Harry: Look, when the shit comes down, I’m going to be ready for it. That’s all I’m saying!
Sally: Well, in the meantime you’re going to ruin the rest of your life thinking about it.
Sally and Harry were discussing death, but I think these viewpoints can be utilized more generally, or, at the very least, to refer in a symbolic way to little, everyday, non-fatal deaths. As a casual example, let’s say you’re planning a move from the place you’ve lived your whole life, from a neighbourhood where literally everybody knows your name, from the very house in which you were new bride, a new mother, and then raised your children to adulthood, to live at the end of the road in an agricultural part of a new city, next door to your mother-in-law. LET’S JUST IMAGINE SUCH A FICTIONAL SCENARIO. One might consider that to be the death of a certain kind of life; sure, it’s followed by the birth of a new kind of life, but it is a death nonetheless.
Typically I am a Sally-type person; in fact, if I was to describe my personality using only fictional on-screen characters, I would say I am a Sally Albright mixed with a healthy dose each of Monica Geller and Buddy the Elf. And typically I am a person who really does try not to worry overly about future events; I became extremely adept at this during the pandemic, when I basically turned into someone from a twelve-step program, taking things very much One Day At A Time. I firmly believe that worrying does not prepare a person for future events, instead it saps energy and strength for when those events come to pass.
And yet, during the past year I have had many Harry moments. I have had many, many moments of worry or concern or grief for events-that-have-not-yet-happened-but-will-happen. Halloween 2023 was one of those events that I was thinking about, during Spooky Season 2022. This time last year, I had a few verklempt moments, looking at our front yard, thinking next year our house won’t be a Halloween destination for neighbourhood children. Next year we won’t have any Trick-or-Treaters. Next year I will not be able to identify as the Fancy Lady Who Gives Out Full Sized Chocolate Bars In Her Spooky House. I had to swallow hard a few times, making Special Bags for the Special Children On Our Street who I knew would be coming, including cans of pop because why not give children caffeinated beverages to go with their full-sized chocolate bars and fun-sized Swedish Fish. I was mourning the death of myself as that Fancy Lady.
Life, as we all know, can be what we make of it. I’m as happy as can be here in my new home – maybe even a little bit happier as my old home had a snowfall warning last week and the grocery store parking lots are now entering, as my friend Janet calls it, 4×4 Cart Season (HI JANET) – and Halloween IS different, but different does not mean worse.
We have exactly two children on our road, and their mother told me that she definitely would be bringing them by to Trick or Treat, presumably on their way to a neighbourhood with higher population density. I sprang into action and purchased a box of full-sized chocolate bars, along with a four-pack of Hubba Bubba and two giant Kinder surprises shaped like monsters.
You know there’s only TWO of them, right? my husband asked me suspiciously. Of course I know, but my Fancy Lady Energy must be channeled somewhere, and that somewhere is going to the two neighbour children. We can still be a neighbourhood destination! It’s just that the neighbourhood is much, much smaller.
Longtime readers may remember our old neighbour Chad, who for years competed with my husband for Best Lawn Decorations; my husband famously declared himself the winner by making a sign out of caution tape that said “Chad I Win.” When we moved we passed most of the decorations on to Chad, including but not limited to the twenty-foot Grim Reapers and the giant ghosts and skeletons; it cheers me to no end to know that our old street is a Halloween Destination and that finally, Chad is the winner. My husband did keep a few things but in my Moving Angst I felt it was a useless waste of packing boxes; wasn’t I wrong though?
He and my son hung several undead and one creepy clown in the overhead vines and the carport, all of which have failed to faze Rex in the least.
We also have this cheerful guy who is apparently going to climb onto our roof and haunt us.
Living on a vineyard and walking the dog on a gorgeous greenway next to a creek filled with ducks and geese have obvious advantages, but there is one huge disadvantage that I did not properly account for, and that is that Rex is really filthy, all the time. If it was Barkley, with his brown fur, I probably would have never noticed, but Rex’s white paws really show it. One rainy morning last week he played happily with an energetic collie in the mulched, muddy area of the offleash park, and his paws matched the rest of his coat. Happily, I was able to get him in to the groomer on Friday, which was perfect as we had Halloween festivities and he was my accessory, or, Rexcessory, if you will.
