Working as a yoga teacher can be a very gratifying and uplifting job; this past week I started two new sessions and for the first time in a long time, the number of students registered had increased significantly, with many brand-new students alongside my solid group of loyalists who have been with me for years. Without exception, each of the new students told me that this was their first group exercise since before Covid, and that they were both excited and nervous, as the pandemic had really taken a toll on their physical health. This confirms my unscientific belief that there is a bimodal distribution, or perhaps a U-shaped curve, with age on the x-axis, and The Toll The Pandemic Has Taken on the y-axis; it seems to me that isolation, closures, and other mitigation strategies have been the hardest on seniors and the youth, with many of said youth’s development phases being delayed or skipped over entirely.
Speaking of that, my younger son is in Exam Mode right now, and is Very Stressed about it. This is the first time ever – EVER – that he has had to take exams that are meaningful in any way; all throughout the pandemic final exams were “non-jeopardy,” meaning that they could potentially increase one’s grade, but they would simply be excluded if the exam mark was less than the overall class mark. He has never written a high school exam that “counted,” and his first one, last week, was the English Part A Written, which is kind of a bitch at the best of times, let alone for a kid whose strength is not in English, and also who has NEVER WRITTEN A MEANINGFUL EXAM. Baptism by fire, I suppose.
Circling back to my yoga classes, after a month break I was happy to be back. If someone had told me twenty-five years ago that I would not only be a yoga teacher, but one who specializes in yoga for older people, I would have looked like Shrek when he finishes watching Welcome to Duloc. I have enjoyed exercise all my adult life, and I have always connected well with older people, but never really thought I would be here. I have my master’s in economics and back then I briefly considered writing my thesis on how expenditures on movement and exercise could benefit seniors into their golden years, and how such expenditures could increase physical mobility and mental well-being, and thus help prevent premature entry into long-term care facilities. A cost-benefit analysis, if you will. I suppose you could say I’m living that thesis topic. My actual thesis was about alcohol use and its effects on earnings, causation and correlation, and it is also a bimodal distribution, if you’re interested. I will never forget my thesis supervisor and I talking about correlation, causation, and how sometimes statistics move together and thus all such studies are completely meaningless. There’s nothing like grad school to crush one’s spirit and will to live.
I did have a few Ask Me Anything questions about my wayward youth, or, more specifically, my pre-mom career. Sarah (HI SARAH) asked I’m curious about your past career and why you decided to leave. What did you do? Did you become a stay-at-home mom? while Lisa (HI LISA) asked What do you miss most from your previous career and what do you miss the least?
Back in my fiery youth I was fairly intense about my career; after grad school I went to work in natural gas trading, after a brief stint in the crude oil marketing industry. I worked on a trade floor and I loved it; I loved the energy and the work itself, which was being a quantitative analyst for the structured products and options desk. I also cried in the ladies’ room at least once a week. It was extremely stressful and the hours were long; I worked ten to twelve hour days most days, and at the end of each month I would frequently be in the office from 6:30 am to 9:00 pm. In addition to her question, Lisa asked about the trade floor culture, suggesting that Canadian traders were perhaps “nicer” than American ones, and I can tell you, after many visits to our Houston office, that this is not the case. They are the same, in that there was constant swearing and screaming, sometimes directed at me, sometimes not, but distressing all the same. If a pricing model wasn’t working, for whatever reason, I had to fix it immediately while our traders were losing their minds. If natural gas prices settled differently from what they thought they would, there would be much consternation and agitation, often directed at me, although I was not personally responsible for the North American natural gas industry and its pricing procedures.
I believe I have related this story before, but there was a marketer on our floor who, after a phone call that resulted in something he was unhappy with, repeatedly smashed his phone on his desk until it shattered. This was back in the day when receivers were attached via cord to the actual phone on each desk, and forever after when that marketer would walk through the trade floor, every single person would cover their phone protectively with their hands. Don’t touch my phone, man, I need it, someone would say Every Single Day. I think that fellow was required to go to an anger management course, but it generally became the hilarious joke on the floor that never got old. Here comes Tom! Hide your phones! Hilarity ensues.
