“You and your waving.” My husband said to me on our walk one day, as I waved enthusiastically at a person across the street, only to realize that I had no idea who that person was. This happens more often than you might think; then again, if you know me at all, you would probably not be surprised at the frequency at which it happens.
I am a waver, and I like to greet or acknowledge people, even when I don’t know them. If I pass someone on the sidewalk, at the very least I will nod and smile. More likely, I will give a nod, smile, and a subdued Hand Up Half Wave:
Sometimes I will add the Finger Wiggle, which, if I’m wearing mittens, looks the same as the Hand Up Half Wave, but the feeling is there:
However, if I see someone I know – or I think it’s someone I know – I give a much more active and enthusiastic wave:
This is subdued considering that internally, when I see a friend, I feel like this:
I may or may not have the reputation of being the Crazy Friendly Lady in the neighbourhood, but I embrace my role as Neighbourhood Greeter.
Last week, Barkley and I had just gotten back from our walk, and I was taking advantage of the thaw to clean up the backyard of Barkley-related detritus, when I heard a cheerful “Hello there!” I looked up and saw my new next-door neighbour over the fence. “Oh, hi!” I said and waved happily, realizing at the last minute what was in my hand.
I have waved a dog waste bag at people on the street more times than I can count, while on Barkley walks, but always the bag is CLOSED. When my new neighbour greeted me, I was mid-pickup, my hand was ensconced in the bag and it was full, FULL, people, of dog waste and that is what I waved at him. As I realized what I was doing, I slowly dropped my hand and smiled, asking him how his reno was going.
If he was offended by the view inside a dog waste bag, he didn’t show it; instead he invited me to come and see what was happening. I had never been inside that house before; it was like being inside my own house, but taken down to the studs. I like to think of the neighbourhood, which was established in the early 1960s, and all the original owners choosing the little bungalow layout that suited them best.
There are still a few original owners on our street; Mrs G, next door, is one of them, and Mr. and Mrs. C, down the street. I like to think about all the changes they have seen in sixty years; I have seen a lot in 22 years. I’ve seen a lot in two years, with all my extensive neighbourhood walks, with and without Barkley.
Barkley is going in to get his spring haircut this week (fur cut?) and I am dreading it, not because of the actual grooming – he loves our local groomer – but because of the inevitable comments from strangers that ensue. When he’s really fluffy – as he is now – his lump is hardly discernable, but that will certainly change this week.
I like to think the best of people, and I like to think that people mean well, and they are just concerned for his well-being, but reactions from strangers about his very large lump are hurtful reminders to me that my dog is at the end of his life, and I don’t feel like I need any more reminders. “What IS that?” people will ask, or “Is that a lump on his side?” which is, in my opinion, lacking in intelligence as we all have eyes and we can see that there is, indeed, a large lump on his side. Sometimes I will get a “Can’t you do anything about that?” which also strikes me as unkind, as well as stupid, because if the benefits of removing it exceeded the costs to his well-being, well, I would.
Honestly, it’s enough to make me want to give up my Friendly Neighbour persona.
It’s gotten to the point that I got teary-eyed with gratitude when I saw a lady on our street, who looked at Barkley’s lump, and merely said “He’s still getting around, isn’t he!” I almost cried. He IS still getting around, thank you, thank you.
I was speaking to the groomer about this, as I was arranging his upcoming appointment. The groomer is a person who I would describe as being exactly suited to her job, in every way. She is not, however, a People Person. She is a tall, sturdy, strong woman with a lot of tattoos and who gives off a vibe of Tolerating Dog Owners But Barely. I like her a lot.
Anyway, she is great with Barkley, and I mentioned my dread at having his lump exposed to the world, and the inevitable slew of comments that will follow in the weeks to come. She paused for a moment and said to me “Tell you what I would do. Do you want my advice?” I said of course I did, to which she responded “You tell those people to mind their own fucking business, that’s what.” I started laughing and she said, “I’m serious! Tell them to fuck right off and mind their own business.” After that she said, in a world-weary way, “GOD, I hate people.”