Bring me all the puppies! Or at least, one large galoompa of a puppy.
Weekly Reading
I had a DNF this week: I started but just could not get into Dinner For One: How Cooking In Paris Saved Me. It sounded SO good, but I found it incredibly boring and by page 44 I aborted mission. I just had too many other good books in the pile!
Truth and Beauty. This is a memoir by the incredibly talented Ann Patchett, and it’s an intense one. It follows her friendship with poet Lucy Grealy, who survived a Ewing’s sarcoma at age nine, which left her with a jaw deformity and a lifetime of corrective surgeries. The memoir shows a close friendship starting when the women were up-and-coming writers, and this was the most interesting to me of all. It shows Patchett as the slow and steady friend, the writer who buckles down to work steadily, and Grealy as the wild, beloved genius who misses deadlines constantly, amasses debt, and is in constant physical and emotional pain. There is not a happy ending to this story. Grealy spirals downward while her friends – Patchett included – continue an upward trajectory and try to help her on the way. I will say that I don’t think I could have been as supportive a friend as Patchett was, if faced by the desperate cavernous neediness that Grealy displayed.
The Brilliant Life of Eudora Honeysett. Are you in the mood for a heartwarming story of intergenerational friendship, family by choice, and a seemingly hardened old woman whose heart becomes soft and open? Of course you are! Who doesn’t need a light and uplifting book of goodness? This is a very sweet book about an elderly woman who has HAD ENOUGH of life. She lives alone, she’s 85, and she’s decided she wants to die on her own terms, so she applies for assisted death in Switzerland. Meanwhile – cue the music – a new family moves next door and the ten year old girl corkscrews her way into her life. This is just a really lovely book that switches between current time and flashbacks to her earlier life, showing how we all make choices and take paths that get us to where we are. Listen, this isn’t going to set the literary world on fire, and there are no surprises here, but it’s just a nice heartwarming book for a chilly day in fall.
Happy Halloween to everyone! Are you celebrating? I hope there are at least fun-sized chocolates involved for you this week. xo
I love that costume! It’s great. The ghoul in the tree is terrifying but the skeleton going up the ladder is really quite cheerful. Yes, YYC has been hit with winter and I’m not pleased. We did have a good run this year. About a week and a half ago my husband’s barber strongly told him ‘it never snows here before Halloween.’ He politely gave him a smile and nod, but seriously, if you’ve lived in Calgary more than say, one year, you know this is absolutely not true. Happy Halloween!!
What? WHAT? It always snows before Halloween! Remember that September we got that freak snowfall that broke branches and power lines? But October almost always has snow! Maybe the barber just has a very selective memory!
Love this: “I would say I am a Sally Albright mixed with a healthy dose each of Monica Geller and Buddy the Elf.”
I STILL have not watched When Harry Met Sally.
And that story about Chad and your husband is heartwarming.
Well, even if you only get those two kids you will clearly MAKE THEIR DAY with such awesome treats.
Their competition was so fun, as my husband said “Chad might be younger, more energetic, and creative, but I’ve got deeper pockets.” Lol!
Ha, I love Halloween! I love how creative people get with their costumes and decorations. I’m laughing at the competition and “Chad I Win.” You must have been the hit of your old neighborhood with your Halloween goodies- I’ll bet those kids will miss you this year. But the two kids who come to your house this year are going to be VERY pleasantly surprised!
I love your costume, especially as it involves Rex. Yes, I’m all ready for Halloween! I’m not quite on your level, but we have some outdoor decorations and I’ve made (modest, by your standards) treat bags for trick-or-treaters. Yes, it’s still Spooky Season!
It’s just so fun to embrace the festivities, isn’t it? We are an ALL IN house, I like to just throw myself into something.
Great costume coordination with Rex. I’m glad you kept some of your decorations. I sometimes wonder if we will put up the whole display when there are no kids in the house. It’s a lot of work, but then again, we do have a neighborhood reputation to uphold.
You know, I’ve never read any Ann Patchett. I should probably start with fiction, though, rather than memoir.
It’s the neighbourhood reputation that makes the difference! Even though very few see our decorations, they were still fun.
I’m a little surprised you haven’t read Ann Patchett, I would recommend Bel Canto or The Dutch House as a perfect piece of fiction.