For some reason – and who can say, really – I developed extremely high blood pressure while pregnant. These days at the doctor’s office, my blood pressure is so low that the nurse always looks at me, alarmed, and asks if I feel faint. But then, I was working a ton and also eating a ton, and so I ended up on bedrest with preeclampsia. Maternity leaves are a year long in Canada, and by the time I was due to go back to work I was already three months pregnant with my second baby, and so back to work I did not go. I could have, and I could have collected another year of benefits from six months of work, but honestly, I did not see how I could possibly swing the hours and the stress with a one-year-old and another pregnancy to boot.
So I don’t miss that part of my previous career, which is pretty much 180 degrees from my current “career,” in which, among other things, I guide people to “let go of their tension.” I will tell you, though, that when I was at home with a one-year-old and a colicky newborn, I thought of my stressful, crying-in-the-bathroom, possibly-going-to-have-a-stroke-while-pregnant job with longing. It seemed like the height of luxury to leave the house, eat lunch on an expense account – albeit at my desk amongst screaming, but it wouldn’t be infant-or-toddler screaming – all while wearing beautiful clothes. Wow, did I long for my clothes while at home in spit-up covered sweaters and jeans. High heels! Pantyhose! Chanel Number 5 perfume! This is one of those Grass Is Always Greener scenarios, and I do not at all miss such things today. I once again wear beautiful – although, not office-appropriate – clothes, and no one spits up on me or screams at me in any capacity. I can leave the house anytime I want; Rex does look at me with reproach when I do, but he is easily appeased with a treat. So even the fun things about the job, I don’t miss anymore, almost nineteen years after leaving. I do, however, miss the paycheque.
Weekly Reading
Happy Go Lucky. We all know how much I love David Sedaris, and I did love this book of essays. However, it has a very different tone than most of his books; there were some parts that I laughed out loud, but for the most part, this is very dark. If you have read anything by him, you could have probably gleaned that he did not have a great relationship with his father, particularly in his childhood and formative years. But this book, which deals primarily with his father’s demise and death at age 98, really delves into that relationship and it is quite shocking. It doesn’t take a clairvoyant to figure out that a man of a certain era might have had a problem with his son being gay, but this is something else again. Again: I really did love this book but it is very, very dark. There are also quite a few essays dealing with the pandemic, and the aftermath of lockdown, which I found interesting to read.
Our Missing Hearts. I love Celeste Ng’s writing and I was so excited that she had a new book, after many years of no new books. Her writing is gorgeous and compelling, as always, but this book is quite different from her others: it is what I would call dystopian-adjacent. I do not, as a rule, enjoy dystopian books BUT this is different; I call it “adjacent” because it kind of felt like the world that she created, one in which children are separated from their parents for the greater good and national security, one in which people look with suspicion at people who don’t look like them, one in which people toe the line and report on their neighbours, well, that world feels like it exists. All we have to do is remember residential schools, children separated at the US border, and the foster care system in general. In this book, in order to get to a place of “peace and stability,” the government created a common enemy, and that enemy is China. Again, this didn’t feel far from the mark; let’s remember Soviet-era fears of communism, the House Un-American Activities, etc., not to mention internment camps for Japanese people. In the author’s note, she mentioned the rise of anti-Asian sentiment at the beginning of the pandemic, and while that is not something I, a privileged suburban white woman, personally experienced, I believe it. After all, I remember very clearly the post-9/11 days and the massive anti-Muslim sentiment. I remember there being a backlash against such things as Afghan dogs or Afghan BLANKETS. I remember the anger at France for not jumping on the bandwagon. Remember “Freedom fries?” So while this world in Our Missing Hearts was a created one, it did not feel all that fictional. It was a great read and very thought-provoking as well.
