A couple of weeks ago I was at a farewell party for friends of ours who are relocating to the States; we had a very interesting conversation about what it’s like to buy a house from afar, and also about selling and listing a house in today’s market. The housing market in Calgary isn’t as hot as it was, but it’s still pretty spicy. My friend mentioned how tired she was from getting the house ready to list: decluttering and cleaning and staging, on top of having to disappear for hours while the house was being shown. It occurred to me at that very moment, that when we were house hunting, back in 2000, there was no such thing as “staging” your house. In fact, I clearly remember when I first heard the term “staging,” and that was in 2007 when a girlfriend was selling her very beautiful home, and hired a staging company which, because her home was already like a showhome, wasn’t really necessary.
The conversation quickly turned from Staging to Misleading Realtor Photos, which is a real phenomenon. Sometimes I’ll snoop on a realtor website to see homes in my 1960s-established neighbourhood to see houses that appear to contain enormous, spa-like bathrooms and infinitely spacious living areas, only to see that the curtains do not match the carpet, so to speak. Well, I guess it’s nothing like that. It’s more like this house is 1100 square feet, how is it housing all these giant rooms? Very good photography, that’s how.
Here is where I go back to my own experience, almost 23 years ago, in which there were no digital photographs and I don’t even think homes were listed on the internet. You found out what houses were available through a realtor or by seeing lawn signs. Wow. I feel like my own grandmother here, but I can still remember going to the open houses or scheduled showings, and being handed a sheet of paper with tiny, grainy photos of all the rooms of the house, plus the yard. There was no trick photography involved, and, as I said, no staging whatsoever. Generally the houses would have been cleaned before viewing, but not always, as evidenced by the house with the rabbit hutch, complete with several rabbits, in the basement of one house we looked at. If I think about it, I can honestly say I’m pretty sure this house, the one I live in now, was not at all cleaned when we viewed it. In fact, I’m pretty sure it smelled like old grease.
One of the things that I loved about house hunting, which would never happen now, was seeing all the little touches of home that painted a picture of the current residents and their lives. I loved seeing family photos on the walls, children’s toys in the rooms, even shampoo bottles in the shower. These people use Dove soap too! Just like me! I wonder if those hair masks really work. I loved it. Now, of course, everything is sanitized of anything that could indicate that people reside in the house that is on the market. Family photos are replaced by stock wall hangings, all toiletries are stashed under the immaculately clean sink, nothing about the kitchen would indicate that actual humans had cooked actual food in it ever, so pristine are the appliances.
Here’s a question: how do you live in your house when you are trying to sell it, what with keeping it pristine and staged? I realize people move house all the time, but people, HOW. It must be exhausting.
I find it so interesting that fancy, and possibly misleading, photography and special staging are such an important part of selling a home. It’s so in tune with the times that we live in, where everything is filtered and set up Just So, and then exhibited on social media. I came across a former yoga teacher’s instagram account, and all the photos of herself utilized a sparkling, soft-focus filter; when I say “sparkling,” I mean that they had literal sparkles on them. Listen, I like sparkly things as much as the next person, but it is so jarring to see someone In Real Life when you are used to seeing them Filtered, let alone with a Sparkle Filter.
I am just so fascinated by other people’s actual lives and homes, which is why I don’t like filters and I don’t like home staging. I absolutely loved this piece on Catherine Newman’s house; she was the very first blogger I ever read, and was an inspiration to me when I started the Boyhouse, back in 2008. Her home is glorious; I love every little beautiful detail. The puzzles! The books! The toiletry products! The lovely Ally Bean (HI ALLY) wrote about sharing slices of our lives that are messy, unstaged, and perfect in their perceived imperfections. I was inspired to show you a few completely unstaged, beautifully imperfect pieces of my life this past week:
Making dressing for a Thai-style quinoa salad. Fun fact: I recently was scolded on Instagram for calling it a Thai-style quinoa salad, as it contains tamari, which is Japanese. The scolder thought it should be a Western “Asian” sauce, which felt a little aggressive to me. I didn’t name it! That was what it was called! In any case, it’s delicious and everyone loves it and I think that Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) had originally linked to it, which gives me warm and fuzzy feelings when I make it. She posts so many good recipes on her “Dinners This Week” feature; if you’re not following her, you SHOULD.
