Category Archives: Hello Calgary

What Day Is It Again; Ninety-One Weeks In

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I do not know what’s going on with my neighbours and their drainage, but this guy has returned several times since I first sighted him in October:

I did finally catch a glimpse of him, after an embarrassing amount of peeking out the window whilst folding laundry, and it was, to be honest, a bit of a let down. I mean, I’m sure he’s Hot Rod for someone, but not for me.

Speaking of folding laundry, I have been really wanting to do one of those “snapshot of my day” posts, but I spend so much time doing boring things like folding laundry and cleaning the kitchen that I find it somewhat depressing. I love reading other people’s “snapshot of my day” posts and “my day in pictures” post, and meanwhile, here’s me:

3:00 pm: Nicole folds a massive load of laundry while listening to a podcast about the development of the polio vaccine, hashtag living my best life.

I did consider it last week though, and even took a photo of my Morning Practice Space, the festive prettiness of which really makes up for the squishiness of which, and the “bumping into the wall and/ or table” of which.

Maybe one day! Maybe one day I will treat you to A Day In The Life of Nicole, and you can all be wowed by the incredible amount of things I get done before 10:00 am, and simultaneously, but differently, wowed by the complete lack of things that I do after 7:00 pm. One of my yoga students asked if I still go to bed at nine o’clock, to which I replied that nine is a LATE night for me these days. I’m essentially comatose by that time.

I keep thinking it is much later in the month than it actually is. For the last week I’ve had these panicky Christmas is next week feelings, and then I have to remind myself of the actual date. I blame the fact that this is the last week of school and of my classes of 2022; usually these things go into the 20s of the month, but not this year. It feels like December is flying by, but I am going to reiterate: it is the thirteenth. Christmas is NOT this weekend, no matter what my brain keeps saying.

I’m not complaining, just, apparently, confused. Oh god, remember last year? Last year at this time, things were in a pretty dismal state; school had gone online, which was absolutely dreadful, and there was a “no gatherings at all” rule. I’m sure lots of weirdness lies ahead, but I’m going to just take things as they come. Basically, as long as the kids are in physical school, I don’t really care what else happens. That is my bar, and it is low.

Because of last year, I think I have developed a Come At Me attitude when it comes to almost everything, but particularly grocery shopping. I am planning to visit Costco after my usual Superstore grocery run this week, and in years past I would never have gone to Costco so close to Christmas (IT’S NOT THAT CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS, NICOLE, IT’S ONLY THE THIRTEENTH). Anyway. This year, I don’t care. I mean, what can happen – will I have to line up to get in the store? Been there. Will I have to line up in the store? I did that two weeks ago. Will there be shortages? WHO CARES, I JUST WANT MY CASE OF MACADAMIA NUT MILK AND SOME KALETTES. IF THEY AREN’T THERE I’LL GET SOMETHING ELSE, HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT, COSTCO.

A few updates from last week: there are limited supplies of both rice AND noodles at Superstore, as well as other imported items – I was able to snag a bottle of sesame oil, which was one thing I was actually running low on. My pantry is pretty full right now, as I have that It’s A Pandemic And We Are Going Into Shortage Season feeling.

Also – and I am wary just writing this – no one else has succumbed to The Cold. May our good health continue!

Pandemic Reading

I have been wondering if I should even tell you about this, but it’s a tiny nag at the back of my brain. About six months ago, I received a message from a woman I know who told me that she purchased a couple of books I had enjoyed, and she wanted to let me know that they were completely boring and she hated them. She went so far to say that one of the books that I had loved was the worst book she had ever read. With that in mind, I wanted to clarify a few things.

Reading is very subjective, and, with the exception of a few books that I think are IMPORTANT, such as Caste or My Grandmother’s Hands, I do not necessarily recommend any of the books in my weekly reading recap. I might love a book – which I really, really do this week – but that doesn’t mean I think YOU will love it. Maybe you will! But we all have such different tastes, and my love of a book does not translate into an across-the-board recommendation for all. I have read many books that people have raved about it, that left me feeling meh, but that’s on me, I think. There are also whole genres that other people love, such as sci-fi, fantasy, and horror, that I am extremely averse to. That doesn’t mean those books are inherently bad or boring in any way, they just aren’t for me.

With that in mind, I was pretty taken aback by that message; I knew it wasn’t a personal affront, but it kind of felt like one. All of which is to say that when I absolutely love a book, I don’t expect you to, but maybe you will (if you are Anna (HI ANNA), my book twin, I DO expect you to!). Shared enjoyment of a book has nothing to do with friendship, either. One of my best friends, Allison (HI ALLISON) loves sci-fi and horror, Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) loves a good mystery, and many of my friends love fantasy and time travel, which I do not.

This week I have continued my reading of the Giller Prize shortlist, which was loaned to me by my friend Marion (HI MARION), and I am about to rave about a book.

Son of the House. I am going to come right out and say it: this might be the best book I have read all year. After looking at the Giller Prize shortlist, this was the one I was most excited to read, and it did not disappoint. It checks every box for me: the minutia of women’s lives in a society that oppresses them, and how they overcome the various oppressions, a description of a country and culture that is not my own – in this case, Nigeria – and multiple eras and points of view with intersectional, but seemingly unrelated, characters. Two women – one, a formerly impoverished housemaid and one a wealthy, educated principal of a school – are kidnapped in Nigeria and they tell their stories, and it is a fascinating, incredible, beautifully written book. I loved it so much.