We have been having the most gorgeous January around here! It looks like it’s shaping up to be another beautiful week. Have a wonderful week, friends! I hope you enjoyed my trip down memory lane to the trade floor! xo
This was so fascinating to read, Nicole! What an incredible 180 in career choices! I love that you are living your original thesis idea. And how nice that you have so many new students. I know if I were nervous about getting back to in person exercise I would hope for a teacher with your kindness and grace to shepherd me through.
The Ng book has been on my nightstand for a long while now but I am not ready to pick it up (because then it will be over). I’m so glad it was such a satisfying read.
Thank you so much, Suzanne!
That book is good and I think you’ll like it a lot!
I love, love, love hearing about career journeys and how folks end up where they are! My mother has done chair yoga for a few years now and it’s made such a difference in her mobility (though, perhaps not in her “chill” levels haha)!
The David Sedalia book was such a deep, dark collection. I’m so glad I read it, but it was heavy.
I love chair yoga! I have taught it to seniors and also to stroke survivors, and there is so much that can be done to help with mobility for those with limitations!
Gosh, that book WAS heavy. I usually laugh out loud, but in that book, I was gasping out loud.
I’m uplifted by reading this, Nicole. I firmly believe that no education or meaningful life experience is ever “wasted”–and here you are showing how a long-ago thesis idea brought you to your current state of fulfillment. Love this for you.
I also wish I could take a yoga class with you. And read a book by you.
And I’m a little envious about how humane Canadian maternity leave policies are.
Thank you so much, Maya! As I mentioned to Steph, I have had certain people intimate that I have wasted my education, which is hurtful, but also I think nothing is wasted in life. It’s just used differently. xoxoxo
It’s fascinating that you have had two careers that seem like polar opposites, and yet you love(d) both of them. And I can see how being at home with the small children was a shocking adjustment after such a high stress/high energy job.
Your yoga students are lucky to have you!
Thanks Jenny! It was quite the adjustment, and I won’t lie: I was envious of my former colleagues who went on to do so many interesting things. Since my company was a large multinational, many women I worked with ended up working internationally and I was quite envious, sitting at home with spit up and crying babies.
This is a great story and proof that you can change careers and also have careers after being a SAHM. Before I was a substitute teacher – something I thought I would never do and sometimes, when dealing with many teens at the same time, I was a SAHM for 14 YEARS. That’s right. Before that though I was an elementary school teacher for nearly 9 years, jumping right out of high school, then University into the job. I went in whole heartedly and taught in high needs areas, which caused me to burn out early. I truly never thought I would go back, but a kind Principal at my daughter’s school inspired me to return during the pandemic. I desperately needed to get out of the house and do something, and why not jump into the fire of a high risk place like a school?! I’m happy I challenged myself though, and each day brings something new. Plus, I got to see my kids in school at a time when other parents couldn’t. So for any parents who think they can’t go back after a longtime being at home – you can!
Anna, this is great. Thank you for this comment – I think sometimes it feels absolutely overwhelming to get back out there, but IT CAN BE DONE! You did it! And I think that’s really remarkable.
It’s so interesting to learn about people’s journeys. They’re so often not at all what I would have guessed!
Thank you for the fun Welcome to Duloc mention; it’s a great illustration of what you meant, but also I’ve had an awful earworm since Saturday night, and I’m trying to push it out of my head. Maybe this will do it!
DULOC IS A PERFECT PLACCCCCE
It’s interesting to read about your career arc. I often feel a little shame when I have to explain mine, how I went from academia to ghost writing blog posts and writing labels for vitamin bottles, but it is what it is. It sounds as if you have a healthier take on your journey.
Steph, I feel this. I really do. I am happy and at peace but often I will get comments about how my education was “wasted” from certain sources, and although I try to let things like that slide – because it says more about the person than me – it still does not feel good to hear it.
This was so very interesting. I worked for a baseball hat manufacturer – something I thought would be fun. People were very intense about their baseball hats, believe you me. Not nearly as intense as your trading job, mind you – but I do remember that baseball hat deliveries haunted my dreams. Nightly.