Roasting lentils and chickpeas for the salad, and then cleaning up. My dishrack looks like this all the time. I don’t mind washing dishes but I HATE drying them. Hate it. It was always my job to dry dishes growing up and as god is my witness, I shall never do so again. (Lie: I do occasionally dry things, but only when there is so much stuff in the dishrack that one more item threatens to topple everything, like Aunty Ant climbing aboard the plane in Busy Busy World.)
Anyway, here is the end product:
This is our back entry/ mudroom, and this is as good as it ever looks, because I was the only one home. Generally there are more shoes, and since my younger son is a size 12, those shoes take up a lot of space. Note the bin to hold recycling, that is stuck on my boot. Usually once it’s in a state of Almost Overflow, someone will take it to the blue bin in the garage.
Speaking of my younger son, this was the sight that greeted me in the basement: his gear for this week’s camping trip was piled up and added to as items were obtained. It was like this for a solid week before he had to do the gear check at school and actually get everything into his backpack:
That sucker is heavy. Note the Aquatabs for water treatment on top of the day pack. Am I obsessed with the fact that they will have no potable water? Yes. I am.
Moving on! This is “my” side table in the living room, and it is a source of happiness for me. My mom gave me the piano-themed coasters when she was stuck in Moose Jaw during an enormous snow storm and couldn’t leave for three days, so she went shopping (I love my mom, shopping is her cure for everything). There is a jade plant and a vase given to me by former yoga students, pussy willows that I kept from a bouquet my friend Sarah (HI SARAH) gave me on my birthday, a family photo, and Barkley’s paw print. There are also books!
I always have a jumble of books from the library, plus a couple of books of my own that I’m slowly reading or referencing. My older, Seinfeld-obsessed son “won” a Seinfeld-themed Clue game that we haven’t played yet but I sure am looking forward to.
So those are a few pieces of my life this week, no filters, no staging, just little slices of joyful jumbles.
Weekly Reading
A People’s History of the United States. I finished! I finally finished! It took me at least six weeks to get through this because a) it’s huge, b) it’s really heavy, and c) it was so disheartening, dark, and depressing that I could only make it through a chapter a day at best. AT BEST. However, it’s a very important and eye-opening read. It’s very hard to read, particularly about the treatment of indigenous people, black people, immigrants, and basically anyone who is not a privileged white male. I’m not going to lie, some chapters were extremely dull, long, and repetitive – the formation of unions and strikebreaking chapters went on forever – but mostly this was a whole new look at things we may have taken for granted. There’s a very upsetting chapter on manifest destiny and if you’ve ever wondered how Hawaii became part of the US, well, it was annexed. The Dole family had a large part in that. There are, of course, chapters on the slavery, violence, and how white men thought it was perfectly fine to just eradicate Indigenous people, since they were unable to enslave them, in order to increase their living space. “Why shouldn’t we just take over everything and have everything at the expense of others?” seemed to be the major theme. This book delved into events that I remember from my own childhood but was fuzzy on, since I was a child, like the Iran-Contra affair. This is an incredibly important read, but very difficult as it challenges mainstream beliefs and is VERY upsetting. In case you think I’m being a Smug Canadian, I am not: I am fully aware that any “people’s history” of any western country would be also horrifying, for what it’s worth. Canada’s treatment of Indigenous people is the darkest stain on our history; it goes beyond horrifying. Anyway, this book is worth reading but be warned: it’s a monster of a tome and very heavy.
The Crown Dissected. Hugo Vickers has been a Royal commentator since 1973, and it brought me so much joy imagining him watching The Crown, frame by frame, and delving into it. Think about it! Elderly British man, sighing as he brings out his many reference books and notes, and then detailing every little thing in the episode and why it is historically incorrect. Some of the issues are big, and some are “Tommy Lascalles hair is parted on the wrong side and his moustache is too big.” I am 100% here for this. What an absolute delight to read. Listen, there are so many awful and horrifying things happening in the world; I was happy to be lost in ridiculous details such as the wrong insignia was used on personal stationary, or the purple on Prince Phillip’s uniform was too bright, or that the incorrect year was shown and dramatic license was taken with all the royal relationships. HERE FOR THIS.
