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We Were On A Break!; Fourteen Weeks In

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One of the worst story lines and subsequent catchphrases that ever came out of a television show was Ross and Rachel’s “we were on a break.” Back my early twenties, when Friends was popular and we all had the Rachel hair style, many, many parallels could be drawn between that show and my life, including but not limited to weird boyfriend possessiveness over academic successes and future careers, breakups and makeups with said boyfriend, jealousy, and the wearing of high-waisted jeans with crop tops. It was a strange time, the Nineties, and when my son watched Friends a few years ago, he agreed that the story line was lame, but pointed out that there were also pet monkeys, many apartment changes, babies that come and go randomly, and the ability to go right up to the gate without actually boarding an airplane. The latter was something that really happened, I told him, to his disbelief.

Last week, we were on a break! We took a road trip to our vacation house, which used to be the Place We Stayed In but due to renovations started last November, that are almost finished, it is now a Vacation House. Honestly, that renovation is worthy of its own post. Previously, the Place We Stayed In had a toilet that flushed maybe a third of the time – at best, usually by the end of our stay it would flush one time in ten – a kitchen that was nearly non-functioning, one bed, located in the TV room, furniture from the 1950s, and a shower that allowed no more than five minutes per use, followed by an hour to drain and reset. The last time we were there, on the last day of our visit during Thanksgiving, the toilet backed up into the shower while I was in it and that was it. The renovations were started.

I am so happy that we spent the money to renovate, because a) who knows when we will go on an Exotic Winter Vacation again, and b) the toilet flushes and we can shower properly now. Who knew how important those things were to our happiness? Plus, a functioning kitchen.

Prepping for a road trip is always a lot of work; prepping for a road trip when you are not planning to go to any stores or eat out at all is something else. I spent weeks making lists about groceries to take, how to keep things frozen and cold for the drive, could we get by with one grocery trip and if so, what was needed, etc. This, in addition to a car full of various housewares, cleaning supplies, dishes, and small appliances that I had been amassing for the Vacation House. Back in November I took advantage of some insane Black Friday sales; some of the new things stayed in our house with our old ones going to the Vacation House, and some things went there. The pile of items to take, that was in my pantry/ storage room at home grew enormous, and now I have that room back.

The kids are officially finished with school now, so it felt like a nice kick-off to what promises to be a strange, but hopefully happy, summer vacation. We had some good quality family time, playing cards and going on hikes and walks. There was one hike that had some pretty tense moments as there was no signage at all and some Discussion about which way to go, a Discussion that did not get better after talking to a man who may or may not have been high, who told us that there was a loop we could do if we followed the path behind him and stayed right. We did that but ended up going at least a half hour in the wrong direction; at one point I had the Gilligan Island theme song stuck in my mind. A three hour tour…would we start having to make radios out of pine cones? We turned around and came back the way we came, got eaten alive by mosquitoes, and when I later remembered later that evening – this would have been good to remember PRIOR to the hike but let us learn from our mistakes – that I had the All Trails app on my phone, I looked at it. There WAS NO LOOP. It was a straight out-and-back and who was that man? Where did he come from?

During the hike the boys had a great time discussing Who We Would Be If We Were On The WWE, the WWE being their new favourite thing, and the debate as to “which one is better, Raw or Smackdown” rages on. They came to the conclusion that my WWE character would be a zen master yogi, and my intro would be Om chants or Indian music while the lights slowly went on to show me in lotus position, meditating. My signature move would be a tree hybrid with my hands in prayer above my head, only to come down in a version of the People’s Elbow or possibly an axe-chop.

Me, in the WWE.

The guys, contemplating life with me in the WWE.

Pandemic Reading

I read this a few years ago and it’s worth a reread. You all know how much I love a good collection of essays; this one is both hilarious and very thought provoking, about life as a woman and as a daughter of immigrants. The stories about waxing and the discovery of a life-changing skirt had me crying with laughter.

I can’t even begin to say how much I liked this book. It was so well done, and I couldn’t put it down. NOTICE THE LIBRARY STICKER. The library is now partially open; holds are available for curbside pickup. A few of my holds have started coming in and I can’t even begin to tell you how exciting it is.

Yummy Things

Since we were in wine country, I drank a lot of wine on our new deck. Related: now that we are home, I am feeling pretty bloated and like I need a whole-body reset.

That’s Tantalus wine in my hand.

This was probably the best Syrah I have ever had in my entire life.

For Father’s Day, my husband grilled his own steaks in the pouring rain while also unclogging the drainpipe that had become plugged with spruce needles and cones, due to all the storms that happened the week we were gone. But he also got a delicious carrot cake, made by moi.

Pandemic Fitness

I forgot to screen shot my weekly movement reports, but lots of walks, hikes, and runs. It only semi-counteracted the wine consumption.

Learning New Things and Saving Money; Thirteen Weeks In

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You guys, look what I got!

Do you SEE what that is? GEL SANITIZER! I haven’t seen gel sanitizer since before the pandemic started. I’ve only been able to purchase the really liquidy kind made by local alcohol companies and the spray kind made with hydrogen peroxide.