I never really had much of a ‘career’ before becoming a mom. All of my jobs were newly created positions which amounted to nothing like what the place had described, so my jobs always fell flat. I sometimes wonder what it would’ve been like if I’d have been more career focused and clear on what I wanted to do. Additional schooling didn’t interest me and I wasn’t terribly motivated to find the perfect job for me. I also wasn’t raised with much direction. It was sort of assumed I’d be a mom. The end. Our daughters are more accustomed to learning about all of the options out there.
I very much relate to the wardrobe piece. Dressing for work is so different from dressing to be spit up on. And here I am, STILL with the spit up. Ha.
It is amazing to consider how your different careers have been so VERY different.
The phone smashing is very funny. Canada’s maternity leave policy sounds wonderful. I think the new people to your classes are very fortunate to have landed in your class. Little do they know how great this will be for them. Hooray.
Oh, thank you for those kind words!
A baseball hat manufacturer! That’s really interesting. I didn’t think that people could be intense about hats, but hey, we’ve all got our passions!
I enjoy reading about people’s life journeys, and this was wonderful. What a shift you’ve made in your life. I went from retail to writing, which I consider a significant stress reduction. I also appreciate that Canada provides a full year of maternity leave. America should learn from this. 😒
The maternity leaves in Canada are great. I remember being in the Houston office and being completely shocked at how little time off women had. One woman was back at work and I think her baby was maybe six or seven weeks?? I thought that was insane.
Also, retail is VERY stressful!!!
This was fascinating! What do you think your career would have looked like if you hadn’t had kids? Would you have stayed in trading or would you have hit burnout and transitioned out into something else?
I had a very high stress job in my 20s and until I moved away from it I just thought my life was “normal” instead of “a total trainwreck because I was working all the time”.
I honestly don’t know, Birchy! I think I might have stayed for a long time in trading because it was exciting and when it was good, it was really good. But then maybe I would have had some health issues from the job, who knows. It’s interesting to reflect on the paths not taken!
I had a conversation with a fellow grad student early on in my career. She was married to a man who just seemed to have no direction in life and went from job to job. She told me that he just wasn’t the kind of person who had career ambitions and that he was more interested in his creative work (making music and doing beautiful woodwork). I think that has really stuck with me since I’m sort of directionless myself about my own career, but my identity isn’t really career-focused. I don’t know. I just want to have a job that allows me to pay for the stuff I need and live the rest of my life the way I want to! So it’s interesting to hear about missing the paycheck, but not the stress because that’s sort of how I feel.
Yes! I understand. Teaching yoga is great but I do miss making good money.
Thank you for sharing your career path with us! Your experience on the trading floor reminds me of my time on the trading floor in Charlotte. The commodity traders were the worst people on the floor and would routinely scream – sometimes at each other, sometimes on the phones or at their computer. It was so jarring for me since I have conflict and am very ‘even keeled’. There were stories of people breaking their phones from the ‘old days’ and also a story of a physical fist fight that happened on the trading floor. I, too, cried in the bathroom on multiple occasions. I remember asking permission to leave at 5 (I started work at 7) so I could study for the CFA exam. I was given permission to do that but others made comments about me. This time coincided with me getting diagnosed with RA. I am SURE the stress of work/that environment was a major contributing factor! All that said, I can see how there were days the trading floor seemed better than a colicky baby and 1yo. Now that I am on the buy side of the financial services industry, my work life is 1,000% better and everyone I work with is so very nice and respectful. And the work/life balance is much better. The sell side was so God awful and not a fit for my personality!!
I would love to take a yoga class with you. I love that you specialize in seniors. I bet they absolutely adore you! And how cool that you are living out one of you ideas for a thesis!!
Good luck to your son on his exam! And it sounds like you enjoyed Ng’s boon more that I did. I felt like the final 1/3 was 5 stars. The first part was a bit of slog for me, though. But I agree it’s dystopian adjacent, which is very sad.
Oh yes! That reminds me! When anyone left at 5 after 10 hours of work, everyone would call them a “part-timer.” TEN HOURS IS NOT PART TIME, GUYS.