Run Towards The Danger. Wow. I am very interested in the ways that trauma informs a person’s day-to-day life and wow, did this woman suffer a lot of trauma. These essays made me audibly gasp many times. From her experiences as a child star in a time when a child’s safety came secondary to everything else, to her scoliosis surgery, to extremely high risk pregnancies, to a debilitating head injury, to her silence during the Jian Ghomeshi trial due to her fears of repercussion (spoiler alert: this woman was yet another of his victims), these essays are at times distressing, horrifying, but ultimately hopeful. A must read from a brave woman. Fun fact: she was the main character in the show Road To Avonlea, which I never watched as I was just a bit too old, but was a Canadian staple in the early 90s.
So here we are, the last week of September already! It’s going to be a busy one. I hope you all have a lovely week! xo
Oof- the last time we moved, my son was a baby. I remember how hard it was to keep the house clean for showing. So you’re telling me when we move again, we’re going to have to have the house “staged?” Arrrg! Well- we have no plans to move for quite a while, luckily.
I like the snapshots of your everyday life in your house. I’m afraid if I did that, people would show up at my front door with a mop and broom (although I did vacuum yesterday!) Keeping the house clean is not one of my strengths.
I’ve heard of Howard Zinn’s book- I know I should read it, although I’m sure it’s horrifying. It would probably be another piece of the puzzle that would go towards understanding racism in this country.
It was really an eye-opening book for me on so many different topics. I mean, if you’re going to read it, prepare to be disheartened and disappointed by everything. But very good – and very long!
Yes, staging is a THING now!
My sister and family moved in June and they still haven’t sold their old house and they took their furniture with them so they got their old house staged. I saw it when I was visiting my mom last week and we went by to do yard maintenance. It did look very odd and like no one lived there or ever had.
We haven’t moved since 2002 and after hearing about my sister’s experience (with two offers falling through at the last minute), I think we’ll just stay in this house until we die.
I just cannot imagine the stress of all that! Yikes.
I LOVED Sarah Polley’s book. It’s the book of the year for me. I found it unbelievably inspiring, and I don’t mean that in a trite way, but where it has made me braver in my day-to-day life. It is a treasure and I’m so grateful she wrote it. (I am exactly of the generation that grew up watching Road to Avonlea obsessively (we only had 2 channels in rural Saskatchewan with no cable), and this, well, made me love the show less in my memory. But that’s ok.)
Yes, I was quite astounded to read how the cast was treated. THE CAST OF CHILDREN. I mean, my goodness.
I loved the CBC Anne of Green Gables, which was around 1985 I think. I was just a bit too old for Road to Avonlea, so I didn’t really know who Sarah Polley was. Wow, was that ever a powerful read. Wait – did you recommend it to me? Maybe you did! If so, thank you thank you thank you!!
I don’t know! Perhaps I did! I have been evangelizing it a bit. 😆
I LOVED Road to Avonlea when I was a kid – we watched it together as a family each week. And when I was pregnant with my son (and horrifically nauseous) I rewatched like 4 seasons of Road to Avonlea in the span of a month or so.
We looked at about 40 houses before we bought our first home, and it was incredible how different the actual homes looked vs. the pictorial versions online. The most memorable was the very first house we ever went to see and it looked SO amazing online. Like a mansion, yet so affordably priced. How could this be? I don’t even know how to describe the interior. Rooms that looked huge online were tiny, every switch and doorway seemed off kilter. The basement looked like something from a horror movie. Yikes. Needless to say, we passed…
Isn’t it nuts? That just wasn’t really possible back in 2000 when we bought our house because it didn’t seem like fancy photography was a thing!
Just me over here…living in my staged house and slowly going crazy…;) You missed the best part of me forcing my friends to take wine, food and plants I am unable to take with me. Even my sad Christmas Cactus that I have had for over 17 years that you are now the proud caretaker of. I fully expect that cactus to reach it’s full potential under your care and one day even be featured on your blog. Moving is exciting torture.
“Exciting torture” – yes! I mean, it just seems so exhausting. And don’t you worry, I’m sure the Christmas cactus (I have named her Noelle) will be on the blog! Also “forcing” people to take food and wine, it’s not really a hardship for me…
HI NICOLE! 🙂 Thanks for the shout out, you are so sweet! Also, I love seeing the photos of your home (even without the Sparkle Filter). Your kitchen layout seems so similar to mine it has me wondering if we should move the coffee equipment to the right side of the stove like you have yours!