I laughed and laughed, imagining myself responding in this way. That would destroy my Friendly Neighbourhood Lady persona entirely. I would NEVER, but I am happy to have such commiseration, and in the meantime, I will tell them to fuck right off and mind their own business in spirit.
Pandemic Reading
Wish You Were Here. Ugh, this is on me. It is my own damn fault. I do not like this author at all – god knows, I have tried. I find her writing to be contrived, cliched, gimmicky, and heavy-handed. So WHY did I think it was a good idea to pick up this book that IS ABOUT THE EARLY DAYS OF THE PANDEMIC? I will never know. “You did this to yourself,” I said to myself throughout the book. Anyway. I very much disliked it.
The Souvenir Museum. This was a well-written and clever collection of short stories. The settings were all different, but some of the characters intersected or appeared in multiple stories, which I like. All in all enjoyable.
The Reading List. This is a very sweet and moving story about an unlikely friendship, based on a found list of books to read, all of which are books I personally have read and loved. It works with the theme of family, born and chosen, friendship, the importance of community, and the role of books and libraries in our lives. If you are a library and book lover, then you might love this as much as I did. But I’m going to give a huge caveat here: TRIGGER WARNING. There is a sad subplot that I know for a fact will be very upsetting and triggering to a couple of my readers in particular, and if you think that might be you, please please please message me before you read this book. I am not going to tell you what the trigger is because it is a spoiler; instead, message me.
Happy April everyone! I hope spring is springing where you are. xo
“You and your waving” gave me all the smiles and chuckles! I’m waver too, and my worst moments are when I’ve waved at someone because they looked familiar and realizing later that they looked familiar because they’re a celebrity. They’ve all been really nice and waved back though. So much love to Barkley and for your groomer. I’ll put the two latter books on my reading list. I’m in a bit of rut.
We don’t have many celebrities around here. Unless you count my neighbour who is a local weatherman!
I’d think your neighbor counts (if you don’t know them outside of the TV). And LOL: I don’t live where celebrity sightings are common either!
I LOVE your dog groomer. I LOVE HER
Girl, same!
I love the waving. Living in the Maritimes, waving is just…so common. Everyone constantly waves, whether we know each other or not. I love the waving, though because I walk so much, I am forever puzzling over who is inside a car waving at me because it’s always almost impossible to tell. People will REGULARLY say: Oh, I saw you walking on Such And Such Street yesterday and I will have no idea what they’re talking about.
Wave away, my friend! It’s such an easy and friendly thing to do.
Also, I love all the GIF’s. Some classic waves you summarize there 🙂
It is easy and friendly! I like it too.
Ha ha yes, I’m not sure if you have it in you to go from enthusiastically waving at people to swearing at them. It’s a nice thought though- your dog groomer sounds great. For the record, I’m a ‘hand up half wave” person, especially when I’m out running. Everyone gets one of those from me.
I read Souvenir Museum and also liked it! I’ve never read Jodi Picoult and will definitely avoid her now, based on your review.
Oh yes, when I’m running it’s always the hand up half wave! Especially to other runners, it feels like a kindred spirit when I pass one.
Your dog groomer rocks. I agree that some of those comments people make about Barkely seem unintelligent. I had a recent ‘incident’ with my sisters, and my BFF Becky suggested I say something similar to them. While I won’t be saying that, it did my heart good to know that someone thought that was appropriate.
I wave when I walk too. My current contact lenses allow me to read without readers, but I lose a bit of distance so I do wave to people enthusiastically at times, thinking I know them. Then when I don’t, I just feel like WELL, THEY GOT AN OVER THE TOP WAVE TODAY. I chuckled at your GIFs of the various levels of waving, and the dog doodoo wave. So funny.