The thought of a younger you crying in the women’s room at least once a week breaks my heart! I’m very happy that you have landed where you have, because this, I think, is where you were meant to be.
Thanks so much Gigi, I agree!
I had no idea what you went to school for or what you did before becoming a mom and yoga teacher – but wow, that is indeed a 180. I know that you’re an extrovert, so I can definitely see you on a sales floor, but at the same time, I think of you of calm and kind yoga teacher Nicole in my head and can’t think of anything that would fit you better.
Thanks so much, San! I think I’m where I need to be for sure!
I am trying to add a fitness practice into my day, using a helpful tip I learned by reading Gretchen Rubin (!!): piggybacking. Though I’m not sure if that’s the term she used.
For example, I never had any kind of skincare routine, until a few months ago, when I bought a couple of products that worked well (so I was motivated to use them) AND I put a little shelf in the bathroom next to the toothbrush upon which to place those products, so I have no excuse to not spend one extra minute applying those products right after I brush my teeth. (Actually, I wash my face and use one product and while that’s trying I brush my teeth then I use the other product BUT YOU GET WHAT I’M SAYING.)
So I guess what I’m asking is, how did you get into exercise/fitness? What was your journey? Because I very much want that for myself—I’m pretty sure I have the motivation, just not the experience to figure out how to make it part of my daily life.
I’m gonna get me that new Sedaris book. I thought When You Are Engulfed in Flames was often dark. This reminds me of when my elderly neighbor died a couple years ago. I was talking to his daughter when she was cleaning out his house, and she said something along the lines of “he was a miserable miser.” I think the thing is, you never are completely sure about a person unless you live with them.
Oh, that is a smart idea about the skin care, and I’m sure you can do something similar for fitness. For me, early mornings have always worked best, although when I was younger it was more like squeezed in during lunch or after class/ work. I think that the key is to find a time that works and schedule it in, and also to start with a reasonable, doable program. Like, maybe 30 mins three times a week or something. In my experience, people who do “challenges” to work out every single day tend to fall off pretty quickly because it’s not super sustainable.
Happy Go Lucky is WAAYYYY darker than When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Like, shockingly horribly dark. Just be warned!
Good morning! A few things– your first career would have likely done me in within a minute. The stress! The yelling! My former job (criminal appellate lawyer) left me crying in bathrooms a few times — likely not more often because I did it part time. Now, I also work with seniors, as the director of my town’s Council on Aging. It is an interesting and better-suited job for me.
Good luck to your son on exams. I had stress dreams well into my 40s relating to university and exams. I truly question those high-stakes exams. For example, in law school, the entire grade for many of the classes was based on one final exam. Ugh!
Oh boy, that sounds so stressful, Chrisoula! I had stress dreams often both in university and from working – I would dream about models that wouldn’t work, missing exams, etc.
Ug, your prior job does not sound fun to me. I am also in the finance industry but on the advisory side and we definitely have some personalities but nothing like what you had to deal with. It is funny, as some of our new people or my relatives etc. think that the whole finance industry is like Trading Places, but I have to tell them that for me it is more like being a psychologist for people most of the time (talking clients down from selling or from worrying about their balance).
Hi Kyria! Oh, I bet it is very like being a psychologist or a therapist! Financial advisory is so important! Keep up the great work and thanks so much for reading!
So fun to swing the pendulum so much in your career! Your first job sounds way too stressful for me, the SAHM job sounds wonderful, and the Yoga job sounds like it was meant for you. I can’t even touch my toes, so I probably would fit right in with your elderly clientele!!
It is a real pendulum swing for sure!
Thank you for answering my question! It sounds like you had a crazy stressful job and made the right choice to leave that career. It also annoys me how some industries are basically BOYS ONLY because what, you want to have kids and a reasonable job? Ha!
I had totally blocked out the dark parts of Happy-Go-Lucky until you brought it up. And then I remembered the essay about his father – yikes. It was uncomfortable listening to it. The funnier essays (like the one about his dental work) are the ones that stuck in my brain.
Also over hear silently crying about 1-year maternity leave while remembering my two unpaid 12-week leaves.