Fight Night. In contrast, this was the book I was LEAST excited to read on the shortlist, having not been a big fan of Toews. However, I was pleasantly surprised! This was a really good read; it is written from the viewpoint of a child, so the narration is unreliable and interesting. As with most of Toews’ works, the subject material is quite dark and disturbing, but the book itself is quite lovely and touching. It has a very strong theme of family and struggle, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this.

Have a great week, everyone, and if you are like me and continuously confused by the calendar, Christmas is in twelve days! It’s not this coming weekend, it’s NEXT weekend. xo

Full-On Festive; Eighty-Nine Weeks In

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It’s up! It’s up! The tree is up!

I was visiting with a friend (HI MARION) last Thursday and I mentioned how excited I was to put up the tree that evening. “It is so LATE to be putting the tree up,” I said, as she cocked her head and looked at me. I mean, it was November 25. It FELT late.

We don’t normally put up the tree on a weeknight – I’m generally nearly comatose in the evenings – but my husband has been busy, busy, busy at work, in a “working all weekend” kind of way, and the boys inexplicably had Friday off, and so we put on our new Christmas sweaters and carped the diem.

During the summer, WWE Christmas sweaters were on clearance, and the three guys each got one, along with a snowman Roman Reigns – if you know, you know, and also I SEE YOU – and I initially rejected the idea of getting a Christmas sweater for myself. Then, I started to feel left out, but by that time the only women’s sweater left on clearance was not in my size, but no matter. I am now the Legit Boss. Again, if you know, you know.

Welcome to our tree, Roman Reigns in snowman form.

Bye, Buddy! Hope you find your dad!

I feel like we could make a Bob Ross/ Iceman comparison here. Both make no mistakes.

Our tree and decorations are – clearly – not of designer quality, but everything has a story associated with it and I love them all so much. Decorating for Christmas is one of my favourite things about the entire year; it’s definitely a family affair filled with excitement, discussion about ornaments, and general chaos.

I had a few people express surprise that my kids still enjoy this activity, and then I wondered if maybe they participated out of a feeling of obligation to their mother. I asked them separately, and they both said that it was one of their favourite Whole Family Activities of the year, which was extremely gratifying to hear.

Over a period of weeks, my husband has been working on the outdoor decorations, and they too are finished!

He also has set up the lights over the garage – which I view from the kitchen – to go on at 5:00 am, which is right when I start my yoga practice and it makes me so happy to see them.

What I’m saying is that Tiny Secret Festive Season has morphed into Full-On Festive Season.

I needed this Festive Feeling because it’s been a week, my goodness you guys. A WEEK. We’ve had some globally bad news, some personally bad news, some really sad extended-family related news, and, on a much lighter note, some personal stress from having a teenage driver.

Parents of teen drivers: do you ever get to a point where you don’t feel at least low-level anxiety when they take the car out? My friend Jen (HI JEN) said she still does even though her teen has his own car and has driven to school daily for over a year. My son does not have his own car; he drives my minivan, which is its own source of stress. On Friday, their day off of school, he drove six (SIX) of his friends to what was supposed to be an afternoon of laser tag, but because of a booking mixup that fell through. He put EIGHTY KILOMETRES on my car, driving around, until they finally ended up at Denny’s. Denny’s! It reminded me of that old comedy routine from the 80s: No one ever GOES to Denny’s. You will probably END UP at Denny’s, but no one ever says “Let’s go to Denny’s.” Truth. Well, he’s a good driver, very calm and competent, but I was feeling low-level stressed-out until he was home. The low-level stress continued when he told me one of the destinations was downtown, and the parking situation was difficult, and a right-hand turn onto a one-way street was hard with all the traffic, and you know what, my palms are getting sweaty just thinking about it.

I have to remind myself that when I was 17, I was driving all around all the time, and my parents had no idea where I was at any given time, and no way to get a hold of me. Imagine, you guys! Imagine the stress! Hoo boy. I cannot. At least these days, we can stalk our teens with various phone apps, but of course, that can lead to confusion too. Like when you think that the kids are going to laser tag over by the airport and then you see that they are actually downtown and then, weirdly, at Denny’s.

Pandemic Reading

Who Is Maud Dixon. First of all, many thanks to Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) for this recommendation. I don’t think I would have picked it up without her rave review, and that would have been awful – I enjoyed this so very much! Florence thinks she’s landed a dream job, assisting the woman who writes under the pseudonym Maud Dixon. They travel to Morocco for research, and a terrible accident ensues. Florence wonders if she can just…take over as Maud and realize her dream of becoming a famous writer. There were so many twists and turns in this book, what a great read!

Intuitive Eating. This was another recommendation, this time by my friend Anna (HI ANNA). Anna and I are book twins and she spoke so highly of this book. I felt kind of weary and reluctant to read yet another book about diet culture, but, book twins! So I picked it up and I was glad I did. This is absolutely NOT a weight-loss book or a book about how to change your body shape or size. This is a book about respecting your body, loving yourself EXACTLY AS YOU ARE, treating yourself with kindness and compassion, and rejecting the diet culture that is so pervasive in our world.

An interesting note, and one I have seen in a few books lately, is that all the latest research indicates that diets, in 95% of cases, lead to weight GAIN, not loss, and that weight cycling from dieting is associated with far worse health outcomes than wearing extra pounds. That, to me, is kind of mind-blowing. Also, when diets fail – which, again, due to research about what our bodies need and how they cope, is almost always – we tend to put the blame on ourselves, rather than the diets. The analogy used in this book is that if there was a new medication for asthma that gave us excellent results for two weeks, and then much worse breathing and also other health issues for the rest of our lives, we would not blame ourselves. We would say it’s the fault of the medication.