Last summer a little Pharmasave opened up just a couple of blocks away from my house, in a brand new little complex, and honestly, I wondered if it would be able to make a go of it. I love new local businesses, but if I stand at my front door and walk in any direction for ten or fifteen minutes, I would come to no fewer than five pharmacies, including the Pharmasave. I wondered if the market wasn’t already saturated but as it turns out, Jason at Pharmasave is the hero we all needed during this pandemic. It’s a small place so it’s easy to see if there are many customers inside, there is a space to wait outside if one needs to social distance, and, most important, Jason has been posting the worst dad jokes on our community Facebook page, along with information about the things he has on offer, from vaccines to Haribo candy to GEL SANITIZER. When he posted last week I popped over to get a bottle, plus Lysol – I haven’t seen Lysol in months, I usually use my favourite hippie-natural cleansers but in a pandemic needs must – and some masks. A few weeks ago I had ordered cloth masks for the guys, plus an extra for me, but for SOME REASON the company was all backed up on orders, and they arrived hours after the guys went for their eye appointments, which was specifically what I ordered them for. Anyway, it’s nice to have extras on hand for the few medical appointments we’ve been going to, and I’ve been only buying them from the Pharmasave. Those terrible dad jokes have made me a customer for life. And the gel sanitizer.

Speaking of appointments: the dentist. My appointment on Monday was NOT a cleaning, like I thought, but an actual check-up with x-rays, and so I have a cleaning to Look Forward To in a few weeks. Every time I go to an appointment, I get more and more confident about actually leaving the house on non-grocery trips, with all the protocols in place. When I got to the dentist, I called them from the parking lot and waited for them to come and get me. They locked the door behind me so no one could just pop in, and at the door was a sanitizing station and a form to sign saying that I hadn’t any symptoms or wasn’t in contact with anyone who had, and so forth. I was the only person in the waiting room, and I wore a mask, as did the women working at the desks. I only removed the mask when I was actually in the dentist’s chair, and to be honest, it felt weird, like I was a little bit naked. It’s funny how quickly we get used to things. Taking off my mask felt like I had suddenly whipped off my shirt and was sitting there, topless, in the dentist’s chair, while everyone around me was clothed normally. I also had to rinse my mouth with a special wash, and the keypad was sanitized before – and after, I assume – I paid. It felt very safe, as safe as physically possible, so now I just have the customary dread about getting my teeth scaled, and not, you know, becoming a disease vector.

When I first coloured my hair at home, I texted a photo to a group of friends. My friend Tora (HI TORA) who is always a cheerful and positive person – seriously, she’s a ray of sunshine, and she is the same Tora who made my adorable pink heart mask – said about my DIY hair “We are learning new things and saving money!” It was a very invigorating statement to me, very Can-Do Just Like Ma Ingalls. Yes! I’m learning new things! And I’m saving money! I have thought about that a lot during this pandemic as I figure out how to make my own mint extract and plan to dry my own herbs. I thought about it last week when I gave myself a bikini wax.

I have given myself many waxes many times; I’ve waxed my own arms, thighs, and upper lip. However, I have always thought – correctly, as it turns out – that the bikini line is really much better suited for the professionals. As it turns out, estheticians are able to start working now, as we are in Phase Two of the Reopening, but even if I am comfortable going to the dentist, getting a bikini wax does not feel the same, importance-wise. For one thing, it is unlikely that I will wear a bikini any time in the next year. However, like most of my beauty rituals, this one is for ME and me alone, and I just could not take it any more. I dug through the drawer in the bathroom to find the box of special “extra sensitive” wax strips that I bought a month back, for this very moment.

Honestly, I kind of hoped I would have never needed it and it would have sat in the drawer, untouched, for years to come. But I was at the point where it was Action Time.

I learned two important things. First, giving yourself a bikini wax is hard. I am a nimble and bendy person and it was very difficult to, ahem, position everything correctly. I thought of my long-suffering esthetician, Tracey. Not all heroes wear capes, people.

Second, I don’t know what your bikini situation is like, but mine, well, how to put this delicately. I guess there is no way to put this delicately and really, this whole blog lost delicacy many years ago, if ever it had it. At one point I realized that the only way out was through, and that one box of wax strips was insufficient for the problem set in front of me. That was startling. The feminine mystique stands to take a bit of a beating here. I really empathized with the waxing scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin: We’re gonna need more wax! 

Well, I did my best with what I had and used tweezers on the rest. All in all, I would give myself a B-minus on the finished product. I was pretty proud of myself, merely-adequate results not withstanding.

The very next day I was outside weeding – weeding, bikini waxing, it’s all one – and my husband called me inside. There was a phone call! For me! It was the local spa, the one beside the Pharmasave, calling to see if I wanted to reschedule the bikini wax that was cancelled in March. Well…I started off. To tell you the truth…

At some point I will go back, because I really like Tracey and I really like that little local business. Maybe next month. Just because I can do it myself doesn’t mean I really want to.