I cannot imagine what it’s like to have people view your home while you are still living there. It sounds like a nightmare, honestly. From what I’ve heard, a lot of realtors recommend you get rid of as much stuff as possible, so the potential buyers can imagine their own stuff there. And… I like my stuff! I cannot imagine it. Ugh.
Plus, one of the things my husband and I both loved about the house we live in is that it was “lived in” when we toured it. There were toys in the basement and stuff on the walls. It made it feel homey and loved rather than semi-abandoned. But perhaps that’s mainly because the house “felt” homey and loved, and not as much a reflection on the stuff inside. I don’t know.
I am NOT looking forward to ever selling this place, though. Ugh.
Yes, that’s exactly it, you know what I’m saying Suzanne!! I just loved seeing other people’s stuff and then imagining my stuff in it!
Love your ‘normal’ house photos – it still looks pretty tidy though! We have two couples who we are friends with that are obsessive about tidiness and cleaning; they have absolutely zero clutter anywhere. We always do an extra special cleanup when they are coming over – although both acknowledge that they are a little extreme. Real estate photos drive me crazy – I pointed one out to my husband once – a pic with a crib in it and the crib appeared to be 20 feet long. It’s so misleading. ps I read Writers & Lovers this weekend and just loved it! It was perfect for a quiet rainy Sunday while my husband tried to watch golf, football and baseball all at the same time.
I’m definitely a pretty neat and tidy person, but I would never say I have zero clutter. Or minimal clutter! I like a nice amount of clutter, I guess. I’m so glad you loved that book!
I agree with your opinions on home staging, and I once considered becoming a home stager. Briefly. Like, I thought about it for five minutes before smelling the chloroform and waking up. But what DOES it say about our society as a whole? For so long, we’ve been viewing ourselves through filters, and that’s just not how life IS.
In our neighborhood, there is currently a beautiful home for sale. I told a friend that it looked like Joanna Gaines and Hobby Lobby had an orgy inside. However, it is way too perfect. I also love Catherine Newman’s home. It has become my new standard of living. ❤️
YES Kari! That’s it. We view ourselves and our lives through filters, and it’s just so strange. People live in houses! That’s part of life!
That salad looks right up my alley. Can you share a link? I am sure I read about it on Suzanne’s blog but now that I’ve seen pictures, it’s even more appealing to me! I eat salads for lunch pretty much every day and could use a new recipe!
We bought and sold homes in the fall of 2019. We were fortunate to be able to buy before we listed our house, so we moved a ton of stuff our before we listed and our realtor used her inventory to stage it, which was part of her slightly higher fee. November is not a great time to list a house in Minnesota so we knew we needed it to look as appealing as possible. We listed on a Thursday and then went to my parents lake home for the weekend and hoped/prayed we’d accept an offer that weekend. We accepted it on our drive home. Phew. Paul was 20 months at that time and toddlers are not conducive to having a home listed and in showing condition! So I am glad it all worked out. We looked at the home we bought the day it went on the market, made our offer and it was accepted in a matter of hours – probably because sellers had an offer contingent on selling their home and 2 kids under age 4. I am glad we bought when we did because things got crazy in 2020-2021. I saw my realtor a few weeks ago and she talked about how people were waiving inspections, saying the home only had to appraise within $100k of the selling price, etc. Just completely insane things that my risk averse husband and I could NOT handle!
Oof, A People’s History sounds like a HARD read, but important. I will add that to my TBR.
Oh my, imagine living in a staged home with toddlers. A facebook friend just told me she lived in her staged home with two dogs, and that was crazy. I’m so glad your home worked out. The market was so crazy here last year, but it’s cooled off significantly.
I have friends who just got engaged and they are combing two apartments into one and looking for a house and even though we just bought our house five years ago, I do not envy them. It seems like a brand new experience. Plus, we got married when we were grad students, so combining our apartments was essentially keeping the least crappy of duplicates! Ha.
There were only like four or five houses available in our price range when we were looking, so we made an offer (and bought!) the second house we looked at. If we had to look at many more, I think one or more of us might have gotten cold feet and we’d still be living in an apartment!
Such a big purchase, it’s so stressful! Yikes.