Anyway, it’s very interesting, and also references the famous Minnesota Starvation Experiment, which I know that I’ve referenced before as having parallels to early pandemic empty shelves and our subsequent obsession with having enough flour, toilet paper, and every other thing that was hard to get early in the pandemic. One of the most interesting things from the Minnesota Starvation Experiment is that some of the men were obsessed with food and getting enough to eat well after the experiment was over, some for their entire lives.

All of which is to say this book provided a lot of food for thought, and I didn’t even want to read it! I’m glad I did.

Such A Quiet Place. When a quiet neighbourhood is rocked by a double murder, the residents band together to incarcerate the main suspect. But when the suspect is exonerated and returns to the neighbourhood, things go off the rails. Who can you trust? This was an exciting read.

I hope you all have a great week! We are going into December already, what even! xo

Festivities Shift; Eighty-Five Weeks In

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Hello November!!

It was a brisk, wintry start to the weekend, so I wasn’t sure if we would even get any Trick-or-Treaters, but we ended up with an all-time high of 43, smashing our earlier record of 25. Maybe it was the decorations!

We do have some candy left over, which some of us are happier about than others.

Speaking of sugar, all occasions must be marked by sugar cookies, it is a law, while you’re living under my roof, you will obey my rules!

The first of November is, as you know, the beginning of Tiny Secret Festive Season! Today I’ll wear my Christmas bracelet, which will be with me until the New Year, and I will swap out the hand soaps for festive-themed ones. Tonight will be the night for red-plaid festive pajamas, my nightly foot cream will be swapped out for the Vanilla Candy Cane scent, I’ll start using my Christmas bookmarks, and my grocery lists will all be written on gingerbread-themed notepads. In a couple of weeks, I’ll start using the Christmas tea towels and Buddy the Elf mugs, and by then it will be soon time to decorate totally, so that by the end of the month we will be fully into the festive swing of things.

And on that note, I am ALMOST done my Christmas shopping, you guys! I know! Even for me, it’s early. Last week I carved out an afternoon just for going to the mall. I remembered what shopping felt like last year, and what it felt like was not fun. I recalled just trying to get every gift necessary in my one trip to the mall, and ending up completely exhausted and sour. You know what, I don’t want to live my life like that anymore. I don’t want to think of shopping for gifts for my loved ones, for my favourite holiday, as a huge dreaded chore. BE THE CHANGE, I thought, and so I changed my attitude about it.

One thing about me is that Gift Giving is not really my predominant Love Language (it’s Acts of Service). I have a tendency to get stressed and nervous when buying gifts – what if they don’t like it, what if it’s the wrong thing – and I think that is not the right way to think about Christmas gifts. Gifts are GIFTS. I don’t really remember being super-specific with wish lists when I was a kid. I remember being excited and happy opening gifts, and even when they weren’t things I would have specifically chosen, I would be delighted. I am still that way now. So why, I wondered, was I becoming stressed about getting the exact right thing for the exact right person? It’s a GIFT.

So that was the mindset I was trying to cultivate, and anyone with teen boys or other people who are difficult to buy for, people who have everything and want for nothing, will know what I mean.

The second part of my mindset was that I don’t need to get every single thing in one fell swoop. Last year, I kind of did; everything was new in terms of masks and customer limits in the store and sanitization stations everywhere. We still have our indoor mask mandate here, and almost no one walks around with a mask under their noses anymore. There are still limits to customers and hand sanitizers when one enters a store, but it feels pretty normal and much less dystopian now.

Old habits die hard, and I was tempted to buy the first thing I saw and to speed walk through the mall, but I told myself to slow down. It’s October 26, I said to myself, You can come back next week. Or later! I really tried to just enjoy the shopping experience, and as they say, fake it until you make it. And it worked! I really enjoyed myself. I browsed through a few stores, making mental notes about some items I thought would suit some of my giftees, I spent a LOT of time in Indigo choosing a paper agenda for 2022 for MYSELF, while looking at their displays of silly and delightful little things suitable for stockings, and, after lapping the mall once, I went back to the stores and bought the items that had initially caught my eye. I had a few ideas for my husband but at that point I was pretty laden down with bags. I think I’ll go back tomorrow and buy them, and maybe spend another enjoyable afternoon browsing around.

Pandemic Reading

Seven Days In June. This was an interesting mix of light, fun, sexy romance, and a commentary on the devastating personal toll of social issues. The plot follows two writers who had a (kind of) romantic week together fifteen years prior, and who have been writing the character of the other person into their books ever since. Sounds lovely and light, but that romantic week included massive drug use, self-mutilation, and eventual overdose. So…not as light as one might think.

What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat. I listen to and enjoy Aubrey Gordon’s podcast Maintenance Phase, which is about the toxicity of the “wellness” industry. The theme of this book is that anti-fat bias is the last “socially acceptable” mode of discrimination; it details the kind of discrimination faced, interspersed with truly horrifying stories about the way people treat other people. It also discusses the value we as a society place on certain body types, and how we assign morality to bodies and foods. It is something I had been thinking about for a while: a few summers ago, a friend was sharing with me her struggle to lose weight, and several times she used the words “good” and “bad” to describe herself and the food that she ate. I haven’t been bad at all! It bothered me then and it bothers me now, and I am still having a hard time articulating why. Anyway, this book is well-written, well-researched, informative and thought-provoking.