Pandemic Reading 

I first read this for my book club, in the early 2000s, and it has sat on my shelf ever since. Time for a re-read! It is excellent; I love books with such intertwined characters and timelines. This was Zadie Smith’s debut; it is fascinating to me when an author starts her career with such an incredible work of art. It’s a very clever and witty look into culture and race, and I highly recommend it.

Have a beautiful week, friends. xo

All The Appointments; Twelve Weeks In

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Last week my son had an appointment with an allergist, and the skin prick test did not indicate that he is allergic to the food that we thought caused a reaction a few weeks back. The next step is a blood test, and I have to schedule my own routine blood test, along with my mammogram, and all three guys have eye appointments this week and I have a dentist appointment THIS AFTERNOON and honestly, that would be an overwhelming number of things to do in normal times, let alone now.

I phoned the dentist on Friday, thinking that it would be several weeks before I got an appointment – my husband has one at the end of July – and when the woman on the phone said he can see you next week, how’s Monday afternoon I jumped on it without thinking. I shall report back.

Part of this is fear of the unknown; the lab services place is a gross petrie dish normally, what will it be like now? I’m trying to think optimistically that it will be BETTER, not worse, but still. Someone mentioned to me that with all the mask-wearing and hand-washing, it seems like an eternity since anyone’s had a common cold, and that is true. I cannot remember the last time I was sick, and one of the best things to come out of all this is that people who are sick – coughing and sneezing sick – are not generally going out in public. It was always a peeve of mine, when the children were small, that kids would end up at preschool VISIBLY ill, while their parents would say things like he was vomiting all day yesterday but drank water this morning, I’m sure he’s fine, and oh, it’s just a little bit of sniffles while their febrile child curled up on the circle mats, interrupted only to cough chestily. Now there is enormous peer pressure to keep everyone home, with nothing more than a seasonal allergy sneeze.

Anyway. So many appointments! After only going to the grocery store weekly, this feels like a lively and very busy runaround. So many places to go and things to do. It’s a ridiculous feeling, given what my normal pre-Covid life would have been like in June, although also not ridiculous, because things take so long to accomplish now, and will there be lineups, and should I take a book with me.

How am I possibly going to get back to the regular world? Slowly, I guess.

This week would have been my younger son’s grade nine graduation, and the mother of one of his friends organized an evening last week where the whole gang got together for photos. In a couple of weeks he will go to the school to pick up his yearbook and his certificate, and then it’s goodbye to junior high, I guess. It’s a small thing but still a thing, to be a little bit sad about. Online lessons seem to be wrapping up this week; they’ve gone as well as possible for my kids, every day is a gift, let us not wish our lives away BUT I am looking forward to the day that they are NOT doing online school.

Pandemic Reading

Speaking of landsliding and the kids getting older and I’m getting older too, I read this collection last week:

This is an interesting collection as it was written in 1974, so Alice Munro fans can see the change in style and prose. There is also an underlying counterculture theme in most of the stories, shown in descriptions of hair and clothing, as well as marital dichotomy.

I read this story, The Spanish Lady, when the kids were small and I remember gasping at this paragraph. I dog-eared the book and, coming across it again, I gasped. It is such a perfect description of mothering small children, and it is also a perfect description of motherhood for me now: all that time of care and confusion that seemed as it would never end seems as if it never was. 

LANDSLIDE, OMG, LANDSLIDE.

I have two new David Sedaris books to read: Naked and When You Are Engulfed In Flames, but I’m saving them. For what, I don’t know. Do you do this too? Do you “save” books for a certain time? Anyway, I reread this one last week while I drank copious amounts of coffee – to be possibly slightly regretted this afternoon when I’m having my dental scaling – and green smoothies.

The world does not need to read or hear about a privileged white woman’s outrage about current events and subsequent journey towards understanding and compassion, so I will spare you my thoughts. What I will say is that I acknowledge my extreme privilege and the fact that I have had little to no barriers or disadvantages in my life, and I understand that the world is full of barriers and disadvantages to other women of different races and backgrounds. The entire system is set up with barriers and disadvantages, which makes the reading of this book that much more poignant. This book is an incredible work of art, dealing with two sisters: one who follows Fate as it is determined for her and enters into an arranged marriage and subsequent move from Bangladesh to England to be a dutiful wife and mother, and one who enters into a “love marriage.” It is a gripping book about fate, love, sisterhood, and taking charge of your own destiny. Women are amazing, the world over. The world is full of incredible, strong women who do amazing things, and I am constantly humbled by that.

Yummy Things

There is no way to segue from Brick Lane to Yummy Things, but here we go.

I planted this herb garden a few weeks ago – a few? I have no idea when – including transplanting my grow-op cilantro. It is thriving and I love it. I have many plans for drying herbs and making my own mint extract, and meanwhile I made my very first homemade mojito on Friday.

I added way too much lime but still, it was good.

I bake snacks several times a week, but this was a new record: I took these blueberry-raspberry muffins out of the oven at 4:30 on Friday afternoon, and by 2:30 Saturday there was nothing but crumbs and a lone blueberry in the snack box.

