I’m singing! And I’m in the post office. And I’m SINGING!

Hey, what has two thumbs and just made it in and out of the post office in less than five minutes?  THIS GIRL.  I had to mail a package to my in-laws – because I’m such a fabulous daughter-in-law – and I was psyching myself up for total mayhem and trauma.  I was even ready to start singing Christmas carols loudly, in the manner of Buddy the Elf, in order to make the post office much less of a “go postal” kind of place.  But – and share this with your friends! – it appears that 1:00 pm is the greatest time to mail things.  I guess the elderly are all having their lunches and/or naps at that time.  There was only me and one other person, a younger fellow who I witnessed almost being run over by a car in the parking lot as the driver backed out of his spot with considerable, and inappropriate, speed.  The whole thing vaguely reminded me of a story my mother-in-law once told me about her beauty parlor; an elderly woman drove at full speed right into the beauty parlor, her Lincoln and the accompanying driven-through wall debris surrounded by screaming old ladies sitting with their curlers in those old-fashioned hair dryers.  When questioned about the accident, the elderly woman said that she thought she had put the car in reverse, which didn’t quite explain why she had the pedal to the metal, but in any case no one was seriously injured, by some kind of beauty parlor miracle.

But!  Parcels are mailed, no one actually got run over in the parking lot (cue music: Grandma got run over by a reindeer), a miss is as good as a mile, and here it is, only two weeks until Christmas Eve.  Squee!  The kids had a three day weekend since parent/teacher interviews were on Friday, and so we spent a great deal of time with gingerbread and icing.

I decorated the vast majority of gingerbread people myself, because it took the kids forever just to decorate one single cookie.  What they lacked in speed and efficiency they made up for in creativity and detail.  Here are Jake’s cookies:

The rest were promptly eaten. 

Hey, it takes a lot of strength to put icing on half an inch thick, am I right?  Here are Mark’s:

Once the gingerbread people were made, it was high time to get them a home, and so began our annual fugly gingerbread house creation.     
He’s so excited.  He just can’t hide it.  He’s about to lose control and I think he likes it.  As always, our gingerbread house is just the right mix of whimsy and what-the-fuck-happened-here? 
A melted Frosty the Snowman!  A gargantuan purple window!  Random candies mixed with “Merry Christmas” messages!
So, it was a lovely weekend, marred only a little by the vast number of people calling me to cancel or change their shifts at our giant casino fundraiser next week (please pass the sedatives) and the fact that Jake’s seatmate had the stomach flu yesterday and is IN SCHOOL TODAY (pass the booze to wash those sedatives down with, and also some sanitizer).  Hoo boy, I had to take some deep breaths just from writing that.  Focus on the gingerbread, Nicole.  Focus on the gingerbread. 


  1. Hooray! I love it! You are an amazing Mother! I too will focus on the gingerbread…I think that’s my mantra lately anyways! Well done friend!

  2. I did my post office run right at 6PM and there was NO ONE there – I guess everyone was eating dinner or something. And all the old people don’t like driving after dark so I WIN.

    I bought a gingerbread house kit on Saturday, got it home, and realized it doesn’t come with icing so I have to mix my own. I took to my bed in a faint & it’s still sitting there in the box. Maybe next weekend. 🙂

  3. Avoiding other people’s sick kids is the #1 reason I want to homeschool my (currently non-existent and completely hypothetical) children. Word to the wise: if you are a germaphobe, do NOT take Microbiology, Virology, or Immunology courses, you will spend the rest of your life alternately being boggled at how quickly people feel they are “no longer contagious”(Hint: 10 to 14 days!! You are spewing germs for 10 to 14 days AFTER your last day of symptoms!!!), how blase they are about germ transmission, and completely horrified about all the legitimate health threats you face on a daily basis. Extra tip: NEVER EVER EVER READ ABOUT SMALLPOX, it’s terrifying.

  4. Didn’t one of your kids ALREADY get barfed on this year? Jesus. Although, the thought of keeping my kids home for 10-14 days every time they got sick makes ME feel a little nauseous, so….

    I keep forgetting to say we got your completely gorgeous Christmas card and it’s completely gorgeous and totally here three weeks before Christmas and I kind of hate you for it but mostly not.

  5. I want a cookie!

    When I make gingerbread houses they usually fall apart. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

  6. I ALWAYS go to our small town post office between 11:30 and 12:30 and there is no one there at that time. And by ‘no one’ I mean NO ONE. They close for lunch and I always forget that little piece of info.

    Oh, I got my fancy deoderant in the mail! It works great! The scent is a little strong but I’m little sensative to smells. What scent do you have?


  1. […] are still not candidates for a career in gingerbread decorating. Remember the melted snowman? And the dead gingerbread man in the background? What will this year’s […]

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