The dental work was funny and also I couldn’t stop laughing about the guy at the shooting range who kept calling him “Mike.”
Our maternity leave (well, parental, some of it can be split between parents) is really wonderful. The US has an inhumane system, in my opinion!
It was so interesting to read about your first career; I can’t imagine the stress of a position like that. I wonder if Tom is still alive, or if he had a heart attack at work. Your work is so important; I imagine all of your students just love you so much.
I’m so ready to dive into David Sedaris’s books.
I found out recently that my old boss had cancer, had a surgery, was supposed to take a 6 week leave and went back after two. His wife left him after that!
I haven’t thought about it but maybe Tom is dead!
WOW!! Sounds like a life consuming job and that’s not fun.
Your first career sounds amazing and exciting – and very stressful! It’s a whole different world from anything I know about.
I’m really enjoying reading the book Eat to Love, which you wrote about earlier. What a lovely book!
Isn’t it a wonderful book? I’m so glad you’re enjoying it!
I love your stories from the trading floor AND feel much better about you teaching yoga than working in such an environment!! I would have been crying ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I’ve been meaning to tell you that I finally watched the new Top Gun and it’s just as amazing as you said it was. It’s so much fun!!
What a great week of reading. I hope you’re in the middle of something good right now!
I’m so excited you watched the new Top Gun! It’s just SUCH a fun movie! Yay!!
Oh man, your career on the trading floor sounds so intense and brutal. I would not have survived in that kind of environment. I even had trouble adjusting to working in a busier office when I moved from a very small (10 people total) company to a much bigger one (100 people total). Like others have said, I would LOVE to take a yoga class with you. I am sure you have such a kind, warm demeanor in class, just like you do IRL. Not that I know what you’re like IRL, hehe, but I imagine it’s kind and warm and loving!
I have heard mixed reviews about Celeste Ng’s new book, which has made me sad because I loved her first two so, so much. I’m still going to pick it up! Glad to hear that you liked it.
I did like the book very much but I liked her first two much better. I will say that it is very very different from the other two – but very good!
Hearing about your old job was absolutely fascinating. I cannot imagine working in such a high-pressure, demanding job (she says as a criminal lawyer)… I don’t think I would last a day. Thank you for sharing!
I don’t think I’d last a day as a criminal lawyer, that sounds like a really hard job! Thanks Katie!
Well, phooey. I left a comment on this post days ago and it isn’t here. I wondered when I hit publish and I didn’t see my comment pop up. Figured I was being moderated. Something has gone haywire with me & WP again. IF you see this comment know that I’m trying…
Thanks so much for checking back, Ally! *shakes fist at WP* I never moderate comments (but I delete ones that are actively spam/ hateful) so if it doesn’t pop up, well…*gives WP the side-eye* xoxoxo
Well, for the first time since I started reading you, I think our opinions are diverging! I am (was?) a huge fan of David Sedaris. Read all his books and even saw him read a few times but I hated his most recent book. I can handle the dark stories, but I was really shocked by his flippant attitude about Covid protocols and his sense of privilege. I just couldn’t stomach him complaining about having to be locked up in his TWO NYC apartments, having dinner parties. I think he’s lost touch with what it is like to live in the real world. That being said, I of course, agree to disagree and still love you. Ha!
Laura, I don’t disagree – but then I think a lot of his writing shows privilege, he has so many houses! – but it doesn’t bother me really. I think if I had read this a year ago I would be more shocked about his flippancy than I am now. Maybe I’m dead inside? I think the real reason (I am NOT dead inside) (am I?) was that I was still in shock from reading about the “hemorrhoid check” and the stuff about his sister Tiffany to really register it much.
I don’t think you are dead inside! Ha! It may be the difference between being Canadian vs. US Citizen-our Covid climate was horribly contentious-maybe I’m having PTSD! I agree the stuff about his dad was very shocking.
Oh maybe that’s the difference! I mean, something like 85% of Canadians got vaccinated, and mask wearing wasn’t a huge contentious issue, for the most part.