Hahaha oh Ernie, that’s me all the time – if the sun is in my eyes, I am wildly waving…and then as I get closer I see that it’s a total stranger. HELLO THERE!
I wish I was outwardly friendly like you! I am on the inside, but my outside is too shy. I really need to just fake it until I make it 🙂
I like your inner friendliness!
Your dog groomer is my idol.
I live in a small town and regularly get honked at while walking the dog. I always wave, but never really know who I’m waving at because I don’t know how to tell cars apart. Sometimes I wonder if people are honking because I’m doing something wrong and then I cheerily wave and it could be taken as a big giant middle finger. Ha! Who knows? I’m definitely a waver, too.
Sometimes a friend will drive by and honk and I will have no clue who it is – of course I wave though!
I’m glad he’s still getting around and sorry people are such idiots.
Thanks Steph, I know you know what it’s like to have an elderly pet.
“You and your waving” THEN THE KERMIT WAVE. And then you hit me with the groomer? If your life was a television show, I’d watch the hell out of that show.
Nicole, you keep waving. 🙂
Kermit waving at you RIGHT NOW!
Right back at you!!
I had a few giggles over your waving self; you are the best! Personally I’m excited about your new neighbor who invited you in to see the work after you showed him Barkleys shit. That’s my kind of people.
I wave to anyone walking down our street in front of our house since I don’t see that many people walking here. (we don’t have sidewalks out here in the country)
Who would go out of their way to point out a lump? I mean, if they saw a human with a goiter on their neck would they say something? leave Barkley alone! I’m with the groomer-tell them to EFF OFF!
That’s EXACTLY what I think too, Suz. If a person is in, say, a wheelchair, do we go up to that person and say “what’s wrong with you, why are you in a wheelchair, can’t you do anything about it?” OMG OF COURSE WE WOULD NOT.
While I would have trouble using the groomer’s suggested language, wow would I be thinking it! Who would think you’re not aware of the lump, not doing what can be done? People can be such idiots, unfortunately. Maybe you could give those people a wave with a bit more middle finger than usual.
Now that’s a good suggestion!
Jodi Picoult is like a frozen macaroni and cheese croquette for me. I want to like it and anticipate it’s going to be a junky, guilty pleasure, but then it’s just… not the real thing. But I did sort of like that book as an audiobook (and the one about the elephants, if I am being honest…)
My husband said I was being a book snob, but I recently re-read and enjoyed a Sweet Valley High book so I AM NOT! Haha! I don’t know the elephant one…
I too love your dog groomer.
And I just adore you – of COURSE you are an enthusiastic and sincere hand waver, of course.
I also feel similarly about JP the author and her writing style. Sigh.
TWINSIES!!! xo
I kind of want you to keep smiling and waving and every now and then tell a person who asks a rude question about Barkley “go fuck yourself and have a lovely day!” and then walk briskly off leaving them wondering if they could possibly have heard you correctly.
SO funny about the Jodi Picoult – I saw it, thought “ew, Nicole, what” and then scrolled down and was like “whew, yes, exactly”. Elizabeth McCracken wrote one of my favourite books ever (The Giant’s House) and I love her on Twitter.
Oh! Maybe you can get a “None of your fucking business” STICKER for Barkley’s lump!
I meant to tell you about the JP book! Mistakes were made. MISTAKES WERE MADE (all mine, why, why, why). I’d tell you to read it so we could snark about it together, but that’s cruel to you.
I’m a pro at the “poop bag” wave! I don’t think that I’ve ever waved during a pickup, but it’s only a matter of time. I approve of your dog groomer’s recommendation.
The unfortunate thing was that the poor guy was only about ten feet away, so he had a clear view of the inside of the bag! Whoops!
I am slightly nearsighted. I wear glasses for driving or when I know I will be trying to watch Youngest across some sports field otherwise I don’t bother because I don’t particularly need them. EXCEPT when I’m taking my old dog for a “walk” in our neighborhood park (this involves me standing around or walking very slowly while my dog sniffs stuff). We’ve lived here for over 15 years and know neighbors and others at the dog area, so when I am there and someone approaches from afar I wave because I can’t see them well enough to know who they are yet, but I assume I will know them. The number of times I have waved to people it turned out I didn’t know is . . . not zero.
