup of tea, black, green, or herbal, but with no milk, while I’m working in the afternoon. I am trained to think milky coffee/tea is for relaxation and tea without milk is for focus, so the first sip snaps me into the right state of mind.
I told North about this habit recently and they gave me that teen-enduring-boring-and-useless-facts look, and said, “cool,” which from them always means the opposite of cool, so it’s funny you asked.
I love that you have your hot drink on the porch. That makes me smile.
I love so very much about this post, and also think (boldly, perhaps) that we would be besties. Cab franc is my favorite red wine. See? Soul mates.
While I had too many favorite parts to copy here, this one made me cackle: “Mother’s Little Helpers, if you will, in a non-Valium way” Also, your mugs are very cute.
The treats that get me through the day, these days, are VERY boring indeed, because I am trying a gradual step-down from the constant-chips-and-cocktails days of last summer. But I would say that mango smoothies, long walks in the sunshine, a steady supply of thrillers from my library, and a husband who says, “Great, let’s get takeout” literally any time I say I cannot make dinner again are the things most giving me life these days. Oh, also, weekly morning walks with my daughter — she has a late start day every week but declines to sleep in, so we go for walks around the neighborhood or at a nearby nature preserve and it is DELIGHTFUL.
We would totally be besties! I wish we were neighbours! Do you like snow in May? If so, there is a house on my street for sale!
I think your treats sound really lovely! I am actually reading a thriller right now, which is just hitting the right spot.
You are essential to your family. They couldn’t do their thing without you doing your thing. We’re all essential.
I start my morning with a detox tea, and then COFFEE. Yeah! I love coffee too and I’m not fancy either, but I love choosing a fun mug.
Your mugs are so cute and I had no idea you were such a muppet fan. You must blog about that one day. Actually, I think all of us should share our favorite mugs in a post; doesn’t our mug say something about us?
I love Lacroix waters too; they do make me feel fancy, but I also LOVE my wine. MAYDAY!
I’ve been enjoying Smart Pop as a snack because it has almost zero cholesterol but is still delish. I too am a salty girl.
Happy Friday!
We are samesies! I really do love the Muppets, I should blog about that sometime!
This is such a timely post. I have been feeling recently as if everyone in my household Lives a Life, while my role is to assist them. I am an accessory to their lives.
And I love waking up and looking forward to coffee. And I love choosing a mug. And I love flavored sparkling waters. And I love kettle corn. And I look forward to my Adjusted Ice Cream.
Well, Swistle, let me tell you something: you are an inspiration to ME and every time you post or comment or I see your little Swistle skirt, it just brings me SO MUCH joy and happiness. So thank you for that. I have old posts of yours bookmarked and sometimes I go and revisit them and they never fail to cheer me. xo
Oooooo, I feel this so much! I prefer to think of myself as an essential worker but dang if some days I wonder if anyone notices all that I do. Ah well, no time for self pity, I choose to treat myself early and often, iykwim.
I adore iced coffee and drink it year round. Like you my first thought in the morning is yay, almost time for COFFEE! Since I fast until noon every day I get all the other shizz done (dog, laundry, workout) and then sit down to my favorite meal (breakfast!) and a big glass of iced coffee. Some days I treat myself to bubble tea in the afternoon bc I love boba and lately Friday afternoons my husband knocks of work earlyish and we take the dog to the park. Been trying to make it a habit so we have a little alone time at the beginning of the busy weekends.
Have a great weekend 🥳
I absolutely LOVE your attitude, Liz!
Without the Household Support Person the whole household goes to hell in a handbasket. So pat yourself on the back for being the sole reason that the household is humming along just nicely.
I keep thinking I should incorporate some fun mugs into my house – but other than my Christmas mugs (only used around that holiday…usually) I keep returning to my plain white mugs. Why? Well, some of the fun mugs I have are too heavy (I know) or are not dishwasher safe, etc. It’s funny you posted about mugs, The Husband and I just had a discussion that centered around one particular mug in our house. We both dislike it immensely but cannot pinpoint a reason for said dislike.
I swap out my mugs for Christmas mugs every November, and it is SO cheerful!
Well two weeks ago my husband went back to the office full time (because of a promotion! Which is wonderful!) and I’m left on my own with two kids doing online school (and they’re getting bored with it) and a three year old. So when I overheard him telling one of our friends a detail about the promotion that I didn’t yet know, and I said “well that would’ve been nice information to have,” and he responded snippily about how he just forgot to mention it, I thought “oh okay so THIS is how our 16-year marriage ends.”
But it turns out, after an argument where everyone shared their hurt feelings and aired their grievances, i am simply dealing with pandemic fatigue. And being the household support person! I find this term helpful. I was thinking “default parent” but household support person is more accurate. Example: the other day I was in the shower and my husband was sitting in the kitchen, and the three year old found me in the shower and struggled to open the door and then while I was shampooing asked me to get him a drink. And I’m like your father is literally in the kitchen two steps from the fridge, go ask him.
Anyway, my greatest reward is an afternoon smoothie several times a week. Bananas, fat free vanilla Greek yogurt, frozen strawberries and frozen mango. Delicious.
GAH! Why, why, WHY do children walk RIGHT past their other parent to come and ask Mom a question? It’s exhausting. The pandemic fatigue is real; if it makes you feel better things that would normally have almost no emotional impact on me currently have HUGE emotional impact on me. Like, forgetting to tell me a detail would very much upset me when in the past, it wouldn’t. Hugs. Being at home with three kids, especially when two are online schooling, is really, really hard.