Happy November to you all! Have a great week! Is anyone else starting to gear up for the holiday season, or is it just me? xo

The Case of the Missing Gourds; Eighty-Four Weeks In

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I don’t want to alarm anybody, but something is eating my decorative gourds.

I started out with eight white mini-pumpkins, and I am down to two. My husband suggested someone was STEALING them, but I think that is unnecessarily suspicious of people in my neighbourhood, and also, if our home is going to be the the victim of theft, I don’t think it is the mini-pumpkins that are going to be targeted.

No, something is eating them, and the proof was staring us into the face when we noticed two large bites taken out of the decorative red gourd. At first I was willing to believe that a murder of crows was carrying off the mini-pumpkins, but the nature of the bite marks on the red gourd do not suggest a bird. Perhaps it is one of the many wild rabbits in the neighbourhood. I was prepared to cast the blame on my usual nemeses, the squirrels, but people, this is no squirrel.

I sprinkled cayenne on the gourds to deter predators, but on the upside, if this carnage continues, I will not have to worry about composting anything come November 1.

It has been an interesting week, and not just because of the disappearing gourds. We had a municipal election, which I voted for in the advance polls and as such kept forgetting that the election was not over. Why are there still signs around? Oh yeah. I knew the platforms of the frontrunners – enough to make an informed choice – but I have not been paying attention to the news at all as a self-care measure, and so I was very surprised to see 27 mayoral candidates. TWENTY-SEVEN. Who are these people and where did they all come from?

I was driving to the Superstore, which is ten minutes from my house, and noticed a big sign for one of the mayoral candidates that I never had heard of before. This gentleman’s tagline was “Calgary’s Cheapest Mayor” which, what. Who is doing your PR, sir?

Actually, whoever is doing the PR must have known that someone like me would immediately look up this gentleman’s platform because CHEAPEST MAYOR WHAT. I spent far too much time thinking that maybe he’s a guy who gives holiday cards saying that in lieu of gifts, a donation has been made to the Human Fund, or when splitting the cheque at dinner he pays exactly the amount for his entree, without tax or tip, or doesn’t offer to pay for part of the appetizer even though he ate half of it. Maybe all of those things are true, but they were not on his platform. It should be obvious but he was running on a platform of low expenditures and taxes, but what I did not know was that this person refused to door knock or go to any in-person interviews or meetings at all due to the pandemic. Maybe he didn’t want to spend money on gas? He did not win, nor did he even come into the top 20, but I shall give a little nod to his determination.

Speaking of Superstore, this week I earned an unprecedented 40,400 PC Points, and for those of you who are not in Canada or who do not shop at Superstore (who hurt you?) there is an app that tracks all your purchases, Big Brother-like, and then offers you points for things you regularly buy, which can be exchanged for store credit. For example, this week my offers include 200 points for every $1 spent on grapes and 1000 points for every $5 spent on the brand of yogurt I buy, among others. You get the idea. Anyone who spends a few months examining the patterns of the offers can figure out the basic algorithm, which is what I have done, and I shop accordingly to maximize my points and why are you looking at me like that. Anyway, I have been holding out on buying a few cosmetic items – Neutrogena products, mostly, but also hair colour – because I knew the points offers would be soon and THIS WAS THE WEEK.

My husband is of the belief that if I ever won the lottery, I would be more excited to receive the funds in PC Points than in actual cash, which is untrue, but also not totally untrue, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of my husband, it was his birthday this week, and you know what that means! Cake!

Since the rule in this house is that birthdays are celebrated for at least a week in some way, I also baked a pie on the weekend, and that, along with cooking some giant meals, meant a lot of time in the kitchen. Yesterday alone I washed dishes SEVEN TIMES. I am thinking that next weekend, I might heat up some frozen pizzas, set out some pre-made salads and Halloween candy, and call it a day.

Pandemic Reading

In The Country of Others. I have always been interested in Morocco, and this book gives incredible depth and detail to that country post-World War II, leading up to the revolt against French colonialism. It follows a war bride Frenchwoman who marries a Moroccan man and goes to live in a desolate farm in that country. It was well done and contained many layers, but I found the writing to be somewhat…disjointed, maybe? I can’t think of the right description. It almost felt like a series of vignettes linked together, and it did feel like it was a translation and that English is not the first language of the author, which it is not. The themes are very dark and disturbing – triggers include domestic abuse – and it is very nuanced as well. So much symbolism, for those of you who like that. I liked it, but did not love it, and I’ll be thinking about it for a while.

What Fresh Hell Is This? Oh, you guys. This book is really incredible: so empowering and liberating. From managing perimenopause in a patriarchal society that diminishes aging women to examining your own life and lighting a match to what doesn’t serve you, to realizing that menopause is not a disease or a defect, but a normal part of life – albeit one with effects that can be mildly bothersome to downright dreadful – this book is enlightening. It also is inclusive of people who experience menopause and do not identify as women or were not female at birth, which I am sorry to say, is a point of view I had not considered. It gives great advice about managing effects of menopause in a way that is in no way patronizing, and includes topics that can be very sensitive, like the feeling of becoming invisible or losing our looks or femininity. I especially liked how the author talked about the importance of social support and referenced the Golden Girls episode when Blanche realized she was going through The Change. There were a few things that did not feel relevant for my life, like the idea of opening up my monogamous relationship to explore my sexuality, for example, but the entire attitude shift that is celebrated in this book was really great. Thanks to my friend Cherie (HI CHERIE) for the recommendation!

