That’s what she said!

So! The hardwood is in! The hardwood is in! Part one of our home renovation process is DONE, and thank god for that because a) it is extremely messy, dirty, and disruptive, and b) this past week I have turned into the World’s Least Interesting Person. My entire brain was concentrated on the hardwood installation. The kids are back to school? Whatever, we’re getting hardwood. I feel badly for any of the poor unsuspecting souls who had the grave misfortune of talking to me this week. The slightest greeting from their side resulted in the regaling of my hardwood tales. “Hi Nicole, how are you?” “We’re getting hardwood installed.” Cue long story about hardwood.

So, I apologize to everyone I talked to this week. Also I feel I must apologize for the plethora of really bad hardwood jokes that I felt must be made under the circumstances, of the “that’s what she said” variety. But, wow. Those jokes practically tell themselves. After the installation, the (very cute) installer warned about scratches and dents, saying “Hardwood is a bit of a misnomer. It’s not that hard. It’s more like medium wood.” And THAT, I felt, needed some kind of witty remark but to be honest, I was kind of high from all the glue fumes in the house and so any repartee would have made me sound like a delirious lunatic.

So now I am going to go spend some time putting the house back together – including throwing out some of the accumulated crap from the kids’ bedrooms, sssh, don’t tell them – and enjoying the feeling that I have a brand new house, in the convenient location of my old house. Pictures to follow once I have things back in order, although, alas, I do not have any pictures of the installation itself. I was tempted, on the suggestion of a friend, to photograph the cute installers under the guise of “recording the progress”, but I felt too weird and cougar-ish to actually go through with it. Plus, I was feeling kind of strange since in moving my dresser they removed the drawers and my panty drawer was on full view for the entire installation. Did they need to see my panties in order to put in the hardwood? I suppose so. See? Hardwood installation is a WEALTH of comic material. Of course, now my panty drawer is very dusty, which seems like a euphemism but isn’t.

On that note, I’m off to clean! Happy Friday, everyone.

P.S. In the comments, Tonggu Momma asked if I wanted to pet the floors. I do. I do want to pet them. They are so nice. I think maybe I should open the windows to let the fumes out, what think?


  1. Congrats on the new floor. And enjoy the visit from the you-know-whos.

  2. It’s every woman’s dream to stroke some nice hard wood.

  3. HA, wonderful. I feel the same urge to lie on my new(ish) pine kitchen table and make out with it. Wood is hot. You go on and dust off your panties and have a great weekend with your hardwood. (I kill me!)

  4. I love your blog so much. I want to have hardwood installed over our hardwood just for the jokes. Have a lovely weekend.

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