I love this post SO MUCH. I love that you drink coffee because if I didn’t know I would probably think you didn’t drink coffee – you know, yoga, vegan, dairy-free – I know, you’re a vegan, not a Mormon, but somehow the coffee thing just gives you a little edge that I love. I don’t drink coffee, but I feel the same about selecting a tea and a mug, although I don’t do it often enough.
I drink a lot of water. Ice water, because since I had the kids it has to be icy cold. Our fridge ice maker stopped working, which sucks because it made me feel like a spoiled rich person, but I got some nice covered ice trays. Getting a fresh glass of water full of ice always feels awesome, although I feel like an extreme nerd? Boring person? something? typing that.
I love red wine, but with my head and my sleep the way they are right now I’m avoiding alcohol, which sucks because yes, pandemic fatigue, three and a half hours of work that I’m doing at home (a librarian without a library is just sad), I miss the kids SO MUCH (even the annoying ones) and then I’m just the support person. And honestly, right now, especially compared to you, I kind of suck at it. For a while Matt was using his not-commuting-or-baseball time to learn how to cook new things and bake bread, so I was feeling REAL useful, as you can imagine.
We have a place in town called The Merry Dairy that sells frozen custard and ice cream, and they’re far away so they’ve always been one of those places I MEAN to visit but never have. When the pandemic started, they started delivering pints FOR FREE ANYWHERE IN THE CITY. The vanilla custard and salted caramel are my weekend treat.
Other than that, the books. I’ve finally given up trying to become a better person during lockdown, I try to go for a walk most days and I’m reading a lot. I was feeling a bit guilty about all the reading because I love reading and it feels self-indulgent to do it a lot. Now I’m not (ha ha yes I am, of course, but I’m trying to stop).
I never think of myself as edgy BUT NOW I WILL! We are a perfect pair because I don’t like ice in my drinks – you can have all my ice. I actually drink water at room temperature!
This IS a great post and I’m not sure why I am only getting here now. I just had to stop and think of what I have been doing the last few days and I had to do that WAIT, WHAT DAY IS IT thing. So who knows.
It tastes exactly like sadness slayed me. I love that you enjoy the Muppets. Oh, Kermit. I am one of those weird non coffee drinking people. I drank tea the year I lived in Ireland. Just Irish tea. I drink it occasionally here but it isn’t the same as it was there. Part of the culture. I also do not enjoy fancy water. I love ice cold water and I drink it all day. How boring am I?
My treats include my delish protein/fruit smoothie everyday after my workout. I count my workout as a fav thing too. I love my choc protein balls. My cherry Greek yogurt. My GF granola balls that I make. I make a lot of balls. I look forward to reading near the pool on a warm summer day. I love it when I find myself with a night off of driving and we watch something together. I do like a glass of Reisling (I am a sweet person) or a Mikes Hard Lemonade. I drink those very rarely though.
I often struggle with my role as the household manager. Not exclusive to the pandemic. Some days I go down the: Why did I even get a degree? Rabbit hole. My college magazine arrived recently and I read about people DOING THINGS with their career and their brain. And I change diapers. Sigh. Ed heard me stewing about it and said they probably don’t have 6 kids and if they do someone else is taking care of them. My kids frequently talk about how great it is that they got to be home with me. If I get a book published, well then I will feel more satisfied and accomplished. Good to have a goal. If it doesn’t get published my kids will have it.
I know exactly what you mean, it’s exhausting, being the household manager. But especially now! My kids also have said they love that I have been home for them, but sometimes I wonder what life would have been like otherwise.
I have recently complained/vented to good friends about the current “smallness” of my life…. Not that it is *bad,* just that it is *small* in a way that feels very limiting. As the “chief domestic engineer” of my household, homeschooling small kids, not employed outside the home, limited interaction with friends, greatly reduced social life…. I’m hopeful that vaccinated life post Covid brings a slightly larger feeling back into my currently very small world.
Oh, that’s a really apt way of saying it. “smallness” seems to describe perfectly what I’m feeling.
It’s interesting to read others commenting on the fatigue you describe so well. I feel it acutely too. The remote learning is only possible because, as it is for small kids, those with special needs also need 1:1 online learning so even though my son is in gr 7, I’m literally perched on his shoulder just trying to get him through to the end of every Friday. But I know I’m lucky that I can be here for him. And I have *1* kid. The damage this whole thing has down to our collective mental health is not pretty and it’s effects will be felt for a LONG time after it’s business as usual, I fear.
HOWEVER! The sun is out and I had my first jab so I feel a whole lot more hopefully that I will get some kind of balance soonish. Also, I admire your fortitude. Calgary and I would never be friends. I have literally spent every free minute when I am not hovering *I mean, supporting my son* outside gardening! There’s a massive glaring metaphor. Hugs, Nicole. And amen to coffee – without which nothing is possible haha!
Hugs to you, my friend. I know it’s hard. xo
Oh I love this post and relate so much! Many times over these past months I have said to my husband, please stop asking so. many. questions. I don’t have all the answers, know where everything is all the time, or can let you know the plan for all the daily meals right off the bat. Not only am I the household support person, but often the extended family support person and it’s exhausting. I love everyone but sometimes what I want to do is lay down in bed and read or watch my latest indulgence Younger on Amazon Prime!! It’s the best. I also love coffee and when I go to bed at night I think – ohhh when I wake up I will have quiet time to read and drink coffee and I actually feel excited. Having an extremely hot bath with Epsom salts and immunity oil is essential for my sleep, and I can’t live without some kind of Chocolate type thing most days!
So many questions! Why! Mmmm chocolate. Yum!