On that note, I hope you have an empowered and liberated week, this last week of October! May the Halloween candy last until Sunday. xo

Not Okay, But Okay; Eighty-One Weeks In

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I’m okay. Everything in my life is fundamentally okay – good, even – and my little boat in this tsunami of a storm is strong and well-equipped. EVERYTHING IS FINE except everything isn’t fine? I know I’m not alone here. The other day Swistle (HI SWISTLE) mentioned the strong desire to lie down on the industrial carpet at her place of work and just…stay there and I felt like, girl, same. I was kneeling down to put away some of the hundreds of dollars worth of groceries from Costco and Superstore, and I just stayed there. For a long time I found myself kneeling in front of the low shelf in the pantry, motionless.

Everything is fine! But it isn’t, you know. I am SO SICK of writing about it but Covid cases are, again, through the roof. Every single day, every SINGLE DAY the new case count is enormous, the death count is shocking and saddening, and the strain on the health care system is unbelievable. My personal risk and that of my immediate family is low, it’s true, we are vaxxed and masked and we follow health protocols, but my nieces are too young to be vaccinated, and I have low-level anxiety about someone in my family needing urgent, non-Covid-related health care and not being able to receive it. NO ONE GET SICK, OKAY? NO ONE GET IN AN ACCIDENT OR ANYTHING. I mean, that’s how I feel in general, no one wants a medical emergency or an accident, but these things happen, and I feel like the universal health care safety net I have relied on my whole life is unravelling. Meanwhile, this week I have a routine mammogram.

My children are on the cusp of adulthood and although they still require support and guidance, they are on their own journeys and their own paths and I just have to let that go. The intensive part of motherhood is over, that chapter of my life is gone, and did I do okay? Who knows? I think I did, but who really can tell. Also, and this is probably a gender-construct, but I am finding that as the boys get older, my role in their life becomes more and more on the sidelines – which is great, we want our little birds to fly, we want them to embark on their own journeys in life and seek their fortunes as they do in fairy tales, but without the fairy tale death and despair – but their father’s role becomes more like that of a good buddy. Has anyone else felt that way? The three of them love doing things together that don’t include me – boys’ camping trips! Weight lifting! Watching wrestling! – and that’s okay, it really is, because I don’t really want my sons to be the kind of adult men whose “best friend is their mom” but still. It’s like I now have a minor role in the ensemble where I used to be the star. Also? I am an intelligent and highly-educated woman and the vast majority of my week is spent in food preparation, grocery shopping, and other household drudgery.

Barkley is in a decline. He is not yet in any pain that I can see, he is still eating and wagging and happy to go for our slow-boat-to-nowhere walks. But he’s also lived longer than I thought he would when he was diagnosed with cancer, he’s pretty much deaf now, and sometimes he has trouble getting up the three steps into the house. Every single day a well-meaning person stops me to ask about his lump, which then often devolves into a long story about “dogs they have known that have died of cancer” and, you know what, I don’t need those stories.

I had a lovely visit with some friends a couple of weeks ago, and I said that one of the hardest things for me has been giving up my idealism about the world. Back in the spring of 2020, I felt like THIS would be the event that brings us all together in humanity, we would all join metaphorical hands and overcome. I would walk down the street and see the window art that people had made to keep spirits up. And the world came together as the people stayed apart said one sign, decorated with children’s art. And now look at what we’ve become. My friend agreed and said if a global pandemic didn’t do it, I guess we have to wait for aliens to land and take over the world which only reminds me of Kent Brockman and the ants, which means humanity will be divided forever and ever, amen.

Anyway. It’s just life right now, and in the meantime these are the things that have been helping cheer and soothe me:

  1. Girly-girl self care: I had a pedicure last week and tomorrow I go for body sugaring, and although the audience for these things is limited, it’s like wearing pretty underwear: it’s not about the audience, it’s about ME, and I like these things.
  2. Kondo-ing social media: I deleted the twitter app off my phone months ago but I still sometimes would look at twitter on my desktop, and I would end up feeling sad and angry. I deleted my account altogether as it felt like time to Marie Kondo my social media: if it’s not sparking joy, it’s out. The moment I deleted it I felt relief.
  3. Eating: It’s Macintosh Apple Season, which is the greatest of all Apple Seasons, and so I have been mowing through pounds of them. It’s also Pear Season, which is second only to Macintosh Apple Season. Lest you think I’m being an obnoxious, Fruit-is-Nature’s-Candy person (although, let’s face it, I kind of am), yesterday I made peanut butter banana “nice cream,” heavy on the Reece’s Pieces and chocolate swirl.
  4. Kettle corn and Ted Lasso: Weekend evenings my husband and I have been watching Ted Lasso and eating popcorn, both of which are very cheering. Well, except for the “Coach Beard On The Town” episode we watched a few weeks ago, wherein I spent the whole time thinking how much longer is left of this stupid episode instead of my usual omg I love this show. If you know, you know. Anyway, kettle corn.
  5. Loud piano playing: I unearthed my old photocopied sheet music of Introduction and Fugato and if ever there was a song that gets the feelings out, this is it. SO CRASHY. I played this constantly as an angsty teen and the fingers have memory because it’s all come back to me.Listen
  6. Listen while you work: I have found that listening to podcasts while doing mind-numbing household drudge chores, or slowly walking Barkley, has been immensely fun. I never thought I’d be a podcast person, but here I am. If you’re interested, my number one favourite is You’re Wrong About.
  7. God bless Mother Nature, she’s a middle-aged woman too: The sunrises lately have been incredibly beautiful, and although many trees are now naked, there have been some absolutely beautiful days with blue skies and fall colours.