Proof that there is always one spinach leaf that refuses to be blended.

What’s Blooming

The Mayday bloomed two weeks ago and is all finished now, leaving behind a lawn full of petals.

The snowdrop anenomes are waving in the wind.

The biggest of the elephant ears were not blooming, and then suddenly they did.

The roses are still just sticks that are turning slightly green, the hostas are making their way upwards, and, as usual, the neighbourhood is full of beautiful tulip blooms while mine are nothing more than mysteriously flopped foliage.

Pandemic Fitness

Lots of walks and runs this week; I love looking at other peoples’ gardens this time of year. My husband and I have also seen a few coyotes, along with coyote PUPS, the sight of which had us nervously looking around for Mama Coyote. This morning we saw both, but happily Mama was eating what appeared to be a dead squirrel – yay Mama! – and was therefore too occupied to notice us.

Happy June, everyone! xo

A Very Fuzzy Birthday; Eleven Weeks In

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Every single time I water my outdoor garden containers, an incredible storm rolls in, complete with hours of pouring rain. It feels symbolic, but I can’t quite make the leap.

It has been a dreadful week for news, which I am not going to go into. The bright spot is that Covid cases are on the decline in Alberta, and that last week’s recoveries outweighed the new cases. We are still in Stage One of reopening, and for the Boyhouse, this means that we have been slowly getting back into the world with medical appointments. The guys all have eye appointments next week, and I had my annual physical last week; that was pretty exciting, to have a reason to put on a real bra instead of a yoga tank. Next up: blood work and a mammogram! I haven’t scheduled them yet because the idea of Doing Things is still pretty exhausting. Although, never have I ever gone for my physical and immediately just walked into the room, with no waiting, as happened last week. I should probably get all these things done while it’s still quiet. I’d like to get my dental appointments in too, but that seems like a bridge too far right now.

When you were a kid, how often did you go out for dinner? In terms of sit-down restaurants, for me, it was almost never. Occasionally we would get Dairy Queen dinners, maybe once or twice a month, but as for an actual restaurant, it might have been annually or semi-annually. I wonder if we are going to see a step change in consumption patterns; I wonder if restaurants are going to become the special treats they were for me, back in the Eighties. I wonder if shopping is going to change and we are going to buy new things for Christmas and birthdays only, and maybe Back to School, GOD HELP ME THERE HAS TO BE A BACK TO SCHOOL AT SOME POINT.

I wonder about travel, and how that will change, and what will be the impact on countries for which the travel industry has done more for their economies than any other industry combined. I wonder what will happen for my kids when they are old enough to fly the nest and get jobs; will they have careers, where will they go and what will they do.

Well. None of us know what the future will bring, and in the meantime, we celebrated a very fuzzy birthday this weekend. Barkley, a.k.a. Bokey, Bokey Boy, Boke Boke, Bokeroo, Barks, the Barkster, Barkles, Puppy, Puppy Pup, Mr. Fuzzy, Fuzzy Fuzz, Silly Billy, turned twelve. There is something very heart-wrenching about having a dog turn twelve; it’s a reminder that you don’t have much time left and every day is a gift. Hopefully we have lots of time left, and in the meantime, he enjoyed lots of treats, the slowest walk ever where we patiently allowed him to sniff Every Single Spot Another Dog Has Ever Peed On Ever, and a ton of attention which he didn’t understand but I’m sure he liked.

Pandemic Reading

My dear friend Taryn (HI TARYN) lent me this book MONTHS ago; I set it on my shelf and – shamefully – forgot about it. What a pleasure this was to read; it is one of the best books I have read ever. Linked short stories – my favourite – about a girl of Jamaican descent growing up in Toronto, with underlying themes about belonging, community, and mother-daughter relationships. It is so rich and wonderfully written; I can’t stop thinking about it. You could probably write an entire dissertation on every character in this book.

This was one of my favourite books growing up and I can really see why. It is the ultimate “Bloom Where You’re Planted” book; the underlying theme is that no matter your circumstances, you can be a princess. A princess is what you are inside, in the best way possible. In this case, being a princess means treating others with respect, politeness, kindness, and generosity, regardless of how they treat you. Sara is a very wealthy young girl who has been sent to boarding school, while her father goes back to his work as a colonel in India. He loses his fortune and dies – of jungle fever – and the mistress of the boarding school takes that opportunity to make Sara into a slave who lives in the attic of the school. Eventually, through serendipitous twists and turns, all turns out well. It is a children’s book after all, albeit one that deals with child malnutrition and exposure, and physical abuse. As any book written in the Victorian age, it is a product of its time, so in the background there are many ugly things like colonialism and a crushing class system; it shows the terrible way impoverished children – particularly orphans – were treated by society.

I have a theory that Burnett readers either love A Little Princess or they love The Secret Garden, but they can’t love both. It’s very true for me, I have tried many times to read The Secret Garden but I’ve never made it past the first chapter.

More Alice Munro! Love her.