Spying and looking at other people’s houses is super fun. I read a great article recently about the HGTV-ification of homes. (https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2022/08/hgtv-flipping-houses-cheap-redesign/671187/) Seeing all of those bland grey walls and no personality has conditioned buyers to expect that, and made people afraid to live in their homes the way they want because some future buyer may not agree with their style. That’s ridiculous! We once bought a house with an orange living room, yellow kitchen, and teal bedroom. I loved it because the former owners obviously had pride in their house and let their personality shine through. (And guess what, yes, we had the whole thing painted greige before we sold it.)
Oh wow, thank you for sharing that article! Isn’t part of the fun of house shopping thinking about how you could change the style of the house? I love eclectic colours and seeing personality in a house.
I love snooping around on Zillow. My only experience with selling was after I moved in with the hubs, so last minute showings were never a problem since I wasn’t living there;-) My realtor told me very specifically not to change anything about the house before showing it.
My growing up chore was drying dishes as well. My excuse for why I never do it unless absolutely necessary is that when I worked for McDonald’s in high school they didn’t dry dishes either. The official training was that it was more sanitary to let things air dry. Idk whether that’s true or not but I’ve accepted it as gospel.
Oh that’s interesting about the dishes! I’m super sanitary and I didn’t even know.
A house that was VERY eclectic was for sale in the neighbourhood and I had always wondered what it looked like on the inside, as it was so interesting and different from the outside. I was not disappointed! Think Elvis Jungle Room mixed with 1970s Mad Men, plus an acid trip.
This “Listen, I like sparkly things as much as the next person, but it is so jarring to see someone In Real Life when you are used to seeing them Filtered, let alone with a Sparkle Filter” made me laugh. Because it is so true! I’ve lost count on how many people I know in real life use filters on their FB photos, and I always cringe thinking, “Aren’t they concerned about how people are going to react when they meet/see them in person?” There was a famous person (athlete? actor? I can’t remember) who described this disparity in such a funny way but it was kind of mean so I won’t repeat….but yes!
We tried to sell a house in 2007. We had colorful walls that we very carefully selected and our painter was an artist! My favorite was my laundry room that had a light green and light purple combo; I loved it so much I had my laundry room in our next house painted the same color combo). But the realtor said some people just can’t imagine what rooms would be like with different color walls or don’t want to think about painting. We bought our current house in 2010, and it wasn’t staged…. but they did use photography that made some rooms look much bigger than they are (the guest room is rather small). We sold a house in early 2020 without staging. No furniture in it but it was newly renovated, with all gray walls and white kitchen cabinets and dark floors–and it sold pretty fast. It probably depends on how hot the market is and the price range. There’s a house in our neighborhood that went on the market in May — I absolutely loved the backyard pictures posted online although it was definitely staged. I didn’t get a chance to see how it is in real life because the only weekend they had an open house, we were too busy. It was so expensive and it sold so fast.
This is so interesting! All the rooms are painted different colours in our house – they flow together but they definitely aren’t grey or beige.
And the filter thing! It’s so strange, because sometimes people are almost unrecognizable. Like, they filter out so much they almost don’t have visible noses!
Barkley’s paw print <3 <3 <3. I'm impressed you got through the Zinn at one go, Nicole! I have it on tape and a couple of copies around the place, and every time I listen/read a little bit I feel like I learn so much. I'd find it overwhelming at one go though. I used to read this with my little labor organizer when he was 11/12, and just started it with the second kid too.
I learned so much from him! It was heavy going but I got it from the library and was happily able to renew it, so I went slow.
In my head, I commented. My brain is not all that reliable. I was reading this partly while on a stationary bike yesterday during nap time and partly while in line at the grocery store last night.
The staging thing does strike me as odd. We last moved when Curly was 6 mos old, so over 14 years ago. We did clear out as much of the kid clutter as possible, since we had more toys than most families would find normal. I don’t think I could manage the staging expectations of today back when my kids were so young, and messy. It makes me wonder if people really have no imagination. I love looking at houses and imagining how I’d transform it to with my own touches, which if I’m being honest, amounts to how many beds can we fit in that room, and how many pairs of shoes will fit in that bedroom, etc.
Exactly, Ernie! I like thinking about things like that too. It just seems like such a weird time we live in.