Pandemic Reading

Of course, nothing helps me so much as diving into a good book. I am currently doing a very special and excellent beta read, but I had time for a couple of classic rereads this week.

Northanger Abbey. It had been at least twenty years since I read this, and I forgot what an absolute delight it is! It is so witty and lovely, following sweet, guileless Catherine and her adventures in Bath, with the people she meets – both lovely and terrible, as is de riguer in Austen – complete with some some delightful misunderstandings. There’s something so soothing about a book that ends happily ever after.

Frankenstein. I decided to kick off spooky season with something I haven’t read since…English 231, circa 1994? Um. I don’t remember my 1994 impressions but this time around? I did not like it. I’m always so incredulous when it comes to sci-fi-ish books (how can the creature possibly have learned so much in such a short amount of time, how did he actually create a sentient being, do you even know how complex the brain is, if Frankenstein was worried about making a female because they would reproduce, couldn’t he have figured out the reproductive system and made them sterile, yes I know this was written in 1818 and medical information then was not medical information now) which makes reading them a real problem for me – I cannot suspend my disbelief. That’s on me. But also? The real monster is Frankenstein, not his creation. I mean, he makes a creature out of old corpses that he steals, and then is shocked by his ugly it is? Come on, buddy. Did you not think this through?? Take responsibility for your actions, Frankenstein. The poor creature just wants to be loved and instead, you just LEAVE. Because he’s ugly. I mean. What an asshole. You created something that is doomed to always be alone and shunned by the world due to his appearance, and then you’re surprised it went wrong? Yeesh.

Take care of yourselves, friends. It’s been a long haul, but we really are in it together. xo

Eighteen Months of Pandemic Life, An Update; Seventy-Eight Weeks In

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This week my younger son turns sixteen – SIXTEEN! – and so, officially, 75% of the Boyhouse will have had two pandemic birthdays. Well, if we include Barkley, 80%, but I don’t as his birthdays have been pretty much the same, pandemic or no. My son had a big celebratory dinner with his favourites, ribs and pie, last night, a cake and his favourite “weeknight” dinner will be served up this week, Friday will see his horde of friends having pizza and cupcakes and hanging out in our backyard, weather permitting, and Saturday will be celebrated with my parents, and will also include cake. It will be a week of celebrations, worthy of our newly minted sixteen-year-old, but it also reminded me that we are just ticking along, living our lives in a pandemic way.

It’s interesting how we have all adapted, in ways we never thought we would, and certainly not for this long. Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) had written about where her family is, at this point in the pandemic and I thought that I should record in my Dear Diary what is happening, pandemic-wise, in the Boyhouse these days. After all, it is exactly eighteen months to the day since our first shutdown. I recognize we are all in the same storm, but different boats, so to speak, and this is just a description of our boat, and how we are floating it and paddling and, I don’t know, putting up sails? I don’t know boats that much.

The General Situation

Our province currently leads the country in total Covid cases. That is not per-capita, that is not population-adjusted, that is TOTAL. We also lag behind the country in total vaccination rates; I think about 70% of the eligible population are vaccinated. Basically all Covid restrictions were dropped at the beginning of July, and cases spiralled out of control. The government announced at the end of July that they were going to end all contact tracing and “just treat Covid like any other virus” and what, why, no one knows. As anyone could foresee, this ended up being a complete disaster and now the hospitals are moving acute-care patients out to make room for Covid patients, the health-care system is near collapse, elective surgeries are cancelled, AGAIN, and we are fully in the fourth wave, the “wave” being more like a tsunami. But at least we had Stampede. Allow me to just take a moment to do some ujjayi breathing.

Just recently the indoor mask mandate was reinstated, and the government “strongly suggested” that unvaccinated individuals limit indoor social gatherings to a maximum of ten people or two cohorts, which, if I know anything about unvaccinated individuals at this point in the pandemic, this “strong suggestion” will go unheeded.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

My family, including my extended family and my husband’s mother and sister, are all vaccinated, with the exception of the children too young to be, as are my friends and my kids’ friends and their families. I do know a couple of people who are not, but only a couple and they aren’t in my day-to-day life. In any case, at this point I am completely uninterested in sharing physical space with unvaccinated people, indoors or out. If a person is unvaccinated at this point in the pandemic, it is a statement, and I am in extreme disagreement with that statement. I am a person who really does try to look at different perspectives, and to be “curious, not furious,” but I feel that eighteen months in, our decisions and behaviours are pretty much entrenched and unchanging. In any case, according to the school, our area of the city is 85% vaccinated; I do not know how they got that statistic, but I find it calming.

The Kids Are All Right

The kids are so much better off than they were at this time last year, when there was just so much strangeness and uncertainty. Things are still strange and uncertain, but these times are no longer unprecedented. I am not always happy with the Board of Education, but I currently am their biggest fan as they implemented a mask mandate for everyone in schools, and a self-reporting Covid notification process when the provincial government would not. The boys are at a school of about 2300 kids and last year there were Covid cases, but no in-school transmissions, which is a remarkable commentary on the efficacy of masks. Distancing, as we know in a big school, was largely impossible, although it was attempted, and there was increased sanitation across the board.