Yummy Things

Because it was Barkley’s birthday, I baked these “pupcakes” (thanks Lyn for the name suggestion! HI LYN) for the humans in the family. While looking for these dog face sprinkles at Superstore, I noticed that cake mixes are the new thing to be gone off the shelves. The baking aisle has tons of flour, and even some yeast, but the shelves holding cake mixes were completely empty. Has everyone given up on bread baking and moved on to cake making? I fully support your baking journeys.

We are trying to support as many Canadian wineries as possible; my husband’s lifelong friend – and, in fact, the friendship goes back generations as their grandfathers and fathers were both grape growers and lifelong friends – is a winemaker at Vineland Estates, which makes the BEST Cab Franc you have ever had. Seriously, it is the best. It’s tricky to get wines through the provinces, but there are (legal) ways to do this, and, long story short, I now have three cases in my basement. Or, as our winemaker friend says, 36 days worth.

Supporting Canadian wineries! It’s a hard job but someone has to do it, so I shall take it on myself.

Pandemic Fitness

The May walk/ run challenge is now over, and I clocked 257.6 kilometres for the month – mostly walking, but lots of running too. I’m very happy with that.

Other things to be happy about: today I went to Costco and hardly had to wait five minutes to get in the store, they are handing out masks to unmasked people at the door, and I saw a woman wearing a mask adorned with sequins. Sequins! It was very Pandemic at the Disco, and I like it. Hope you are all having a good week, stay safe, stay healthy. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Pandemic Beauty Edition

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All of the Zoom meetings, and Houseparty virtual wine evenings, and Facetime conversations have reminded me of a conversation I had a few years ago with an older, female member of my husband’s family. Someone had introduced her to the concept of the selfie, and so in an attempt to join in to Selfie Land, she merely flipped her camera and snapped a photo. Just snapped a photo, no lighting, no angles, just a photo taken close-up as she looked down at the phone. MERCY.

This woman told me how depressed and sad she was after viewing the photo; she had been quite a looker in her youth, and to see herself in such a state, well. I reassured her that NO ONE looks like that, and in order not to spiral into depression about one’s appearance, one must NEVER look at the camera in the way she did. Shoot from above, for the love of god, shoot from above.

As a digression, a while back – weeks? who knows, time has no meaning – Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) asked how to tell if the Facial Hair Situation needs to be Dealt With and I can say that there are two ways: the first is as described above, an unflattering, close-up, harshly lit, unfiltered selfie. The other way is not for the faint-hearted, and that is to buy a 10x magnifying mirror with a “daylight setting.” If you do take this course of action, it’s helpful to remember a) that no one ACTUALLY sees you in 10x magnification with ultra-bright lighting, and b) to look at your face dispassionately section by section, rather than as a whole. Those two tips will help you from spiraling into sadness after viewing your previously-just-fine face which has been revealed to have woolly, errant eyebrows and uneven skin tone, not to mention imperfections and blemishes you didn’t know you had. Well, as my friend Carmen (HI CARMEN) once said about her junior-high lip synch and dance routine to Opposites Attract captured forever on VHS, it keeps you humble.

Anyway, back to the accidental selfie. I have been thinking about that interaction a lot these days when having my virtual meetings/ wine parties/ coffee dates, as I adjust my phone and tablet constantly to get a good angle, and the right lighting, and still, sometimes, I look at my face staring back at me and it’s like I’m looking at the Crypt Keeper. Is that what I look like, Jesus take the wheel. I know some of us have been using this Pandemic and Time of Isolation to Throw Off The Shackles Of Modern Beauty Standards, but I find I have been the opposite. Which means it’s time for…

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Pandemic Beauty Edition

As a note, with one exception, I purchased all of these items on my weekly shop to Superstore; and of course, no one is paying me to write about these things, I just love them.

Mascara

With the wearing of masks, mascara has taken on much greater importance to me than before. Now that I’m not wearing lipstick to the stores, and, indeed, with my entire lower face covered, I want to make sure my Smizing is working for me. Longtime readers will know that I have long been a fan of The Falsies by Maybelline mascara, and I still am. Loyal to the core, that’s Taurean me. But near the beginning of the Pandemic, Superstore was OUT OF THE FALSIES. This was a one-off occurrence and it was back on the shelves the following week, but since it was the beginning of the Pandemic, I had the kind of mental spiral that we can all relate to, thinking that this was going to be one of those shortages no one talks about, and I would never get my mascara again. So I panic-bought The Falsies Lash Lift, and I will say it’s pretty good too.

Lash Lift is, cost-wise, 50% higher than The Falsies, which seems extreme from a percentage point of view, but in actual dollar terms it isn’t much; this is not an expensive mascara. The difference would be less than a cost of a latte, or around the value of my annual Child Benefit. I don’t think I’ll buy it again, though, I still prefer the less-expensive Falsies.

It is REALLY hard to take a photo of mascara without getting those Cora-From-Downton Crazy Eyes.