Your costume is amazing!! Well done! And Rex is an amazing sidekick! I took the kids to a Halloween party yesterday but I did not dress up – or I went as a tired, bedraggled mom. The scariest thing about me was my cough – which I was quick to explain was not contagious since I am on like day 10+ of this dang thing. Taco refused to wear his costume so we were not the funnest party goers but we showed up.
I read Eudora Welty on my Mexico vacation last December. It was such a heart warming read.
You sound like the absolute best person to live close to. Those kids are going to be pumped by their treats! There are a few houses in our neighborhood that give out full size candy bars since they don’t get a ton of trick or treaters. There’s another house on our block that does that as well. We are the house of fiscal austerity so Phil gets fun sized candy bars. I am envious of your outdoor decor. I tried hard to convince Phil that we should get a skeleton for our front porch bench. He was a hard pass. He is just NOT into holiday decor but I have come to accept it albeit a bit begrudgingly at times.
Showing up is half the battle so I say you did well! I’m excited you read that book too, wasn’t it just sweet. Sometimes you just need a light, sweet book (now I’m reading something that is much more emotionally intense, so I’m glad I had a palate cleanser).
Haha; only a person in the finance industry would say “the house of fiscal austerity!”
What a great costume, Nicole! Rex is the perfect accomplice/accessory! Although I cannot imagine someone further from Cruella IRL). I’m sorry you won’t have many trick-or-treaters, but those two kids on your street ate going to make out like baby bandits. Haven’t read either of your books of the week–I’ll look out for them.
(And even as someone who’s moved so often, I always feel a wrench leaving the old places and relationships behind. I can only imagine how it must feel to leave behind the place where a beautiful phase of life had unfolded. <3 )
*are going to (not ate going to 🙂 )
I think that’s part of the reason I wanted to dress up as Cruella – like, I want all the puppies but not to make into a COAT, wow, what a grisly cartoon that is. It just put me in mind of the original Muppet Movie, where they wanted Kermit to be spokesperson for the guy selling fried frog legs. WHAT. What a weird idea for a children’s movie!
That Muppet Movie snippet is truly macabre!
I was scrolling this morning and Lil Momma caught sight of your costume and proclaimed you “the most perfect Cruella EVER” beating the cartoon, Glenn Close, The Descendants versions, AND Emma Stone (even tho LM has never seen the Emma Stone movie, just trailers); I think it was the genuine smile!! <3 Changing traditions get me in the feels – I love that you've been able to become a new Fancy Lady for some new kids and, even tho Chad, won, your husband can still decorate here and there.
Well this is just lovely! I am thrilled to be the most perfect Cruella!!!
Your costume turned out spectacularly!!!! You look so fabulous! (As does Rex.)
I did sob for a couple of minutes when you described not being at your old house on Halloween. All these little losses — they do require grieving over, don’t they? (Egads, I just had a brief second of thinking about Not Having Christmas in the Old House but I am NOT GOING THERE YET.) Your plan to pamper those two neighborhood children is perfect, and they will be delighted. And probably brag about it to their friends (I mean, if they are of Bragging Age) so perhaps next year you will have some non resident trick or treaters to look forward to!
So glad you do have SOME decorations. (I have literally zero up. Not even a pumpkin. I only just bought candy yesterday.) The skeleton looks positively cheery about heading up to get started on his haunting honey-do list but the tree ghoul seems a little weary of Halloween already.
His haunting honey-do list!!! Ahahahahah! Yes he is quite the cheerful soul, or soulless bones…
I am keeping a couple chocolate bars JUST IN CASE there are some Trick or Treaters – I don’t know, maybe they will have friends that will come? In any case, someone can always eat the chocolate later, it’s not the worst scenario.
What a great costume. Hooray for coordinating with Rex. I’m sure your former neighborhood isn’t the same without the Chad vs your husband competition. I imagine Chad’s yard is now overflowing thanks to the inherited ghouls, etc.
I love the When Harry Met Sally reference. Such a great movie. I haven’t seen it in years. I am more of a Sally person myself. I typically stay positive and upbeat and while worrying doesn’t really solve anything, it is sometimes so hard to avoid.