As someone who has moved more than anyone should ever move over the past 31 years, I have NEVER seen a completely staged house and I’d prefer not to; and since I never plan to move again, hopefully I won’t.
Like you, when we were on the hunt for a house I wanted to see their things and how they lived. What can I say? I’m nosy. Plus, you could get some good décor ideas.
Our plan, when we sold a house was to keep it clean and tidy for showings and it never seemed to bother people since we sold our houses fairly quickly. But because my husband has anxiety (he doesn’t think he does, but he does), we would sell the house and move to a rental while we looked for the next house because we didn’t want the pressure of trying to find something before we had to move out after the sale. That, of course, meant multiple moves…ugh.
I loved seeing the random, normal, unfiltered bits of your home/life! I think that’s what I love about our little blogging community – most of us are willing to show our lives exactly as they are, which in turn, shows who WE are as people.
I’m nosy too, that’s why I love seeing little bits and pieces of others’ lives/ houses!
I love your cozy and unstated house! We just moved last month and it feels like we will never be settled in. We lived in our house for 16 and a half years and the last few months have been stressful to say the least. We bought our current house and immediately went into high gear staging the one we sold. This meant removing a lot and storing it in a container and my dad’s basement. Also purging. I realized a lot of boxes were mostly books!! Sadly, staging and the right price is what I believe sells a house nowadays. We didn’t hire anyone to stage but our realtor’s wife is a designer and came by to just rearrange a couple things before the photographer came over. We used all our own things. The photographer did a fabulous job and it is crazy to think how things have changed with buying a house! We looked at many, many homes and I became obsessed with MLS over a two to three year period. In the end we bought a house that was staged very poorly, with a terribly maintained yard. A house we never imagined buying, but in time and a little love I think we will love it for various reasons. It’s all in the vision of how a person imagines them self in the home I think. PS. Our old house sold in 3 days while we went away on the May long weekend. A great time to sell in a hot market or otherwise. 🙂
Wow! 3 days! I’m so glad it sold and I hope you feel more settled soon. I bet you will make it a beautiful, cozy space.
Oops – I meant your unstaged house!
Nicole I am sorry you felt ‘scolded’. Given your review of A People’s History here, it would seem you understand that
It is important to be mindful how we name and discuss and appropriate aspects of other cultures. Even food, or maybe especially food.
Thanks Lisa.
I loved getting a glimpse into your home like this! It was really fun. I should do something like this – not the cleaned-up version of my apartment, but what it really looks like on day to day. Love it!
A People’s History sounds really intense. I’d need to be in the right headspace for it, I think!
IT IS INTENSE! Take care if you read it, or read it slowly like I did, alongside other things.
I would love to see your apartment as it is!
I love your thoughts about how houses are so staged these days. I remember back in the 1980s I was babysitting for some people whose house was for sale, and the realtor showed up with perspective buyers. They went through the house as if it was no big deal. I’ll bet that never happens now!
My husband’s aunt told me that when she was selling her house – probably in the 80s or 90s – she wouldn’t leave for a showing. They showed the house with her just hanging out, doing whatever. A different time!
Good grief, Nicole. You can’t share how awesome the recipe is, and *pictures of the process*, but not link to it! I think that’s blog malpractice. 😉 (Kidding of course…)
Could you please link to it? Thank you!
And I do truly love your photos. Even in 2003, when I was buying my first place, there was nothing like there is today. If there had been – and if the photos reflected reality – I would have skipped the condo with the wall in the stairwell that was filled to the brim with shelves containing… dolls. Dolls with those freaky open-and-close eyes. Dolls that would still – if I let them – haunt my dreams. *shudder*
I can’t find the original link! I had printed it out ages ago. Maybe I should just post the recipe itself!
Dolls! Whoa. That would have been…whoa.
Thanks for sharing some photos of your unstaged house LOL I find the whole staging very odd, too. We only owned a home for 3 years (2015-2018) and even in those three years, things had changed so much! The potential buyers wrote us “application letters”, sharing about their lives and families to make us feel “connected” to them… well, let me tell you how duped I felt when I found out that the young woman we sold our house to completely “lied” about moving there to be closer to family etc. but rented the house immediately after we moved out. I felt very much taken for a ride (even though it’s obviously totally up to her what she wants to do with the house once she bought it).
Oh! What a strange thing! I’ve neve heard of writing application letters!