Wrinkle Fighting

With the wearing of masks, my forehead – the bane of my existence – has become front and centre, attention-wise. But let’s be clear, when one is in their mid-forties, one can expect some marionette lines, wrinkles around the eyes and forehead, and less elasticity than before, even for those of you with perfect skin. I love the Neutrogena Rapid Repair line; it contains Retinol and Hyaloronic Acid and other things that will make your skin tingle until you are used to them. The Rapid Tone Repair is great for uneven skin tone and wrinkles, and at night I use the Rapid Wrinkle Repair on my forehead and around my eyes. I think it actually is helping, but the economist and statistician in me think it’s impossible to tell without a control, etc., and every day that goes by ages us, so how can we ever tell, let’s just hope this works.

It’s that time of year when I’m outside for many hours in a day, and nothing, NOTHING, is so aging and wrinkle-inducing as the sun. If you, like me, derive great pleasure from the outdoors and turning your face to the sun, it is very prudent to have a good sunscreen, from a skin cancer prevention perspective, as well as a wrinkle prevention one.

I love this sunscreen because it doesn’t make me all shiny and greasy.

For the last couple of years, I have been using The Body Shop Chinese Ginseng and Rice mask twice a week. It’s exfoliating and brightening, and I love it. It also tingles when you wear it, and it looks ridiculous, but it really works. I am sure you can order this online, and sometimes The Body Shop has a Buy Three Get The Fourth For Free promotion, but that’s a pretty big gamble if you’ve never tried it before. I usually partake in their promotion in January of every year, and so I have a stockpile in my bathroom cupboard.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Don’t Despair About Your Hair

Ooooh, this is the big one. I feel fortunate in that I was Thinking About Growing Out My Hair for a long time, and this whole Quarantine and Isolation has really taken the decision out of my hands. I have written already about my hair colouring adventures, so I won’t bore you with it. Let’s just say I am THRILLED with the results and I honestly am not sure if I’ll ever go back to salon colouring.

Garnier Belle Colour is the brand I have been using, not for any particularly well-researched or thought out reason, but because when my mother called me, back in March, to tell me that salons would be closing and we talked about home hair colour, she said “That will probably be the NEXT thing that there will be a run on!” and people, I panicked. I panicked so much that, even though I had a few glasses of wine in me – it was a Friday – my husband drove me over to the neighbourhood Shopper’s and I literally ran in, scanning all the colours until I found one that pretty much matched me. Let me tell you, it is not that easy to match a red. This was one of the only reds on the shelf and so I grabbed a few boxes. I’ve been so happy with it, and I’m even more so today because yesterday I was at Superstore and not only was it on sale for $4.98 per box, I also got PC Optimum points for the purchase.

It’s super easy to use and non-drippy, and it also makes my hair feel so soft and full.

For the week before colouring, I love these spray root cover-ups. My darling friend Allison (HI ALLISON) sent me the one on the right years ago, but Shopper’s also had the one on the left in stock. Again, if you don’t have red hair it’s probably much easier to find a match, but these colours seem to be the Snuffalupagus of root sprays.

I generally wash my hair every other day – and bun it up on the non-wash days – but because of a few factors I now wash it three days a week. Wednesdays are grocery days and they are also the day that I am going two days between washing, and so I need a dry shampoo. I’ve tried a few but they all turn my hair GREY, which, why am I even colouring it if I’m going to have it grey, but this L’Oreal one does not. I think the one less shampoo probably helps with colour fade as well.

Tell me: do you have any beauty tips and tricks for this Pandemic time? Do tell. xo

Grievances, Big and Small; Ten Weeks In

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Big Grievance: Masks

Despite my diatribes about shopping carts, I like to think that I am a very open-minded person. Unless a person is blatantly racist, misogynistic, homophobic, or similar, I am usually able to see things from their point of view, even if I disagree, be it about politics, parenting, books and movies, or moustaches.

Small grievance digression: the boys are STILL sporting moustaches, and have no intentions of shaving “until this is all over” which, really, is so vague as to make me believe that I am going to be looking at Ned Flanders/ Errol Flynn facial hair until the end of time.

Anyway, back to the big grievance. I have a policy not to get into arguments online; such arguments are futile and pointless and only lead to bad feelings. Generally speaking, no online argument has ever changed anyone’s mind and it only serves to fuel feelings of frustration about ignorance and the state of the world. However, a woman who I know vaguely through the yoga community posted a link about Costco requiring masks to shop at its warehouses, with the caption “Not a chance! I will stop shopping there if they push me to wear a mask. How ridiculous!” The comments – don’t read the comments, people – were supportive of this anti-mask stance, in that “we have to stand up for our rights!” Our rights to shop at Costco maskless? I guess.

At this point I wasn’t trying to start an argument, I was curious. Why though? Why no mask? Was there an actual physical issue that precludes mask-wearing? What is the big deal? I equate stores requiring masks with the ubiquitous No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service policy; I really wanted to know her reasoning.

The answer, such as it was, that it was she did not think that masks are useful and that she believes in her right to choose.

Her right to choose, as if this was an abortion issue, not a let’s-wear-masks-during-a-global-pandemic-for-an-hour-to-buy-groceries issue.