I’d say we have the same groomer but we live very far apart. She loves dogs so much and is wonderful with my dog who hates getting groomed. However, because she is a mobile groomer my interactions are limited to saying hi when I hand over my dog at our door and thanks when she hands my dog back and it’s clear that’s about all the tolerance she has for people. A perfect job for her really.
LOLOLOLOL Maggie, I love you, we can wave excitedly at strangers together.
Maybe our groomers are related!
I don’t know why it cracks me up to think of you telling anyone who says something about Barkley, “Mind your own fucking business,” but it does. Probably because that’s the last thing any of your neighbors would expect to come out of your mouth!
One of my childhood dogs had a lump and people would freak out about it when we were on walks, like I had never seen the lump in my life and would be so grateful to them for noticing it. Like… YES I KNOW. I AM AWARE. There’s no need to say anything! Ugh.
I love how friendly you are. I want to be more friendly. I’m just such an awkward person.
Wish You Were Here got such a scathing review from someone on a book podcast I listen to that I am not tempted to read it in the least. I do want to read a spoiler-y review of it, though, just to satisfy my curiosity.
Yes I AM AWARE is maybe what I should say, with a smile to make it sound less…angry. I am on the way to the groomer’s in only a few minutes, WISH ME LUCK!
What podcast was that? I am always looking for a new book podcast to listen to.
I tried to comment yesterday and then it did not go through for some reason! So I’m back to say that I love that you are an enthusiastic waver! One upside of the lock-down days of the pandemic was how friendly people were when they were out walking. It’s like they needed the interaction since they weren’t seeing many people. Prior to that, people would often just keep looking down when crossing paths with others. I am guilty of that at times, too, especially if I am running and listening to a podcast/audiobook. I can kind of be in the zone and not acknowledge other people. These days, our youngest is very into enthusiastically saying “hola” when we are on walks (our kids go to spanish immersion daycare) but it is probably not decipherable to some so I will often say “he’s saying hola to you.” We get lots of waves and comments, especially from older people. I’m definitely more friendly when I meet people with a dog or a child, too, or am more apt to pay attention to them when passing.
I love your dog groomer. People make the most idiotic comments. Your situation reminds me of my sister’s experience flying home last summer with a 6m old baby. My niece cried hard for much of the flight and the woman behind at one point loudly said, “why doesn’t that woman try feeding her baby.” Oh geez – what a novel idea! Thank you for suggesting that. Obviously she had tried nursing her multiple times but the baby would not latch since she was so out of sorts.
Wow, what a great piece of advice, FEED the baby, and I’m sure your sister was just spending the whole time neglecting her! Good thing that lady made that suggestion or how would she ever think to do that? Geez people.
Thanks for coming back to comment, Lisa! I love that your little ones say Hola! I am trying to learn Spanish myself, and that would just make my day, hearing a little Hola!
I’m also a waver. My husband is forever asking me, “who was that?” And I always answer, “no idea.” He thinks it’s so weird but it’s nice to encounter other wavers. He always chalks it up to the fact that I grew up in Texas and perhaps people are friendlier there than they are in New England? I don’t know. But I wave, smile, and say hello to almost everyone despite being painfully shy and hoping they won’t actually want to stop and talk. I’m not good at small talk!
Wonderful stack of books! The Reading List is on my TBR – so many of my reading friends have loved it!
Hi Katie! It sounds like we are kindred spirits! If you read The Reading List let me know what you think of it! I found it very enjoyable.
I can totally see you has the smiling and waving neighbor that also tells people to f**ck off if they say one wrong or stupid word about Barkley! I mean, why do people even feel the need to comment on that, unless they really are interested in his well-being?