I feel good about them being in school, with masks and vaccines. Perhaps online school works for some people, but it certainly does not for my kids. They are so happy to be back at school; masks do not faze them much, and I just want them to have a semi-normal experience for the remainder of their time at high school. They eat lunch in a friend’s backyard, who lives very near the school; they hang out with their friends a lot – there is a big group of them, and they travel together like a gang – and they have spent a lot of time together this summer, but it has been almost exclusively outdoors. There have been a few times when one or two friends have been in our house, but it’s a far cry from the days when eight or ten of them would be lounging around in my basement eating waffles and playing video games. Last year they all wore masks outdoors as well, but I don’t think they are doing that anymore.

My So-Called Social Life

In general over the last eighteen months, I have seen friends outdoors only, with very few exceptions. We have been slowly reintroducing people to our home; we’ve hosted a couple of dinners with close friends that we feel comfortable with. We have visited my parents several times, and spent two weeks out-of-province visiting my mother-and-sister-in-law, although for that visit, as we always do, we stayed at our own house and spent a lot of time outdoors. I also visited with both of my brothers, and my beloved sister-in-law, and some of my nieces and nephews, which is notable as I had not seen them for the entire pandemic prior to this summer.

This, I think, was the most important thing to me, to be able to reconnect with friends and family, particularly my parents and mother-in-law, who are not getting any younger. I think we can all agree that being away from loved ones has been one of the hardest things about the pandemic. I am so fortunate in that my friends and family are similar in thinking, that no one is anti-vaccine or anti-mask or anti-science, because I cannot imagine the stress of dealing with that. I mean, it’s bad enough on social media.

Everybody’s Working For The Weekend

My husband is in the office three days a week now, but of all things this causes me the least stress. I know his colleagues are all stringent with health protocols, and anyway, everyone in the office wears a mask at all times, unless they are alone in their own individual offices.

As of this week I am going back to teaching. I will be teaching twice a week at a community centre, which is a very large space with limited class sizes; there will be three metres between mats. I will also wear a mask to teach, which is exactly where we were at this time last year, except now I believe all my students are vaccinated. The community centre sent a message to the members that they are following provincial health guidelines – such as they are – and that anyone unvaccinated should not consider the class to be part of their “cohort.”

I am not currently teaching online classes; I hit my mental limit with it, and also it is very difficult to teach on the days my husband is working from home. I feel okay about this, but also strange, like I’m on a holiday, but without the fun that comes with a holiday.

Masks Are The New Lipstick

As I said, the indoor mask mandate has been re-imposed in our province now, but I never stopped wearing mine in public. There were only a couple of times that I felt awkward about it – one in particular, when I went for a sugaring appointment and I was wearing one but the esthetician was not – but in general, the places that I visit seem to have an overwhelming majority of people also masked, like the grocery stores.

Of all the measures in this pandemic, I think that masks have been the most effective at keeping transmissions low, and I really don’t understand why there is any controversy at all about them, particularly now. As I said, I really do try to understand other people’s point of view, but this is one I cannot. It is truly the simplest, least invasive and most effective measure to take, plus it’s fun to coordinate mask to outfit.

Gym Rats

The guys have been going to our fitness club a couple of times a week. At this point – I’ve kind of lost track – I believe that masks are required at all times except when doing actual physical activity. Knowing the demographics of our club, I would assume that the vast majority of members would be vaccinated. I have only been to the gym once since last November, and when it’s too cold and snowy to run outside I may start going again, but then again, I may not. I managed all last winter without a treadmill – thank god for my Peloton and elliptical trainer – and depending on how things are I may do that again. The guys lift weights primarily, but I run and breathe heavily, which feels more risky.

Pre-pandemic, I really enjoyed spin classes, but I cannot see myself ever going to one again. The thought of all those people in a small room with a FAN GOING just makes me shudder. Also, I find my Peloton to be much more efficient and effective in terms of a cardio workout, and I can choose classes based on the playlist, music being very motivating to me. The sixty-second commute from my bedroom to my bike is a big plus.

It’s All About The Lessons Learned

The last eighteen months have really forced me to reassess my priorities and figure out what is important to me. There were things I never thought I could live without, and things I never thought I could do, but I did and I can. I feel like I could just sail along at this pace indefinitely; as long as the kids are in school and I can still see friends and family in a safe and limited way, I am happy. When it comes down to it, those are the most important things to me, and the pandemic has highlighted that. I miss travelling very much; I always loved going to new places and seeing new things, and I look forward to the day I can travel again, but that’s really the only thing I miss. Ultimately, I feel fortunate that we are all well and healthy and I hope we can stay that way. I hope you can too.

Pandemic Reading

Crying in H Mart. This is a very popular book, but I found it unbearably sad. You may say to yourself of course it’s sad, it’s a memoir of a woman who lost her mother to cancer but it’s more than that. This book addresses her very tumultuous relationship with her mother, who was completely obsessed with appearances and perfection, her father and his gross secret life, and the author’s many regrets. There were a few chapters that had me putting down the book and staring into space for a while. Should you read it? I don’t know. It was well-written, and if you are interested in Korean food and culture, there are some good tidbits, but it left me feeling very low. It was, to me, very unsettling and upsetting.