Also, you know who DOES think mask-wearing is useful? The entire medical community.

I pressed on a little, and kept getting comments that “people’s rights are being taken away” and “this was oppression,” which, really. Oppression. Rights being taken away. If wearing a mask indicates one’s level of oppression and lack of human rights, then one is living a very charmed and lucky life. Imagine equating a mask with oppression. Imagine talking to a woman from, say, Iran about your rights being taken away.

All this from a yoga teacher, who should, by all definitions, be concerned about the more vulnerable in our society and who also would require people visiting her studio to remove their shoes upon entering. Even in my old stroke survivor yoga class, students removed their shoes upon entering the studio, the only exception being a person who was in a scooter and whose feet never touched the floor. If we yoga teachers can require shoe removal as a sign of respect and cleanliness, then I think we could also put something over our noses and mouths in a time where an extremely contagious respiratory virus is rampant.

Well, I don’t unfriend people easily – it took me twelve years to unfriend my cousin who constantly spewed anti-vaccination information and promoted his diet as precluding the need for vaccinations and modern medicine – but this was a no-brainer. I have no time for this. However, there is always a bright side. Based on the people who are going to boycott Costco for mask requirements, there should be fewer people in the queue to get in; fewer STUPID and SELFISH people in the queue. Oppression of human rights indeed.

(I don’t know who to credit for this image but I like it)

Small Grievance: Child Benefit

I do not ever apply for the Canada Child Benefit while filling out my tax return. As far as I can see, I do not qualify for anything, which is perfectly fine, of course. So when I received an envelope from Revenue Canada, I stared at it before opening. Did I file something wrong? Nothing strikes fear in the heart quite like an unexpected envelope from Revenue Canada. What I found inside was startling: my Child Benefit had been calculated, and my annual entitlement was to be deposited into my account shortly. My annual entitlement of $3.28.

$3.28! I’m sure the costs of calculation, mailing, and depositing far exceeded that amount, but okay. Maybe I’ll treat myself to a very small latte, or a block of tofu and a pack of gum.

Very Small Grievance: Rogue Spinach Leaves

Every day I make myself a green smoothie and every day, every single day, there is one spinach leaf that gets stuck on the side of the blender and refuses to be a part of it. That is, when I’m lucky it’s stuck on the side of the blender; sometimes it drops into the smoothie, unperceived by me until I drink it and get a soft, weird-tasting leaf in my mouth.

I’ve tried everything, and still, one leaf.

Not Really A Grievance: Goutweed

My very lovely elderly neighbour, many years ago, transplanted and watered a particularly invasive and ugly non-variegated variety of goutweed in the space between our houses. She is unable to do yardwork now, and the goutweed had spread and grown and started to choke out our shrubs and the variegated, snow-on-the-mountain goutweed that was also growing in that space. It had also started to creep into one of my gardens, and something had to be done. The boys and I spent two and a half hours yesterday digging it out. Have you ever tried to dig out goutweed? There is a reason it is used as an aggressive groundcover. As I said, this is not really a grievance, as I really enjoy this type of work, and it was a Project that was Very Satisfying to complete. My muscles are a TINY bit sore though; apparently goutweed can be used medicinally for inflammation. This seems like the ultimate irony.

Pandemic Reading

If we want to talk about oppression…this book deals with an “honour killing.” It’s quite fascinating and explores a community in which rules are rigid and women’s rights are non-existent.

A woman deals with her nasty husband’s sudden and extreme spiritual awakening; this book is very witty and also ended much differently than I thought it would, which I genuinely like.

This was okay, a light weekend-style read.

Yummy Things

Other than yesterday, the week was cold and rainy, which I usually find Oppressive Like Masks, but for some reason I instead found the rain to be energizing and invigorating. I went for walks in the rain – what have I become – and I leaned in hard to Cozy Rainy Day activities. I made three different kinds of ice cream – mint, strawberry, and vanilla caramel swirl – baked a lot, and made jam.

Also, three perfect avocados! At the same time!

Our Sunday dessert was chocolate-dipped strawberries, a very nice treat after all that digging.

Pandemic Fitness

My Sunday walk took me to the university; I hadn’t been on campus since 1998, and I was surprised to see so many changes, so many new and beautiful buildings. It was good to see my old stomping grounds to be basically unchanged – except for the absence of the Prairie Chicken! – and just as ugly as it used to be. Ah, I can feel the dinginess of those windowless offices just by looking at this.

Never did I think I would become a woman who would wear her son’s outgrown windbreaker to run in the drizzle, but here we are.

I hope you are all having a fabulous, unoppressed week. Fight the power! xo

We Are All On Edge

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One of the benefits of having a personal blog for twelve years (twelve years! Egads.) is that people really know where I stand on important issues. It is no secret that I have Very Strong Feelings about Returning Shopping Carts, and so when several friends pointed out the above Shopping Cart Theory, I had to smile and agree.

Then, of course, because it’s the internet, and because people are humourless and self-righteous, there was some uproar about the Shopping Cart Theory. It’s ableist! It’s not fair to judge people based on a single action!