You are gonna make those neighbor kids worship you. They will soon be offering to walk Rex and rake your leaves. 😉
I rarely pick up a book that I don’t finish, but it does happen. I’m always thinking, maybe it’ll get better in the next chapter. Sometimes it’s better to just cut your losses. It’s supposed to snow here and be VERY cold for Halloween. The year I made Ed a Chewbacca costume when he was in kindergarten, it was freakishly over 80 degrees. Go figure.
Isn’t that the way, you make a costume warm enough for Trick or Treating and then it’s freakishly hot!
I agree with you about the books, I almost always think “it might get better” but I have like 8 books from the library right now so I feel like I don’t have time to read one that I don’t like!
Chad has sent us some photos and his yard looks amazing!
Once upon a time when we got our first DVD player the first DVD I bought was When Harry Met Sally. I understand how you jive with Sally’s energy. Laughing about how you temper it with Monica and Buddy. To thine own self be true. Your Cruella costume is spot on, no pun intended. Hope your Halloween is filled with the fun size chocolate bars of your preference.
I love this, Ally – When Harry Met Sally is my favourite movie of all time. I watch it every year around New Year’s and I never, ever get tired of it. What can I say, don’t fuck with Mr Zero.
Mr. Zero knew she was leaving you before you did? Mr. Zero knew…
I’m a writer and I know dialogue and that’s particularly harsh!
Oh no, I feel I should have warned you as someone who lives in the Pac NW (albeit the American area) your dog may be a muddy mess most of the winter. Last year we finally ran hot water to one of our hose taps so we could wash our dog off all winter without her getting really cold and miserable. We go through an astonishing number of dog towels a week from November – May/June. Everything is just so wet.
Youngest’s HS soccer team is in the quarter finals for state on 10/31 so I assumed we’d be out of the picture for Halloween and was disappointed because I live about a block from the elementary school and my neighborhood is like what they depict in Hallmark movies about Halloween – tons of trick or treaters and it’s delightful. But THEN they announced the game schedule and since the team Youngest’s is playing is coming from 6 hours away (!!) the game is a 2:00 pm. We’ll be home for TOTers. YAY!
Yay! I’m glad you’re going to be able to enjoy the festivities! I’m actually thrilled that it’s been frosty in the morning because the dirt at the dog park is not muddy at that time! Even more reason to go early!
Your costume is faaaabbbbulous! But you are a much prettier Cruella! We were planning to trick or treat with our grandkids, but considering it might snow, I’m not sure we will go. And I didn’t buy any candy to hand out here, so we might be hiding with the lights out! Lol! We usually get around 75 kids here.
Wow on the skeleton on the ladder. And props for handing out full size candy bars! My son used to be so pumped when he went trick or treating in his friend’s neighborhood and got a full size bar from the owner of a local chocolate company. I love Fancy Lady festivities.
Snow, it sounds like Calgary!! My kids used to be thrilled to get cans of pop! Even though they were heavy and weighed down the bag, it was the most exciting thing for them.
You are a gorgeous Cruella with Rex as the perfect accessory! I’m so happy you will have two trick or treaters (and I think they will also be very happy with their haul). After reading your blog for a few years, the description of Monica, Sally & Buddy is absolutely perfect.
Hahaha thanks Pat! And it’s almost the season where the Buddy percentage goes up significantly!
The Fancy Lady continues! Those children will be thrilled. That costume is amazing and you are rocking it.
Thanks Gigi!!
I found Truth and Beauty difficult to read-Lucy’s personality seemed extremely difficult and exhausting, Love your costume!
She seemed SO exhausting, like the Grand Canyon of need! It was a bit difficult to read for sure.
Your costume and giant accessory are THE BEST.
What is 4×4 cart season?
I agree completely about Truth & Beauty. I have had people that cavernously needy in my life (sometimes I worry that I am one) and it is difficult, even when the reasons are so very valid.
I believe I AM in the mood for the intergenerational etc. etc.
Allison, 4×4 cart season is when the parking lots are icy and snowy and you have to bend horizontal to push your cart to the car after shopping. Like 4x4ing a car!
You win best costume for Cruella!
My husband really amped up the Halloween decorations this year. Our front yard is decorated with tombstones and bones and I feel that by next year he will have worked his way up to a full skeleton. I don’t have the holiday decorating gene but I enjoy seeing his handiwork.
That sounds like you have a fun yard this year, Birchy!
I wish for every neighborhood to have a Nicole in it.