Not A Happy Family. I don’t read many thrillers, but when I do, I wonder why I don’t because I always enjoy them. This was a good one, it kept me guessing until the big reveal. A wealthy couple is brutally murdered, and their adult children stand to inherit millions…which makes the three of them suspects. It was a fast-paced read with lots of twists and turns.

Walking the Himalayas. My husband and younger son have been both recommending I read this for a while now. I am not generally a “real-life adventure” girl and also not a “books written by men” girl, and so I was pleasantly surprised by this book about a man who walks the length of the Himalayas, starting in Afghanistan and ending in Bhutan. The Himalayas are an area of the world I am very interested in but unsure if I’ll ever be able to visit, so it was enjoyable from that perspective. There’s a great message about it being the journey, not the destination, that is key to happiness, and to be in the moment, which I liked a lot.

Eighteen months, you guys, EIGHTEEN MONTHS. I can hardly believe it. We can do this. We are doing it. Stay safe, stay healthy, be kind to yourselves. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The “I Love My Garden” Edition

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Well, as I write this it is 7 degrees Celsius and we had a huge hailstorm this weekend that mushed flat all my garden beds and flowers. Prior to this, with the heat and the no mosquitoes, I was thinking what was wrong with me all these years, Calgary is not so bad, look at this beautiful summer, and well. Well, complaining gets us nowhere AND I have enjoyed my summer and my garden immensely, and seasons change and so do I. Calgary has many great things about it; the weather is not generally one of them.

Sometimes during the summer I wonder what I do with my time when I don’t have the garden to tend to, which is how I feel now with the weather changed and no need to water or work in the garden. What DO I do with my time? Oh yeah, I usually have a job.

Anyway, I love my garden immoderately. I have been working on the flower beds for twenty years – twenty! – and over the last two years I have delved into herb gardening. This year, as you know, I started my first vegetable garden and it has been so satisfying. I mean, it’s not like we are saving lots of money growing our own vegetables, because it was kind of expensive to build the garden beds and fill them, but it’s been so much fun.

Let’s tour around my garden, shall we?

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The “I Love My Garden” Edition

The Perennials

My entire goal with perennials is to have something blooming at all times of the year, so I mix up early and late bloomers, as well as long bloomers, and so there is always something pretty and colourful to look at.

Early spring:

June:

July:

August:

The roses bloom from July until September, as does the yarrow and ornamental sage.

My hostas and creeping Jenny are quite stunted this year, partly because of the hot, dry weather, and partly because Barkley, in his dotage, has decided to walk through them several times a day. If admonished, he stands in them, staring at me in a what are you going to do kind of way, and since there is nothing I am going to do to discipline a 13-year-old dog with cancer, I guess I’ll live with my stunted shade garden.

Speaking of Barkley, every single day when we are walking – every day! – someone will stop me to ask “what’s wrong with your dog?” and it gets very tiresome. While I appreciate the sentiment of concern, I very much dislike the conversation that follows, and I am much too polite not to answer. I prefer the days when people would stop me to tell me how cute he is or to ask about his breed. He’s still cute and I still think Labradoodles are a wonderful breed! Please don’t ask about his giant growth on his side.

The Annuals

Over the years I have used annuals to fill in the blanks in my perennial garden beds, but now there…are no blanks. I use annuals mostly in containers in our very dry and shady front yard, as well as this pretty little one in our very sunny back yard:

The Herbs

I cook every single day but apparently, I don’t use many fresh herbs. The past few years I’ve been buying an assorted ten-pack of herbs from a fundraiser, and while I’ve enjoyed the element of surprise as to which herbs I’ve received, I’m not going to do that again. I only ever use fresh cilantro, basil, and oregano, and the rest I just water and…do nothing with. Well, not nothing. I am in the process of drying all the herbs for winter use – I do use a lot of dried herbs, but I don’t tend to use recipes with dried herbs in the summer.

If you’re interested in drying herbs, I really recommend a dehydrator. Also? Basil is a bitch to dry, with the thick leaves. As an example, parsley takes about two hours to dry in a dehydrator, and basil takes…a lot longer. I have no idea how much longer because I kept checking it over the course of two days, discovering the leaves still weren’t dry, and then restarting the dehydrator, only to forget about it for hours at a time.

Last year I attempted mint extract and it was a complete failure. I am not sure if it was user error or if I had the wrong kind of mint; I have so much mint this year and nothing to do with it. I might try the extract again, but I’m not sure if I want to waste the vodka on it.

The Veggies

This is my first year of veggie gardening; the guys built and filled five garden boxes for me, and I really recommend this kind of gardening. I’m a bendy kind of girl, but having the raised beds is just wonderful. Also, Barkley pees on the side of the garden boxes, and if the beds were in the ground he would be peeing on our vegetables, which seems suboptimal.

This year we grew radishes, carrots, beets, lettuce, kale, peas, potatoes, tomatoes, and zucchini with a lot of success, although I will say that next year I will use seed tape for the smaller seeds as I am terrible at thinning things out. I also tried peppers and cucumbers, which were unsuccessful – unsurprising, perhaps, but if there was any summer they could grow it would have been this one, with the heat.

I think next year I will increase the amount of kale, decrease the carrots, and omit the radishes altogether. I thought I would enjoy growing carrots more than I do; although if I use seed tape it’s sure to be more satisfying than my tiny, unthinned carrots.

Our growing season is so short here; at best, I have another month, but realistically we could get frost any day now, and snow in September is not unusual. I’ve made the best of the growing season, and I will enjoy it for as long as it lasts! Do you garden? Tell me everything. xo