And to this I sigh deeply. In terms of ableism, I think it is IMPLIED that if a person is physically – or mentally, I will include mentally because I know there are some women who suffer post-partum depression and damn if shopping with very young children isn’t trying enough, sometimes it’s just as much as you can do to just buckle those kids back into the car seat and drive away without having a complete breakdown – unable to return a cart, that person is exempt from the Shopping Cart Litmus Test. We who believe in this test are not monsters who believe that the world is black and white, and that people with physical disabilities are bad people because they cannot return their shopping carts, my god. I think with everything that it is implied that there are going to be some very good exceptions to the rule; a lot of places offer carry-out groceries, but some don’t, and OKAY, FINE. There are people for whom it is not physically POSSIBLE to return a shopping cart, yes, and for those people I would take that cart back myself, we after all must look after each other in our society, but I have a hard time believing all those carts scattered through the Costco parking lot are a result of physical disability. In fact, the carts that are specifically dragged up over the curb and onto the median and left there are done by people who have much more strength than I do, and I am physically fit. Have you ever TRIED to pull a cart up over a sharp curb? Doing so requires much more effort and physical strength than wheeling it back to the carrel. Plus, those medians are there for the physically disabled to use, as a safe walkway for those with walkers or wheelchairs, and so I very much doubt that the physically disabled are a) able to transport a cart in such a way, and b) would do so in order to sabotage their own well-being.

Second, in terms of judging people based on their actions, well. What else are we judged for if not our actions? I agree that some rhythm can be given for first offences, after all, we all make mistakes. I once screamed Don’t ever fucking call here again, you piece of garbage to a telemarketer who had phoned and asked for my husband several times in a two-day span, without compassionately considering that this was his job, such as it was, and that we all need to feed our families, and he was merely a cog in the giant wheel of telemarketing, not the perpetrator of the industry. So yes, perhaps we should not immediately jump to conclusions about whether or not a person is a good or bad member of our society, but still. If a person rarely or never returns a cart? Well. I think we all know what my thoughts are.

What about the argument that leaving shopping carts willy-nilly pell-mell in the parking lot supports the creation of jobs, in that there are people whose job it is to collect carts and bring them into the store, and that returning carts to the carrel would unemploy those people? That point of view is stupid and I reject it completely. Sure, there are people whose job it is to clean bathrooms and to collect garbage, but does that mean that we should all defecate on the floor and throw our garbage everywhere? NO IT DOES NOT. That would be STUPID, as well as INCONSIDERATE, GROSS, AND DISGUSTING. The people whose job it is to collect the carts can just as easily be employed by bringing the carts from the carrel to the store, and in taking your cart back, you are actually making a person’s job easier.

All of which is to say I applaud those companies that implement coin-operated carts as people obviously require financial rewards, rather than spiritual ones, at least in this lifetime. It is a depressing, yet accurate observation.

Whew. I was not even planning on talking about that today, let alone diving into Our Collective Contributions To The Societal Good, but here we are. Yesterday I was at Superstore, where, thank god, they have coin-operated shopping carts and so my faith in humanity isn’t eroded on a weekly basis, at least in terms of shopping carts, but slightly in terms of What Are We Even Doing. Despite the diatribe above, I try, oh my god do I try, I try all the time not to judge. And so when I saw a couple – perhaps in their fifties, certainly not what I would consider aged – shopping, I did try to think that maybe there was a Very Good Reason they were shopping together, despite the myriad signs requesting only one shopper per household wherever possible. Perhaps it was not possible. Perhaps something is going on that I don’t know about. This couple, despite all the many, many signs and the very regular reminder over the loudspeakers that there is one single line for checkout and to please wait for the Superstore employee to tell you what till to approach and when, marched right over to Till 7, and prepared to unload.

And may I take this opportunity to say that this is a VERY good policy in these Pandemic Times. It is efficient, and safe, and allows for sanitization and social distancing and all those other things that are currently of Utmost Importance, and I applaud Superstore for the implementation of this policy, as well as their coin-operated shopping carts.

The very lovely young woman in charge politely asked them to go back to the line – not even to the back of the line, just to the starting point – at which the man, who happened to be unmasked and standing a little too close to the lovely young woman, began speaking in a very loud and sharp manner about the injustice of it all. The lovely young woman then pointed out that he could now go to Till 4, as it had just been cleaned, at which point the man continued to grumble very loudly about this policy which he didn’t know about, how was he supposed to know, and what difference could it possibly make what till he went to, he was going to talk to management.

SIR, HAVE YOU READ THE NEWS LATELY OR PERHAPS TURNED ON YOUR RADIO?

Well. People are on edge. I smiled at the lovely young woman, when it was my turn, insomuch as one can smile while wearing a mask. I complimented her hair, which is truly beautiful, long and golden blonde and always in a thick braid. I hope that her day went well, or, at least, that she is now deadened to the stupid actions of people who do not listen to loudspeakers or read signs or follow the simplest of rules.