I’ve become Sally. I wasn’t always a Sally. Soul homework helped.
I LOVE YOUR COSTUME.
Oh this is so sweet, Kari. Thank you! Sallys forever! (also it does take me an hour and a half to order a sandwich)
It takes me the same amount of time, too! 🤣
I adore your costume, and your enthusiasm for Halloween! I love everything about the day, and think it’s so sweet that you at least have two children to treat tonight. 🙂
Truth and Beauty was my first Ann Patchett book and I adored it; I grabbed Lucy’s book next, Autobiography of a Face, which left such an impact on me. It was really eye-opening to read from her point of view and to realize all that she went through.
Happy Halloween!!
Thanks so much Wendy!
I am considering reading Grealy’s book but I think I need a pause as I just read another intense book – time for something lighter!
Nicole, you are the most fabulous Cruella!! Those two kids are going to be so delighted when they visit your house, and I almost feel sorry for your former neighbors – how dull it’ll be without your family!! I love the skeleton and ghoul – I’m mainly into cute Halloween, but I can appreciate the creepy as well. Very cool!
The creepy clown that greets me in the morning is not my favourite and I like cute Halloween better, but I’m not in charge of the decorations, so it’s okay! We had THREE kids last night, it is a good thing I went overboard on candy!
Our town does trick or treating on the Sunday before Halloween and my husband bought a ginormous bag with so many delicious treats and we had exactly zero kids come by. Pre-COVID we had between 40-70, so this is a real disappointment.
You look so happy in your Cruella get-up! It’s a good thing Rex hasn’t seen the movie or he would side-eye you so hard!
Oh how disappointing!!! That’s so interesting that they do it the Sunday before, I have never heard of that! It makes a lot of sense.
I love your costume (and accessories)! I also think that I have the same tea kettle as you do! We do not get a lot of kids in our neighborhood as it is a short street next to the street that leads to the freeway, so I don’t even buy candy. Is that sad? I did notice last year though that the Moms drive the kids around now from good neighborhood to good neighborhood; does that happen there too?
I remember being a kid and we used to get homemade cookies and candy apples etc. It is a little sad to me that things have gotten so sterile, but I suppose the kids are happy enough with the candy, especially the large ones (isn’t that the ultimate score?)
Yes, it is the ultimate score – that and cans of pop! When I was a kid it was the early 80s and the height of the fear around Halloween and tampering with candy – razor blades in apples, etc., so we never got things that were homemade or apples. The (three! we had three!) trick or treaters were being driven to a friend’s neighbourhood last night, but we are on a rural road and there are only two houses (ours and my MIL) who participate, so it’s understandable. People used to drive their kids to our house in Calgary because we put on such a show (credit to my husband).
Generally I’m more Sally than Harry, but my dog’s lymphoma last year stressed me the hell out. I tried SO HARD to be present and enjoy the time I had with him, but it was so hard to not feel that anticipatory grief, especially after his cancer came back. UGH.
I love your costume, very snazzy! We had 1 trick or treater last night. 1. I sent the rest of the candy with my daughter to her office, so I don’t eat it all!
Oh, I understand so much, J. Sweet Mulder was such a young dog. That is so hard.
Your costume is AMAZING! You make a great Cruella (and I mean that in the best way possible).
We got barely ANY trick-or-treaters this year. Maybe 7 total? And my mom lives in a neighborhood, but I just think kids don’t do neighborhood trick-or-treating anymore. Or there are just better neighborhoods that all the kids congregate at. IDK.
Aw, thanks Stephany! It was fun to dress up!
Oh my gosh, your costume was perfection!! and REX!!! SO CUTE!!! We didn’t get very many trick or treaters- I’d say maybe 7-10 “doorbell rings”. I bought some extra candy in case but didn’t open that one and am hoping Target lets me return it (all sealed still). The candy seemed extra $$ this year!!
Thanks Kae! Everything is so much more $$$ this year, isn’t it?
Rexcessory LOL you’re so clever. I love your costume and love that you embrace Halloween. I didn’t grow up with it and so it’s not a holiday I particularly embrace, but I do enjoy the neighborhood decorations (people flock to the neighborhood a couple of blocks over for the full size candy) and someone left fun-size candy in our breakroom at work… 🙂
Thanks so much, San, it was so fun!